Six weeks to go

 Tomorrow is February 1st.

WOW.

On March 13, 2020, I walked out of my office for the last time.

Just six more weeks until it has been a year.

The changes in each of our lives are almost too many to comprehend.

Virtual doctor visits.

Holidays without family or friends.

Curbside pickup is now a common phrase.

Zoom is no longer just a sound made by a fast moving car.

School, should the kids be in the classroom or not?

Like many others, Jenn had a surgical procedure without family waiting in the waiting room. I dropped her off at 6:00AM and picked her up at the end of the day. In our new world, I received phone calls before, during and after the procedure was complete.

Food shop online, drive to the store and get it loaded in your car.  Or have it brought to your house and left at your door.

More TV shows were watched since it was one of the few safe entertainment options.

Seeing people wearing masks and not giving it a thought.

Seeing people not wearing masks and giving it a lot of thought.

Vaccines, COVID tests and blood work samples all being done in parking lots.

Businesses have learned that people can work remote and actually can be more productive.

I have had the luxury of sleeping in my bed each night.  The first few years here, I had to sleep two nights a week (sometimes three) at the Mefford Inn.  I was super lucky to have a friend willing to tolerate Jenn and my overnight visits each week. 

I miss our “family” dinners, rides to work together and ongoing conversations.

Only staycations for the last year.

Not one trip to the pool where I live.

I miss my family, I miss my friends and I miss my coworkers.

I do not miss the commute or the hours in the car or endless miles to and from work.

Online shopping has become more popular.  I think the Amazon delivery person knows us by name.

I can order everything from clothes to clam sauce to black and white cookies (from Brooklyn) to a new phone all online.

But I have seen beautiful sunrises and sunsets.

I am lucky that Mary and I will call each other and use video to see each other. We will stay on our call while we work. Not constant conversation, just like when we shared an office.

I miss the “pot lucks” at work.

I miss my team making my morning coffee and ice run.

Knowing so many of those things are part of the past and will not happen again makes me sad.

When will we go back to pack up our offices?

Never in a million years did I think I would work at home for good, not go out to dinner or socialize with friends for a year.

I may be more concerned or cautious than others.

I feel more secure in my home.

I now think of our weekly running errands as “ going out”. A cut and color every eight weeks is a major event. A pedicure every four weeks is living on the edge.

I am allowing my world to get smaller to stay safer.

I miss my life in 2019 for a variety of reasons. 

In 2019, I viewed the world as safe.

Not any more.

And we won’t even touch on politics and all the unfriending and unfollowing I have experienced due to my daily countdown.  

Another topic for another week.

If I dare.

See you next week.

OK I Lied

I could write about the craziness in the world.

I could spew out ugly thoughts and opinions which could make me appear to live up to the ugly names I have gotten used to being called.

I could talk about what unites us versus divides us.

But to what good?

Will I change my thoughts, feelings and opinions? 

No.

Will I be able to change anyone else’s opinions?

No.

Instead, I have decided to admit I lied to all of you.

Yes, I lied,

Last week, I wrote something that was not true.

I wrote about how bare the house was without the Christmas decorations.

In all honesty, I did not remove Christmas from my house.

I put away the big tree.

I put away the extra decorations.

I could not let it go away completely.

I know I drive you all crazy with my love of all things Christmas.

I watch Christmas movies all year,

I start planning for the next December 25th on December 26th.

I cannot help myself.

There is something so perfect to me about the Christmas Season.

Maybe it is my way of denying all the things going on with which I do not agree or which cause me pain.

If it gives me joy and doesn’t hurt any one else then why not keep Christmas going?

If the glow of the lights soothes me then why not?

If it gives me pause to not think about events taking place last week or the week before or this coming week then why not?

Am I hurting anyone?

Am I speaking out loud about my fears for what is transpiring?

I am doing none of those things.

I am finding my happiness where I can.

Ebenezer Scrooge vowed to keep Christmas the whole year through and to celebrate all 365 days.

That is what I am choosing to do.

Otherwise, I fear the sadness I feel will consume me.

So while the big tree is gone, I still have a tree of some kind up in each room.

I know it sounds crazy to most of you but it gives me peace and comfort and joy.

And that’s what I need right now.

Here are the trees and their locations:

On a counter in the kitchen,

On a small cabinet in my bedroom.

In the front hallway of my house.  I change it for each month of the year.

The small tree in my living room decorated with 12 months of Charlie Brown and Peanuts ornaments.

My sea glass tree is also out in my living room.

The beach themed tree on my enclosed porch.

And then there are the two Christmas Angels, my Mom made them for me 10 years ago on her last visit to me.  I keep them on my mantle all year round.

May these angels not only watch over me but all of you too as we move ahead in this ever changing life the likes of which we have never seen before and I hope will eventually will fade into our memories.

See you next week.

And then it was gone

 The holiday decorations have finally been packed away.  

So sad.

The house looks so bare.

Jenn and I were able to stretch out the holidays by exchanging our last gifts on Little Christmas.

I guess I expected the second the clock struck midnight and we welcomed in 2021 all things would be good.

Not the case.

Work and the reorganization is still making my days insane.

The negativity and ugly comments have not faded.

In fact on social media, they have intensified.

I am trying hard to keep my mouth shut and my emotions in check.

It is not easy to do.

I have invited people to unfollow or unfriend me if they choose.

There are enough varying opinions to go around.

Let’s be honest, no one is going to change the way I think or feel.

And I am sure I am not able to persuade those who think differently to change their opinions either.

So what can we do?

No name calling, be respectful and remind yourself why you chose to include these people on your life’s journey.

If you can’t remember why you included them, drop them.

Find the fun in things.

Since yesterday, my cousins and I have been having a very funny conversation about PB and J sandwiches.

A PB and J, simple and funny.

I connected with a cousin I hadn’t spoke to in years from my Dad’s side of the family because her name happened to come across my desk.

She invited me to come and visit,  I told her I might not be that welcome at a family reunion since we sit on different sides of politics.  She laughed and said she would still want me to come.

We are all walking a fine line as we try to maintain relationships in a world like most of us have never seen

I feel like I am trying to walk a tight rope while balancing a ball on my nose.

I am most likely going to fall.

I am far from perfect but I do try to treat people nicely. I do try to walk in others shoes to understand how they feel.

As much as I hate to say it, at times I can get so angry I can’t see straight. A dark rage can come over me.  That is when I need to back away from the keyboard.

Maybe if we all backed away from the keyboard and didn’t feel the need to spew out every thought or feeling we have there would be less stress and anger all the way around.

Let's spend more time sharing opinions on the joys of a PB and J.

Otherwise, there are no gains,  no winners and we all lose.

Meanwhile, I am looking at the bare corner in my living room and feeling empty.

I can look ahead.  In just a scant ten months the decorations will come out again.

Until that time, let’s look toward a hopefully healthier time again when we can comfortably socialize. 

To the spring when the days get longer.

To the summer and the sounds of the ocean.

To the fall with all of its beautiful colors.

And there you go, we are back to Christmas.

See you next week.