Moments that grab you…..

There are times when you watch something on TV and it stays with you.  

We even go back and rewind and watch it again and again.

They can be sad, joyful or sentimental moments.

Watching Kevin Costner walk out of the rows of corn last summer with the music from “Field of Dreams” playing in the background. Goosebumps….

Seeing an old YouTube clip of Betty White at the AFI tribute to Morgan Freeman,  Hilarious….

Alphonso Ribeiro doing “The Carlton” on DWTS.  Pure fun…..

The playback of the Space Shuttle.  Shock….

Eli Manning avoiding the Patriot defense to throw a pass to David Tyree (who caught it with the help of his helmet).  Hard to watch with my eyes closed…LOL.

And this week, watching an astounding sea of blue stand outside Saint Patrick’s Cathedral  in the cold and snow.  Respect….

Knowing the process will have to be repeated again this week.  Heartbreaking….

Listening to the words of a young widow. Awe….

As you can see I have felt a full range of emotions as I watched these events.

From exhilaration to incredible sadness, I felt the full spectrum.

They stay in my head and heart.

Snapshots of life and loss.

The reminders of our current world and times past.

The fact that I can still feel my pulse racing as I watch a clip of an old Super Bowl or shed tears for a life lost too soon of a heroic young man doing a challenging job.

Life has it’s highs and it’s lows….this week and next week will remind us of the lows but also of pride and respect.

I hope to see something soon that gives me a good feeling again.

I can be patient, it will happen.

See you next week.

The after Christmas blues….

There is always that time for me after the holidays, when all the decorations are packed away when I feel kind of blah. 

I do have tablecloths, plates, flags, etc for every month of the year but especially love the “BER” months.

Which would you rather look at ?

Or this?

Kind of a letdown.  But only 10 months until it all goes up again.

This difference in the house from December to January is so stark.  I started to look around to focus on what I have out all year round that makes me happy.

So here they are in no particular order.

Two puzzles Jenn completed and framed for me.  Great gifts !

Once is all about my favorite food, CHEESE !

The other is called Writers Paradise.

If I look around my living room, I can look at three more of my loves, a lighthouse, Christmas tree and a pineapple.

Lighthouses are one of my obsessions, I just love looking at them.  I have a collection of them and books about them.  Among the books is one of my favorites from when I was young, “The Little Red Lighthouse And The Great Gray Bridge”.

Christmas Tree’s, no explanation needed there.

Pineapples remind me of Mom and my Hawaiian heritage.

Jenn also got me a very cool canvas that makes me think of my Ohana.

And then I have the over 1600 piece Lego truck Jenn patiently assembled for me.  It has items to put in the back of the truck for spring, summer, fall and winter.  A red truck that doesn’t have to go away,  A red truck for all seasons.

While they may not provide the excitement associated with Christmas, they are constants that give me joy.

Little things like these are the reason I write in my journal five good things about each day. Some days, the five entries are so easy I could write them before noon.  Other days, it is a challenge to get that fifth entry done. I can get pretty desperate and come up with something nonsensical.  

So while, I might feel sad that all the lights, ornaments and garland are packed away until next November, I still have other things to look at that make me smile.

Whether it be one of the items in the photos above or a sunrise or sunset or a really good cup of coffee, we all have things in our lives each day that give us joy.  

We just need to stop and smell the roses and look for them.

And by my best estimate, I only have about 280 days until I can decorate again.  In case you are trying to figure out the date it is November 1st.

Until then  these will have to suffice.

Yes, I still keep these up.  I just can’t totally let Christmas go…..

See you next week.

 

The things we don’t take time to think about but have prayed about.

 Jenn gave me this for Christmas.

Many times when our prayers are answered, we give thanks and move on.

I think it is human nature to move on the the next thing we need or want.

When I was young, the list was pretty was pretty simple. A blue BIC pen, a package of Kleenex tissues, an Easy Bake Oven and being lucky enough to have maybe a dollar in my pocket for a 45 I wanted or a treat from the counter at Woolworths.

My parents made sure we had the necessities.  Luxuries came fewer and far between.  

We were not unique in terms of needs vs luxuries.  Most Dad’s worked a second job.  My Dad worked for an insurance company during the day, went to school at night (6 years for college and 4 years for law school) and he drove a cab on weekends.

As I got older, the wants changed.  A pair of bell bottoms, gas for the Pinto that I shared with my brother, cigarettes (I quit over 30 years ago), and $2 for the cover to get into my favorite bar to dance all night with my friends.

You move along in life and again the wants change.

A job in the city, getting married, buying a house and having a family now make it to the top of the list.

I was lucky enough as I got older to get most of what I wanted.

I was pretty practical.  I wore the same clothes over and over, but then again I was never a clothes horse.

I always drove my cars until they died. 

Money was still tight. I remember my first Christmas married to Bob, we were pretty broke.

We went to Caldors (it was a poor mans Target).  We each had $100 to shop.  Off we went in separate directions with our shopping carts to see what we could buy each other.  It is funny when you don’t have a lot of money how creative you can be.  Nice memory.

You buy a house and your $239 monthly rent for your apartment becomes an $1100 mortgage payment (rates were 12% then and add on the escrows…yikes).  Some how you make the payment each month.

Then you have a child and your priorities change again.

The cost of day care and diapers can really take a hit on your budget.

One of you loses a job while unemployment is at a high.  You somehow scrape by until the other party finds a job.

We juggled the bills.  I used to hate Sunday’s because that was the day I had to figure out how to pay the bills.  It was robbing Peter to pay Paul.

The the house of cards collapses and you have no choice, bankruptcy.

It was awful and embarrassing.  We were able to keep our house. Thank goodness.

A wise friend shows up and starts to give you the hard talk and tough advice.  You listen and learn.

You pray.

Does it make sense to stay in NY, can you send your daughter to college in NY and can you afford to retire in NY? When all the answers are no it is time for a reality check.

You sell your house and move 700 miles away to a place you have only visited for a weekend.

It is the first time in years, I felt  like I could breathe.

During all of these years there were prayers.  Sometimes the answers came quickly.  Other times it took a while.  Sometimes, the answers were not what I wanted to hear.

I always said I was born in NY and I would die there.  It was not easy to leave but I knew selling the house and moving was an answer to my prayers.

The move to South Carolina ended up being the right decision.

Although I missed my family, I felt like I had been given a fresh start.

We moved into an apartment and within two years were having a house built.

Jenn was able to go away of college.

We were able to budget for a newer car.

Once again though here come the curveballs.

Your spouse gets cancer not once but twice.  You get through it both times but you have both changed. 

The best decision is to part after 35 plus years.

Divorce is best for both of you  

You feel like a failure.  You are embarrassed. Your pray. 

Now come the new prayers,  how do I do this alone, can I make ends meet on just my salary and all the other unknowns in front of you.

You pray.

And here is where I am at, I love where I live, I bought a new car (a few years ago), Jenn’s student loans have been paid off and after a four month break, I am back at work.

Prayers answered.

I have what I need, I really don’t have many wants except maybe to make sure I am financially secure the next time I try retirement.

I pray to have good health.  

I pray for more time to enjoy life.

I pray to get over my fears regarding being out socially due to COVID.

I pray about my fear of falling.

I pray for my hips and knees not to ache.

I pray to make wise choices for my diet (right now, I have cooked asparagus, green beans and vegetable soup in the fridge).

I no longer have to pray for the money for the BIC pen or bell bottoms or the monthly commuter train ticket to the city or the American Girl doll I couldn’t afford to get Jenn until she was 30 vs 7 or 8 like her friends or college tuition.

Not all of my prayers were answered in the affirmative.  Tough times, tough choices.

But as Jenn’s gift says, “I still remember the days I prayed for the things I have now”.

I am trying more to remember the blessing I have been given and give thanks.

There is nothing I would change even during the hard and painful times. I needed to go through those times to get where I am today.

And where I am today, is where I am supposed to be.

Prayers answered for sure.

See you next week!

Back to work

The start of a New Year!  2022 !

Let’s hope it better than 2020 and 2021 for all of us.

It is hard to remember life before the word COVID.

It is hard to remember life before wearing masks as a precaution.

Look at the dictionary a few year ago, “socially distancing” was not a common phrase.

Vaccines, boosters and testing are all a part of our lives.

How often does a day go by when we do not use one of those phrases?

2022 …

I started back to work on Tuesday after a 4 1/2 month break.

I woke up early on Tuesday.

Showered, got into my “work clothes” and turned on my laptop at 8:00 AM.

I spent the next few days working on getting system accesses.

Strange as it sounds, it is harder for returning employees to get their access back than new employees.

By Friday, I had access to most systems.

I start training on Monday and am hoping I will have access to the most important system I need.  

Fingers crossed.

Banking and mortgage have a lot of mandatory classes that must be taken either quarterly or annually.

Those classes dropped into my system Friday.  26 classes.  LOL Yes, 26.  I finish 3 of them by EOB Friday.

LOL only 23 more to go.

I know Mortgage Operations like the back of my hand considering I started working in ops 35 plus years ago.

Now, I will be learning the sales side as I assist my assigned Loan Officer’s get their loans to the closing table.

It feels so good to be back at work.

The biggest challenge this week was remembering to clock in and out.  I haven’t had to use a virtual time card in years. Clock in first thing in the morning, clock in and out for lunch (yes, I HAVE to take a lunch break- who knew?) and clock out for the end of the day.

Maybe next time I decide to take a sabbatical or retire, I will plan better as far as what to do with my free time.

Maybe next time, I won’t have the fear or craziness of COVID hanging over my head.which will provide me with more freedom.

2022…..

I am looking forward to getting back in a routine.

The routine is already working, two blog entries, two weeks in a row.

New Year, New Challenges.

See you next week.

My failures and success’s in the year that was 2021

 My Dad always said “Don’t  make any drastic changes when angry or upset.”

Great advice Dad.

Too bad I didn’t listen to it.

My year started pretty quiet.  Still working from home.

Waiting for the vaccine to solve all our problems with COVID.

Not looking forward to the change in the administration.

In February, I was made an unbelievable job offer.  More money that I ever dreamed of plus monthly incentives.  I couldn’t resist and left a job I had been in for almost 10 years.

Big mistake.

Huge.

After 6 short months,  I resigned with no plans.

All my years of working to be financially secure thrown out the window.

I reached out to some of contacts at my old job to see if I might be able to return.

Then I waited and prayed.

I learned the meaning of “not in my time but in his time”.

It wasn’t until Thanksgiving that a job opened up.  Not the job I expected but I knew my prayers had been answered.

There are so many positives to the new opportunity and returning to TD.

Lesson learned “all that glitters is not gold”

Not only had my unemployment thrown my financial plans into a whirlwind but I was also not prepared for the lack of structure in my life.

I am much better with some kind of schedule. Maybe I need to plan better for my next retirement.

I did take advantage of the time to get organized.  Jenn found jobs for me to do just about every day.

All important papers have been organized and some purged.

All cabinets have been cleaned and organized.  A fair amount of items donated or pitched.

I watched too much TV.

I didn’t read enough.  

I didn’t write enough. In fact, this is my first blog entry since mid-October.

When I work, I have the structure that works better for me. 

Blogs get written.

Bills get paid on time.  I didn’t miss paying any bills but did pay some twice, yes twice.  I forgot to transfer money from savings to checking so for the first time in over 30 years, I bounced a check. It cost me a $30 fee from the bank where I forgot to transfer funds and $12 from another bank for a returned check fee.  Fortunately, both banks refunded the fees since I hadn’t made that kind of mistake before.

While home these last few months, the days when Jenn was working from home, she limited the amount of time I could spend watching the news.  I was yelling at the TV and it was really taking a toll on my mood and attitude.

My vocabulary on a regular basis includes inflation, the border, the supply chain failure, Afghanistan, we were promised COVID would be taken care of, defund the police, trillions spent on “give me’s”,  31 trips by the President to his vacation home since January, Joe not answering the questions from the press and on and on.

Here we are just a few months from March 13th,  it is hard to believe March 13, 2020 was the last day I was in the office before COVID sent us all home.

I do like working from home. No long commutes.  Casual dress every day (although I do not  work in my pj’s). I do miss some socialization with my coworkers. My friend, Mary, with whom I shared an office, finally got approval to go in and pack up our office.

I guess if we look at the failures, it is mainly changing jobs BIG MISTAKE, the frustration with our current administration, my 401K not growing due to lack of income, COVID still with us and tragically losing  more people that I knew because of the virus, my fears of getting sick have made me more of a homebody, the not moving physically as much as I should and making my world smaller over my fears. I still believe in the vaccines and got my booster this week.  BUT I also believe that people have the freedom to CHOOSE it they want to get the shot.  The government mandates do not work for me especially pushing people especially our front line workers due to their refusal to get vaccinated.  What happened to Joe saying he would not mandate a vaccine???

The success’s are I didn’t think I could survive over 4 months without a paycheck, I am lucky to have people that had my back while I was jobless and gave me support and gave me job leads as they heard about them, I was able to get all set with Medicare and supplemental coverage (not having health insurance for a few month was very worrisome), hitting the magic number next month to be able to collect social security and it does not have an impact on my TD salary, I did read Luke each day from 12/1 through 12/24 (for me this was an accomplishment and something I will be continuing in 2022). 

I am so ready for 2022.  No resolutions.  I am called them goals. 

Lots of soups on the menu.

Veggies, veggies and more veggies.

Experimenting with my air fryer, instapot and electric wok. I even bought a cookbook for each of those items.

More movement, even it is just starting with laps around my car a few times a day (hey you have to start some where).  If the laps around the car are the best I can do due to my fear of falling then that’s what I will do and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

I plan on writing my blog regularly and getting back to work on my books in 2022.

There you go, first blog entry for 2022 done and saved.

Oh and one more thing, I am really going to miss Betty White.

See you next week.