Easter Sunrise Service in a Funeral Home??????

In my continued search for a place I feel at home religiously......I decided to attend a Sunrise Service.  I was not sure what denomination was handling the service but figured I would give it a try......

A little back ground first.  I was born Roman Catholic.  I am not one who wears my religion on my sleeve.  To me religion is personal. I have been trying to find a church where I feel comfortable.  For a while, it was at the church on the campus of USC.  We had a priest who talked to us not at us.  I was not made to feel guilty about what I did or didn't do. I felt loved.  As is the normal process in the Catholic Church eventually the priest was reassigned to another parish. I believe in a forgiving and loving God not a punishing God.  That is just my opinion.....

I was told once by a Priest that I was a good christian but not a good Catholic.  I had  no problem or issue with that comment.  Being a "good Catholic" is difficult.....there are a lot of rules and not ones I necessarily agree with.....so much for the background.

At Christmas, I went to the Downtown Community Church for their service.  It was very nice but not exactly what I was looking for although I may try it again.

Anyway, I had seen a sign outside a local cemetery that they were having a Sunrise Service at 7:00 Easter morning.  I was up early and thougth why not give it a try.  I got dressed kind of casual, just brushed my hair ( no blow drying or hair spray) and no makeup. Hey, it would be dark when it started and by the time it was bright and I would be back in my car. I arrived at 6:55.  It was foggy and drizzling.  As I pulled in the cemetery, a gentleman greeted me and told me to drive to the funeral home across the street the service had been moved there due to the weather.  Funeral home?????? Well this would be a new experience......

I pulled into the funeral home parking lot.  I pulled into a parking spot and sat there.  I was trying to decide if I wanted to go in or go home.  I was now concerned about how I looked in my casual attire.  I saw other people walking in and decided I was not that under dressed.  Once inside I found my way the the chapel.  Even surprising myself, I walked down the center aisle and asked someone if they were saving a seat at the end of a row (very unlike me). They said no one was sitting there so I sat down.  Now what.......

There were no men in suits.  I saw people in shorts and jeans and saw on teenager who was probably not happy that her family made her get up to join them at the service......she was in Gamecock pajama pants, a white t shirt and a black bra......she did not look happy but she was there.

Ok it was not the Easter morning of my youth where I  finally was able to wear the new dress, new patent leather shoes, new hat (yes a hat), gloves (yes gloves) and carry my new patent leather pocketbook.......all picked out on a shopping trip with Mom to Alexanders Dept Store. The only change was as I got older I was able to trade in my anklets for real nylons or fishnet stockings all held up by a garter belt (it was not sexy it was just the only option since it was pre-panty hose).  And when panty hose hit the market....woo hoo!!!! Oh and the patent leather shoes were replaced with the slightest heel on my shoes until I was allowed to wear real high heels. By then the requisite hat was no longer part of the outfit since the church had changed some of it's rules and now women could go to Mass minus the hat or chapel veil.  I actually remember in a pinch girls using a bobbie pin to put a tissue on their head so they had a head covering on before entering the church.

Well it was clear this morning this have come a long way......

The service itself was very nice and a smorgasbord of Church's were represented from Lutheran to Methodist to Baptist.......the messages were delivered in a variety of ways but all based in the words I have heard many times before.  I am glad I went.

Somewhere in my head I kept thinking .........a funeral home????? I also realized it doesn't matter where we worship....even my daughter while in Canada for World Youth Day almost 15 years ago with her youth group from St Joe's attended a Mass in a bar (of course the bar was not open).

I am still looking for a place to call home....religiously that is......and I will continue to search until I find the place in which I feel warmth, love and friendship. No longer being talked down to but being talked to......conversation......openness.......not lectured and told everything I am doing wrong.......it may take time to find that place but I know it exists.

But for now....the Easter Sunrise Service at a funeral home was just fine......a little different but I am glad I attended........as my search continues.......

The egg dying tradition continues.......

And the mini-tree in my front window that I decorate differently for each month of the year......

See you next week........

It's Amazing What You Can Find In A Closet

This week we flipped two closets in our house in order to get more organized and continue to purge stuff I don't need.

There is a big pile going to Goodwill  that includes everything from a basketball to an old video camera. There are holiday decorations........books.....video's....and on and on.

We found 5 old cell phones with chargers, etc that we will be donating to Verizon.

Next week, when my new eyeglasses come in I will donate my old pair.  This time I needed 2 sets of glasses.  One is called office glasses for computer work and seeing things a short distance away.  My regular glasses just don't do it for me at work and I have been wearing magnifiers for the last year.

The two closets are  now organized and I could probably throw out more or sell it on Ebay but I just haven't gotten to that point yet.  I will have to before I make my next move but want to pray over things first.  Or else I will move them with me and then decide what to do with them........

Anyway, there were a lot of pictures to go through.....some we pitched......there were old newspapers with headlines from the Yankees various World Series Wins, Clinton's Impeachment, the Challenger Explosion.....I pitched them all.  Well almost all.....I kept the newspapers I had collected from Dec. 31, 1999 and Jan. 1, 2000......just couldn't put those in the recycle bin.

Please bear with the pictures I have attached regarding the part of this entry I have written below.......

We came across a box of old checks.  I found one made out to my Dad from Donna Raboni (me) for $75.  I think it was for room and board (yes, I did pay rent to my parents and was making a whopping $11,000 a year working in NYC).  The part I loved the best was my Dad's signature on the back of the check (my siblings will appreciate he cashed it at his favorite Italian restaurant in Little Italy...LOL). My Dad had a unique signature and as soon as I saw it I thought of all the report cards and a few notes to school with his signature.  It was not a signature that could be copied.......my Mom's was much easier.....just ask my brother, Greg, he can vouch for the number of letters I signed for him on Mom's behalf....LOL. There was a check for $239....the monthly rent for our first apartment.  A check for $50 made out to my obstetrician when I was pregnant with Jenn.  I think Jenn was also fascinated with the fact that the bank used to return the checks.  I have not shredded them yet and I might save a few more.......OK so I kept the box of checks to rummage through.

Room and board check:

Dad's unique left handed signature: check cashed at Giambone's Italian restaurant

Rent check 1st apartment:

Check to obstetrician for Jenn:  (partial payment of course)

oh and don't worry I deleted out the account numbers and the bank has long since closed and the Italian restaurant no longer exists......

I did give Jenn some things to shred and she had some things of her own to run through the shredder.  She was doing it carefully.....thank goodness because while getting rid of things she found a letter to her from my Mom.  It was from August of 1990.  Mom was in Texas at Missionary School. She had written Jenn about how excited Jenn must be to be starting school soon.  It was a wonderful letter and made me cry.  In it she wrote about the fact she knew I had lost my job but on the positive side how great that I was able to spend Jenn's last summer of true freedom with her.  Mom wrote about how Jenn would never have a summer again totally free of obligations to school or a job.  It was a wonderful Grandmotherly letter!!! She also said that Jenn might not know it then but I was Jenn's best friend and someday she would realize that too. I sat there are read the letter over and over and could feel Mom with me for those few minutes.  It made me miss her more and also made me remember how wise she was and how much she loved her grandchildren.......how lucky they were to have her in their lives.

Part of 1st page of letter from Mom 8/1990:

Mom letter part 2 about last summer free for Jenn and that I would be Jenn's best friend:

Mom letter- last few sentences:

Well, there are several more closets to clean out and more hiding places in the house where I have "stored" things.  Now I will take just a little longer looking through things so I don't throw out anything as important to me or Jenn as that letter.

I did find various pictures of myself that I pitched.  I did come across one from when I was at my heaviest.   Jenn made me keep that one and said "it's a reminder of how far you have come." And she was right...throwing the picture away would have been throwing away a reminder of my success.  And shredding that letter from Mom......that would have been such a loss.  So 2 of the things we kept had to do with losses.....one turned into a success and one a painful reminder of an important person no longer with us.

I had no idea when Jenn started pulling the boxes out of the closet it would be such an adventure.  The bottom line is Goodwill wins, the women who have suffered domestic violence will benefit from the phones donated to Verizon, the eyeglasses will give someone a chance at better sight and for me the gift of remembering the love of  my Mom, my best friend, my teacher, my cheerleader and the Nannie who took the time to write to her then 5 year old granddaughter about what excitement she had ahead of her as she was getting ready to start school. Talking about reaping benefits.....it was like hitting the lottery.....no..... it was better than that because there is no money that could give me the feeling that two page letter written 25 years ago gave me.......

Mom and Jenn 2007......

See you next week........

PS Maybe at some point I will post the picture of my at my all time high...just not ready to do that yet.

PS2  Also, another week down at the scale.....yeah!!

Don't Get Lazy......

I am fortunate.....I get to work from home a good deal of the time.

 But I do have my own rules......
1.  The bed must be made.
2. I shower, wash my hair and brush my teeth each morning before I start to work.
3.  Hair is fixed as if I was going out.
4. No putting the pj's back on or staying in pj's all day!!
5.  Get dressed......yes in casual clothes.  Bra is a must!!
6.  No TV on but music is OK.


The plus side is......
1.  Unlimited coffee at my disposal
2.  Short commute to and from work.
3.  Use less gas which helps my monthly budget.
4.  Can sleep until 6:15-6:30.
5. If I start work early or work late it doesn't feel so bad since I am sitting at my table.

But here is where the laziness can kick in......
1. I don't put on make-up when I work from home.
2. Now I have started trying to sneak or go out on the weekends without being made up.

Trust me I need the makeup!!!

I have decided that I need to take some time to as my Mom used to say "fix my face".  I look better and feel better with it on.  Today, although I wasn't going too many places I put the effort in and yes I did feel more put together.

It is easy to get lazy about things......
one day it's not putting on makeup......next thing it's no bra.....and Lord knows what kind of craziness would follow that.......

I am not impulsive and flexible is not my middle name........I know the earth would not stop spinning if I spent my workday in my pj's but I just find I need to have definition between just being home and working from home.  I have my office phone forwarded to my cell, I can be reached by IM or email and it really is as if I was in the office with my door closed.  There are less distractions and I am very productive....but I don't want to feel sloppy or lazy.

So every day........or maybe every other day......or Fridays and the weekend.......oh hell we'll see......I will take a few extra minutes to if nothing else make myself feel better when I sit down to work.........

No casual Fridays here at the home office......

See you next week.......

OK I Lied.......

I will get to the lie part in just a little bit.....

1st a little background.....

Besides being very overweight, over 31 years ago I had a C-section.  At the time they were doing the incisions across your stomach if they could.  Since Jenn was going into distress it became an emergency C-section.  The incision was made up and down because this was a quicker way to deliver her.  I didn't think much about the incision at the time.  In fact, I hadn't really thought about it a lot over the years. Especially since I was so heavy I noticed the incision but it was just there......

Now move ahead 30 plus years.  I am down a lot (and I mean a lot) from my all time high.  Now my skin is starting to sag.  My arms look like they have wings.  I am getting turkey neck.  And my stomach is sagging .....a lot......

Like with every part of your body......you don't lose weight equally.  The boobs are different sizes.....one arm has more saggy skin than the other and the stomach.........I have lost more fat on one side of my incision than the other.  This means my incision is now crooked and also due to the saggy skin.....looks really ugly.

But to be honest, no one ever sees it except me and my Dr. for my once a year check up ( and I mean no one.....the thought of someone else looking at it is enough to make me cringe).  A friend asked me if I would ever consider surgery to remove the excess skin.....my answer was a resounding NO. I would not consider surgery to remove the excess skin even when I reach my goal......

Now for the part about my lie......a few weeks ago I said I would not share with you if I bought......SPANX......well too bad......I changed my mind.  Yes, I bought a pair of SPANX yesterday. (I am not sure why they are called pair if it is just one?).  Anyway, I saw them on the rack and figured "what do I have to lose?"  They fit and I didn't feel as saggy.....

Up until now every time I laughed I could hear the line from "The Night Before Christmas"....about when Santa laughed his belly shook like a bowl full of jelly.  That was how I felt......

Well, the SPANX seem to do the job and keep things a little more in place.

So a less droopy stomach and thanks to under wires the girls aren't near my waist anymore either .......there is really nothing I can do about the arms except cover them with long sleeve tops.....not a practical option in South Carolina for  most of the year.

I am thinking I may need to buy a new bathing suit or two with more support in the tummy and boob area too.......up until now I just wanted the bathing suit to fit and didn't care how it looked.

OK so at 60 I am dealing with things to improve my look......how crazy is that????

In order to not have to admit to lying anymore I am not going to promise NOT to write about something in my blog.......except what I weighed......or weigh now.....or how much weight I will have lost when I hit goal........a girl does have to keep some things private right??

It's just through this blog my list of things to keep to myself is getting smaller and smaller......which is fine as long as I continue to get smaller too (well I don't think I would say I am getting smaller.......healthier yes.......more mobile yes.......not as big yes)......would that be getting smaller????

Oh I don't know.....whatever......as long as it extends my life that's all that matters.

Two more things.....

One- I was down at the scale today which makes me happy......not so much about the number but the fact that my choices and tracking are paying off.

Two- If I run into you please do NOT look at my stomach or ass....first of all you might not be able to tell if I am SPANXing it or not and if you didn't notice a difference I might feel bad.....LOL.

See you next week............