Finding the right words

There is so much I want to say and yet I am unsure how to put the words down.

Here goes.

Last weekend, all I could think about was having the day off on Monday.

Sleeping late, binge watching some shows on Netflix and recharging my batteries for the week ahead.  

The dreaded week coming up in the mortgage department, month end.

Monday arrived and I was relishing the day.

Until I turned on the news.

Shocked by what I was seeing.

Hearing what had taken place left me feeling a range of emotions from anger to sadness.

Like most people, I was horrified.

I have heard several times this week, the thing a good police officer hates is a bad police officer.  My brother was a police officer for 30 years.  He and his fellow officers were fair, understanding and treated people with respect.  

There was no doubt that from what I saw the police officer who committed the unforgivable act  should be charged with murder,

I still can’t believe that several officers stood there and took no action to stop what was going on.

They should and I would expect will be charged too.

My opinion seems to be universal.  I have not heard any thoughts to the contrary,

Peaceful protest, absolutely.

Rioting and looting, I do not understand.

How does this right the wrong?

Watching the events the last few nights has been upsetting, unnerving and questions my beliefs.

I want to believe that I am a good person and respect all people.

Am I perfect, far from it.

Do I believe in the Golden Rule, yes.

Do I want to live in a world where we treat each other fairly, of course,

Does my heart break for the family of George Floyd, yes.

Do I want to see those responsible brought to justice, yes.

Do I want to see those taking advantage of what are supposed to be peaceful protests as an opportunity to destroy businesses and loot held accountable, yes.

I didn’t realize how much I was letting all that has gone on impact me until I started to feel physically ill and found myself crying as I stayed glued to the News.

2020 continues to be a challenge.

Pandemic/virus.

Job losses.

And now the killing of a man who didn’t deserve to die.

Good police officers being treated with hate.  How do they get up and go to work each day knowing what lies ahead of them during their shift?

The only solutions I can see right now is to think about how we treat each other and pray.

Pray for all of us since I know of no one who hasn’t been effected (or is it affected) in one way or another.

Yes, I know some have been impacted far greater than I.

We can all do some soul searching and try to be better people tomorrow.

For tomorrow is all we have,  giving us the chance to start and make the world a better place.

See you next week.

  

How am I coping?

Tomorrow starts week 10 of  being at home.

I have to say the two plus months has gone by in a flash,  I walked out of the office before St. Patrick’s Day and fast forward to a week before Memorial Day.

No commuting, no gas expense, no vet bills, no hours in the car, no wear and tear on the car.

Get out of bed, get dressed, brush my hair and teeth, take my vitamins and walk to the kitchen.

Time to work.  Longer days, conference call after conference call. By the end of the day, I don’t want to talk to anyone. I don’t want to think either.

I shut down the computer, take a shower, grab some dinner and unwind.

Around 11:00 PM, I head to bed and watch something on Netflix until I fall asleep.

I wake around 3:00, thinking about work.   What do I have to accomplish the next day, what loans have to move, what can I do to keep the team engaged and motivated?

If I am lucky, I fall back to sleep by 4:00 which isn’t too bad since I can sleep a little later since I am working from home.

The work has been exhausting and an average of 10-12 hour days.

I am grateful when I ask my fellow managers how they feel and they say “tired and exhausted too”.

As a manager, there is no OT pay so you really have really like what you do.  And I do about 90% of the time.

Our ever changing world.

I had my first virtual Dr. appt this week.  No waiting room,  No waiting in the exam room.  A 10 minute conversation and done.  I loved it!

I do look forward to the once a week trip to the landfill and Publix.

I am finding the most unusual TV shows to watch such as “The Celebrity Watch Party”.  This is where you watch celebrities watching tv shows.  How desperate have I become or is it my desire to watch something mindless?

I love not being stressed on Sunday that Monday is right around the corner and I have to get ready.

Shorts and t shirts are the attire of each day,

Being in bed after sunrise.

Watching all the creative ways parents and students have found to celebrate graduation.

Learning new ways to connect with each other and celebrate each other.

Finding out what color my hair really is is interesting.

Dreading the day when I have to get dressed like a grown up, underwire bra and spanx included. And make-up, I know I look better with it on but why bother while I am at home.  I wash and towel dry my hair, pass a brush through it and I am done.  No blow dryer or curling iron to hair product or hair spray, easy.

I travel with a mask, the new normal.

I observe social distancing, the new normal.

I plan my weekly trips out to make them efficient and not waste time out, the new normal.

I pray more.

I am grateful to feel good and healthy each day.

I took so much for granted before, each day whatever I did I did without a great deal of thought.

Not anymore.

See you next week.

The day could go either way

Mother’s Day

Memories of my Mom make the day a challenge.

She made me corsages for my birthdays because my parents really couldn’t afford a corsage from a florist.

She made more costumes for school plays, Halloween and even  elves costumes one year.  All hand sewn.

I don’t think she missed a school play or concert for any of her children.

She helped out as a lunch Mom when I was in first and second grade.

Later,  she was the greeter at her grandchildren’s elementary school.

A young Mom by the time she was 21, she had three children and her last at the “old age” of 28.

A grandmother at 40.

As a youngster, I was always proud to have her on my class trips.  She was beautiful to me and kind of glamorous.

She was a good sport.  She took my brother, George and I to see The Beatles “A Hard Days Night” when it came out in the movies.  Mom was 27 when she took her 8 and 10 year old to sit among screaming  teenagers.  In those days, you could sit through a movie more than once without paying again.  I remember her turning  to us and asking us if we wanted to see if again.  Of course, we said yes. And that is what a Mom does, at least mine did.

She taught me how to be a mom and in my humble opinion, I learned from the best.

I miss her every day.

On the upside of the day, I have Jenn.

My positive force in my life.

The person who keeps me going on the days when I can’t seem to move ahead.

As an adult, we are best friends.

I know I make her crazy at times with some of my off the wall questions and yes, they are off the wall.

Jenn knows I have her back every single day.

I am proud of the woman she has become.

See you next week.