Post Holiday Blues

From the book, "Pillow Thoughts II":
"You can't skip chapters, that's not how life works.  You have to read every line, meet every character. You won't enjoy all of it. Hell, some chapters will make you cry for weeks. You will read things you do not want to read, you will have moments when you don't want the pages to end. But you have to keep going. Stories keep the world revolving.  Live yours, don't miss out."

I hate the way the house looks after the holidays.

Don't get me wrong, I love my house but once the decorations are put away things look so bare and dull.

Trying to break out of the blah mold is a challenge.

Surprisingly, work has provided some excitement for me.  I feel like my batteries are being recharged there.  This is kind of amazing since I have been in the same line of work for over 30 years.  Mortgages is not an exotic line of work.  I remind myself regularly that I am helping people achieve their dreams. I have been through the days of 12%+ interest rates (and people were still buying houses).  I have been through the real estate/ banking disaster of 10 years ago.  I have been laid off twice and swore I was done with the mortgage industry only to end up in it again and again.  I have been an in-house originator, processor, relocation closer, underwriter, processing manager, closing manager, customer care manager, underwriting manager and now manage both processors and underwriters.

I have a great team that keep me on my toes.

I don't say I do things well often but in my humble opinion, I love to manage and am good at it.

This year, I presented a power point presentation on POSITIVITY.  I loved the message. In all honesty, I had a lot of help from my daughter with the power point itself.

I attended the TD WOW Awards and loved the new format.

I was selected to attend a four day class from the Mortgage Bankers Association. Then a test followed to get your certificate.  I hate tests.  It was timed and I kept on looking at the little clock in the corner of the screen.  I PASSED !!

Next week, I am traveling to different parts if Florida to visit my sales partners.

The biggest surprise for me is feeling rejuvenated at what I do for a living !!

Now, I have to get back to writing my book.  I have let it sit for a while during the holidays while figuring out which part of it to tackle next.

This blog has been a challenge too (which is so unusual for me) but the constant that keeps me thinking and writing.

I am fighting the blues and blahs.

I tend to look at others lives with envy.  I see spouses on date nights.  I see people travel.  I see people doing things I am afraid to do or can't afford to do or don't have the time to do.

I am focusing on healthy eating and trying to move more so those endorphins start popping up.

I also need warmer weather (I know my friends and family who live in cold climates are thinking she has become such a southern weenie). Once it warms up here like in April, the pool will open and I can get some good pain free work outs in. Meanwhile, I am using hand weights and resistance bands.

Even though I have family and friends around me at times I feel lonely.

Next month (which is amazingly just a few days away) has a day I love and a day I just try and get through.  I love Super Bowl Sunday and not surprisingly am not a fan of Valentines Day.  Not to be overly dramatic, I have never had one of those over the top February 14th's with flowers or special gifts or cards or good Lord jewelry.  Maybe I have never had real true love that I was able to share with the world the way others do.

I am not feeling sorry for myself (too much) because I have been loved.

My parents,daughter, siblings and friends love me. I just missed the boat on the partner in life that I see so many others enjoy.

The good news is I have my third byline coming up and am learning so much in the process.

Moving ahead with some chapters on my book will get my creative juices flowing again.

Maybe time to start to plan some time off and think about new adventures.

Before I know it, the time will change and the days will get longer.

Counting down the days until spring because as they say "hope springs eternal".

My friend Mary/Meredith gave me a gift this week.  Words I need to keep in my head!!

See you next week.

What should I write about?

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There are times, when I know all week what I want to write about when Sunday rolls around.

Other weeks, I search for a topic.

This is the second week in a row, I have nothing.

I have been advised to write, write and write until something happens.

Well, here goes.

Last week at work was pretty crazy. Four days of an MBA (Mortgage Bankers Assn.) class from 9-5. Attending the class meant having to infringe on the Mefford Inn three nights in a row. Add in luncheon's, senior management in town and Thursday night was the annual TD Awards at the Columbia Convention Center.

I think it's pretty clear I was exhausted by the time I walked in the house Friday night.

Day one of a three day weekend.

Caught up on my magazine reading.

Binge watched Gracie and Frankie.

Watched the final season of Downton Abbey (again).

Day two of a three day weekend.

Football playoffs to watch.

Watched the final three episodes of Downton Abbey (again).

Paid bills.

Went to Walmart.

Ordered outside banner flags for the months I was missing. (April, May, August and October) I used to  have flags for these months but they got ragged from the wear and tear of hanging outside even if only for one month a year times 25 years,

Wrote a blog entry and then decided not to publish it.

Once I am done with this entry, I plan to:

Clean and organize my jewelry.

Get a fire going in the fireplace.

Find something else brainless to watch if the football games do not go well.

Day three of the three day weekend.

Maybe a pedicure.

Maybe find the ambition to go get the appliances I keep thinking about.

Maybe do nothing.

Maybe get ready for the week ahead.

OK Donna so let's find some good in all this stuff.

In the last few weeks, I have been able to get very organized at work.  I did a power point presentation of which I was very pleased.  The class last week was exhausting but a good refresher and I learned a few new things.

I do feel recharged at work, now let's see how long it lasts. I have set some ambitious personal goals for myself at work this year, maybe too ambitious, we will see.

I also have a trip to visit the sales staff in Florida in February.  This will be both exciting and nerve wracking.

I went to a writing workshop last weekend and pushed through some tough writing topics for me.

I did a rewrite of my most recent profile for Pink magazine and accepted the critique gracefully (ok I was a little hurt but know not every thing I write will be perfect).

I put in for some time off around Memorial Day.  My siblings will all be coming for a visit and it will be the first time we will all be together for the first time in 7 years. 

Recently as part of my power point presentation, I talked about positive mindset,  I explained how I wrote every day five good things about the previous day. I went back and looked at some of my old journals.  I can't believe I have been doing this each day since 2000.  Starting my 19th year, (although I will be honest and from last June until December I wrote sporadically.  I struggled to find good things about each day during that time period). I promised myself in 2019, I would get back on track and as of today there are 19 entries.

So far the New Year has been about "goals" not "resolutions" and that works so much better for me.

See you next week.

PS- One more thing, 34 years ago today was the last day I ever spent with my Dad.  He was in a coma but I talked to him any way.  It was Super Bowl Sunday (back in those days they didn't have the one week off during the season or two weeks between the playoffs and the big game).  While Dad's passing was on the front page of our local newspaper, "The Journal News", it was below the fold.  We all chuckled about that fact.  If his death hadn't coincided with the Super Bowl, he would have made the top of the front page (he was a Town Councilman for many years).

One of the rare pictures I still have with Dad.

I have lived more years without him than with him.  And still all these years later, there is not a day I do not think of him.  I was so lucky to have him as my Dad and hero and the kind of person I wanted to be.

My dear friend that I lost last June (also on the 20th of the month) reminded me a lot of my Dad. In fact, they enjoyed each other's company immensely.  They were both tough, direct, great at giving advice, a ton of common sense, generous and a wonderful sense of humor.

They have both made my five good things about the day numerous times.

If I had been Valedictorian based on what I know now

I didn't graduate any where near the top of my class.

I would guess I was somewhere near the middle of the pack.

S.A.T. scores that were not memorable or at least I would like to forget.

One summer spent in summer school due to my inability to master Algebra (I did grasp Geometry though).

I bailed on Regents Biology for a Non-Regents class.

That decision led to me not earning a Regents Diploma (which really only mattered in NY and CA ( I think)).

But if I had been at the top of my class, here is what I would say with many more years of life experience under my belt.

Fellow Classmates,

Look at the person sitting on each side of you.  Yes, really look at them.  The majority of these people you will never see again.  We have spent the last few years intertwined by the mandatory curriculum set forth by the powers that be.

As I stood by the goalposts waiting to walk across the football field among the 300 other members of our class, I thought how will I live without these people?

Most, I don't even remember by name or photo.

Here is my advice to my classmates.

Enjoy every minute with your parents. Ask them to tell you the same old stories about their youth and their parents, so you can preserve them in your memory.

Learn to handle your finances responsibly.  Being irresponsible can lead to years of getting back on track. Live within your means. Try not to buy based on impulse.

Want to make a big purchase?  Save for it.  You will appreciate it more.

Never become too grand to not appreciate the small things life has to offer.  Things like the smell of fresh sheets from the clothesline, a snow day, the sound of rain as you fall asleep, reading a book you don't want to end, a dinner out or any other small moments.

Not that I don't want to see everyone financially secure. Sometimes wealth makes us forget the 'hungry times'.  I do not mean physically hungry.  I like to think of going out to dinner or a movie or a day at the beach as something special.  Once these small events become the norm, I think we all lose.

Travel, travel, travel.

Travel the United States before hitting  Europe and beyond.  Stand on a ridge of the Grand Canyon, put your feet in the Pacific Ocean, eat a lobster in Maine and if you can get to Alaska and Hawaii GO! Take the time to see what New York has to offer.  Don't wait for friends and relatives come to visit to ride the Staten Island Ferry, head to the top of the Empire State Building or eat a hot dog from a street vendor.

Understand that as much as we all love being a New Yorker, there are other fabulous places to call home.

Say YES more than no. 

Don't let fear stop you from anything unless physical danger could be the result.

Volunteer.  Be the scout leader, PTA member. volunteer at a school, spend time at a food bank you will never lose in donating your time.

Maintain friendships, this takes work but is so rewarding.  One sided friendships don't weather the storms.

Find your passion. It doesn't matter how old your are when you discover something you love.  Grasp it, embrace it and go for it.

Say "I love you" more, give hugs and celebrate each birthday as a gift

View each day as a gift.

Pray.

As has been said before. at the end of your life it is not about the hours you spent at the office that people will speak about or remember.  It is the moments with family and friends enjoying life, laughing and loving that will matter.

See you next week.

Another Auld Lang Syne

This morning, I looked at my list of what I hoped to accomplish during 2018.

The items that I did:
-cars hold up
-mini-family reunion in June
-increase savings
-work on work/life balance
-get published
-continue to explore Beaufort
-meet more people- writing groups
- make commute more tolerable-more reading with hoopla (audio-books)
-time with friends
-pray more

The misses for the year:
- time at the gym
-work from home more
-all my siblings together
-shop for new appliances (mine are from 1989)
-refocus and redouble efforts at WW
-see the scale move down a lot

I guess in retrospect considering the kind of year it was the lists are not too bad.

Here I am, the next to the last day of the year.

Or should I say 2 days until the new year?

Some of the items on the list from 2018 will transfer to 2019.

- once Jenn's student loans are paid off in July, YES JUST 7 MORE MONTHS !!! Time for us to car shop.  That also means praying our cars can last another 7 months!!
- get to the gym at least on weekends and more time at the outdoor pool in the good weather
-back into WW mode and gets some more pounds off !!
-plan healthy meals for ALL meals (even breakfast and lunch at work)
-get a new stove, microwave and dish washer (a 30 year upgrade)
-work from home more
-see all of my siblings (even if not at the same time)
- work more on my book (as finances allow)
- have other work published
-appreciate each day I am given
-write 5 good things about each day
-do not take those in our lives for granted 
-continue to find time to pray
-work on stressing less

And as far as midnight, if I make it, I looked up this info:

One of my favorite quotes that goes with the song sung at midnight:

Harry: [about Auld Lang Syne] What does this song mean? My whole life, I don't know what this song means. I mean, 'Should old acquaintance be forgot'? Does that mean that we should forget old acquaintances, or does it mean if we happened to forget them, we should remember them, which is not possible because we already forgot?
Sally: Well, maybe it just means that we should remember that we forgot them or something. Anyway, it's about old friends

What "For Auld Lang Syne" Means

The phrase "for auld lang syne" loosely translates as "for old times' sake." The speaker of the poem is hoping to preserve the oldest, most important relationships in their life. To that extent, it works well with the way we traditionally use the changing of the year to reflect on the past. 

In the US, it's sung just after midnight. But the song is sung all over the world with slight variations on the execution. In Scotland, it's sung just before midnight with a tradition of holding hands and running to the center of the group during the final verse. 

What Are the Words to "Auld Lang Syne"?

Here are the words to the original Burns poem, per Poets.org.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
     And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
     And auld lang syne!

     Chorus:
     For auld lang syne, my dear,
     For auld lang syne.
     We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
     For auld lang syne.

See you next week.

Pushing Through

Twas the 23rd of December.

Back on August 7th, I wrote a blog entry called "There Will Be Another Christmas".  I wrote about how fast the rest of the year would go.

And here we are the day before Christmas Eve.

Christmas Eve has ALWAYS been my favorite day of the year.

Due to some expected and unexpected life events, 2018 turned out to be a more difficult a year than I expected when the New Year rolled around.

Divorce. A very challenging new operating system at work. The long commute. And the passing of a best friend/trusted advisor all were on the down side of the ledger.

Loving the feeling heading over the bridge to Beaufort. Seeing some of my Ohana. Getting my first byline. And finally, working on my first book.  All on the plus side of the ledger.

It is so easy to focus on the negatives.

Since June, I have tried hard to focus on the small and at times, unnoticed blessing we encounter each day.

I have not been perfect in my attempts and at times had to have someone pull me out of a funk.

In the past few weeks, I did find that people listened to me.  The gifts I have been given so far have been spot on for me.

A beautiful leather bound journal, a Kohl's gift card, a special pillow that will help me sleep (and maybe even back in my bed for a change), a crystal bracelet in my new favorite jewelry color (blue) and a unique map that shows where I live.

People gave these gifts a great deal of thought.  There were other gifts that were a true reflection of me.

I know it's not supposed to be about the gifts.  What happened this year was more unusual that other years.  It was clear people took the time and who thought "this is Donna" as they shopped.

And we haven't even gotten to the 25th yet.

I also tried to put more thought into what I purchased for others too.

For me, the tree lights and house lights seem a little dimmer this year.

Then you have those moments like yesterday, my friend, Kathy, brought two of her grandchildren over to decorate cookies with Jenn and me. It was two hours of pure fun and laughter.  To watch them add icing in a variety of colors to cookies along with sprinkles sufficient to cover a 10 tier wedding cake was so entertaining.

It was one of those small moments of which I am trying to be more aware.

After today, just 8 more days and we turn the page to a new year.  I will be glad to say farewell to 2018.

There will be other rough spots ahead.  I am hoping I have learned how to push through the tears, the pain and the sorrow.

Yes, there will be another spring, summer, fall and winter.

And yes, another Christmas.  Different from the past but there will be some bright spots in the future too.

A view of yesterday's creativity.

 And some of the special gifts I mentioned:

Merry Christmas!!

See you next week.

Have You Ever Done Something Really Stupid ?

I am trying to head into the final two weeks of the year with a positive mindset. Like many of you there are so many things that can drag us down.

This just happened and I can't believe I am going to share this story but if it makes you laugh as you read it I guess it is worth my embarrassment.  You will definitively be shaking your head.

The local landfill closes at 7:00 each day (except Wednesday when it is closed). Jenn and I usually make a mad dash right before closing time on Sunday evening.  Then we can start the week trash free. We also do the laundry late in order to make certain there is no dirty laundry to start the week. Today, I got in my nightshirt at 4:00 and started my laundry.

We finished baking our last batches of cookies (yes again).

A quick trip through the house to make sure all the trash baskets were empty, the shredder was cleaned out and a scan of the refrigerator to make sure nothing should go out.

At 6:30, we were off to the landfill. I drove, we took Jeter for the ride.  Jenn would be in and out of the car in less than two minutes to get rid of our trash.

Now remember, I said I had gotten into my night shirt (only a nightshirt).  I thought "what the hell, its just a 5-6 mile drive to the landfill."  I got in the car wearing my nightshirt and my jacket.  Cell phone and wallet in my pocket.

We are about 2 miles from the house and the check engine light goes on.  Really????? I turn off the radio and the heat thinking that might help.

Now, I am in a quandary. Do I drive back to the house or continue on with our trash to the landfill. 

I opt to keep driving.

I am thinking to myself who do I call that will not think I am insane for leaving the house like this? Island security, no.  The police, no.  A neighbor, no. Uber, no. Then I figure it out, we can call any of those people and they can take Jenn back to the house for her car.  I will sit in the broken down car with the dog until she gets back.  OK at least I now have a plan.

I was trying to stay calm as every crazy scenario popped into my head.The car breaks down, I get pulled over for speeding or a traffic check.  All in my nightshirt. I will never question the outfits I see on Live PD ever again.  I am sure I would have been quite a sight if an officer had pulled me over and told me to step out of the car.

Fortunately, I made it to the landfill and back without issue.

I doubt I will ever do anything that foolish again. Note, I said I doubt it, not that I am 100% sure I won't make a stupid decision like that once more.

See you next week.

Surprising results to a prayer

Last week, I could feel stress returning as I was anticipating returning to work after a week off.

It was only Saturday and there it was the feeling of dread.

Sadness, heart racing, unable to sleep and more.

I decided to pray about it. My prayer was simple, please let me handle whatever came my way.

No crying or anger or any of the other negative feelings was my hope.

I also prayed I would not wake up angry on Monday, even though I hate waking up at 5:00AM. I made sure I was settled in on Sunday night by 10:00PM. I woke up and felt ok which is an improvement over how I normally feel that early.

Monday, I got through the day letting things roll off my shoulders versus internalizing them. YEAH !

Tuesday was when I felt like I was starting to be tested. About 40 miles outside of Columbia, Jenn's car started to act up. Normally, this is when the stress would start to kick in.  Instead I called Hertz and arranged a car rental.  I called Goodyear and let them know we would be dropping the car off.  Then I prayed we would would chug along to our 40 mile destination.

We made it.

PLEASE NOTE: When you are driving either a 12 or 17 year old car, you are way behind the changes  made in the automotive industry.  No key to start the car, a back up screen and Sirius radio. We had read the owners manual to see how to put gas in the car.

Wednesday and Thursday, were not bad,  I fought off anything that might cause the "S" word to appear.

I was feeling good enough by myself.

Then Friday arrived.

On the way to work, once again the car started acting up this time 50 miles from Columbia.  There was a slight difference , it was my car this time.  I drove on the shoulder of the road as my car died.  I made it into the rest stop and the car went kaput.

Once again, the new fighting stress Donna did not lose it.  Jenn called AAA while I called Hertz in Columbia. Hertz had no cars available.  Jenn had finished the call to AAA.  Jenn suggested we look for car rentals in Orangeburg, SC.  Hertz, no one answered the phone.  Then we tried Enterprise and lucked out. They not only had a car but they would come to where we were on the highway and bring us back to the office to sign the necessary papers.  Meanwhile AAA was another issue.  We called them at 8:00, Jenn called them back at 9:15 for an ETA.  Magically, an email appeared telling us a tow truck would be there by 10:40.  Really??? 2 1/2 hours????  Then we received another call that someone would be there in less than 30 minutes which was very accurate.

We finally had the second rental car of the week and my car on it's way to Columbia for repairs.

I did post on FB about what had transpired and that I had had it, I was done.  But then something great happened, people started responding to my post.  Their responses were the thing I needed in order to accept what had happened and not throw in the towel.  Thank you all for reminding me we all get tested and that I am not a quitter.

Here were the pluses of this week:
I never felt stressed (the power of prayer).
Each person we dealt with was extremely kind.
Jenn's car is up and running.
My car will be back on the road Monday.
Jenn saw a blue Ford Ranger sitting on the side of the road as we chugged along on Tuesday. (We think it was our friend, Dan, keeping an eye on us and giving us a sign we would not break down before we hit our destination).
The security guard at my office must think I own a used car lot since I showed up in 5 different cars, one for each day of the week.
When I posted on FB that we were broken down on the highway, my next door called to let me know she was heading to Columbia and could she help out.
I didn't get upset over the large dollar amount for two cars to be repaired (one alternator, one fuel coil, one PCV hose, a spark plug, two tires and 4 days of car rentals (you can just guess how much money I am talking about can't you).

I got through it all and can say without tears, cursing, yelling or getting depressed (ok maybe a little depressed today when I figured out how to pay for the unexpected expenses).

Who needs a vacation/cookie jar account anyway?

I know most of you are thinking, just break down an buy a new or newer car already !!  We just have seven more months and Jenn's student loans will be paid off (WOO HOO), then we can look for newer transportation.  Until then it's duct tape and paper clips holding the cars together.

I was told once by my good friend that worry does not do any good and neither does stress.

Maybe this week was a test to see how sincere I was about wanting to work on handling stress better.

I will continue to pray about it.  It was clear this week my prayers were answered.

All the issues that came up this week were unplanned but isn't that a big part of life? Unplanned events.

Two quotes this week:

Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans. - John Lennon

You are braver than you believe and stronger and smarter than you think.- Winnie the Pooh (I am really becoming a big fan of the wisdom of  Winnie the Pooh)

See you next week.