Finally, finding my voice without fear

This week's quote, "Beyond fear, lies freedom" - I could not find the author.

When I was in school, I would never ask questions in class.  I was afraid of looking foolish or stupid.

I would panic as my teacher would go up and down the aisles directing each student to read a paragraph.  I am sure I was not alone in counting the number of people ahead of me and then counting the paragraphs so I could practice reading my section.

Being called up to the blackboard to do a math problem and  show my work was enough to make me freeze.

I was not the most self-confident.  I didn't want people laughing at me.

I can't remember raising my hand to answer questions ever.

That same pattern of not speaking up followed me from elementary school through college.

The fact that I am an introverted extrovert might have come into play.

I walk into a room of strangers and I look for a person I know, any person.

Once I feel comfortable, the shyness and insecurities fade.

As a co-Girl Scout Leader or co- President of the PTA, I always let someone else take the lead. I was grateful to have partners who allowed me to do any tasks but not be in front of the line.

At work, I would spend my time learning the lay of the land and who the players were and how I fit in.

Once I became a manager, I had to take the lead and find a voice.

I would make lists of things to make sure I covered all of my material.

But I was still fearful of being asked to be on a committee or take a leadership role in a project.

As a manager, I do not have all the answers and I have learned to say "I don't know but I will find out and get back to you."  Guess what?  No one has laughed at me for my response.

I have also gained the freedom to speak up if I feel something is wrong.  I speak with respect and do not "over react" as one gentleman said I was.  I told him he was confusing "over reacting with passion".  I am doubtful this would have been said to a male manager but that is the kind of remark that used to send me retreating backwards.

Not any more.

Last week, I had a lengthy conversation with someone about my thoughts as to how things were going at work.  During our conversations, we covered a myriad of topics.  Time well spent and I was not put down or ever felt a hint of "Donna, you are on the wrong track".

I was then asked to host the afternoon managers meeting.  My first reaction was "OMG LOL are you kidding?"

I agreed to run the call.

I ran it my way.  A brief intro and it was on.  I asked for some success stories from the managers.  I covered the reports, loan volume and mentioned OT. I told the group how I handle OT which isn't necessarily the way those pay grades above me want it conveyed or handled. I felt I needed to be transparent and say how I felt and how I handle it with my team. I am sure there was some eye rolling by those not at my level.  The meeting ended on a positive note about the Mardi Gras Party we were having in the office.

When the call ended I wanted to scream from sheer delight!!!

I had done it!!

I found my voice and spoke without fear of consequences or being laughed at.

In my annual CDP (Career Development Plan), I always mention working on my public speaking skills.

The Friday meeting was my chance.

It is unfortunate, the years I wasted or lost not speaking up or out for what I felt was right.

I finally realize, I have nothing to lose by speaking up with confidence even if there are naysayers in the group.

Key things to remember to include:
Some humor helps
Stay positive
Don't let those who oppose you kill your passion or beliefs
Speak with confidence
Ask for feedback

I feel, I delivered the kind of meeting we needed.  Which is a heck of a self confident statement from me.

In the movie, "City Slickers", the three main characters have a conversation about their best and worst day.

Professionally, Friday was one of my best days.

No more fear. No more hesitation. No more silence.

I have things to say that need to be heard which others might not feel comfortable to say.

Don't worry silent friends, I got you covered.

And I have a lot to say and years to catch up on.

Watch out.

I am glad even if it is so late in my career, I have found my voice.

See you next week,

PS Thank you to my Dad and brother, George, who both taught me how to speak up for what I believe in.