Donna's Decisions: Learning To Love Me.....

As I have said before I know I have to learn to put me first. I have to love me. I have to face my fears. I have to believe I can succeed.

Yes, I know all of that.....but how do I make this real for me? I am sure if you look over some of my past entries you will see this as a common thread.

Sometimes the fears and insecurities and lack of confidence can shake me to my core.

I fight back as best I can. But doing it alone can be difficult.

I had a lousy morning at the scale....not a big upswing but am tired of not seeing the losses as consistently as I once did. I sat down after I weighed in and was trying to decide if I walk out the door and be done with all of this.....then Elizabeth saw me and came down the hall to talk to me. She shared her struggles too. Then she basically said "go into the meeting". I did and as usual I was glad I did. I walked in on a conversation about "do you think about food less now that you are on WW" Some said yes. I said no. I think about it more. I think about what to eat, tracking food, what to buy and what to try to not get bored.

With so many things going on in my life at the same time my favorite word tends to be.....overwhelmed....as things start to resolve themselves I know I will feel less stress.....and more in control.

I was given so many words of advice and encouragement today......and that in itself is worth the price of admission. Whether it's Judy or Sabrina or any of the other WW pals in the room....they have all walked in my shoes in one way or another in this journey to get healthy and that makes a huge difference. In that room I can say just about anything I want to and it's OK. Others outside of my meeting might not get it. My WW friends know the craziness I call my life and they push me on to another day.

I took out all of my WW materials and am going to read them over the next few days. I am treating this like day one, week one and try to find the zone again.....the zone that was so easy when I first started this walk again.

On a good note.....I also have a daughter who pushes me....sometimes when I don't want to be pushed. I have increased my daily steps on my fitbit (she has been upping the step count on my fit bit each week...LOL). The last 2 days I finally hit 10,000 steps each day. Shouldn't that alone lead to a loss at the scale???? Nope. Can I do 10,000 steps every day....not likely but at least I now know it is achievable.....

Jenn printed out some positive thoughts for me....one was "if you can dream it you can do it!!!".......another was "if there is no struggle there is no progress".......I so get the second one....the first I am still working on. I have the dreams now I have to believe they can come true!!

My pal, Sabrina, sent me a series of texts....one was from an author " life has taught me there is a fast moving river that separates success from failure, It's called giving up. Too many people drown in that river.......I was often caught in the undertow, but my mom was always nearby, screaming, encouraging, threatening, praying and on occasion she'd even dive in to pull me out". Many times you are the ones doing for me what the Mom did in that quote....THANK YOU!!!!

The actions of my daughter and Sabrina along with my WW buddies today are what I needed to continue the fight and struggle and daily battle against the demons in my head, my heart and my soul.

I have been loved....I have given love......sometimes it is harder to love yourself.......and it something I am finally starting to try and do.......it's not easy but I think I am worth it.....

The poster's Jenn hung up for me.....