It has been a struggle

I am starting this week with a quote I really liked from the TV show “The Council of Dad’s”.

“A heart can do two things, it can be sad and it can be happy at the same time. It can hold grief and hope. The heart is strong.”

I would be lying if I said everything is fine and I am feeling great.

Physically fine.  Or as well as someone my age with the normal aches and pains.

It is my brain and heart that are hurting.

I can’t get them in sync.

I am angry and sad.

I am trying to escape from the constant negativity and finger pointing.

It wears me down.

One minute I am the problem, the next I am the solution.

I am the bad person,

I am the privileged.

I am both the good and the bad.

I am the compassionate and the the person who does not care.

Those who judge me have not walked in my shoes, shared my losses, felt my pain or lived with my struggles.

Why is anyone who doesn’t know me allowed to pass judgement on me?

Are there things that need to be corrected, yes.

Are there wrongs that need to be righted, yes.

If I don’t speak out and stay silent I am wrong.

If I speak my mind, I am wrong.

I cannot win.

I won’t post about all the things going on because there will be criticism and I can’t handle what might be said to me in response.

The responses that I can’t handle will be whether I am pro or con any of the issues facing us.

So I choose to remain silent.

Call me a coward or the problem or so many other labels that are being thrown around.

I am just me, trying to make sense of it all.

See you next week.