Smelling The Roses....

I think sometimes we get so wrapped up in the destination, we forget to enjoy the journey. I know it will be a long time before I get to my destination or goal, so I better enjoy the journey.....

Each night I write a list of 5 good things about the day. The list could include a thunderstorm, a good laugh, pineapple cooked on a grill... It puts the day in perspective for me. I need to focus on other things in my life besides my weight loss efforts and work outs at the gym. While dieting and exercise are priorities for me, I don't want to miss some of the other important things.

Like what you might ask? A spontaneous ride in a convertible with someone who sometimes knows better what I need than I do myself (thanks Kathy!!). A late night talk with my daughter that can go from very serious to very stupid (and terribly funny) in a matter of minutes. How about a great sunset? Or an afternoon nap? Deciding what color nail polish to use for the next pedicure. Coming in to work in the morning and finding a cup of coffee waiting for me (thanks Mary!!). None of these are the big things that I have on my bucket list (that will have to be another post). These are the small moments that can get overlooked.

While I have been been very focused on getting to a healthier place, it can get overwhelming at times. I need to keep my weight loss and improved physical condition as my main focus but thinking about smelling the roses might make the journey more enjoyable.

I could let the fact that I was up a little this week at Weight Watchers consume me but to what good? I need to think of how well I have done and what I would have been like if I hadn't walked through the doors to Weight Watchers last January. I should pat myself on the back for being able to climb on the step class stair while lifting weights in each arm.

I need to celebrate my small victories not minimize them.........

I am not putting on rose colored glasses and I don't think anyone will ever compare me with Pollyanna but that's OK. I just think if I recognize the little changes then it is a win-win for me.

So here is the plan....focus on the healthy eating and lifestyle changes.....try to see and smell the roses....and know that each day I am changing for the better inside and out ......I am worth it and it is alright to just think about me 1st for a change.....um OK I have put it in writing now I have to put it into practice.....

I know it is not always about the numbers...

I know my journey is not just about the numbers BUT it does feel good to be down again at Weight Watchers. On my way to the meeting each Saturday, I think about my week. Was I as good as I could have been? Did I blow it any where along the way? Did I make the most of my workouts? Did I burn enough calories? Did I make wrong choices when I was tired? Good thing no one can hear me negotiating with myself.....being the positive person I am....I never think I will be down at the scales. Then I start to think....what is the worst I could be up....uugghh!! Why can't I just think.....Donna, you have had a good week...wonder how much you lost?



Anyway , I went to the meeting and was very pleased to be down. We are nearing the 30 pound mark !!! 120 sticks of butter !!! I may still reach my 50 pound goal by the end of the year. Then I can set my new goal !!



I made Weight Watchers lasagna for dinner. I also made WW macaroni salad and a salad with chic peas, artichoke hearts, arugula and wine vinegar and olive oil. The 2 salads are for lunch this week. I am looking forward to having them as a change of pace. I tend to eat the same things over and over again because they are easy then I get bored. By making some things to switch it up, I am excited about eating new foods.



So let's look at the pluses....weight heading down, endurance increasing, trying new foods and doing things at the gym that surprise me. The down side....hhhhhmmmm.....how about.....nah.....then there's......uummm.....well what do you know....the negatives are starting to fade away....along with my weight.......this could be scary......who knows how good I will feel this time next year or the year after.......WOW!!!!!!

Why I won't ever be the Biggest Loser

I have had more than one person ask me if I ever thought of trying out for the Biggest Loser. I have very mixed feelings about that question.

It makes me feel so bad to know people think I am big enough to be a contestant....

I know what I look like. I know I am a work in progress.

Some people have said that they thought I should go on because they feel with my personality and sense of humor America would want me to win.

Reasons I wouldn't consider being a participant.....I can't leave my job or family for months at a time. 8 hours a day in the gym scares me to death. There is no way I would ever get up on a scale for the whole world to see how much I weigh. My actual weight is no one's business but mine. I do not see public humiliation as a way to feel better about myself.

I admire the contestants and what they accomplish in a matter or months. I am on the same journey but making it more personal. I have learned so much about myself this year. I workout on a regular basis and definitely eat healthier now. I weigh in once a week.

It may take me years to get to the place I AM COMFORTABLE....that is right...where I am comfortable. I cannot let others decide what is the right weight for me. I will know it when I get there. I do not need others making the decision for me. There are those that think unless I am thin by their view, I am a failure. I say I will know when the first part of my journey is done and the next phase ...maintenance will begin.

I am learning I do not need others approval for where I am heading. It is great to have support from those who care about me. Just getting to a point where I am not concerned about the approval of others is a huge step.

Each day I take steps to improve my health. It is a daily and sometimes an hourly struggle. Most days I feel strong....stronger than I have before. I don't care if people think I should be able to finish this journey in months not years. This is my decision not theirs....so unless you have something real and sincere to say I wish you wouldn't say anything....

There are days when I struggle and your "suggestions" make me feel like you are saying I am a failure. I know the difference between sincerity and hollow words....

I have to do all of this in my time on my terms...not yours.

New challenges...

I am looking for variety in both eating and workouts.

The workout varieties are easy....Carol takes care of those. Her big focus now is flexibility and balance. Carol says my flexibility is not a problem. She is surprised at how flexible I am. Working on the core muscles is important. We worked a lot with me standing on one foot and holding my arms out to the sides, not an easy feat for me. Then get ready for this........she had me stand on the bosu and balance with my arms out. This was very scary for me (see earlier post where I thought the Pilate's ball would explode if I sat on it). Standing on it wobbling and shaking to get my balance was a struggle. When I finally did it, Carol let out a yell and applauded. Even I started to smile and laugh. It felt so good to be able to do it. It is these little steps I have been making since January that I am proud of. Yes, I have had some setbacks along the way but I haven't really thought too often about giving up.

A few weeks ago, a girl at the gym stopped and talked to Jenn. This is a girl I see at the gym on a regular basis. We usually say hello. She told Jenn that I was courageous and made her want to come to the gym more often. Jenn wasn't sure whether or not to tell me. She wasn't sure if she would be hurting my feelings or not. I had mixed emotions...did I look so bad that it was courageous that I go to the gym or was it the fact that I went to the gym and was courageous to be working out to improve my health....I chose to go with the latter. While I was working out with Carol, I saw the girl (she was working with her trainer) and I called her over. I thanked her for her kind words, she smiled and said "I see you here several times a week and when I don't feel like coming....I think of you and that you keep coming." Carol said I don't realize that I may be inspiring others to work out but they just don't come up and say anything to me....wow me inspiring someone....never saw that coming.

I am looking further into cutting out as much sugar as possible from my diet. This is a work in progress. I am definitely drinking lots of water. I am reading labels and continuing to try to make good choices. I was down at Weight Watchers this week and more than made up for the pound I gained last week. In fact, I am now at the lowest weight I have been at in several years. Pretty scary huh....I am heading in the right direction just slowly.

I continue to learn about exercise, healthy eating choices and me....I am not the same person who walked into the gym and Weight Watchers last January....each baby step is a step toward confidence, good health, and a different me....not that the old me was bad but this is the new improved Donna....a Donna whose confidence may help me to make this part of my life go down a new path... freeing my self from the things and people that have bogged me down before....who knows....the possibilities are endless.....

Vacation is over....

Upon returning home it was back to the gym and and concentrating on healthy eating. I went to Weight Watchers and only gained one pound on vacation....not too bad. Maybe it was the Lintzer Tart I treated myself to....

My right hip has been acting up so doing the elliptical was somewhat painful. In one day at work I sat in 5 different chairs trying to find one that was comfortable. I am sure it was amusing seeing me play musical chairs all by myself. I did work out in the pool. Carol and I worked on stretches....something I haven't been doing. I am sure I was quite a sight while Carol helped me with stretching. At one point I had to lay on the bench while Carol lifted my right leg and bent it toward my shoulder...moving it a few degrees at a time. Lord help the person who had to watch this....I am sure the view of me on that bench was not pretty but I have to admit my hip did feel better. She has suggested I stay off the elliptical for a few weeks. She thinks I am leaning more on my right side then my left and that may be part of the problem. I of course think it is my sciatica, or arthritis, or due to one leg being shorter than the other (these are my diagnosis not a doctor's). Why should it be anything simple?

It did feel good to get back in my normal routine. Vacation is fun but that is not the real world. Reality check....time to get back to the real world where I am focused on losing weight and getting healthy.

Can you go home again?

Thomas Wolfe said "You can't go home again." He might be right. A few weeks ago Jenn and I headed to NY to see my Mom. It was great to spend time with her. I also got to see a lot of other family. We spent time enjoying my brother's waterfall in his backyard, were awed at how much my nephews had grown and enjoyed the familiarity of being back in the place we lived in for so many years. The funny thing was after being gone 12 years, I felt like a visitor. There were short cuts that I used to know like the back of my hand...no more. It was the first time I felt like I didn't belong there anymore...strange. A nice place to visit but not the place I live in anymore....

At my brothers house, we talked alot about Clean Eating, had some really good and healthy meals and really enjoyed spending time in their backyard which is really a sight to behold.

My nephew introduced me to Skype...this was amazing.

Jenn and I took Mom food shopping, shoe shopping and errand running. Spending time with her after the year she has had made our time together more special.

We did manage to hit Munno's for dill pickles, Sorrento's for garlic rolls, King Kone for ice cream, Rockland Bakery for rolls and baked goods. At Shoprite it was Reinzi's Clam Sauce for us and Drakes Cakes (the northern version of Little Debbie Snack Cakes)for the office.

Things that have changed about me....I forgot I had to pack my own groceries, I hated that people looked at my SC license plate and assumed I was stupid, used M'am and Sir with ease but got some funny looks. Maybe I have mellowed or become southerized. I thought did I used to be so much in a rush? I guess I have chnaged...

All in all it was a great trip. Jenn is a great traveling companion. But I knew when I drove down Fountain Lake Road....I was home.

A Down and Up Week....

Reality check....I am not as confident as I thought I was....

A week ago Sunday, we were invited to a friends house for a cookout. It was hot and I hate hot!!! The two options I had were go in the pool (which I love) or stay in the air conditioned house. If I stayed sitting on the deck I was afraid my fate might be the same as the Wicked Witch of the West (you know ....melt). Everyone was enjoying themselves in the pool. I just couldn't get myself to put on my bathing suit and join in.... My feelings of success faded as the fat girl took over. I have been in this pool a zillion times but didn't want to go out there in my bathing suit in front of everyone. The score was self confidence zero and feeling uncomfortable 100.

At the gym I am sure I was an entertaining sight....Carol had me sitting on a bench and lifting my legs bent at the knees one at a time. I tended to lean back....the solution?? Carol climbed on the bench and had her knees in my back to keep it straight. Well, that worked...my back was sure straight. Then I sat on the pilates ball with 8 pound weights in each hand. I lifted the weights in both arms and one leg in the air at the same time. This was working on balance and my core muscles. Maybe my next career can be at Ringling Brothers....

Such a range of emotions in a few days....embarassed on Sunday and determined to have a successsful workout on Thursday. This is all part of my journey. One day I feel like I can conquer anything and the next that fat girl shows herself and makes me want to disappear into the wall....such a struggle.

Another step forward....I told Jenn she could put my t shirts in the dryer. Everyone knows that putting a shirt in the dryer causes them to shrink. I used to have her hang them up so they didn't. Now some of them are too big and some shrinkage wouldn't be bad. Not ready to shop for new clothes yet....I have a long way to go before I am ready for that....but it will happen.

OK fat girl sitting on my shoulder, whispering in my ear and reminding me of where I was and still am....get ready......there will come a day when I will no longer see you or hear you!!!! The fat girl inside may never fully go away. Hopefully, with each workout at the gym and each right food choice I make she will start to fade away and eventually become a distant memory. I am counting on it.....so on I go...