Just 15 Minutes......

In the last few weeks, I have gotten to spend time with old friends. The title of this entry is about how long it really took to catch up.

Fifteen minutes and you can get through 15 years.  Then not missing a beat you are in the present. Not that you don't revisit the past during your time together but you kind of bounce back and forth.

The great part about spending time with old friends is you spend time with them because you want to .....not because you have to.....

Yes, we all have aged and our life experiences have taken us down different roads but there is that common bond of shared experiences from years past that bind us.

Whether it be Peggy and I laughing about stapling BINGO cards for a school fundraiser (or actually NOT being allowed to staple BINGO cards at a PTA meeting) or Debbie, Santo and family members sharing memories of vacations at Wildwood NJ. Watching the younger crowd (they used to be the kids) laughing together as adults.

I enjoyed seeing how all of these friends lives have changed......whether it be at a beautiful new home with a pool to die for and dinner by the water or how people have adapted to the changes in their lives and made choices to live someplace other than New York. There was laughter and a few tears (are you surprised knowing me).  There were soul searching discussions over drinks and conversations over coffee at sunrise about what's next for each of us We didn't waste time looking back with regret but lots of excitement about the future.

I think many of us were aware that life has thrown us curve balls but we have dealt with them and moved on.  One thing I see as a common thread with all these friends was looking to the future with excitement but also knowing that our time is somewhat limited as compared with when we first met.

In your 20's and 30's you feel immortal.....you are young and have more years in front of you than behind you.  Then in the blink of an eye.....we are in our 50's and 60's and we now have more days in the past that in the future.  Maybe that is what makes these times more precious and important.

As the days of the summer dwindle toward fall, my friends and I are in the autumn of our lives. While there may be some limitations as to what we might be able to physically do and our recovery time from a fun night may take longer than 3 hours of sleep, a bagel and a Yoo Hoo.....we have much still on our "to do" list (I refuse to use the term bucket list).  No one said "I can't"....no one said "never again"....why say those things?? I heard more "I am looking forward to's" and "next time".....and that's the beauty of growing older........you really do not have to prove anything to anyone anymore.  You can decide it is time to stop climbing the corporate ladder and be content to do a good job doing something you like for the rest of your career . Or you can finally find the time to do the things you love that you just couldn't fit in between raising a family and work commitments

It's a a great feeling and so freeing......and it all starts with those 15 minutes to catch up....

Thanks to Peggy and Debbie and Santo and the rest of the Wildwood Gang......it was a great!!

See you next week......

PS. I promise when September rolls around I will get back to my once a week entries. The summer has been a little crazy to say the least!!

The Long Hot Summers.....

A few months ago, I wrote that the year is over at Memorial Day.  The rest of the year seems to fly by. The stores have started to load up on "Back to School" supplies and you know what will be next......yes....Halloween decorations.

Off in the distance I can smell the scent of pumpkin everything.....especially pumpkin spice coffee creamer or Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte.....

Although the heat of the past week is just a reminder we are getting ready to head into the dog days of summer.  These are the days where a wall of heat hits you the second you walk out the door.  The days where you go from your air conditioned house to an air conditioned car to an air conditioned store or office.

I think back on the days of my childhood in the Bronx......no air conditioner.....in fact when I shared a bedroom with my siblings there was no fan.  We were in a 2 bedroom apartment on the top floor of a 5th floor walk-up. The heat was stifling and you just hoped to fall asleep even though it was so hot.  I would flip my pillow over hoping to feel some coolness against my face.

When we moved from the South Bronx (near Yankee Stadium) to the Pelham Bay section of the Bronx, my sister and I shared a room.  In the summer there would be warm breezes that would make it's way through the alleyway between our upstairs apartment and the house next door.

When we moved out of the Bronx, I was 14.  We had upgraded to box fans in the window,  I was lucky and the fan pointed right at my bed.  My sister on the other hand had to sleep with her head at the bottom of the bed to try and catch a breeze from the fan.

It wasn't until a heatwave when I was pregnant with Jenn that I finally had a window air conditioner. It was in the bedroom of our apartment.  In order to survive the heat of the summer....we lived in our bedroom.  I ran a phone cord down the hall to the bedroom.  The TV was moved to the bedroom. An we even ate in the bedroom.

By the time we moved to our first home in Pearl River, we added 2 more window air conditioners.  I think someone gave us one and we saved enough money for the third. Now each bedroom had an a/c and the living room too.  I used to dread the annual "let's drag the air conditioners out of the basement day which usually fell around Memorial Day and the return trip to the basement in the fall".  They were heavy units and we had to take them up two flights of stairs.  I can assure you this was not done without some swearing and sweating. But the relief they provided was just wonderful.  Our windows which moved up and down with ropes and weights groaned as we would slide the units into place. They barely cleared each window.

When we moved to South Carolina, we learned the joys of CENTRAL AIR !!!! OMG....no more trips to the basement......no more worrying the unit might fall out the windows.....no more blocking windows !!

While the summers are hotter in South Caroline than they are in New York and Columbia seems to be the hottest spot in the state.......the central air makes it much more bearable and makes me much more bearable too......

I know the summers here are the payback for wearing flip flops in December and never really having to put my shorts away.  And yes....I have become a southern weenie.......I complain it is cold when the temps are in the low 50's....really!!!

Well, the days on the calendar are moving ahead and although I won't feel the crispness of fall leaves under my shoes or need a sweater until December....at least the long hot summer will have passed and on we go through the rest of the year........

See you next week......

The Revenge of Barry Manilow.....

They say turnabout is fair play......and this week I found out that statement is true....

Two years ago, Jenn agreed to accompany me to see Barry Manilow.  It was not her first choice on how to spend an evening or her hard earned money.  We went with my sister, Cheryl, too. I had a great time and so did my sister.  As for Jenn, let's just say she got through the evening.  Her only comment was " he better sing Copacabana"....which he did for his encore.....thanks goodness.

Well time passed and there were no comment on paybacks....which we know can be a b****.

A few months ago, Jenn found out there was going to be a concert in Raleigh with groups she wanted to see but that would have to be an overnight trip.

Fortunately (I guess), Jenn found out there was going to be another date for the concert she wanted to attend in Charlotte.

And then it happened.....the words I dreaded hearing....."Mom, remember when we went to see Barry Manilow......."  I thought "uh oh.....here it comes...."

Jenn told me she wanted me to go to the concert with her.  We would be seeing Paula Abdul, Boyz II Men and New Kids On The Block.

It was hard for me to say no considering our trip to see Barry.  The tickets were purchased and all we had to do was wait. Jenn was looking toward it with excitement and I was looking forward to it with dread.

Last Thursday was the big night.  We headed to Charlotte and made it there in time for the start of the concert.. The arena was packed.  Our seats were great (why do they provide seat when all people do is stand)?

I liked Boyz II Men (which I thought was Boys To Men) and  I didn't know any of Paula Abdul's songs but the choreography was great.

Now we get to the main act.....NKOTB......

And I do like Donny Wahlberg on Blue Bloods so seeing him as part of the group was different.  He definitely had a lot of fans there.....

I have pictures of Jenn from her 5th birthday when she got a basket filled with NKOTB shirt, sweater, sheets, pillow cases and bedspread.

And here I was sitting with her more than 25 years later watching the same group.

NKOTB preformed for over 2 hours.  They were entertaining, engaging and funny.

It was a great show and I had a wonderful time.....much, much better than I anticipated.

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED FROM ALL THIS:

1.  I was not the oldest person at the concert.
2.  I know how to dress appropriately for concerts.
3. A three act concert is not over in 2- 2 1/2 hours....LOL.....the concert started at 7:30 and ended after 11:30. What was I thinking...3 acts in 2- 2 1/2 hours????
4.  I should not go to concerts during the week!! I need more than 3 hours sleep!! Since we were almost 100 miles from home and on the 9th floor of the parking garage we walked in the house around 2:15.  By the time I was changed and ready to go to sleep it was 2:45 and the alarm clock went off at 6:00AM.
5, I used to be able to get by on 2 hours sleep and wake up eat a bagel and  drink a YooHoo and I was good to go......not anymore.....
6.  Never ever ask Jennifer to go someplace or do something she really doesn't want to....LOL....well actually if the payback is as good as that evening was it I will be glad to pay back the favor!!!!

7.  Most important.......I can try new things. and enjoy them....this part of Chapter Three.....saying yes to more often than no.....

See you next week.......

Hi....... Remember Me????

For the first time in the 5 or so years I have been writing this blog, I missed writing for 3 weeks in a row.  As a writer that is unacceptable!! As a person trying to juggle several balls in the air sometimes something has got to give.......unfortunately that meant by passing my blog.

At some point, I will share all that is going on in my life but suffice it to say my head is spinning all the time with all the craziness that is life.  Some do better at keeping it all together.....I on the other hand let it overwhelm me, confuse me and let my mind wander in a zillion directions.

And then there are the emotions.....dear God......the range of emotions.....I keep telling myself this is why I am a good writer....because I can feel things at so many levels......from sadness to joy and everything else in between.

The changes and craziness have put my quest to get healthy (aka lose weight) at a dead halt.  I do not have the flexibility to cook and eat all the things I love that help the pounds drop. Life has also thrown things in my way so I have no been able to get to the gym as often as I would like too.

But this whirlwind should end soon.......hopefully.....I am praying it does.

It is time for me to take back control of somethings.......today, I start tracking my food again (it is so important to keep track of what I eat and not assume that I know the points value), water,water,water (get the hint)....and move my body whenever I can (my fitbit was not sending out reminders at 10 of each hour to remind me I had not moved....that issue has now been resolved). I have to figure out foods I can eat that will help me but stay within the limitations I have right now.

One the positive side or the ledger......

I have made the UPS man crazy.  Most of my online clothes purchases have arrived and had to be returned due to being TOO BIG (so unusual for me!!). I have shipped things back and requested the next size down which has provided a better fit vs just hanging on me.  I also am paying less now for clothes because of the smaller sizes I am requesting.  I knew for years I was paying more for some of my clothes due to size so it sure is nice to no longer pay the add on fee!! I even went down another cup size in my bras!!....ok TMI LOL).

I was able to help Jenn mow the lawn yesterday.  In all honesty, Jenn did at least 2/3 of the lawn BUT I did the other 1/3....slowly and carefully.....I keep forgetting how unlevel the backyard is and well you all know my history of clumsiness......I was soaked to the skin in sweat but I was able to push the mower (not self propelled) to complete my portion.  Jenn did her side using one arm to push the mower (until the stitches come out tomorrow from here recent procedure) and I trudged along with aching knees and hips.....but we got it done!!

I have two writers conventions coming up in the fall....of course they couldn't be spread out....they are back to back weekends....one in Beaufort and one on Pawley's Island. I am super excited about both events as I throw myself more into the passions of my life!!!

Lots of changes heading my way......I will fill you in as I move along.....all good things....promise!!

See you next week.....and that's a promise too.......

A Little Late In The Day ....Father's Day

My Dad was probably like most other people's Dad's.....
he worked hard
took care of his family
instilled work ethic in his children
and was the center of our family......

Dad had keen ability for sensing what I was feeling at times.  He would comment to me before I had even said anything about something bothering me.  He told me not to be so hard on myself.  He told me he would miss me when I left home.  He told me I would get an experience like no other place when I went to work in the Big Apple. We seemed to be on the same wavelength a lot of the time.

As Father's Day was approaching, I had Dad on my mind a lot.  I thought of the times he went to battle for me and the times he just put up with me.

The just put up with was anything from:
-his daughter in the second grade volunteering her Dad to make hundred's of copies of cards we needed for school (was I crazy to do that without asking him first???).
-taking his HS Freshman daughter to a Father-Daughter Dance run by the nuns
-quizzing his daughter for a Biology exam late into the night and then noticing it had started to snow and the exam would probably be postponed anyway
-teaching me how to drive (I was an awful student) ....in this instance he did pass the lessons over to Mom until the day of my road test and then he took me for the final test drive

The times he went to battle for me were more memorable and in this day and age probably would not be tolerated:
-after my 5th grade teacher embarrassed me in front of the class and made me cry, Dad wrote a letter to the teacher.  She took it to the Board of Education lawyers stating it was a threat on her life.  LOL....all Dad said was her actions would not be tolerated again....
-when I was a HS Senior, my brother and I bought a car together (yes, we shared a car).  Dad took me to DMV.  The lady who took care of me was really rude to me not aware it was my Dad standing behind me (I think she thought he was the next person on line).  Dad had finally heard enough and asked to speak with the office manager.  By the time the conversation with the manager was through, he lead us to the license plate room.  He told us I could pick out any license plates I wanted,  Dad and I had a great time walking up and down the rows looking at different license plates trying to decide which ones I wanted.  I ended up picking out  66RNI....funny how I still remember that plate number but can't remember the license plate on the SUV in  my driveway right now!!
- Dad was not one to let his anger show quickly or often but one time a neighbor made a nasty remark about me to Dad.  Her comment was not really warranted either.  Dad stood there calmly and called for my brother, George.  He then instructed George to tie a piece of rope from the bumper of his car to our neighbors fence. (I guess our neighbor had forgotten that for years her fence sat on our property.) When dad gave the word, my brother drive down the street dragging the fence in question behind him.  A few weeks later a new fence was placed on our neighbors property.  My Dad did strongly suggest they make sure it was on their property or it would be removed again.

He taught me how to stand up for myself . He taught me work ethic.  He taught me about having a sense of family and that family came first.

He taught me......

He was my mentor and my hero.....

Happy Father's Day......

See you next week.......

Inanimate Objects

Life has been hectic lately and I apologize for missing an entry or two but I should be back on track now......hopefully.....

A few weeks, ago I wrote a blog entry about an old brown phone book. As I continue to purge and clean out the house I keep coming across items that cause a rush of memories.  Also, a small package arrived in the mail this week that also gave me another piece of my past and provided another chance look back through the years.

The item I came across this week was a key ring.

Well not really a key ring, actually several key rings all attached and left in a bowl hidden in a corner of my kitchen counter.

As I started to look through all of them I couldn't believe I had so many.  In fact, I stopped carrying them several years ago after I was warned that the weight of them might hurt my car.  I was told that when I put a key into the ignition of my car and had that dangling weight attached damage might ensue. They could also be used as a weapon in the right situation and made my pocketbook ridiculously heavy.

The first one I noticed was a little leather strap.  It  has been attached to the first set of apartment keys from when I was first married. There were key rings from Disney World, Barbados, USC, Winthrop University, Wachovia, Wells Fargo, Missouri, the NY Giants, Yankee Stadium, a bottle cap opener, from the play Wicked and a Wicked Witches hat too..... and on and on.  There was one that said New York New York from Jenn's 7th grade dance 19 years ago.  Together they represented vacations, beginnings, hello's, I love you's, fun times, endings and goodbye's.  The oldest key ring was over 35 years old......more than half my life was on those rings.

Some I tossed as I couldn't even remember why I had them and others.......I just couldn't toss away. Knowing me most of you are probably not surprised.....I am a sentimental sap and get attached to "things".

So there they sit.....in a bowl....meaning nothing to most who would look at them.  I am sure someone would say "why"? But I look at them like a photo album....stages of my life....that I just couldn't throw away........

The small package that arrived in the mail from my brother, Greg, this week was another piece of my past.  Before my parents house was sold last year, Greg cut some pieces of wood from one of the beams in the basement.  Being the only real craftsman in the family, he took the wood and turned it into pens for his siblings.  He included the number 33 on the pen to remind us of 33 Haven Terrace. That was a Raboni home for over 45 years.  The wood from the pen was part of a home that was the center of our family.  From graduations to birthdays to proms to weddings to christenings to wonderful holiday gatherings to gatherings after the funerals of Mom and Dad.....the pen represents the lives of George and Irene (Dad and Mom) and their 4 children.  It symbolizes the laughter and tears and memories of a place that is no longer mine.

I held the pen and touched the wood.  Such a small item that held years of memories both happy and sad. It held "i love you's" and "i'll miss you's" and "I'm sorry's" all in the small box and it's contents.

So there you have to two items that allowed me to look back with fondness.

As I held them both in my hands I smiled for what I held meant so much to me and reminded me that the memories embedded in my mind and soul are real.

I will buy more key rings as I continue to move into Chapter Three....there is still room in the bowl....

And as far as the pen....it will be used for special cards and letters and maybe just maybe .....I will use it at my first book signing bringing my past with me into my future.....

See you next week.......

Those Special Moments With Mom......

I was thinking this morning about my Mom as I am sure many of you were thinking about yours.....

The earliest memory I have of Mom was sitting on the kitchen table helping her make Christmas cookies. We were living in a 5th floor walk up in the Bronx.  The memory is so brief....just a split second but I can see it as clear as if it were yesterday,

Fast forward to 6th grade graduation from PS 71.  Mom and I shopping at Alexander's on Fordham Road in the Bronx.  She selected a pink dress with white polka dots.  I was also allowed to get a pair of shoes with a very slight heel.  I loved that dress and the shoes made me feel so grownup!!

Then we hit the years when Mom knew nothing.....absolutely nothing......

I was certain she could not understand anything I was feeling as a teenager.  She was tough, she was strict and she was ....right.  A fact I only realized years later.

We shopped together for everything from prom dresses to my wedding gown to my daughters crib.

There were times I didn't like her.....I am sure the feeling was mutual.

As I got older.....Mom got smarter....

She was able to give me advice on a million topics....from how to take care of Jennifer to how to make dumplings that floated on top of a pot of stew.

I am sure the fact I  had used tape on a few occasions to fix a hem that had fallen vs sewing it left her with the feeling she had failed,  I had learned to save everything that needed to be hemmed or mended for her visits.

I made her crazy by ironing everything,  She would say "Donna, if you would just take things out of the dryer when the buzzer goes off".  You know what ....she was right.  I finally decided to do as Mom suggested and I don't have to iron much any longer.

She told me to buy detergent and other things at the Dollar Store.  She said "you could get things much cheaper."  You know what....she was right.

And she was right about so many other things......

How did she get so smart??? When did she get so smart??

When she left us 5 years ago, I had no idea the void it would create in my life.  I would give anything to be able to call her and say "Mom, come spend a few weeks with me".

But life isn't always fair.....and cancer never plays fair......

I had gotten into the routine of calling Mom every night on my way home from work.  Sometimes we didn't have a lot to say.  Other times , I would sit in the driveway with the car running and continue to talk.  After she left us, the rides home seemed empty and lonely and sad.

One of my best memories of Mom was at my nephews wedding where (with some encouragement) she danced the Hula to the Hawaiian Wedding Song.  She was nervous and graceful and all of a sudden the years slipped away.

She became the belle of the ball.....this is how I will always remember her.....

Happy Mother's Day!!!!

See you next week........