You can go home again.......

Sorry Thomas Wolfe.....you were wrong......you said 'You Can't Go Home Again"....you can go home as long as you understand that everything changes.....and you can go home and visit but you need to be prepared for the changes.

OK first let me back up a little....sorry I missed last week.....I was away visiting friends for a few days. Then it was a few days of working and off to NY.

Jenn and I headed for NY on Wednesday.  It is always a long drive but the anticipation on seeing family and friends makes the trip worth it. We arrived in my hometown, Pearl River, NY around midnight (OK yes The Bronx is where I spend the first 14 years of my life but Pearl River is where I grew up).

Anyway, we stopped by Shoprite and were able to see my brother, Greg.  I hadn't seen him in over 3 years.  I have called him Bud since he was young,  He was my little Buddy I took with me or dragged with me a lot.  We are still in discussion as to whether or not I wanted to see Willy Wonka 6 times or he did.....I think it might have been a compromise......

We checked in at the PR Hilton (thank you Tim!!!!) and crashed.

In the movie, "City Slickers", they talk about their best and worst day. They were not allowed to include the things like the day their kids were born.

Well, Thursday was one of my best days.....

Jenn told me the Hilton had an indoor pool so we made time for a workout every day.  Then an old friend stopped by to see us and from there it was crazy.  We had breakfast at a real honest to goodness diner!! Shopping in town for local t shirts, purchasing enough Reinzi clam sauce to keep us well stocked for the next 2 years, a visit with one of Jenn's elementary school teachers, we went to visit Mom and Dad at Rockland cemetery and went by the family home to see what the story was for the graduation ceremony.  Before we knew it, we were at PRHS watching the last of the Raboni's walk at graduation.  I was the first in the 1970's and now my nephew, Anthony was the last......5 decades of Raboni's had walked that walk. Then back to the Hilton, to meet my friend, Jayne for a drink.  It took 5 minutes to catch up and then an hour of just pure chatting. Next stop,dinner with the family at the Nanuet Restaurant where they have some of the best pizza in the world!!!! Whew......what a day!!!!!

Friday was not quite as crazy.....workout, a bagel for breakfast and off to my brother's house.  The weather was to die for.......70's ....after the heat in SC it was great.  Just spending a day catching up with him and his family and the extended family was such a treat.

Saturday was the party and it was a lot of fun.  Friends and family gathering to celebrate.

Then before it knew it it was midnight and I was setting the alarm to get up at 4:30 for the journey home.  We pulled out of my brother's driveway at 5:01AM. Except a a long wait for coffee at a rest stop and some heavy traffic below Richmond VA the trip was not too bad and we were home by 6:15 and that included time to pick up the dog from the vet/kennel.

To get back to my original statement, it was great to go someplace that you know like the back of your hand.  It was also hard to be there and not have Mom along for the ride.  It was difficult to see the "For Sale" sign in front of my parents house.  I couldn't get myself to go inside to say good by.  But I believe that a home (which is different from a house) has a soul.  The spirits of my Mom and Dad are still there.  I can still feel the memories of weddings, graduations, birthdays and of course holidays at 33 Haven Terrace.  It was the place my older brother left to join the Marine's, it was the home my youngest brother would eventually own and his own sons would call their home, my sister and I left there as brides, my daughter was christened in the living room right next to my Dad's hospital bed during his final days.  And yes, my Dad died in that home.  Life had come full circle in that special place.  We all grew up and moved away......one by one.  And some day soon there will be another family building memories in that home.

Some notes to the new owners......I hope you have the joy and happiness we all had living there for the past 45 years.  I hope you do not have the sorrows we shared there too.  Oh and one more thing.....if you ever remove the shed and dig underneath it......no were no some crazy sick family.....what you will find in plastic bags of various sizes (up to big trash bags) are the toys and remains of some beloved family pets......

See you next week......

OH PS....I was down a lot at the scale last week and went to get weighed in this morning and was up.  Well, I am blaming it on sodium.  In the fried rice I ate, in the bacon pizza I ate, in the salt bagel I ate......see the recurring theme here....I ate and sodium.  I have to say I didn't eat as much as I would have in the past but I also did not focus on fruits and veggies like I have been..... but I am back on track....I had brussels sprouts for dinner last  night and already downed some grapes.....here's hoping the gain should dissappear next week...... I did work out everyday and that is not something I would NOT have done before.  Also, my sister-in-law commented like one of my friends last week that I need to go t shirt shopping.  She said she saw me keep pulling the v-neck of my shirt together since it has gotten too big.....not a bad thing!!!!

I Am Not A Quitter......

OK so the scale did not say what I wanted it to today. I hate the scale!!!!! I looked back over my week and tried to figure out what I might have done wrong.......

I ate the way I was supposed to......I went to the gym......I pooped regularly (oh get over it....yes pooping is important and you don't want to go into a weigh in with any excess baggage so to speak).......

Was it the bamboo shoots, snow peas and water chestnuts with soy sauce on Friday??
Was it the fact I didn't drink all of my water?
Can you really eat too many brussels sprouts?
Can you eat too many veggies?
Is it the carrots that I have added to my veggie list?
Did I not move enough this week?
Did I not give myself enough variety?
Did I give myself too much variety?

Do you see how confusing and mind boggling this process can be??????

I stayed for my meeting.......I didn't cry.......I just gave it a lot of thought.  I have reset my goals some.......now I hope to hit 75 pounds gone by my birthday.  If I hit it before that great but I am trying not to put too much pressure on myself.  Pressure and stress can be my enemies.  What a great birthday gift to myself  to be 75 pounds down (and I always remind myself to add on a extra 10 pounds to whatever I lose since my all time high -at least recorded from one of my previous WW memberships was 10 pounds more then when I started this time).

I came home and cooked all my veggies.  I cut up my all my salad ingredients so they can be ready at a a moments notice.  I made some WW muffins.  I am in good shape for the week.

I don't think moving the bar further out is a bad thing.  I am trying to be realistic.  The one thing I am sure of is this time I am not giving up!!!!!! My health has improved and I am way more mobile than I have been in years  Yes, I still have achy knees and hips......I am still not ready for long walks or 5K's but I am up and down and all around in stores, my kitchen and the gym. Silly as it sounds I don't dread walking to the ladies room 4-5 times a day.....that's what happens when you drink that much water!!

So what am I worried about......I am going to NY for my nephews graduation soon.....yes, I am going to the land of real pizza, fabulous bagels and the amazing Rockland Bakery where the fresh rolls and Lintzer Tarts are to die for.......the WW philosophy is that you can eat these things.....in moderation......a few ladies at my meeting had some good suggestions such as have one treat a day, use my extra weekly points and be prepared with foods I can eat that will keep my points in control and me on track.  This will take more planning than I have done since I started WW last fall but I am sure I can do it.  If I could get through the holidays and continue to lose surely I can get through a few days in NY..........I hope.......OK hell yes I can!!!!

That elusive 60 pounds is still out there but close enough to touch.  I am seeing the progress and making strides.  I cannot be defeated.....not this time......but can it be just a tiny bit easier.......please.......

It has been a life long battle but one I will win.......I am sure of that.....no matter how long it takes......I am not a quitter............

See you next week........

Barry & Me.......and some other stuff.......

OK the event was 40 years in the making.........

I will start by admitting yes it's true but I am a FANILOW!!! LOL

A few months ago a friend asked me, "if you could see anyone in concert who would it be?" I asked, "dead or alive?"  My girlfriend started to laugh and said "alive you ass!!" And I said Barry Manilow.  Well lo and behold after checking the concert schedule Barry was going to be in Charlotte on June 6th.

Last night, I went to see Barry with Jenn  and my sister, Cheryl.  Jenn was a good sport and went with us although she was probably among the youngest people at the show.  It seemed funny to be sitting in an audience of so many people around my age.

The show was great!! With the exception of two songs, I knew every one he sang.  I had been playing
 his songs on my IPOD on the way to Charlotte and there is one song I told Jenn I liked but he probably wouldn't sing. It is called "All The Time".  It is a song about wanting to fit in but not fitting in ......kind of the way I have felt and then realizing that there are others that feel that way too. Well, he sang it and it was great.

All I kept thinking as I danced in the aisle was "I feel alive!!!"

A year ago, yes there were some good moments but I felt like just a shell of myself.  Last night, was just another time since I started this journey where I couldn't stop smiling and laughing and clapping and dancing.

When I went to my WW meeting today, I was down again at the scale.  But the fun part was my WW friends asking about the show and during our meeting I told the group the "I feel alive" story and I waved my glow stick from the concert which made everyone laugh.

While we were walking into the concert, I had to stop.  Jenn and Cheryl asked if I was OK.  I told the yes but I had to stop to pull my jeans up (notice a recurring them here about pants falling down , see one of my previous entries).  I was able to sit in my seat at the concert very nicely (something most of you never think about right?). And for a few hours I listened to songs I love and some brought back some great memories.

Well enough about Barry and me.....

The other good things about the week were......

My two counterparts from work and I got into one of the most hysterical text conversations I have ever been in.........last night my sister, Jenn and an old friend (boy) got into a facebook conversation that had Cheryl and I in tears laughing.  After a few minutes of craziness.....my sister said "OMG will anyone from you job see this??"  LOL I told her not to worry it was fine.  ( I can see you all now going to my FB page to try and  find the conversation....LOL).  Don't worry my two work com padres.....our text conversation will not be shared.......no,  it was not work related it was just total insanity!!!

Someone in the office stopped by to tell me she had noticed I was losing weight but the funny part was what she said.  "I notice you are wearing sandals not Crocs."  Funny the little things people notice......

While I am still healing physically from the years of wear and tear I have allowed my body to go through and still healing emotionally from they way I have thought of myself or allowed other the verbally abuse me........I know I have said it before......the old Donna is so coming back so watch out world and as my confidence returns, my sense of humor takes on new heights and the my dreams become realities......

I do love the beginning of Chapter 3 of my life.......who knew?? I didn't really think it would ever get better and now barely 8 1/2 months into the transformation and I feel surprised.........amazed........blessed.........happy...,,..grateful..............ALIVE..........but I haven't gotten this far without my support group........family and friends........my Sunday morning WW buddies who have so enriched and added to my life.......and of course there is always Jenn......encouraging me........monitoring me......and reminding me of how far I have come.........and I always need to remember she is the person who will be picking out my nursing home.

So here's to another new event for my books of lists........finally seeing Barry.

Here are two short clips from last night.....one is a corny song but says how I feel about all of you and the other is from the end of the show and  is how I am feeling on the inside (hint ...wait for the streamers.....)

See you next week......