In my team meeting tomorrow, I am asking my team to each come up with a good day or moment or two. I do not want it to be the obvious days like when they got married or had their children.
Once again this idea came to me from watching City Slickers where they each discuss their best and their worst day.
I think worst days are easy to come up with......it's like when someone asks you to list your good qualities and your bad qualities. I can list my bad qualities until the cows come come.....but good qualities are more of a challenge.
I am also not going to ask people about their worst days........this is supposed to be fun sharing not depressing.
I am a sap from the word go.......I can cry about anything......the other day I caught the last 10 minutes of "Homeward Bound". I have seen it before so I know how it ends......but why oh why do I sit there and cry waiting for that last dog to come over the hill......as I said.....I have seen the movie.....I know he is going to make it......LOL
The good list might not even be days....it could be moments......
Yes, this exercise is very "me" oriented and gives everyone a chance to brag or share.
When Jenn was young I told her she could not brag except to me or Nannie. If something good happened she would run in the house and say "I am calling Nannie." Then I could hear her say to my Mom...."Nannie, let's talk about me" and laugh.
On FB, people have shared good news and bad news. I have read and liked posts about children and spouses and losses and vacations and on and on.......all great to share....... I have seem some great quotes that have given me pause to think.....maybe some oversharers (do I need know know about every second of your life?) and dear God I cannot wait for the election to be over......I am sick of the ugly back and forth posts.
I have made a concerted effort to not overshare but then again I am sure there are those that think this blog is over sharing........hell...... no one said you HAD to read it.........
Here are some moments that would make my list:
- being in the same room with my siblings for a few hours
-being the only one in my Geometry class to get an A on a test and having the teacher annouce it (I can still hear him saying"Yes, Miss Raboni it was you that got the only A on the exam"
-driving a convertible heading to the beach and smelling the ocean
-finding out parts of the letter about my Dad and our picture would be published in Tim Russert's book
- EVERY Christmas Eve day of my life (at least the ones I can remember)...... it is the best day of the whole year
-a early morning cup of coffee on my porch in the fall
-football Sunday's in NY when my whole family would watch the game together
- my younger brother making me a pen in my favorite color
- my older brother showing up as a surprise at our family reunion
- my sister driving 100 miles each way on Thanksgiving to spend a few hours with me
- being asked to write a poem to paint on the windows of my Freshman high school homeroom (pre-Pearl River HS)
- how about the smell of onion and garlic cooking when making sauce
-smells alone can provide a myriad of memories....cookies baking, burning a macintosh apple candle,the smell of Brut (my Dad wore it) or White Shoulder (Mom's favorite)
- getting books, a flip flop wreath, a tiara, sand from the beach......or anything else that someone gives you that says "I thought of you when I saw /made this"
Of course, any day that incudes laughter is always a great moment.
My list could have gone on forever......I guess that shows how blessed I am......
So when I am in those dark moods or feel like a cloud is following me.......I need to think about the good days or moments........and that should help get me through until I shake the mood or chase the clouds away....
See you next week........
Sunday, August 28, 2016
Sunday, August 21, 2016
It's All Relative.......
Many times my sister and I would have conversations. We would discuss things that might be going wrong. Once of us would say "I feel bad about complaining about (fill in the blank)". I would normally say "well, everything is relative" meaning what may be an issue in my life may not be an issue in yours. Something that I see as a big problem or challenge may seem minuscule to someone else.
As things continue to evolve in my life I have to be honest I look at everyone else's lives with rose colored glasses. I do feel shallow when I envy someone with a new car, a beautiful home, a couple with an amazing relationship, someone going on a fabulous vacation, someone who doesn't have to worry about the next major bill that might show up and on and on.......
It's not that I begrudge them what they have earned or worked so hard for......but......I do think to myself sometimes.....when does it get to be my turn??? It's not really a pity party is just the feeling that I too have worked hard and want to reap some of the benefits of my hard work.
Well, life doesn't work that way.......who ever said it is fair and everyone lives happily ever after??? Change is hard.......life is hard......moving ahead is hard.......some days getting out of bed is hard.
The journey I have chosen to take is mine. I have to figure it out. I have to work through the changes. I have to learn and grow. I have to learn to depend on me more than I have up until now.
I have talked about Chapter 3 for a few years now. I couldn't wait fot it to get going and now that it is finally happening and guess what......it is scaring the shit out of me.
Also, my battle for a healthier life is mind boggling. My pals keep reminding me that it has its ups and downs.......nothing worth having is that easy....right?
I known I didn't just wake up one morning fat........the sad part is I didn't even enjoy getting there. You would think I would have at least enjoyed all that cheese...I know there are those who think I got so fat by eating whole pizza's and gallons of ice cream but that is not the case and that's the God's honest truth!!! The only food I can truly say I did over eat was ........yes, you guessed it cheese.....no denying that....I am a cheeseaholic (even though I no longer eat anywhere close to the amount of cheese I did before like an alcoholic you are always one)......I will always be a cheeseaholic even though I now go days without eating it....is it totally out of my diet.......no.....but thinking I used to be the person who could easily go through 2 plus pounds of cheese a week......I have come so far.
I have had so much support in the past few years as I try to get healthy. I have an amazing bunch of people in my Sunday morning class. They are so encouraging and won't let me quit even when I have had enough. And when I don't want to think about one more pound or one more weigh in or tracking my food one more day they are there to push me ahead. They have also threatened to find me if I didn't show up for a meeting.
Today's topic was about "weigh ins". It is true that I get tired of guessing what my efforts for the week have done and how they are reflected on the scale. I obviously avoided the scale for years when I was on my way up and now the scale can either be my friend or my enemy depending on the number I see on the way down.
A healthier life plays so much a part of Chapter 3 that I have to push on......it would be unfortunate to finally move into the next phase of my life and was not in good enough shape to really enjoy it.
One of my WW buddy gave me a little angel today. I have it as a reminder to keep the faith and remember there are angels watching over me.
One of my former coworkers posted a photo from about 13-15 years ago. I can hardly recognize myself. But there I was smiling through the pain. The pain is very real and pops up when I least expect it. It is something I have carried with me for many, many years. It is still there but very,very gradually fading and the smile is becoming more sincere.
As I said in the title "it's all relative" what matter most to me may not be the same for others. They might think really??? That's you problem???
Then once in a while something happens out of the blue. This week a coworker in her 40's with a young daughter lost her battle with cancer. After hearing that news I felt so many emotions......anger, sadness and a hatred for friggin cancer. I felt embarrassed in the fact that I am so self-absorbed when I think of Mary and the way she battled. I am going to name my little angel Mary after one of my hero's.
I think Mary would understand my frustration and selfishness and my battle although it is so different from the walk she walked these last few years. We all have our own demons. Mine biggest demon is about the battle for health and weight and life.
I am choosing life.......
See you next week......
As things continue to evolve in my life I have to be honest I look at everyone else's lives with rose colored glasses. I do feel shallow when I envy someone with a new car, a beautiful home, a couple with an amazing relationship, someone going on a fabulous vacation, someone who doesn't have to worry about the next major bill that might show up and on and on.......
It's not that I begrudge them what they have earned or worked so hard for......but......I do think to myself sometimes.....when does it get to be my turn??? It's not really a pity party is just the feeling that I too have worked hard and want to reap some of the benefits of my hard work.
Well, life doesn't work that way.......who ever said it is fair and everyone lives happily ever after??? Change is hard.......life is hard......moving ahead is hard.......some days getting out of bed is hard.
The journey I have chosen to take is mine. I have to figure it out. I have to work through the changes. I have to learn and grow. I have to learn to depend on me more than I have up until now.
I have talked about Chapter 3 for a few years now. I couldn't wait fot it to get going and now that it is finally happening and guess what......it is scaring the shit out of me.
Also, my battle for a healthier life is mind boggling. My pals keep reminding me that it has its ups and downs.......nothing worth having is that easy....right?
I known I didn't just wake up one morning fat........the sad part is I didn't even enjoy getting there. You would think I would have at least enjoyed all that cheese...I know there are those who think I got so fat by eating whole pizza's and gallons of ice cream but that is not the case and that's the God's honest truth!!! The only food I can truly say I did over eat was ........yes, you guessed it cheese.....no denying that....I am a cheeseaholic (even though I no longer eat anywhere close to the amount of cheese I did before like an alcoholic you are always one)......I will always be a cheeseaholic even though I now go days without eating it....is it totally out of my diet.......no.....but thinking I used to be the person who could easily go through 2 plus pounds of cheese a week......I have come so far.
I have had so much support in the past few years as I try to get healthy. I have an amazing bunch of people in my Sunday morning class. They are so encouraging and won't let me quit even when I have had enough. And when I don't want to think about one more pound or one more weigh in or tracking my food one more day they are there to push me ahead. They have also threatened to find me if I didn't show up for a meeting.
Today's topic was about "weigh ins". It is true that I get tired of guessing what my efforts for the week have done and how they are reflected on the scale. I obviously avoided the scale for years when I was on my way up and now the scale can either be my friend or my enemy depending on the number I see on the way down.
A healthier life plays so much a part of Chapter 3 that I have to push on......it would be unfortunate to finally move into the next phase of my life and was not in good enough shape to really enjoy it.
One of my WW buddy gave me a little angel today. I have it as a reminder to keep the faith and remember there are angels watching over me.
One of my former coworkers posted a photo from about 13-15 years ago. I can hardly recognize myself. But there I was smiling through the pain. The pain is very real and pops up when I least expect it. It is something I have carried with me for many, many years. It is still there but very,very gradually fading and the smile is becoming more sincere.
As I said in the title "it's all relative" what matter most to me may not be the same for others. They might think really??? That's you problem???
Then once in a while something happens out of the blue. This week a coworker in her 40's with a young daughter lost her battle with cancer. After hearing that news I felt so many emotions......anger, sadness and a hatred for friggin cancer. I felt embarrassed in the fact that I am so self-absorbed when I think of Mary and the way she battled. I am going to name my little angel Mary after one of my hero's.
I think Mary would understand my frustration and selfishness and my battle although it is so different from the walk she walked these last few years. We all have our own demons. Mine biggest demon is about the battle for health and weight and life.
I am choosing life.......
See you next week......
Sunday, August 14, 2016
Today I Can.......and Facing Fear....
Once again one of my WW pals (YAY...Stefanie) bought a bracelet with the words..."Today I Can"..... I just ordered one.....I need the visual reminder that I can do this....what ever "this" is.....
You all realize part of writing this blog serves as therapy for me.....I get my thoughts and feelings on paper. In all honesty, I do hold back some. I do not want you to see too much of the dark side. This is not supposed to a depressing blog.....it is supposed to be hopeful and for the most part it is......
A friend did point out to me that fear is something that has an impact on my life.
Fear of falling.....fear of failure.....fear of of being alone......fear of my future.....
See a common thread here????
We can eliminate the easy one first....fear of falling. Two bad falls one leading to a broken arm and another where my face connected with cement .......it is easy to see why I am afraid of falling. An embarrassing fall in front of a friend and the struggle to get up is what lead me to WW. I guess things do happen for a reason......right? The struggle to get up after falling while wading in the ocean was another memorable moment including the long struggle to get back to the stairs leading away from the beach to be able to stand up.....how do you spell humiliation???? Again another reason to head to WW. I recently fell in my home. I tripped over the front door sill....really??? I sat on the floor and thought now what? I can kneel but the pain due to arthritis in my knees is pretty bad and I had nothing to cushion my knees within my reach. I maneuvered my way around looking for an option on how to get up. I thought to myself at some point in the near future I will be living alone (and it's not like someone could help me anyway). I realized if I couldn't get off the floor while I was alone......I couldn't live alone. That thought was all I needed to get my ass in gear. I slid over to the love-seat, pulled the cushions off and after a few tries I hoisted myself onto the love-seat sans the cushions. From there it was easy to get up. I am very careful now about watching my step......I am clumsy for sure.
Fear of failure.....
I have worked so hard but some days don't know if I will ever hit my goal. I am hoping some stress relief heading my way soon will give my body the extra push to stop this game it is playing with me. My frustrations are a struggle. I am trying hard to work through it. My determination shows when I stay at a Sunday meeting even though I am not seeing the results I desire. My determination shows when I come home and try a new dish in order to jazz things up. My desire to not to fail is evident in the fact I haven't quit WW, my meetings or watching what I eat. I have already planned another day at the gym this week and I was there Friday night too(which also could lead to comments that I really don't have much of a life since I had nothing to do but go to the gym on a Friday night...LOL). I CANNOT FAIL......I pray about it every night......I think about it every day.
Fear of being alone and fear of the future walk hand in hand......
I have never lived alone. I also hate the unknown. I am picturing waking up in the morning alone, in the middle of the night alone, in a thunderstorm alone and in a power failure alone. There is something in knowing someone is nearby that makes a difference. BUT if I don't face my fears and as I was told recently "I let fear run my life"........ my life will be at a standstill. If I really want to live out my dreams I must face my fears. At times I feel like I am the only one who feels this way. And I also feel very alone. I think I talk a good game but now I have to walk the walk and that can be tough (especially with my falling history......but then again I have been getting up instead of staying down.....right??).
Worry and fear are linked in my mind and heart......I have to believe I have the strength, will and desire to face them all and move ahead to fulfill my hopes and plans for the future.
If I let the fears and worries stop me.....I only have myself to blame. Plus, I don't mind occasionally proving the doubters out there wrong.......
One more thing......Jenn went to the Fresh Market this week and brought me a surprise. It was a salad made up of cucumbers, tomatoes, kalamata (sp) olives, peppers, red onion, chic peas and edamame with some light Italian salad dressing. It was amazing....but not cheap. Last night, I recreated it on my own....how is this for yummy.......
On to next week....facing fears and worries but in my head and heart also thinking "TODAY I CAN"....
See you next week......
You all realize part of writing this blog serves as therapy for me.....I get my thoughts and feelings on paper. In all honesty, I do hold back some. I do not want you to see too much of the dark side. This is not supposed to a depressing blog.....it is supposed to be hopeful and for the most part it is......
A friend did point out to me that fear is something that has an impact on my life.
Fear of falling.....fear of failure.....fear of of being alone......fear of my future.....
See a common thread here????
We can eliminate the easy one first....fear of falling. Two bad falls one leading to a broken arm and another where my face connected with cement .......it is easy to see why I am afraid of falling. An embarrassing fall in front of a friend and the struggle to get up is what lead me to WW. I guess things do happen for a reason......right? The struggle to get up after falling while wading in the ocean was another memorable moment including the long struggle to get back to the stairs leading away from the beach to be able to stand up.....how do you spell humiliation???? Again another reason to head to WW. I recently fell in my home. I tripped over the front door sill....really??? I sat on the floor and thought now what? I can kneel but the pain due to arthritis in my knees is pretty bad and I had nothing to cushion my knees within my reach. I maneuvered my way around looking for an option on how to get up. I thought to myself at some point in the near future I will be living alone (and it's not like someone could help me anyway). I realized if I couldn't get off the floor while I was alone......I couldn't live alone. That thought was all I needed to get my ass in gear. I slid over to the love-seat, pulled the cushions off and after a few tries I hoisted myself onto the love-seat sans the cushions. From there it was easy to get up. I am very careful now about watching my step......I am clumsy for sure.
Fear of failure.....
I have worked so hard but some days don't know if I will ever hit my goal. I am hoping some stress relief heading my way soon will give my body the extra push to stop this game it is playing with me. My frustrations are a struggle. I am trying hard to work through it. My determination shows when I stay at a Sunday meeting even though I am not seeing the results I desire. My determination shows when I come home and try a new dish in order to jazz things up. My desire to not to fail is evident in the fact I haven't quit WW, my meetings or watching what I eat. I have already planned another day at the gym this week and I was there Friday night too(which also could lead to comments that I really don't have much of a life since I had nothing to do but go to the gym on a Friday night...LOL). I CANNOT FAIL......I pray about it every night......I think about it every day.
Fear of being alone and fear of the future walk hand in hand......
I have never lived alone. I also hate the unknown. I am picturing waking up in the morning alone, in the middle of the night alone, in a thunderstorm alone and in a power failure alone. There is something in knowing someone is nearby that makes a difference. BUT if I don't face my fears and as I was told recently "I let fear run my life"........ my life will be at a standstill. If I really want to live out my dreams I must face my fears. At times I feel like I am the only one who feels this way. And I also feel very alone. I think I talk a good game but now I have to walk the walk and that can be tough (especially with my falling history......but then again I have been getting up instead of staying down.....right??).
Worry and fear are linked in my mind and heart......I have to believe I have the strength, will and desire to face them all and move ahead to fulfill my hopes and plans for the future.
If I let the fears and worries stop me.....I only have myself to blame. Plus, I don't mind occasionally proving the doubters out there wrong.......
One more thing......Jenn went to the Fresh Market this week and brought me a surprise. It was a salad made up of cucumbers, tomatoes, kalamata (sp) olives, peppers, red onion, chic peas and edamame with some light Italian salad dressing. It was amazing....but not cheap. Last night, I recreated it on my own....how is this for yummy.......
On to next week....facing fears and worries but in my head and heart also thinking "TODAY I CAN"....
See you next week......
Sunday, August 7, 2016
Working from the extremities in......
First, I need to share a quote that one of my WW buddies (thank you Stephanie) sent to me to keep me going this week.....
"If I quit now I will soon be back to where I started and when I started I was desperate to get to where I am now."
How true are those words......when I started I would have given my eye teeth to have lost as much as I have so far. The kind of support I get at my weekly meetings is priceless. The support from family and friends is invaluable. Getting texts and messages during the week keep me motivated.
OK back to the title of this entry.......
I now have what I think are normal looking hands and fingers (yes, they are worn and have wrinkles but they look like those of anyone my age.....actually they look a lot like my Mom's). My hands don't look fat or puffy or swollen.
My ankles and feet look normal. I have had to move the buckle on my sandals in a notch or two smaller. My ankles look like ankles should (which means smaller than my calves). My feet don't look puffy either. On a rare occasion they swell due to the heat or sitting too long. But other than that they look normal 95% of the time. This did not used to be the case.....it used to be hard to tell if they were swollen or fat.
I have collar bones....real honest to goodness collar bones.....like everyone else. They are defined and no longer hidden. I have a neck too....not just something on which my head sits. When I wear a necklace it actually hangs like it should and doesn't fit or look like a choker. My face is not as round as it was....there is more definition to it now.
My biggest problem areas......thighs, butt, stomach (basically my whole torso) have had some changes but not as much as the others I have mentioned. Eventually, they will change too but may always be somewhat out of proportion.
The physical changes are not the most important changes though......it is the changes that are taking place inside. My healthier lifestyle is front and center. Adding years to my life is what I have done for me. Overall improved health and feeling better on a daily basis is what matters most........
Who doesn't want to look good or buy off the rack in a "normal" store .......but now what really matters is time and the ability to enjoy that time doing things I want to do.....(I can't wait to zip line...LOL)
How much better a gift can a person give themselves than life........ a good life.......a chance to create memories....an opportunity for new adventures.......as one of the characters in one of my favorite movies "City Slickers" said.....you can have a do-over in life......I can't go back and fix the lost or wasted years but..........
Chapter Three.....is my do-over and it is going to be one hell of a journey.......
See you next week.........
"If I quit now I will soon be back to where I started and when I started I was desperate to get to where I am now."
How true are those words......when I started I would have given my eye teeth to have lost as much as I have so far. The kind of support I get at my weekly meetings is priceless. The support from family and friends is invaluable. Getting texts and messages during the week keep me motivated.
OK back to the title of this entry.......
I now have what I think are normal looking hands and fingers (yes, they are worn and have wrinkles but they look like those of anyone my age.....actually they look a lot like my Mom's). My hands don't look fat or puffy or swollen.
My ankles and feet look normal. I have had to move the buckle on my sandals in a notch or two smaller. My ankles look like ankles should (which means smaller than my calves). My feet don't look puffy either. On a rare occasion they swell due to the heat or sitting too long. But other than that they look normal 95% of the time. This did not used to be the case.....it used to be hard to tell if they were swollen or fat.
I have collar bones....real honest to goodness collar bones.....like everyone else. They are defined and no longer hidden. I have a neck too....not just something on which my head sits. When I wear a necklace it actually hangs like it should and doesn't fit or look like a choker. My face is not as round as it was....there is more definition to it now.
My biggest problem areas......thighs, butt, stomach (basically my whole torso) have had some changes but not as much as the others I have mentioned. Eventually, they will change too but may always be somewhat out of proportion.
The physical changes are not the most important changes though......it is the changes that are taking place inside. My healthier lifestyle is front and center. Adding years to my life is what I have done for me. Overall improved health and feeling better on a daily basis is what matters most........
Who doesn't want to look good or buy off the rack in a "normal" store .......but now what really matters is time and the ability to enjoy that time doing things I want to do.....(I can't wait to zip line...LOL)
How much better a gift can a person give themselves than life........ a good life.......a chance to create memories....an opportunity for new adventures.......as one of the characters in one of my favorite movies "City Slickers" said.....you can have a do-over in life......I can't go back and fix the lost or wasted years but..........
Chapter Three.....is my do-over and it is going to be one hell of a journey.......
See you next week.........
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