Patience or the lack thereof......

When you are a child one of the things your parents teach you about is being patient.

Wait and take your turn.

Wait for your next birthday.

Wait for the first day of school.

Wait for next Christmas.

Wait to drive.

Wait to be legal.

Wait to vote.

Wait....wait....wait......

Patience.............Patience.........Patience............

You would think by now I would have gotten it...... and I thought I had but now.......

There will be a lot of changes in the next few years but the one I want the most.......moving to my next location is a few years off.......and it sucks to wait!!!!

All of a sudden I am like a child.....wah wah wah.....I want it now.......I don't want to have to wait to see the ocean all the time or to sit on my patio or deck drink my morning coffee and smell the sea or to have my home office where I can work or live out my passion of writing.........

I know I can and do write now but it's not the same as living the life of my dreams and having the peace I feel near the water.

Each time I look at locations I like I want it now.......

Each time I picture myself  I see me wrapped up in a story I am writing.....I want it now......

I always thought I would get to a point in my life where I would feel content and settled and I guess I will but it will be at an older age than I anticipated.

I have to get there....I must get there......I was meant to be there.......just not now..

I just have to be patient.........for now........

Second item on my 12 things list......done.....

This minimum of 12 new things list is supposed to be fun.......but what do I do but add pressure to myself.  I look at the calendar and panic......it is almost the end of June and I haven't checked off another item.

Well, whew....I got my next item in.......I made a cheesecake from scratch.

I looked at a variety of recipes.  From the Junior's Cheesecake Cookbook (if you are ever in Brooklyn Junior's Cheesecake is a must!!!!) to the Philadelphia Cream Cheese Recipe.  Since I was starting this project at 8:00 on  Sunday night, I opted for the easiest recipe.  I did not make the cheesecake that has to sit in a pan of water in the oven.  After much research I went with the Philly Cheesecake recipe.

Jenn decided to make one too.

So here we were dueling bakers.......I had never make a graham cracker crust before.......I thought they only came in those tins already prepared.  I did use graham crackers crumbs vs.  crushing graham cracker cookies myself (otherwise it would have been one graham cracker for the crust and one for Donna).  I mixed them with butter and a small amount of sugar,  I pressed it into the bottom of the spring form pan.   I then  mixed cream cheese, sugar, vanilla and eggs.  Into the pan they went and 35-40 minutes later.....it was done.  Jenn added mini chocolate chips to hers.  They looked surprisingly good!! We left them out to cool and then into the fridge they went for the night.

Now here was the smart part.......I could not have those cheesecakes in the house.  They would have been calling my name and if I ignored them they would have been screaming my name.

So it  would have started out as "Donna, hi we are here.....come have just a slice"

Then it would have been "Hey pppssssttt Donna....over here Babe....come on you know you want some"

Finally it would have been "DONNA COME HAVE SOME FRIGGIN CAKE YOU KNOW DAMN WELL YOU WANT A PIECE WHO THE HELL ARE YOU KIDDING PRETENDING YOU CAN'T HEAR US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I did the best thing possible to put myself out of my misery.....Jenn took the cheesecakes to work and the people she worked with devoured them.  They were a huge hit.

I will admit to having a small sliver just to make sure not to poison anyone.....LOL.....it was really, really good!!!!

So item #2 on my list is done.......I am going to start planning my next activity soon.  No more last minute rushing it get it done.  This is supposed to be FUN right.....this not meant to add stress to my life......I am such a mess....I try to do something exciting and what do I do.......  turn it into something where I would need Valium......what a noodelhead I am.....

Here are pictures of the stages of the cake making.........

the batter

the graham cracker crust

Ready for the oven

One chocolate chip cheesecake ready to serve

One plain cheesecake ready to serve

 

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Dad and Me

I started this entry four times so far.  I was struggling with what to write.......

Being it's the night before Father's Day, I am going to take the easy way out and write about my Dad.

Here are some of the things I remember about Dad and me......

When I was in the 2nd grade I was leaving school  to walk home for lunch (picture letting your kids do that now anywhere........ never mind the Bronx).  As I walked out of the building my Dad was standing there.  He says Mom had to take George and Cheryl to the Dr. so he was going to take me to lunch.  We walked to a diner a block or two from the school and had lunch together.  I thought this was really great to have time with Dad all by myself. I felt so grown-up. 

I believed that Dad could change the traffic lights at will.  He and I were riding in our station wagon ( me in the front seat with no seat belt.......hey everyone did that back then).  Each time we got to a red light he would tell me how many seconds it would be until the light would change to green. He was always right and I was in awe.

He intimidated the crap our of my 5th grade teacher after she embarrassed me in class (the letter he wrote her she took to the Bd. of Education lawyers and said it was a threat on her life...LOL).

He ran a zillion miles holding on to my bike until he finally let me go and I kept going not realizing he was no longer beside me.

He endured a very long evening with me at a High School Father Daughter Dance.  He later admitted he did have a good time (his quick trip to a local bar during the intermission at the dance may have helped).

When I would go out on a date Dad would walk me and "the guy" out to the car.  The guys always thought he was being nice.  Not really......he was getting the make, model and license plate number of the car I was going out in.

When I go home from the date, I had 5 seconds to exit the car, if I didn't the outside lights would flash on and off.  If I still didn't get out of the car he would come out of the house onto the driveway.  

The night before I got married he said " I am going to miss having you around here Donna".  I started to cry and couldn't stop.  In fact my something old was one of his handkerchiefs. He knew then he had cancer........I did not know.....he didn't want my day to be ruined by that news.

Fortunately, he was still with us when Jennifer was born.  The last time he ever drove his car was to come see me and Jenn in the hospital.  After having 4 grandsons he now had a granddaughter. 

Two and a half months later, he was gone. That was almost 30 years ago.......

It is hard for me to believe I have lived almost half my life without him.

It is hard to believe I am older than he was when he died. 

I often wonder what he would think of me today.......as a Mom he would have been pleased, my career would have gotten a passing grade, as a wife to be honest not so good, he would have liked that I try to keep in touch with all my siblings, he would not have liked that I have let so much time go without seeing family at times (I am trying to work on that), he would not have been happy about my weight ( working on that too Dad), he would have liked that I write, he would have liked that I have some exciting plans for my future, he would have liked how close my Mom and I got to be in her later years. 

I do still see Dad all around me......from the painting of his courthouse that hangs in my living room to the way Jenn looks at  me over her glasses (when she wears them).  He is still here in my heart......

I can picture Dad saying to Mom. "are the kids doing OK?" And Mom responding back "the kids are just fine George" then she would say " What do you want for dinner?"......

Happy Father's Day Dad  !!!!.......I love you and miss you more than words can say........