Six weeks to go

 Tomorrow is February 1st.

WOW.

On March 13, 2020, I walked out of my office for the last time.

Just six more weeks until it has been a year.

The changes in each of our lives are almost too many to comprehend.

Virtual doctor visits.

Holidays without family or friends.

Curbside pickup is now a common phrase.

Zoom is no longer just a sound made by a fast moving car.

School, should the kids be in the classroom or not?

Like many others, Jenn had a surgical procedure without family waiting in the waiting room. I dropped her off at 6:00AM and picked her up at the end of the day. In our new world, I received phone calls before, during and after the procedure was complete.

Food shop online, drive to the store and get it loaded in your car.  Or have it brought to your house and left at your door.

More TV shows were watched since it was one of the few safe entertainment options.

Seeing people wearing masks and not giving it a thought.

Seeing people not wearing masks and giving it a lot of thought.

Vaccines, COVID tests and blood work samples all being done in parking lots.

Businesses have learned that people can work remote and actually can be more productive.

I have had the luxury of sleeping in my bed each night.  The first few years here, I had to sleep two nights a week (sometimes three) at the Mefford Inn.  I was super lucky to have a friend willing to tolerate Jenn and my overnight visits each week. 

I miss our “family” dinners, rides to work together and ongoing conversations.

Only staycations for the last year.

Not one trip to the pool where I live.

I miss my family, I miss my friends and I miss my coworkers.

I do not miss the commute or the hours in the car or endless miles to and from work.

Online shopping has become more popular.  I think the Amazon delivery person knows us by name.

I can order everything from clothes to clam sauce to black and white cookies (from Brooklyn) to a new phone all online.

But I have seen beautiful sunrises and sunsets.

I am lucky that Mary and I will call each other and use video to see each other. We will stay on our call while we work. Not constant conversation, just like when we shared an office.

I miss the “pot lucks” at work.

I miss my team making my morning coffee and ice run.

Knowing so many of those things are part of the past and will not happen again makes me sad.

When will we go back to pack up our offices?

Never in a million years did I think I would work at home for good, not go out to dinner or socialize with friends for a year.

I may be more concerned or cautious than others.

I feel more secure in my home.

I now think of our weekly running errands as “ going out”. A cut and color every eight weeks is a major event. A pedicure every four weeks is living on the edge.

I am allowing my world to get smaller to stay safer.

I miss my life in 2019 for a variety of reasons. 

In 2019, I viewed the world as safe.

Not any more.

And we won’t even touch on politics and all the unfriending and unfollowing I have experienced due to my daily countdown.  

Another topic for another week.

If I dare.

See you next week.

OK I Lied

I could write about the craziness in the world.

I could spew out ugly thoughts and opinions which could make me appear to live up to the ugly names I have gotten used to being called.

I could talk about what unites us versus divides us.

But to what good?

Will I change my thoughts, feelings and opinions? 

No.

Will I be able to change anyone else’s opinions?

No.

Instead, I have decided to admit I lied to all of you.

Yes, I lied,

Last week, I wrote something that was not true.

I wrote about how bare the house was without the Christmas decorations.

In all honesty, I did not remove Christmas from my house.

I put away the big tree.

I put away the extra decorations.

I could not let it go away completely.

I know I drive you all crazy with my love of all things Christmas.

I watch Christmas movies all year,

I start planning for the next December 25th on December 26th.

I cannot help myself.

There is something so perfect to me about the Christmas Season.

Maybe it is my way of denying all the things going on with which I do not agree or which cause me pain.

If it gives me joy and doesn’t hurt any one else then why not keep Christmas going?

If the glow of the lights soothes me then why not?

If it gives me pause to not think about events taking place last week or the week before or this coming week then why not?

Am I hurting anyone?

Am I speaking out loud about my fears for what is transpiring?

I am doing none of those things.

I am finding my happiness where I can.

Ebenezer Scrooge vowed to keep Christmas the whole year through and to celebrate all 365 days.

That is what I am choosing to do.

Otherwise, I fear the sadness I feel will consume me.

So while the big tree is gone, I still have a tree of some kind up in each room.

I know it sounds crazy to most of you but it gives me peace and comfort and joy.

And that’s what I need right now.

Here are the trees and their locations:

On a counter in the kitchen,

On a small cabinet in my bedroom.

In the front hallway of my house.  I change it for each month of the year.

The small tree in my living room decorated with 12 months of Charlie Brown and Peanuts ornaments.

My sea glass tree is also out in my living room.

The beach themed tree on my enclosed porch.

And then there are the two Christmas Angels, my Mom made them for me 10 years ago on her last visit to me.  I keep them on my mantle all year round.

May these angels not only watch over me but all of you too as we move ahead in this ever changing life the likes of which we have never seen before and I hope will eventually will fade into our memories.

See you next week.

And then it was gone

 The holiday decorations have finally been packed away.  

So sad.

The house looks so bare.

Jenn and I were able to stretch out the holidays by exchanging our last gifts on Little Christmas.

I guess I expected the second the clock struck midnight and we welcomed in 2021 all things would be good.

Not the case.

Work and the reorganization is still making my days insane.

The negativity and ugly comments have not faded.

In fact on social media, they have intensified.

I am trying hard to keep my mouth shut and my emotions in check.

It is not easy to do.

I have invited people to unfollow or unfriend me if they choose.

There are enough varying opinions to go around.

Let’s be honest, no one is going to change the way I think or feel.

And I am sure I am not able to persuade those who think differently to change their opinions either.

So what can we do?

No name calling, be respectful and remind yourself why you chose to include these people on your life’s journey.

If you can’t remember why you included them, drop them.

Find the fun in things.

Since yesterday, my cousins and I have been having a very funny conversation about PB and J sandwiches.

A PB and J, simple and funny.

I connected with a cousin I hadn’t spoke to in years from my Dad’s side of the family because her name happened to come across my desk.

She invited me to come and visit,  I told her I might not be that welcome at a family reunion since we sit on different sides of politics.  She laughed and said she would still want me to come.

We are all walking a fine line as we try to maintain relationships in a world like most of us have never seen

I feel like I am trying to walk a tight rope while balancing a ball on my nose.

I am most likely going to fall.

I am far from perfect but I do try to treat people nicely. I do try to walk in others shoes to understand how they feel.

As much as I hate to say it, at times I can get so angry I can’t see straight. A dark rage can come over me.  That is when I need to back away from the keyboard.

Maybe if we all backed away from the keyboard and didn’t feel the need to spew out every thought or feeling we have there would be less stress and anger all the way around.

Let's spend more time sharing opinions on the joys of a PB and J.

Otherwise, there are no gains,  no winners and we all lose.

Meanwhile, I am looking at the bare corner in my living room and feeling empty.

I can look ahead.  In just a scant ten months the decorations will come out again.

Until that time, let’s look toward a hopefully healthier time again when we can comfortably socialize. 

To the spring when the days get longer.

To the summer and the sounds of the ocean.

To the fall with all of its beautiful colors.

And there you go, we are back to Christmas.

See you next week.

Twas a few days before Christmas

And here we are just 5 days to go.

Three more days of work and I am home free until January 4th, 2021.

I want this week to go slowly because I want to take it all in.

Right now, I am sitting in my living room with just the tree lights on.  My blinds are open so I can see out the porch windows. Grey skies make the tree lights on the porch stand out too.

There is another tree, it is sitting in my office at work.  Still decorated for St Patrick’s day, how sad.

On the plus side, the cards have been mailed, the cookies have been delivered to family, the gifts wrapped and the house looks festive.

Jenn and I have made a list of what needs to be accomplished between now and Wednesday night. Our goal is to have everything done so when we wake up for our favorite day of the year, we can soak in and enjoy every minute, the same for Christmas Day.

At work, we are working through a huge challenging reorganization.  The team I managed for a few years and was the best version of a dream team has been split up.  This has been very hard for me.We had formed a work family.  I wont lose them as many have become friends too.

We still had our Secret Santa exchange this week.  We did it on Webex so we could see each other, open our gifts and find out who our Secret Santa was.  The Head Elf, Jenn, was surprised with gifts too.

The best gift was letters to me from each member of my team.  I had to wait until the evening as I was afraid that I would ugly cry while reading them in front of my former team.

Each letter was unique.  Whether a person had been on Team Pizzo for a few months or a few years, each talked about the support they received from each other. I was touched as each letter spoke about the uniqueness of our team and my role as their manager. 

Yes, I did ugly cry.

I doubt I will ever have a team like this again.

I was thinking again about when I was young and what I wanted for Christmas.  Things such as the easy bake oven, the game operation, some other popular toys never appeared Christmas morning.  As a teenager, the list of “didn’t gets” included, an ankle bracelet, a boyfriend and a princess phone for my bedroom.  The lack of a phone just led to the option many teenagers chose, stretch the phone cord from the wall phone around the corner, down a short hall way and into my bedroom behind closed doors. As a young Mom as I have written before, the hardest thing was not being able to afford the American Girl doll that all of Jenn’s friend were getting (although I did rectify the situation 30 years later).

Now that I am at a point in my life where there are more Christmas’s behind me than in front of me.

I have have come to some conclusions.

It’s not the big house.

It’s not the expensive car.

It’s not the over the top vacation that matters. 

It’s the memories, the daily laughter, the friends and the love that are now the greatest gifts I can give or receive.

Merry Christmas!!

See you next week,

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

It has been a long, long time since I wrote you a letter.  You might find my previous correspondence filed under Donna Raboni.

How are you and Mrs. Claus?

I hope that this crazy year of 2020 hasn’t had a big impact on all of you at the North Pole.

In all honesty, it has been a challenging year for all of us.

My list this year is more about wishes than material things which I am sure is pretty common with people my age.

Do you have any pull with regard to making 2021 a better year for all?

I would like the word COVID to be erased from our vocabulary.

I would also like to see people feel more of the Christmas spirit.  I know it is hard as we all have different challenges in our lives and this can weigh us down. Can I ask you to help those who need it to find even the briefest moments of joy?

You might remember me as one of the people who starts thinking about Christmas around July 4th.  I also watch at least one Christmas movie each week of the year.  Thank you, if you had any involvement in the creation of the Hallmark Channels.

If I could have a wish or two, it would be to go back to Christmas’s of my past: one from when I was a child, one as a teenager and one as a young Mom.  To have one more Christmas with my parents and friends I have lost would be amazing.  I guess the fact that I have those wonderful memories stored in my head and heart is about the best you can do.

I want to thank you for being such a special part of my life as the anticipation of your arrival has always been among some of the best moments of the year.

So let’s just say I would like health, happiness, joy, laughter and love for all of my family and friends.

I will be looking to the skies on the night of the 24th, the best day of the year, hoping to catch a glance of you and your reindeer.

Safe travels and please wear a mask.

Love,

Donna

PS would it have really broken the bank the get me an Easy Bake Oven back in the 60’s?

Saw you next week.

 

An interesting question

There was a question posed on FB this week that got me thinking,

“What did your Dad teach you?”

While this might be a more appropriate topic for Father’s Day, my Dad’s all consuming love of all things Christmas makes it apropo at this time of year.

I asked my siblings the question.

Here were their responses:

1. He taught me how to parallel park and was a little critical that I was quite a distance from the curb.

2,  He taught me how to get from our apartment in the Bronx to Mount St. Michael in Mount Vernon.  It involved buses and subways.  I was 11. Dad walked me up to the front gate.  He basically said “now you are on your own. See you tonight”.

3,  He taught me that you never fight on a holiday as you can’t get the day back.

4,  He taught that worry is pointless.  Whatever is going to happen is going to happen so why waste time worrying.

My friend, Kathy, said she learned how a parent loves their children.

I learned:

Work ethic.  Everyone one of his children obtained gainful employment as soon as they were old enough. My brothers both started working at 12,  both at neighborhood deli/grocery stores. My sister and I babysat but started “real” jobs when we each turned 16 at Bambergers (a subsidairy of Macys).

Dad taught me how to come in second in a Waltz Contest (avoid the judges for as long as you can).  

He taught me that holding my hand and squeezing it was another way to say “I love you”.

His belief in me going to work in The Big Apple.  Mom said “no”. Dad said, “she will get an education working there like no where else in the world.”  As I got ready to head out my first day as a commuter, I asked Dad what do I do when the train from Pearl River arrives in Hoboken, NJ.  He said “follow the crowd” . He was right.  I followed the crowd to the PATH trains through the World Trade Center and out on to the street for the one block walk to 140 Broadway.

He also taught me the joy of  Christmas.  I learned to believe that on Christmas Eve anything is possible. And yes, like Dad, I still look to the skies on Christmas Eve and watch for Santa in his sleigh and reindeer pulling them through the night sky.

At this time of year more than any other, I miss him because of the way he made December 24th feel. From lighting the fireplace Christmas Eve morning and making sure it never went out until we headed to bed Christmas night, to his taking over the kitchen to make our Christmas Eve feast, to him dragging a sled through the backyard, making hoof prints and boot marks to the back door of our house.

Magic.

What did your Dad teach you? Their lessons/advice are things that last throughout our lives.

See you next week.

OK I will give it a try

I work long hours.  I work just about every day. I am tired.

One day rolls into the next.

Being home has been a blessing and also a challenge.

Before “the virus”, we were passing through our house rushing to and from work.

We were spending a few nights a week at “The Mefford Inn”.

Being home has opened my eyes, housekeeper of the year, I am not.

Surface cleaning is fine and makes things look passable.

But the long hours we have been putting in working at home has left less time for chores.

We have started using Instacart for grocery shopping. It is fabulous.

Place your order and drive up to pick it up. I am too cheap to have it delivered.

This alone saves hours every week so it is a real win.

But the housecleaning, ugh.

I honestly do not have the energy by the time Saturday or Sunday rolls around.

Also, things with Jenn have been a little off so I am not wanting her to spend her free time cleaning.

And how often do we have the time and strength to do a “deep clean”?

I came into a little extra money.

I really could not think of a thing I wanted for myself.

Then it hit me, use the money to have the house cleaned.

Really cleaned.

On a recommendation from a neighbor, I made the call.

Last Friday was the big day.

No surprise, I was nervous.

And we did some straightening up before the two ladies arrived,

I was worked in the kitchen.  Jenn was in her room working with Jeter at her side.

They arrived at 11:30 and left six hours later.

Yes, six hours.

They hardly spoke to each other and your could hear them moving around the house.

I knew I was in for a treat when the first thing done was opening the oven, removing the racks and spraying everything.

The smell of Clorox, furniture polish and other cleaning materials filled the house.

Windows were washed, blinds dusted, baseboards cleaned, cabinets wiped down, lampshades cleaned, bookshelves cleaned and dusted and on and on.

The continuous thought that popped into my head was they must be thinking “what a mess”.

When they were ready to tackle the kitchen, I grabbed my laptop and moved to the recliner in the living room to continue working.

I needed to put on sunglasses to look in the shower it was so shiny.

By the end of the day, I was amazed.

It was worth every cent I spent and I really had no reason to be stressed or nervous. I am sure these ladies have seen a much worse project than mine.

Now in my quest to do more things for the house, I have someone coming this week to give me an estimate for new sliding doors for my shower.  My current ones are over 30 years old and one handle is being held on by duct tape.

Don’t I deserve better than a duct taped door handle at this point in my life?

I am not used to spending money on these kinds of projects or myself.

I am at a point in my life where I don’t need another bracelet or office clothes or many material things.

Sure I still have a bucket list, some travel, getting a book published, living long enough to enjoy life after I retire and more time with family or extended family near and far.

Now simple things like a super clean house of which I had no part in the process and no longer putting up with the duct tape and paper clip repairs is something I can enjoy.

Not having to walk the aisles of a supermarket (thank you Publix and Walmart) gives back hours of me time.

In the next few years, I will be tackling a kitchen renovation.  Two years is plenty of time to learn the options, make decisions about what “I” want and get ideas from others.

Part of the fun is planning.

And on the rare occasions, without much thought, I can treat myself to something.

Something practical without guilt. OK without too much guilt.

I have given myself the gift of time to write, binge watch something, nap, a long overdue phone call or just time to dream.

It’s worth every cent.

See you next week.