Advice from Winnie the Pooh

"If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever."
Winnie the Pooh

How many people have passed through my life that are gone?

The obvious people are Mom and Dad.

This time of year my memories of them are strongest.

Sitting on the deck in the cool crisp fall evenings.

Each one of us wearing one of Dad's cardigan sweaters.  (Trying to find a new color cardigan for him each year became quite a challenge).

Some trees with leaves hanging on in an array of colors from gold to red.

Our backyard covered with the leaves that had given up the fight.

And a few that landed on the deck surrounding our feet.

The smell of some fireplaces burning in the air.

The aroma of hot coffee in the mugs we were each holding.

At times the chill in the air was enough you almost wanted to give up the fight and go inside.

But something kept us there.

I would even get a jacket to put on over the cardigan of Dad's I had chosen for the evening.

Sometimes, I felt warm enough wrapped in the sweater and jacket, I would put my head back on the chair and close my eyes.

I could feel myself drifting off to sleep.

Dad would say. "Why don't you go inside Don?"

I would respond. "I am fine."

I wanted to hear the conversation.

I wanted to feel the love.

I wanted to savor the moment like a photograph.

I had no idea those evenings were numbered.

Leaves blowing across an empty deck past the now vacant table.

Dad would no longer be there holding court and directing the conversation.

-"keep me in your heart and I will stay there forever"

Mom is her house dress in the kitchen.

Cooking up a storm and never measuring a damn thing. The smell of Christmas cookies filling the house or sauce.

Talking her into dragging a beach chair into the middle of my backyard.  Then turning on the sprinkler on a hot day while Jenn ran back and forth getting wet.  Mom and I laughing at how foolish we probably looked. At least we weren't hot any more.

Sewing the hems I could not (somehow you never saw her stitches).

Watching her be the wife I could never be.

Hearing her say "Oh Donna" when I would talk to her about some of the challenges in my life.

Looking at her aging hands, no longer smooth like when she held mine when I was young. (I now have those same hands).

Remembering the last time she squeezed my hand.  Then she said, "I can't believe you are going home tomorrow."

Seeing her waving goodbye in the rear view mirror as we drove away from her.

Never seeing her again.

-"keep me in your heart and I will stay there forever"

Removing paintings from a wall and seeing pencil marks to make sure it would be hung level.

Seeing a can of flavored coffee.  How many times did you see that coffee being made?

Having someone advise you on how to climb out of the hole you have created.

Being told numerous times "worry does no good".

Having "garage talks" when appropriate.  These were usually over serious issues.  I was party to at least one as an adult.

Hearing our kids being told, "Sever all ties at graduation

" and the kids knowing what that meant and laughing at us,

Taking for granted there would be more days, weeks, months and years.

-"keep me in your heart and I will stay there forever"

See you next week.