What You Might Think Is A Surprising Example To Follow.....

While I am writing this is I am watching the Red Sox game......Derek Jeter just got a base hit and left the game.  I will admit I had tears in my eyes watching him leave the field.

In case you don't know (and I don't know how you couldn't).....I am a die hard Yankees fan!! Today is a sad day for me.......I will not have the pleasure of watching Derek Jeter play for the Yankees again.....

I have followed his career since he came up to the majors all those years ago.  When I lived in NY I went to many games at the old Yankee Stadium and when I moved south I made several trips with friends to Florida to see the Yank's in spring training games.

So what have I learned from that 40 year old .....crap I was out of high school before he was born....ugh!!

Watching him this last season, saying goodbye, knowing the time to leave, seeing by the calendar that time was running out and showing how to exit with class........I have learned a lot about how to move on with the changes in life.

Letting go of the past, saying goodbye to Chapter Two of my life and moving ahead not completely sure of what Chapter Three holds in store......it is a big change and there have been some tears.  Hey.... if Jeter can get chocked up in his final game at Yankee Stadium I think I am entitle to a few tears as I move forward and occasionally look at my past.

I can't or won't share some of the things I learned or experienced this week but I now have some of the answers I was seeking.  Tough answers and many were what I anticipated but had hoped would not be the case.  The information I now have and how it will impact my future weighs heavily on me.

Does this information change my plans......possibly...........right now I think it has more impact on the timing of the future changes......I will just have to see how it plays out. Let's just say I have so much to sort through and figure out.  But I guess it is better than being in limbo and not having the answers......right?

Everyone's weeks have their ups and downs....some are minor like having to change a pedicure appointment.......others are more serious......such as how do I go about planning my retirements some day and will I still get to my dream location.....the beach.  Well, the answer appears to still be yes to both of those but it will take some adjusting and refiguring.

That mountain that I said I was climbing in my recent posts.......well I slipped a little down hill this week.....but I grabbed the rope in my reach and held tight so I didn't slide too far back into the valley. Once again continuing my climb.

So thanks Jeter for teaching me about moving on and saying goodbye........who would have thought good old #2.....the Captain would be an example I can emulate.......moving on to the next part of my life with a smile and a few tears.........

Trying To Make Some Progress.....

As I work my way back up the mountain that I referenced last week......I decided to try some of the changes that I have heard about for years......

I now eat my dinner on a salad plate.  Boy those suckers are a lot smaller than a dinner plate!!!!

Jenn and I took the time to break down things like pistachio nuts and crackers into single serve size packages.  It is amazing what a real serving size looks like!! We even weighed the things that had a certain weight as a serving size. First, it makes sense to get the serving size right. Second,  it is so much easier to grab a single serving than to guesstimate.

I also made a big salad and took it several days for lunch. And I presliced tomato's to go with my alternative bagels from publix (low in calories and high in protein) and my weight watcher cream cheese (in a premeasured packet).

Jenn and I went out to eat after the gym today and I chose the 4 vegetable plate. OK here is where my southernness is starting to come out......I had cabbage, collards, lima beans and black eyed peas.....it was really good and I sure didn't feel deprived.

I am also getting out of the house earlier in the morning because of preparing my breakfast and lunch at night.  In the morning, I can just grab and go!!

I am really looking closely at my food choices.  I love soup and have found some soups that I really like.  I make them and then add extra vegetable for bulk ( I love my soups chunky).  It is getting to be that time of year when there is nothing better than the smell of soup cooking in the house (except the smell of garlic and onions in a little olive oil.....nothing beats that smell in the kitchen).

All in all I felt good about the week......

Did my hair get any thicker......no!

Did I get down to my birth weight this week.....nope!!

Have I gotten over the fear of being alone......um.... not!!!

I chose another path up the mountain......the top is very far away.......but at least now I can see the valley below me instead of sitting at the bottom and wanting to quit.

Those of you who reached out to me this week.......you helped me get off my sorry fat ass and start the long journey back........thank you for in some cases dragging me kicking and screaming......your kind words of encouragement got me going again......

And I know..... as in the words of Robert Frost...."I have miles to go before I sleep and miles to go before I sleep"......

Thanks for the company on the path......I really needed it this week......

See you next week......

It Was Bound To Happen.......

You knew it was coming.....I knew it was coming........

I had been feeling so good and positive for the last few months (at least most of the time)........there was due to be a down slide......

I know there are people that go around whistling zippy dee do dah out their butts everyday....at least that is the rumor....I myself do not know anyone in the perpetual state of happiness......but some do hit the mark on a more regular basis.......

Some comments that have been made to me just hit me at the wrong moment......as I put down what some of these comments were.....please do not take it personally if I use them in this entry.......I am not mad at anyone......it just gave me a lot to think about and maybe to work on.......

For example, I was told that people stay together when they get older because it is better than being alone.......or I have the best husband in the world and everyday with him is just wonderful (there were a lot of those from various people).......or once I am on my own I would drop 100 pounds......

Now none of these were said to hurt me.........none of these were said intentionally just as part of a conversation but it was just added to my down slide......

I went for a pedicure Thursday and had an ingrown toenail that needed to be worked on that left me in tears......I had my face waxed because it was getting fuzzy.........Friday, I had my haircut and cried over how thin it looked to me......by yesterday I was just a mess......not rock bottom but getting close......

Add to that the stress at home and ........you get the picture????

I knew I had to pull myself out of the downward spiral I was in.......

I decided to regroup and get back on track for the 9 zillionth time......and in doing that I found my strength.....

Here is how I see my life:

1.  Yes, I will be alone.  But that doesn't mean I can't be happy.  I can make friends and I do have a lot of friends.  I may not be able to get on Noah's Ark but that OK......I will just bring an umbrella and hope for the best.

2.  Losing 100 pounds......I cannot even fathom the number of pounds I need to lose......I can only think in 5 pound increments.......the good news is I went back to Weight Watchers today.....the last time I was there we had our rare SC snow on the ground.  The lady who weighed me greeted me as if I had been there last week.....she said "now don't be surprised if you are up on the scale since you have been gone for a while"....well guess what....I was down at the scale and even got another 5 pound sticker!!!!  After that I went to the gym and jogged for over an hour in the pool and even though I haven't loaded my music on my aquabeat yet I was able to listed to sports radio.

3.  The statement.......I have the best husband in the world.....well ladies if you do....thank God and be grateful.....not much more I can say about that except I envy you......

4.  My ingrown toenails.....OK that one I am blaming on my Mom and years of wearing some really ridiculous shoes (yes even I wore stilettos at one point in my life).

5.  My thinning hair.......OK I am not bald......and I need to get over it....with work each day it does look full and the highlights help not make it look so thin.....what the heck else can I do?  But for those of you will a full head of thick hair....treasure it!!

There have been a few up moments in the last few weeks that I need to note as I search my way back out of this hole I have dug for myself.

My friend, Crickett, once again found something she thought I would like.......it was a book called "I Still Have To".....it has places to write down things I want to do, dreams and places to sketch ideas (OK the sketching should be a hoot since I can only draw stick figures and even those I don't do well).

My sister and brother-in-law sent me an early birthday gift........they know me so well!!!!

I found an old Target gift card and was able to buy a piece of furniture that I saw advertised on sale.  It will be going with me for Chapter 3.

Chapter 3 is moving along.......maybe not as fast as people think it should but at the pace I feel comfortable with and that is really all that matters.

Several years ago, I was at a co-workers son's funeral.  The Pastor said something that has stuck with me all  this time ........"How can you appreciate a mountain top if you have  never been in a valley?" What great words.......the last few weeks I have been in a valley.......it is time to climb back up the mountain........

See you next week.......

R & R.......and other stuff.....

I have probably told everyone I could but just in case I missed you......I took off my first full week since last December.  I was so ready for the break....just ask my coworkers.......

I did  my normal errands over the weekend and late Sunday headed for the beach.  Four wonderful days of talking, golf cart rides, waking up to the smell of the ocean, talking, laughing, solving the world's problems, seeing beautiful sunrises, talking, enjoying a drink while sitting looking at the ocean, outdoor showers (yes I did this)  and did I mention talking.......

It is great when you have people that you can be yourself with.....they know you and love you warts and all.....it can also be gut wrenching as they ask the tough questions and in some ways force you to look at yourself and your life and then in the end help guide you toward what's next.

As I crossed each of the three bridges toward their home, I could feel the stress leaving my body.  No work......no bills......none of the issues I face each day........

I only thought of work once and that was for a conf call on Monday.....other than that it was total me time.

I left there feeling rejuvenated and still had a few more days off too!!

I was home about 5 minutes when the stress returned.  Ugh......

But it's OK.....I feel more in control and am finally learning no response is better than always feeling a need to give a comment back.  As many of your know this is a major challenge for me!!!

Once home I decided to be lazy....slept late......took naps......read.....played games on my IPad.......I went to the gym but not first thing in the morning.......I watched football (but turned off the sound...lol)......I chatted with friends on FB......I met my sister and brother-in-law for lunch  and we had a great time and she bought me a gift.....something I love......all in all it has been lovely.

It 's hard to believe it is September 1st.......how did that happen???? When I was in NY, this was the time of year I loved......the fall......leaves turning colors......sweater weather.......the heat of the summer gone.  Well, in South Carolina, the heat will still be here, the leaves do not turn until November (if they turn at all) but we do have football.  God, how I love football!!! I am a loyal fan no matter how bad my team plays.....yes we got our asses kicked last Thursday.....but there is always next week for the Gamecocks......and after all these years in the south yelling GO COCKS is as normal as saying how is the weather.  And this coming weekend my G Men.....Big Blue.....the NY Giants start their season.  I can watch football Thursday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday.....how great is that!!! Now I would like time to slow down just a bit because before I know it.......it will be Super Bowl Sunday......

Just one more update and something for us all to think about.......I wrote about my niece, Jill, last week and her battle with MG.  She was released from the hospital this weekend.  As she and her boyfriend Tim drove home from the hospital, Jill started to sing in the car.  Then  she caught herself and started to cry. She realized that because of the MG she had not been able to sing.  So these were happy tears......Jill is making her way back......her appetite has improved and she is heading back to work tomorrow.  I am so proud of her!!!! and Tim too for hanging in for what must have been a trying week....in case you haven't figured it out......we Raboni women are a bit of a challenge!!!!!

So there you have it......the week that was.....the beach.....football.......and a girl singing in the car.......as the days grown shorter and night comes earlier.......we need to remember the summer and all it gave to us......in the form of love and laughter and fun.......

Sorry this post is a day late......just part of me being lazy.........

Here is a picture of the gift my sister gave me......I love it....pineapples.....they remind me of Mom and are very welcoming.....

Oh and one more thing.......I did change the web address for this blog.....due to some family issues that were brought to my attention last week.

See you next week......