A Down and Up Week....

Reality check....I am not as confident as I thought I was....

A week ago Sunday, we were invited to a friends house for a cookout. It was hot and I hate hot!!! The two options I had were go in the pool (which I love) or stay in the air conditioned house. If I stayed sitting on the deck I was afraid my fate might be the same as the Wicked Witch of the West (you know ....melt). Everyone was enjoying themselves in the pool. I just couldn't get myself to put on my bathing suit and join in.... My feelings of success faded as the fat girl took over. I have been in this pool a zillion times but didn't want to go out there in my bathing suit in front of everyone. The score was self confidence zero and feeling uncomfortable 100.

At the gym I am sure I was an entertaining sight....Carol had me sitting on a bench and lifting my legs bent at the knees one at a time. I tended to lean back....the solution?? Carol climbed on the bench and had her knees in my back to keep it straight. Well, that worked...my back was sure straight. Then I sat on the pilates ball with 8 pound weights in each hand. I lifted the weights in both arms and one leg in the air at the same time. This was working on balance and my core muscles. Maybe my next career can be at Ringling Brothers....

Such a range of emotions in a few days....embarassed on Sunday and determined to have a successsful workout on Thursday. This is all part of my journey. One day I feel like I can conquer anything and the next that fat girl shows herself and makes me want to disappear into the wall....such a struggle.

Another step forward....I told Jenn she could put my t shirts in the dryer. Everyone knows that putting a shirt in the dryer causes them to shrink. I used to have her hang them up so they didn't. Now some of them are too big and some shrinkage wouldn't be bad. Not ready to shop for new clothes yet....I have a long way to go before I am ready for that....but it will happen.

OK fat girl sitting on my shoulder, whispering in my ear and reminding me of where I was and still am....get ready......there will come a day when I will no longer see you or hear you!!!! The fat girl inside may never fully go away. Hopefully, with each workout at the gym and each right food choice I make she will start to fade away and eventually become a distant memory. I am counting on it.....so on I go...