Post Holiday Blues

From the book, "Pillow Thoughts II":
"You can't skip chapters, that's not how life works.  You have to read every line, meet every character. You won't enjoy all of it. Hell, some chapters will make you cry for weeks. You will read things you do not want to read, you will have moments when you don't want the pages to end. But you have to keep going. Stories keep the world revolving.  Live yours, don't miss out."

I hate the way the house looks after the holidays.

Don't get me wrong, I love my house but once the decorations are put away things look so bare and dull.

Trying to break out of the blah mold is a challenge.

Surprisingly, work has provided some excitement for me.  I feel like my batteries are being recharged there.  This is kind of amazing since I have been in the same line of work for over 30 years.  Mortgages is not an exotic line of work.  I remind myself regularly that I am helping people achieve their dreams. I have been through the days of 12%+ interest rates (and people were still buying houses).  I have been through the real estate/ banking disaster of 10 years ago.  I have been laid off twice and swore I was done with the mortgage industry only to end up in it again and again.  I have been an in-house originator, processor, relocation closer, underwriter, processing manager, closing manager, customer care manager, underwriting manager and now manage both processors and underwriters.

I have a great team that keep me on my toes.

I don't say I do things well often but in my humble opinion, I love to manage and am good at it.

This year, I presented a power point presentation on POSITIVITY.  I loved the message. In all honesty, I had a lot of help from my daughter with the power point itself.

I attended the TD WOW Awards and loved the new format.

I was selected to attend a four day class from the Mortgage Bankers Association. Then a test followed to get your certificate.  I hate tests.  It was timed and I kept on looking at the little clock in the corner of the screen.  I PASSED !!

Next week, I am traveling to different parts if Florida to visit my sales partners.

The biggest surprise for me is feeling rejuvenated at what I do for a living !!

Now, I have to get back to writing my book.  I have let it sit for a while during the holidays while figuring out which part of it to tackle next.

This blog has been a challenge too (which is so unusual for me) but the constant that keeps me thinking and writing.

I am fighting the blues and blahs.

I tend to look at others lives with envy.  I see spouses on date nights.  I see people travel.  I see people doing things I am afraid to do or can't afford to do or don't have the time to do.

I am focusing on healthy eating and trying to move more so those endorphins start popping up.

I also need warmer weather (I know my friends and family who live in cold climates are thinking she has become such a southern weenie). Once it warms up here like in April, the pool will open and I can get some good pain free work outs in. Meanwhile, I am using hand weights and resistance bands.

Even though I have family and friends around me at times I feel lonely.

Next month (which is amazingly just a few days away) has a day I love and a day I just try and get through.  I love Super Bowl Sunday and not surprisingly am not a fan of Valentines Day.  Not to be overly dramatic, I have never had one of those over the top February 14th's with flowers or special gifts or cards or good Lord jewelry.  Maybe I have never had real true love that I was able to share with the world the way others do.

I am not feeling sorry for myself (too much) because I have been loved.

My parents,daughter, siblings and friends love me. I just missed the boat on the partner in life that I see so many others enjoy.

The good news is I have my third byline coming up and am learning so much in the process.

Moving ahead with some chapters on my book will get my creative juices flowing again.

Maybe time to start to plan some time off and think about new adventures.

Before I know it, the time will change and the days will get longer.

Counting down the days until spring because as they say "hope springs eternal".

My friend Mary/Meredith gave me a gift this week.  Words I need to keep in my head!!

See you next week.

What should I write about?

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There are times, when I know all week what I want to write about when Sunday rolls around.

Other weeks, I search for a topic.

This is the second week in a row, I have nothing.

I have been advised to write, write and write until something happens.

Well, here goes.

Last week at work was pretty crazy. Four days of an MBA (Mortgage Bankers Assn.) class from 9-5. Attending the class meant having to infringe on the Mefford Inn three nights in a row. Add in luncheon's, senior management in town and Thursday night was the annual TD Awards at the Columbia Convention Center.

I think it's pretty clear I was exhausted by the time I walked in the house Friday night.

Day one of a three day weekend.

Caught up on my magazine reading.

Binge watched Gracie and Frankie.

Watched the final season of Downton Abbey (again).

Day two of a three day weekend.

Football playoffs to watch.

Watched the final three episodes of Downton Abbey (again).

Paid bills.

Went to Walmart.

Ordered outside banner flags for the months I was missing. (April, May, August and October) I used to  have flags for these months but they got ragged from the wear and tear of hanging outside even if only for one month a year times 25 years,

Wrote a blog entry and then decided not to publish it.

Once I am done with this entry, I plan to:

Clean and organize my jewelry.

Get a fire going in the fireplace.

Find something else brainless to watch if the football games do not go well.

Day three of the three day weekend.

Maybe a pedicure.

Maybe find the ambition to go get the appliances I keep thinking about.

Maybe do nothing.

Maybe get ready for the week ahead.

OK Donna so let's find some good in all this stuff.

In the last few weeks, I have been able to get very organized at work.  I did a power point presentation of which I was very pleased.  The class last week was exhausting but a good refresher and I learned a few new things.

I do feel recharged at work, now let's see how long it lasts. I have set some ambitious personal goals for myself at work this year, maybe too ambitious, we will see.

I also have a trip to visit the sales staff in Florida in February.  This will be both exciting and nerve wracking.

I went to a writing workshop last weekend and pushed through some tough writing topics for me.

I did a rewrite of my most recent profile for Pink magazine and accepted the critique gracefully (ok I was a little hurt but know not every thing I write will be perfect).

I put in for some time off around Memorial Day.  My siblings will all be coming for a visit and it will be the first time we will all be together for the first time in 7 years. 

Recently as part of my power point presentation, I talked about positive mindset,  I explained how I wrote every day five good things about the previous day. I went back and looked at some of my old journals.  I can't believe I have been doing this each day since 2000.  Starting my 19th year, (although I will be honest and from last June until December I wrote sporadically.  I struggled to find good things about each day during that time period). I promised myself in 2019, I would get back on track and as of today there are 19 entries.

So far the New Year has been about "goals" not "resolutions" and that works so much better for me.

See you next week.

PS- One more thing, 34 years ago today was the last day I ever spent with my Dad.  He was in a coma but I talked to him any way.  It was Super Bowl Sunday (back in those days they didn't have the one week off during the season or two weeks between the playoffs and the big game).  While Dad's passing was on the front page of our local newspaper, "The Journal News", it was below the fold.  We all chuckled about that fact.  If his death hadn't coincided with the Super Bowl, he would have made the top of the front page (he was a Town Councilman for many years).

One of the rare pictures I still have with Dad.

I have lived more years without him than with him.  And still all these years later, there is not a day I do not think of him.  I was so lucky to have him as my Dad and hero and the kind of person I wanted to be.

My dear friend that I lost last June (also on the 20th of the month) reminded me a lot of my Dad. In fact, they enjoyed each other's company immensely.  They were both tough, direct, great at giving advice, a ton of common sense, generous and a wonderful sense of humor.

They have both made my five good things about the day numerous times.

If I had been Valedictorian based on what I know now

I didn't graduate any where near the top of my class.

I would guess I was somewhere near the middle of the pack.

S.A.T. scores that were not memorable or at least I would like to forget.

One summer spent in summer school due to my inability to master Algebra (I did grasp Geometry though).

I bailed on Regents Biology for a Non-Regents class.

That decision led to me not earning a Regents Diploma (which really only mattered in NY and CA ( I think)).

But if I had been at the top of my class, here is what I would say with many more years of life experience under my belt.

Fellow Classmates,

Look at the person sitting on each side of you.  Yes, really look at them.  The majority of these people you will never see again.  We have spent the last few years intertwined by the mandatory curriculum set forth by the powers that be.

As I stood by the goalposts waiting to walk across the football field among the 300 other members of our class, I thought how will I live without these people?

Most, I don't even remember by name or photo.

Here is my advice to my classmates.

Enjoy every minute with your parents. Ask them to tell you the same old stories about their youth and their parents, so you can preserve them in your memory.

Learn to handle your finances responsibly.  Being irresponsible can lead to years of getting back on track. Live within your means. Try not to buy based on impulse.

Want to make a big purchase?  Save for it.  You will appreciate it more.

Never become too grand to not appreciate the small things life has to offer.  Things like the smell of fresh sheets from the clothesline, a snow day, the sound of rain as you fall asleep, reading a book you don't want to end, a dinner out or any other small moments.

Not that I don't want to see everyone financially secure. Sometimes wealth makes us forget the 'hungry times'.  I do not mean physically hungry.  I like to think of going out to dinner or a movie or a day at the beach as something special.  Once these small events become the norm, I think we all lose.

Travel, travel, travel.

Travel the United States before hitting  Europe and beyond.  Stand on a ridge of the Grand Canyon, put your feet in the Pacific Ocean, eat a lobster in Maine and if you can get to Alaska and Hawaii GO! Take the time to see what New York has to offer.  Don't wait for friends and relatives come to visit to ride the Staten Island Ferry, head to the top of the Empire State Building or eat a hot dog from a street vendor.

Understand that as much as we all love being a New Yorker, there are other fabulous places to call home.

Say YES more than no. 

Don't let fear stop you from anything unless physical danger could be the result.

Volunteer.  Be the scout leader, PTA member. volunteer at a school, spend time at a food bank you will never lose in donating your time.

Maintain friendships, this takes work but is so rewarding.  One sided friendships don't weather the storms.

Find your passion. It doesn't matter how old your are when you discover something you love.  Grasp it, embrace it and go for it.

Say "I love you" more, give hugs and celebrate each birthday as a gift

View each day as a gift.

Pray.

As has been said before. at the end of your life it is not about the hours you spent at the office that people will speak about or remember.  It is the moments with family and friends enjoying life, laughing and loving that will matter.

See you next week.