Jenn gave me this for Christmas.
I think it is human nature to move on the the next thing we need or want.
When I was young, the list was pretty was pretty simple. A blue BIC pen, a package of Kleenex tissues, an Easy Bake Oven and being lucky enough to have maybe a dollar in my pocket for a 45 I wanted or a treat from the counter at Woolworths.
My parents made sure we had the necessities. Luxuries came fewer and far between.
We were not unique in terms of needs vs luxuries. Most Dad’s worked a second job. My Dad worked for an insurance company during the day, went to school at night (6 years for college and 4 years for law school) and he drove a cab on weekends.
As I got older, the wants changed. A pair of bell bottoms, gas for the Pinto that I shared with my brother, cigarettes (I quit over 30 years ago), and $2 for the cover to get into my favorite bar to dance all night with my friends.
You move along in life and again the wants change.
A job in the city, getting married, buying a house and having a family now make it to the top of the list.
I was lucky enough as I got older to get most of what I wanted.
I was pretty practical. I wore the same clothes over and over, but then again I was never a clothes horse.
I always drove my cars until they died.
Money was still tight. I remember my first Christmas married to Bob, we were pretty broke.
We went to Caldors (it was a poor mans Target). We each had $100 to shop. Off we went in separate directions with our shopping carts to see what we could buy each other. It is funny when you don’t have a lot of money how creative you can be. Nice memory.
You buy a house and your $239 monthly rent for your apartment becomes an $1100 mortgage payment (rates were 12% then and add on the escrows…yikes). Some how you make the payment each month.
Then you have a child and your priorities change again.
The cost of day care and diapers can really take a hit on your budget.
One of you loses a job while unemployment is at a high. You somehow scrape by until the other party finds a job.
We juggled the bills. I used to hate Sunday’s because that was the day I had to figure out how to pay the bills. It was robbing Peter to pay Paul.
The the house of cards collapses and you have no choice, bankruptcy.
It was awful and embarrassing. We were able to keep our house. Thank goodness.
A wise friend shows up and starts to give you the hard talk and tough advice. You listen and learn.
You pray.
Does it make sense to stay in NY, can you send your daughter to college in NY and can you afford to retire in NY? When all the answers are no it is time for a reality check.
You sell your house and move 700 miles away to a place you have only visited for a weekend.
It is the first time in years, I felt like I could breathe.
During all of these years there were prayers. Sometimes the answers came quickly. Other times it took a while. Sometimes, the answers were not what I wanted to hear.
I always said I was born in NY and I would die there. It was not easy to leave but I knew selling the house and moving was an answer to my prayers.
The move to South Carolina ended up being the right decision.
Although I missed my family, I felt like I had been given a fresh start.
We moved into an apartment and within two years were having a house built.
Jenn was able to go away of college.
We were able to budget for a newer car.
Once again though here come the curveballs.
Your spouse gets cancer not once but twice. You get through it both times but you have both changed.
The best decision is to part after 35 plus years.
Divorce is best for both of you
You feel like a failure. You are embarrassed. Your pray.
Now come the new prayers, how do I do this alone, can I make ends meet on just my salary and all the other unknowns in front of you.
You pray.
And here is where I am at, I love where I live, I bought a new car (a few years ago), Jenn’s student loans have been paid off and after a four month break, I am back at work.
Prayers answered.
I have what I need, I really don’t have many wants except maybe to make sure I am financially secure the next time I try retirement.
I pray to have good health.
I pray for more time to enjoy life.
I pray to get over my fears regarding being out socially due to COVID.
I pray about my fear of falling.
I pray for my hips and knees not to ache.
I pray to make wise choices for my diet (right now, I have cooked asparagus, green beans and vegetable soup in the fridge).
I no longer have to pray for the money for the BIC pen or bell bottoms or the monthly commuter train ticket to the city or the American Girl doll I couldn’t afford to get Jenn until she was 30 vs 7 or 8 like her friends or college tuition.
Not all of my prayers were answered in the affirmative. Tough times, tough choices.
But as Jenn’s gift says, “I still remember the days I prayed for the things I have now”.
I am trying more to remember the blessing I have been given and give thanks.
There is nothing I would change even during the hard and painful times. I needed to go through those times to get where I am today.
And where I am today, is where I am supposed to be.
Prayers answered for sure.
See you next week!
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