I suddenly felt like one of the balloons that are marched down Broadway in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. I started to cry and just shut down mentally. I stood there torn between running out the door or attending the meeting. I really struggled with that decision. I think the only things that stopped me was all of the following- I didn't want people to see me leaving upset, I might hear something in the meeting that would give me the push I need to go on and maybe just sitting with my WW buddies would help.....they are generous with suggestions, hugs and questions like are you drinking your water, have you been to the gym are you tracking your points and maybe you need to switch up what you are eating......all good questions!!
I stayed for the meeting dabbing at my eyes. I so want to move in the right direction but I do get tired of thinking about food. In order to be successful I have to think about food.....ugh.....it's a no win situation!!
I drove home still in a funk. What the hell do I do???? I grabbed a cup of coffee and started to process my morning.
Have I been to the gym as often as I should.....no.....I let life get in the way and some social events. I don't want to pass up time with family and friends. I am supposed to be enjoying life too ...right??? I will make more of an effort to get to the gym.
Have I been doing my home workouts faithfully.....no to that question too. Well, tomorrow I will start making sure to get those workouts in too.
Am I doing extra walking.....nope. OK I do have a few reasons for this one......the number one answer on the list is "fear of falling"....huge fear due to two really bad falls that ended me up with a broken arm and 20 stitches in my face. I don't think I will ever truly get over that fear. Due to those falls one knee is shot and the other one not so good either. Maybe just a few very very careful laps around the cul-de-sac?? And I am going to set up my fitbit so I can make sure I increase my movement.
How about stress?? OK here I have a whole lot going on.....stress at home ......stress at work.......stress trying to figure out the next steps in my life......I know it is not the kind of stress that so many other people have going on in their lives but it is my stress and it is real and it can have am impact on my weight loss each week. The work stress I can handle.....it is just the nature of the beast and in my line of work the stress especially at month end is just a little over the top. I have tried to shut down at the end of the day and when the day is over it's over (at least for the most part...LOL). The stress at home will take time to resolve nothing I can do about that only time will resolve it.
Am I getting enough sleep?? Probably not.....I hate going to bed early but sometimes will then struggle to get up in the morning..I this is something I need to work on.......
Food choices....OK here I know I am doing great with fruits, veggies and protein. I do tend to eat the same things over and over again.......maybe I do need to switch it up some. I think I should be losing weight just by what I am passing up. I have been to 3 social events over the last 3 weeks and what did I have to eat from the food provided......basically nothing....zero......nada. I brought my own food. I miss cheese terribly....yes I said terribly.......but it is one of the BIG sacrifices I am willing to make. I gave up soda just over a year ago....every once in a while I want one so bad but have not given in to the craving.
Tracking my food....yes I have been very loyal to tracking my food all day every day.
I know that I have made progress in the way I can move, in the size clothing I wear, my overall health has improved and I need to remember that from my all time high at WW I am down close to 80 pounds.....is this the time to quit????
OK so maybe I was just having a pity party.....maybe I over reacted when I said I was done with all of this focus on losing weight......I know I know the scale does not define me but it sure does like to hit me in the head like a 2 X 4.......
So maybe for today.......I am going to quit.......quit feeling sorry for myself.......quit beating myself up over bad weeks......quit thinking of myself as a failure.....
I need to once again remind myself of where I was and where I would be if I hadn't started WW to begin with......
Thank you to my WW buddies to the hugs and questions and positive words to get me through the meeting.....you have all walked in my shoes so you get it......
I have to remind myself I have gone from here.....and this is not my heaviest.......
To here.......and now I am going to quit?????
I am keeping my fingers crossed next week will be better.....trust me you will not want to read my entry if I am up again next week........and on I go.......my parents did not raise a QUITTER.......
See you next week.......
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