Twenty Years Ago

"Do not walk through time without leaving worthy evidence of your passage" Pope John 23rd

When I left New York on August 1,1998, I felt equal amounts of excitement and fear.

We left NY around 6:00 AM.

Everything we owned was in the Ryder moving truck and we had the Honda on a trailer hooked up to the truck.

I was at the wheel.  Bob had the map. Jenn in the jump seat.  Our dog was on the floor sound asleep thanks to some med's from the vet.

As we pulled out of Haven Terrace, I was in tears. This house was also next to the one I lived in with my parents from 1970 until I got married in 1982.

Our home for the previous thirteen years grew smaller in the rear view mirror.

I wanted to get on the road early so we could avoid another round of goodbyes with my family. I was leaving them behind too.

I cried most of the way down the Jersey Turnpike.

Driving the truck was nerve wracking.  I kept asking "is the Honda still behind us?"

I did not know how to back up the truck.  I had to remind myself to make sure where ever we stopped I could pull out straight ahead.

Since we left New York, our old home was torn down.  That made me cry.

Fast forward to 2018.

How could it have been twenty years?

What did I learn after the move?

We learned to say M'am or it is Ma'm or is it Ma'am and Sir.

I now love grits, collards, black eyed peas and boiled peanuts.

And I have become a snob about shrimp.  No better way to buy it than out of a cooler behind a shrimp boat that has just docked.  The shrimp do need their heads removed, I do NOT do that part of the prep.

And OMG I learned about college football!!

What part of New York is still with me?

I still say "you guys" no matter the makeup of the group vs the "Y" word.

I still say cawfee, sawce and tawse vs coffee, sauce and toss.

And I still love my NY Yankees and NY Giants.

I started working for Wachovia Bank August 24, 1998.  It was probably the best company I ever worked for in my many years in banking. The people there became not only my friends they became my family. Sadly, Wachovia is no more but the friendships continue.

I have been a TD Bank for 7 years as a manager.  It is not Wachovia but then again I don't think many places are like it was anymore.  I like my job, most days, as so many of us do. TD is a solid company which is great as I have seen so many companies fall by the wayside during my work career.

Jenn finished high school, college and graduate school since we moved here.  She is now in her 7th year working at USC and her 7th year as an instructor for University 101.

We built a house in Columbia that was ours for 17 years.

We sold it last year.

Now the Lowcountry is where we call home.

The twenty years has flown.  In that time, I have seen the world change in so many ways.  And I have changed along with it.

I am now single.

I now no longer assume tomorrow is guaranteed.

I miss the family gatherings I used to take for granted.

I would like the days, weeks, months and years to slow down just a little bit.

And I finally look at writing as a profession not just a hobby.

Although I cannot get back the days in New York.  I do have my memories of the wonderful life I had there.

But South Carolina and especially where I live now is so much more than I ever expected.

Never did this New Yorker think I would embrace this life as much as I have.

I feel blessed and incredibly lucky that all the twists and turns in the roads led me here.

See you next week!

PS a little sign that Fall is heading our way, this arrived today!!

Working To Find The Balance In Life Again.....with a little revision.....

Monday through Friday is not my own time.

Yes, I collect a pay check for what I do during those days.

And lately, I have been more than earning my paycheck.

Work has been filled with learning a new system and all the other challenges of the mortgage business.  If  you do not work in the mortgage industry there is no way you could understand it's challenges.

Once the whistle blows at the end of the workday on Friday, the balance of life appears.

I can feel the stress leave me during my commute home.

I try to stay up late relishing Friday night.

Knowing I have two days of me time is the reward that follows the busy work week.

I am trying hard to find that life/work balance.

Most companies preach work/life balance, I prefer saying life/work balance.

Which matters more?  Life  or work?

Of course, I know I need my job to live the life I desire.

There was a time when my job was my life.

There was a time when I didn't worry about how much more life was left to be lived.

And that is my struggle, figuring out the balance.

Life balance is listening to books on Hoopla while I commute.  Books that I don't have time to sit down and read.

Life balance means instead of just doing a Saturday morning bagel run, take the bagel to waterfront park.  Sit on one of the bench swings and eat breakfast.

Life balance is watching my dog, Jeter, almost prance along the waterfront with Jenn.

Life balance is combining a trip to the pool with 2 hours of exercise.

Life balance is binge watching a tv series while cooking for the week.

Life balance is allowing time for a nap.

Life balance is using free time to call your family and friends just to catch up.

Life balance is Jenn doing the food shopping while I work on the finances.

Life balance is writing this blog while doing the laundry.

Life balance means time with family, friends including laughter and love.

I almost forgot, life balance means finding more time for my passion of writing

And here we are early Sunday evening getting ready for another 5 days where the balance swings back to the work side.

I going to try to carry the stress free feeling I have enjoyed during these 48-60 glorious hours off into the work week.

It may fade by lunchtime on Monday.

I am always hopeful, the stress relief will last until much later in the week.

I will continue to work on and seek out ways to focus on life/work balance.

My life matters too much too not try.

See you next week!

PS Just saw this on the way to Walmart.  I am taking it as a sign of good things ahead this week.

Being Practical....The Staycation.....

Just having the week off from work, commuting, $35 a day gas bills, doggie daycare, not setting the alarm for 5:00AM, not returning at 8:00 PM to rush though lunch prep for the next day, dinner and a quick shower before turning in makes for a great staycation.

9 GLORIOUS DAYS !!!!

The week did not include any destination but home.

HOME, HOME, HOME !!

I have to admit to being just a little jealous seeing others vacation destinations.

Or the envy of at least having transportation reliable enough to take me somewhere or anywhere.  I sweat out the daily commute never mind adding extra miles to an already old vehicle.

This is not self pity

It is honesty.

The week was not without it's  positives.

A few trips to the pool.

A couple of dinners out.

One at a local kind of dive.  BUT dinner is a hot dog, cheeseburger, scoop of potato salad and a serving of baked beans all for $4. The drinks cost more than dinner.

The Fillin Station

Here is the catch, the view is great from the back porch.  The river, the boats and more are all worth the price of admission.

Another evening was a dinner with friends.  Casual, shared memories and laughter all made for a pleasant evening.  I planned on staying for 2 hours and ended up leaving after close to 5 hours. I drove home during a great heat lightening storm.

Group selfie:

Sine I had spent so much time relaxing, I was up and at it early on Saturday. Oil change, pedicure, stop at Publix and the bagel shop all before 11:00AM.

I had a conference call with my Editor. It lasted about 90 minutes.Her feedback and suggestions will surely enhance my story.  Oh it is now a MANUSCRIPT ( manuscript = the original copy of a book or article before it is printed) !! I have so much to do before it is a finished product.  What I am learning is fabulous.  Some entries, I hit right on the head.  And others, it is clear where I need to add more info, dialog and color so the reader can see, feel and touch what I am expressing. While I am still trying to remembering to type the numerical value of numbers from 1 through 10 and the rest are written out, I no longer use ellipsis (oh how I miss them), I am trying to feel comfortable with dialog, reading out loud what I have written to get the flow and sound just right.  I still need to figure out where to use a semi-colon versus a comma.  I know this was covering in 8th grade along with diagramming sentences but somehow it has faded in my memory bank.  Oh and when did the rule about spacing after periods change?  When I took typing class (yes, typing class) back in high school, it was always 2 spaces after a period.  This is not the case any more. now it is 1 space.  Reminding myself of this is almost harder to stop doing than the ellipsis. I am learning so much and relearning more.

As I read my draft to my editor, I actually had to stop for a moment as I started to cry.  The memory I had written about was so strong and powerful.

Now it is time to rework, revise and add to my draft.

The process is fascinating to me.  I had no idea what it took for this all to come together when I started.  I read once that Margaret Mitchell wrote the first chapter of Gone With The Wind and the last chapter next.  She then wrote other chapters and had them laid out around her house until she had connected the beginning and the end.  I am working in a similar manner.  As a memory of thought comes to me, I add it to my notes list on my phone.  When the mood hits me, I will write out my thoughts into what I hope is a cohesive entry.

Today, I had 2 entries that needed little to no revision.  I was able to put down the words in a manner that a reader would be transported to that place and time.

While my staycation is winding down, I am looking toward my next days off which are not too far away.

One of the benefits of this break is feeling the stress leave me and being able to wake up and think "what do I want to do today?'

I have a job and a long career in the mortgage industry.

More importantly, I have a life.  I know now it cannot take 2nd place to anything.

Feeling so in control is a blessing and eye opening.

Time to figure out my priorities.

I am not saying I won't do my job to the best of my abilities but when the day is over it is over.  End of sentence. End of work day.

In 10 years or when I am old sitting in my rocking chair, what will matter more?  What I  did from 9-5 ot what I did on my off hours.  I am sure it will be the latter.

After this week of self examination, except for my family and friends,

IT'S ALL ABOUT

See you next week.......

There Will Be Another Christmas

"You are never wrong to do the right thing." Mark Twain

I know it's just the beginning of August but allow me this entry.

My excitement about the holidays starts to kick in right around Labor Day.  Yes, Labor Day

To me the saddest day of the year is December 26th.

My favorite day of the year is Christmas Eve and Christmas Day itself runs a close second.

Then, I feel the letdown from all the hustle and bustle.

The songs disappear off the radio.

Except for the Hallmark Channel which runs Christmas movies through New Year's Day, all holiday TV events end.

All signs of the holiday fade at the stroke of midnight Christmas Night.

My friend, Dan, would say to me "there will always be another Christmas."

And he was right.

What he didn't say was the thing I now think about a lot.

The problem is the assumptions we all make.

We assume we will all be here for that next Christmas.

People leave for work each day and the assumption is they will return home that night.

We leave on a vacation and assume we will return home in a few weeks.

You know what they say about assumptions.

 It is true.

And that is why we all (yes, me included) need to not take one day for granted.

Let go of the anger.

Let go of the silence.

Do not put yourself in a position to have regret or remorse.

Say "I am sorry".

Forgive.

Say "I love you" often.

Show gratitude.

Give hugs.

Take the high road (which can be hard to do).

Even if you were not wrong or do not think you were wrong do whatever it takes to make things right.

Mend fences, renew relationships.

Never assume that all of us will be here for the next holiday season, family gathering or birthday.

We just cannot be sure all the people we love will be there.

Do not waste one more second, minute, hour or day angry or in silence.

My Dad used to say "don't fight on a holiday because you can't get the day back."

He was right.

The rest of the year will fly and once again it will be Christmas.

Yes, there will be another Christmas but not the same as the ones we have had before.

See you next week.