Finally, finding my voice without fear

This week's quote, "Beyond fear, lies freedom" - I could not find the author.

When I was in school, I would never ask questions in class.  I was afraid of looking foolish or stupid.

I would panic as my teacher would go up and down the aisles directing each student to read a paragraph.  I am sure I was not alone in counting the number of people ahead of me and then counting the paragraphs so I could practice reading my section.

Being called up to the blackboard to do a math problem and  show my work was enough to make me freeze.

I was not the most self-confident.  I didn't want people laughing at me.

I can't remember raising my hand to answer questions ever.

That same pattern of not speaking up followed me from elementary school through college.

The fact that I am an introverted extrovert might have come into play.

I walk into a room of strangers and I look for a person I know, any person.

Once I feel comfortable, the shyness and insecurities fade.

As a co-Girl Scout Leader or co- President of the PTA, I always let someone else take the lead. I was grateful to have partners who allowed me to do any tasks but not be in front of the line.

At work, I would spend my time learning the lay of the land and who the players were and how I fit in.

Once I became a manager, I had to take the lead and find a voice.

I would make lists of things to make sure I covered all of my material.

But I was still fearful of being asked to be on a committee or take a leadership role in a project.

As a manager, I do not have all the answers and I have learned to say "I don't know but I will find out and get back to you."  Guess what?  No one has laughed at me for my response.

I have also gained the freedom to speak up if I feel something is wrong.  I speak with respect and do not "over react" as one gentleman said I was.  I told him he was confusing "over reacting with passion".  I am doubtful this would have been said to a male manager but that is the kind of remark that used to send me retreating backwards.

Not any more.

Last week, I had a lengthy conversation with someone about my thoughts as to how things were going at work.  During our conversations, we covered a myriad of topics.  Time well spent and I was not put down or ever felt a hint of "Donna, you are on the wrong track".

I was then asked to host the afternoon managers meeting.  My first reaction was "OMG LOL are you kidding?"

I agreed to run the call.

I ran it my way.  A brief intro and it was on.  I asked for some success stories from the managers.  I covered the reports, loan volume and mentioned OT. I told the group how I handle OT which isn't necessarily the way those pay grades above me want it conveyed or handled. I felt I needed to be transparent and say how I felt and how I handle it with my team. I am sure there was some eye rolling by those not at my level.  The meeting ended on a positive note about the Mardi Gras Party we were having in the office.

When the call ended I wanted to scream from sheer delight!!!

I had done it!!

I found my voice and spoke without fear of consequences or being laughed at.

In my annual CDP (Career Development Plan), I always mention working on my public speaking skills.

The Friday meeting was my chance.

It is unfortunate, the years I wasted or lost not speaking up or out for what I felt was right.

I finally realize, I have nothing to lose by speaking up with confidence even if there are naysayers in the group.

Key things to remember to include:
Some humor helps
Stay positive
Don't let those who oppose you kill your passion or beliefs
Speak with confidence
Ask for feedback

I feel, I delivered the kind of meeting we needed.  Which is a heck of a self confident statement from me.

In the movie, "City Slickers", the three main characters have a conversation about their best and worst day.

Professionally, Friday was one of my best days.

No more fear. No more hesitation. No more silence.

I have things to say that need to be heard which others might not feel comfortable to say.

Don't worry silent friends, I got you covered.

And I have a lot to say and years to catch up on.

Watch out.

I am glad even if it is so late in my career, I have found my voice.

See you next week,

PS Thank you to my Dad and brother, George, who both taught me how to speak up for what I believe in.

Working from home vs. the office

Quote of the week:"We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails."  Dolly Parton


Being able to work from home two days a week (eventually three) is a blessing. 

The "which is better" work from home vs work in the office conversation reminds me of the working Mom vs stay at home Mom.

Both have their positives and their challenges.

Working from home is no easier than being in the office minus the 300 mile round trip commute and 6-7 hours in the car a day.

Working from home means wearing shorts and a t-shirt and no makeup vs business causal clothes.

I have to admit that Sunday's are less stressful since I work from home on Monday.

The work days from home are longer.  I sign on earlier and work later. Also, you miss some of the socialization.  I keep music or the news on in the background since the silence can be deafening.

Don't get me wrong, taking a shower, brushing my hair and teeth, throw on some very casual clothes and walk into my kitchen/office is great!!

I can see my neighbors walking their dogs, riding their bikes, out for a stroll or see a golf cart going by makes the view nice and ever changing.

When I first started working, never in my dreams did I think that working from home would be a possibility.

But then again laptops, cell phones, Iphones, email and IM's didn't exist. For that matter, you had a terminal on your desk as computers were in their infancy. The desktop set up took up a large portion of your desk while now I put my laptop in a small carrier along with my lunch. As I drive, I have my blue tooth hooked up so I can work and drive while making business calls and joining scheduled online meetings.

Now at the tip of my fingers is my whole work world.  I have team huddles, conference calls, can do a power point presentations, reach out to my team and customers all from my kitchen table.

I do not have a dedicated room in my house as an office which is fine with me.

The keurig is just a few feet away.  My dog, Jeter, lays on the floor right outside the gate blocking his entrance way to the kitchen (he tends to want to sit between my feet when in the kitchen which can be a PITA).

I often think of my Dad and he would have been amazed at how the work environment has changed in the 35 years since he left us.

I am sure he is somewhere thinking "and they pay you to sit at you kitchen table in your shorts and t-shirt?"

Out of the four Raboni siblings, I am the only one who chose an office/corporate job. Tied to a desk. 

I think in some ways that connected Dad and I. 

One night after returning from my job in the city, Dad was intrigued at the reading material I had in my work bag (along with my high heel work shoes, yes, it was back in the :Working Girl" movie day where you wore your sneakers to the office and switched to your heels once at your desk). I had a copy of the Wall Street Journal and the Village Voice laying side by side.  Talk about opposite ends of the spectrum.

The banking industry (of which I have been a part of for more years than I care to admit) has changed by leaps and bounds.  From bank branches closing their doors at 3:00 except for Friday late nights to 5:00 or 6:00 to the birth of ATM's to depositing checks at your kitchen table. 

When I started working in the mortgage side of banking it was paper files.  Now it is all electronic from application docs through sending the closing docs to the closing agent.

And instead of sitting at my typewriter completing all the mortgage docs.  I sit at my kitchen table and work with my team in the office and remotely.

How my work world has changed and me along with it.

See you next week.

More on life/work balance

"There is life and then there is work. " Don Draper, Mad Men


I believe in this statement just about more than any other.

I started my first job when I was 16.  I was a cashier at Bambergers. I made $1.95 an hour.

The money from this 15 hour a week job paid for gas in my Pinto, cigarettes, jeans, other clothes and of course, my social life.

$27 a week after taxes.

And I made it work.

After college and not knowing what to do with my degree in Behavioral Sciences (Psych/Soc),
I went to work as a teller. I made $110 a week.

And I still paid my student loan payment every month.

A year later I made the big move.

I went to work in NYC.  2 blocks from Wall Street.

I made $11,000 a year.

Like most of my generation, the years after college were about career.

Climbing the corporate ladder.

Looking for that next promotion or job to make more money.

One of my friends joked he put my work phone number in pencil because I was always jumping around from job to job.  I would get bored and it was time to move on again.

You never think in your 20's there is anything more important than establishing yourself in a career.

After Jenn was born, my thinking started to change.  I wanted more time with her and lost some of my go-getter attitude.

I will honestly admit,  I was a better mother because I worked. (This is not criticizing stay at home Mom's.  Just for me I was a better Mom when I had limited time with Jenn so she became my focus in the off hours.)

Juggling work/life balance was a challenge.

There was a summer right before Jenn started school and I was laid off. 

I found (for me) I was disorganized.  I did better with the structure of a schedule.  I would forget to do laundry until Bob asked for a clean shirt for work.  I would not give dinner a thought until Bob walked in from work.

But it was lovely to have the time to spend sitting under a sprinkler with Jenn. Not having set bed times.  Allowing Jenn to have a grilled cheese or ice cream for breakfast. 

It was a few months of freedom and I really didn't quite know how to handle it.

When I was working, I planned meals for the week and would cook them all on Sunday.  Laundry and ironing were done on the weekends to make the week run smoother.  Clothes were laid out for each day.  Dinner's were nuked in order to save time.

The years fly by and you still get up and go to work each day.

You envy the Mom's who are not rushing to make it to school to see your child's exhibit in the Science Fair (even though you know the project inside and out from the hours of preparation that went into it).

Work was so much a part of me. It was part of how I identified myself.

You never think the day will come when you will say "I am done climbing".

Once my work/life balance way of thinking became life/work balance so much changed.

As a manager, I did not want anyone of my team to pass up any family events. Awards ceremonies, sports events, proms and anything else that was important in their life.

I promote my life/work balance philosophy regularly with my team.

And do you know what  I get in return?

The most amazing group of people I have every worked with!

They are loyal, dedicated, do things before I even ask and best of all they "get" me.

They will ask "have you had your coffee yet?' or I will get am IM that says"need to talk to you about a loan....after you finish your coffee."

They know the Donna who has a serious tone on our morning conference calls.

They put up with the Donna who asks questions such as "if you could play one song over and over again what would it be?" (BTW my answer was "Make Your Own Kind of Music" by Mama Cass of the Mama's and the Papa's)

I try to break up the routine just a little.  It also helps my team to learn more about each other.

I can't think of one thing I would ask them to do that any one of them would say no to.  Without my direction, they strategize and plan and make me look good in the process.

Why? Because I care about them, their families and their lives outside of work.

The return on my investment in them has been enormous.

I have only had a few bosses that really showed they cared about me while trying to also talk the corporate talk. And they walked the walk too.

I hope when Team Pizzo looks back years from now they think or say "I had this great boss once".

Meanwhile, it is early Sunday evening and I am starting to think about the week ahead.

What can I do to excite them about our work challenges?

What can I do to push the team to meet the company goals?

What can I do to make them want to show up day after day?

Maybe it is just to say "thank you" "I appreciate you" and you "WOW'd me today".

And when the day is over make sure they feel a sense of accomplishment as they head home to their families.

With all the twists and turns in my career, I think I finally know what I want to do when I grown up.

I want to be a good, motivating manager. 

I think I finally found out what I do best.

See you next week!

PS #1 Happy Valentines Day !!!

PS #2  Another good thing is knowing someday what my next career will be.  That great American \novel is still in progress.  You will all be notified when the book signing will happen.

PS #3 In my quest to pay it forward, once again this week Jenn, my pal Mary and I found a way to help someone out without fanfare.  It sure made me feel great.  I love this 2020 goal of helping out when I can.  I wish I had embraced thus mindset earlier.

\\

One week in the life of the Empire State Building

It is iconic It is a famous landmark.  It is New York.

Long before the World Trade Center became a symbol of the Big Apple, there was a building 102 stories tall built in 1931.

The Empire State Building.

I think my first trip there was for some family event.  The view was amazing.  You could see so much of the city from the Observation Deck on the 86th floor.

It was the place Deborah Kerr was heading toward to meet Cary Grant in "An Affair to Remember".  Tom Hanks finally met Meg Ryan there too in "Sleepless in Seattle".

The top of the building was lit up in colors other than white for the first time back in 1976  to celebrate our country’s  Bicentennial.

Since that time, it has been lit up for holidays, charities (I know, I know there have been some charities overlooked but that is not the point of this post) and some other events.

In the last two weeks, it has been lit up three different time for three sports figures for very different reasons.

First, it was to honor #2 on the New York Yankees.  The Captain.  Now future Hall of Famer, Derek Jeter.  Jeter played his whole career as a Yankee.  Broke all kinds of club records.  He was Mr. November.  He was the guy who played as hard in April as he did in October.  Well respected for his professionalism.  He will enter the Hall of Fame this summer with a first place vote on 99.7% of the sport writers ballots (I would love to know who the one holdout was).

His teammates loved him.

Other teams respected him.

And the fans from The Bronx (who can boo as easily as cheer) appreciated him.

He said from the time he was a kid he always wanted to play Short Stop for the Yankees.

How many of us get to live out our childhood dreams?

Next to have to have the Empire State lit up in his honor was Eli Manning.

#10.

The guy who for 18 years never missed a start due to injury.

He started in 210 consecutive games for the New York Giants.

Eli took the Giants to two Super Bowls against the New England Patriots.  He went in as the underdog and won the both.

He was MVP twice.

Eli knew after this past season, it was time to retire.

Will he be voted into the Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio?  I hope so.

But I am sure of one thing, if I needed a player in a clutch situation during the final minutes of a close or important game, Eli would be my guy.

He seemed almost invincible in the final minutes of a game.

The last person in the week to have the lights up in his honor was of course, Kobe Bryant.

A sudden loss of not just one life but nine lives.

All important and heroes to their families in their own right.

Yes, having an accident that took both Kobe and his daughter Gianna was tragic.  But so was the loss of three members of one family, two members of another, a mom and the pilot.

Nine people who left so many lives altered.

Young women who have not really had a chance to experience life.

Children left without a parent.

Spouses left without their partner.

I heard the phrase Mamba Mentality so often this week.

I looked it up to see what it meant.

Kobe on more than one occasion explained, "To sum up what Mamba Mentality is, it means to be able to constantly try to be the best version of yourself."

I love that thought.

All three athletes had Mamba Mentality.  You saw it in Derek, Eli and Kobe.

You don't have to be an athlete to strive to have a Mamba Mentality.

We each can try to be the best version of ourselves every day. whether it be as a family member, friend, coworker or even as a stranger.

My goal this week is to be the best version of myself, let's see how it goes.

See you next week.