Is the glass half full or half empty??

There are some parts of my life falling into place just the way I had hoped.

And yet there are some obstacles still on my path.

While not going into detail, I have to hope that in the end things will smooth out. And I will end up where I am supposed to be, doing what I have dreamt about for a long time.

Most of the struggles are in my head and maybe a bit in my heart.

Today was not a stellar day at the scale. I had a few very good weeks  and then I stumble.  I need to find my way back into the zone I was in.  I am doing my steps and my fitbit is doing it's job reminding me to get off my ass. I was without my microwave for two weeks.  Not having it put me at a disadvantage as far as my healthy eating.  I prep cook most of my veggies and protein and just pop them in the microwave. Not having use of that appliance made things a challenge to say the least..

Fortunately, it is back up and running again. And I spent this morning steaming veggies for the week.

I have been told that stress can impact weight loss and I have had more than my share of that lately. Also, my sleep patterns suck.  I doze early then wake up.  I try to fall back to sleep and end up waking up too early.  Last Friday, my dog woke me up at 4:00AM.  I decided I was up so why not shower.  I knew I wouldn't fall back to sleep so I camped out in my recliner and watched the news. Imagine my shock when Jenn woke me up and it was 7:15!!!!  I went from being up too early to waking up late....ugh!!!

I guess I am also struggling at heading toward the end of my career.  A zillion years ago, I was given my first retirement notice and it said I could retire 12/1/2020.  When you are in your 20's that is so far away you can't imagine that day every getting here.  No, I am not retiring on 12/1/2020.  I will be working past that date.  I don't mind because I do like my job.  But there are times when I realize just about everyone I work with is younger than me.  Yes, I have been working longer than some of them have been alive BUT I do have value, experience and can still make a contribution.  My team loves me....most days and after coffee.

I didn't get the chance to see how my Dad would have worked through this part of his life since he was gone long before he was ready to retire.  My Mom kept busy but she wasn't looking that within 10 years she would have ended her work career.

I wish I had Dad as an example and for counsel.  I am not worried about what I will do when I retire because there will be more time for reading and writing and seminars and social events.

I think it is the quickness at which time is passing that is scary and amazing at the same time.

The "ME" time I desire will finally be here.  But until then......I want to feel like I am part of the team and not just a place holder.  No one has indicated any of this to my professionally but when I hear comments such as "how much longer do you have?" It disturbs me.

I have a lot more years to figure that out......

Today, at my WW meeting, I wish I could have recorded one of our members who spoke about "why" she was at WW.  She said that she gets pulled in a bunch of directions by a variety of people and she finally had to think about herself.  She said this is for ME.  This is about ME. And although I have said that myself a number of times, hearing someone else say it just reinforced why I am there each Sunday morning.

This week I am going to try to sleep better, do more steps, drink more water and track, track, track what I eat.  Hopefully, I will reap there benefits of all of that next week.

Meanwhile,  I am ready to face Monday and show people .....I am not old....I have value .....and I am no where near finished yet !!! So watch out world......I am ready to get moving......

See you next week....

PS oh just one more thing....my Dad would have been 84 this week.....he was born on George Washington's birthday and named George for that reason.....he was a great Dad and was gone way too young at 51......I have missed him every day for the last 32 years......

Both Sides Now........Two Looks At Life......

The song for my Junior Prom was Both Sides Now by Judy Collins.  I saw both sides of life yesterday.  I posted about it on Facebook .....here is the post.....

This post may be a long one so if you are not in the mood to read something long skip it.........I saw the best and the worst in people this morning within a few shorts hours..... I will start with the worst end with the best. I was waiting in a parking spot as Jenn was getting ready to run into a store. A big van tried several times to pull into the spot next to me and several times almost hit my car. I watched her park and miss my car by an inch. I guess she didn't like me watching me so when she got out of the car she started screaming at me, gave me the finger and screamed I was a fat ass as she walked across the street with a lot of people watching. I never got out of the car and did nothing but stare at her. The pain she caused me was both physical and emotional........but to try and balance out that negative story here's the good part of the post.......I was at the gym ( yes fat ass was at the gym)..... I was jogging in the pool and I noticed a lady of one race in a one lane trying to swim a single lap in the pool. A man of another race got in her lane and talked to her showing her strokes.......within a few minutes she had swam 3/4 of the lap far more than what she had done on her earlier attempts......as I watched her moving down the lane line in my head I kept saying "come on come on you can do it".....she was close but not quite there......I jogged over to her and told her I was watching and she was amazing ......the smile on her face said it all.......when I was getting out of the pool after jogging for 75 minutes I saw the man who had been giving her the pointers........I told him I thought he was great for what he did.......he said she will do it next time. So there you have it two interactions in one I felt joy and the other pain.......the lady who called me fat ass has no idea what I have been through or about my efforts but in a split second she made me feel like a failure.......I am trying to get her comments out of my head as it try to accept this is how the world continues to see me.......obviously I can't walk around with an old picture and say really??? Look at where I have come from......and although I have shed some tears over that comment ......I am also thinking of the lady who swam 3/4 of a lap......she WILL do it.......and so will I..........

While there are times I have issues with social media (the ugly political posts)....yesterday, for me was a day to recognize the good side of social media.  In the 27 hours since the original entry on FB, I have had 36 likes, 17 loves, 1 "oh my" face and 1 crying face.  In addition, there have been 31 comments.  I have had likes and comments from people I have known through out my life......family, friends, elementary school friends, high school classmates and people who I have worked with at various times during my long work history. I also read my post to my Weight Watcher class today and their reaction was overwhelming.

What I have learned is beside my big ass (I can't deny it) and the fact that according to any weight charts I am overweight (fat)......I have never denied it and guess what..... I can look in the mirror and worse than that I get to see me naked (Yikes).....those facts aside.....I have learned that others see I have a big heart too......and beauty is not just the outside of a person......it is the inside that matters too.  As someone said in my meeting today, I am just trying to get the outside match the inside......

Although it was a tough day yesterday, I think of 3 film quotes:

In the movie, "PollyAnna", the preacher says to PollyAnna at the end of the movie "we looked for the good in people and we found it".

And in "The Wizard of Oz", the Wizard says to the Tin Man, "Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable" and "A heart is not judged by how much you love but by how much you are loved by others."

I found the good in the man helping someone else in the pool.

I once again was reminded about love and my heart by the responses to what transpired in the parking lot incident. I guess my heart is full and that was what turned the day around for me.

Just one more note, the "fitbit".......yesterday, I had 12 out of 12 hours of +250 steps......I hit the highest number of steps so far and this week I walked over 10 miles......not too shabby for a person who wasn't so focused on walking a few weeks ago......yay me !!!

Oh and I love you guys who read this blog and support my efforts!!!!

Happy Super Bowl Sunday!!!!!!

See you next week........