Chapter Three......

I have decided my life is divided into chapters.......

Chapter One

My life from birth until I got married. (length 26 years)

Chapter Two

Life from the time I got married and raised my daughter. (length almost 32 years)

Chapter Three

I am in the early stages of this chapter.  This chapter is all about me.

I am starting to prepare for life after marriage, raising my daughter and eventually retirement.  Oh the retirement part won't come for years but that doesn't mean I can't start to get ready.  There are the big steps that I am slowly, very slowly working through.......such as feeling comfortable going out with friends as a single and not part of a couple.  I am getting less self conscious that I no longer wear my wedding band when I go out.  I do wear other rings sometimes but not that simple gold band with a few tiny diamonds.

Last weekend, I bought a quilt that I really like.  I packed it away.  It will be for my bed when I live on my own.  When I get the bed of my dreams.......one of those beds where the bottom and top move up and down   yea!!.  I also bought  recliner for my bedroom.  I am using it already but it will go with me when I move to my next location.  I spent a little more than I would have normally would but hey it is going to be part of Chapter Three so why not??

I now look at things as ........will I be taking them or leaving them behind.  There are some things in this house that I will definitely take with me.....others I will leave behind since I am not attached to them.  The same as I will take the good memories with me and leave the bad behind.

I have a real estate website that sends me emails each day about some of the locations I am looking for as my next stop.  Tybee Island, Savannah GA, Beaufort SC, St Helena Island SC, Fripp Island SC to name a few....yes all are beach or close to beach locations.  If I can get to a beach in a short drive it works for me.  I am ruling out any place with more than one level (let's be realistic I don't want to be climbing stairs all the time).  If the place has a lot of yard.....nope.  I won't mind a condo with an elevator either or even one flight of stairs up into it but once inside no stairs. Ideally, I would like 3 bedrooms.....one for any one who wants to visit, one as my home office and of course one for me.  A view from my porch or patio would be wonderful.  I can picture myself sitting outside in the morning drinking my coffee and able to smell the ocean.

I am slowly putting things in place to make this all happen.......eventually.  I don't mind waiting to make sure I am doing the right things at the right time.  It is nice to be able to think about it......to dream about it......to plan it........half the fun is the anticipation........

Time to dream......time to read......time to write.......time to travel........time to enjoy the next chapter of my life........the more I think of it the less scared I get.

I also used to worry about what everyone thought of me alone.......well I am starting to go out with friends alone and guess what the only person making a big to do about it is me!!!!

I showed a friend the mark still on the ring finger of my left hand.  It has been six months since I had my wedding ring cut off. I don't know if the mark will ever go away.  At work, I still wear other rings on that finger because I don't feel totally comfortable with it bare.  Plus, there are people who just don't know and will ask "how is Bob?"  I just say fine and move on.

And that is what I am doing oh so slowly.......moving on........I have had a lot of good advice from family and friends and I appreciate it .....every single word.  But I have to remind myself this is my life and my decision.  And the bottom line is in the middle of the night I have no one to turn to.......

But I think I will be OK........after that recent "mammo" scare.......I have to do what makes me happy.  My friend told me tonight at Mass the priest said something to do for Lent was to smile more.......I like that.....somewhere in the shuffle of my life I lost that and now am finding it again.......not a forced or fake smile......but a real honest to goodness smile connected to a happy person.......

As I move through Chapter Three, I will keep you posted.....whether it be to tell you I bought the pillow shams to match my quilt for my next stop or continue to find the happiness I seek.......or the struggle of letting go of Chapter Two.......

One thing I am sure of is.......... a day out in  the future when I roll out of that dream bed of mine with the matching quilt........take a quick shower, grab a thermos of coffee and my notebook..........jump in my car (not sure what kind it will be)........a take a drive to the beach........grab my beach chair, thermos, notebook and IPOD.....find a spot on the beach and watch the sunrise.........and I will know I had to go through all the other chapters of my life to get there........finally finding the peace and happiness I seek........