View from the Fat Section......

I promise this is not a depressing entry.....just my honest thoughts from where I sit......and a positive twist at the end.

I started life at 10 lbs 4 oz.....on Thanksgiving Day.....yup the size of a small turkey but big for a little girl.

It is safe to say I haven't been happy with my weight in over 30 years......maybe even longer than that.....I would probably have to go back to my teenage years.....and even then I weighed more than most of my friends.

I can say for sure is it was before I was pregnant with Jenn that I was some what content with how I looked and we know how long ago that was.....

Then life gets in the way and you put yourself on the back burner.  You get busy raising our family, buying your first home, changing jobs as I progressed in my career.....just stuff ......lots and lots of stuff.

And somewhere along the way .......I lost myself.

For years you just push it out of your mind.  You know you need to lose weight and you try.....I have tried so many ways.....you name the diet and I have probably tried it.  You find excuses and reasons to put it off.  You act like you don't care but you do.  You act like you don't hurt but you do.  People try to talk to you about it and you get mad at them and yourself.

You hate asking for the extender for your seat belt in a plane, you hate the way the person you sit next to on the plane looks at you, you worry about fitting in the booth at a restaurant, you fear a chair my not hold your weight, you look longingly at clothes in regular clothing stores, you avoid having your picture taken, you avoid going into a room of strangers, you assume when you hear people laugh that they are laughing at you and of course every person who looks in your direction is thinking "my God how did she let herself get like that?" "Does she just eat all day long???"

Those are the facts as I saw them.....note I said as I saw them........but something has started to happen.....

On my journey to Chapter 3 of my life I have found myself......I am now focusing on me!! I finally believe the people who say when they see me they don't think "look how fat she is" they just think "there's Donna".  I am working hard at the gym jogging in the pool, I loved Aqua Zumba, I love that I finally understand portion control, I love trying healthy new foods, I love that I am feeling successful even though my ass and thighs haven't gotten the message yet.....but they will.....I am sure of it.

I am not sure when it happened or why at this time in my life.......it might have to do with the future that I am looking forward to and my new adventures.  When I started "my list of new things to try" it was the jump start I needed.......suddenly things started to fall into place.

I decided I needed to stop avoiding the camera or else someday there would be no record of me.  I would be the person missing from the picture at the wedding or holiday gathering.

I have done more firsts in the last 6 months than I have in years.  I am pushing myself out of my comfort zone.  I am seeking out adventures instead of dreading them.

I have tried Weight Watchers more times than I care to admit but something is different this time........I finally get it.......I track everything I eat......I seek out healthier options........I eat when I am hungry.......I look forward to weighing in on Sunday morning (yes I do pray on the way to the meeting that I will be down at the scale).......since Labor Day I have lost 24.4 pounds.....in 9 weeks I have been down 8 weeks and one week stayed the same.....this is a big success for me!! I have Jenn to thank for so much....she has encouraged me, nagged me to track my food, helped me with healthy choices and made me feel more confident.  If she sees me doing something better than I have before she will mention it to me........

This week would normally be a hard week....my birthday and Thanksgiving.....but this year my focus is on pushing to lose that darn .6 pounds by next week so I can be down 25 pounds.

Then I can focus on the next 25 pounds.......one pound at a time.......and on from there.......I  really believe I am going to succeed this time and that in itself is a first......I believe in me!!!

I hope when I write an entry around this time next year I weigh quite a bit less and not that happiness comes from the size you are but I will feel better about me overall.

I am so glad Weight Watchers is working this time.......I am so glad to have Jenn to push me.........I am so glad I have a great cheering section......

I am so glad.......

See you next week.....