There Is A Thin Person Inside.......

My WW leader talked about going through the weight loss process is like peeling the layers of an onion.  I like to look at it like the piece of marble Michelangelo was sculpting and said that the work of art was always there he just had to take away the excess marble.

I can relate both of those comparisons to my weight loss journey.  Even at this point in my life I am learning so much about myself. It is a strange road to travel.......I always thought by the time I reached this point in my life I would have it all figured out but instead there are things about which I still do not have a clue.......is it me or are there others that feel like that??

Yes, there is a thin person inside me or a healthy person as I prefer to look at it.  At this point in my life it's not about looks (although wearing smaller sizes is not that painful).....it is about longevity and flexibility and still wanting to try new things.  My goal is still so far away that I cannot even imagine what it would be like to get there. Considering I am quite the dreamer it sounds funny that I cannot picture getting to goal but I can picture myself at a book signing.......why is it my brain is willing to accept some things as reality and others as almost impossible to imagine???

Barry Manilow (yes I said Barry Manilow and yes I am a Fanilkow!! so get over it you non-Manilow fans) sings two song I can really relate to....one is called "There's A Kid Inside" and  the other is "All The Time" and there is also one by Mama Cass of the Mama's and the Papa's called "Make Your Own Kind of Music" that rings true to the Donna of now.....

As many of us do.....we find songs we can relate to.....it's like the music in the movies that plays in the background of our lives......

"The Kid Inside"......reminds me of the insecurity of growing up and how those years can hang with us throughout our lives.  I was never self confident in HS.  Fun oh yeah....social absolutely ........sure of myself around my much smaller friends...NOT.  Why was it I was always surprised if a boy liked me?? I always thought why aren't they with so and so  she is much smaller than me.....so the weight thing was there even years ago.....

"All The Time"......makes me think about how alone I have felt at times and not realizing that there were others feeling the same way.  When I am at my WW meeting I am sitting with people who get me.....really get me. When I go on the WW websites and I see people sharing about their struggles I feel like I have come home......whether they have 10 pounds or 100 pounds to lose they have walked in my shoes.  There was a lady today who posted about her concerns regarding an upcoming trip......I could have written the same post word for word.  The concern about being the big person......the walking that is involved in travel.....the embarrassment of having to ask for a seat belt extender.....the look on the person's face that is going to sit next to you.......and horror of horrors....what if it is one of those airlines famous for telling people of size you have to buy a 2nd seat......although I have not experienced that I do understand it. Watching TV shows where Southwest airlines asks bigger people to go on the plane early to make sure they will fit in the seat and not infringe on their neighbors space.......if you have never had a weight issue how could you ever understand that???? I could be on a therapists couch for years and never figure out how to battle those fears or issues......but my Sunday morning WW meeting is my therapy time.....along with a few laughs mixed in.

The last song, "Make Your Own Kind of Music"....reminds me of how I am now.  I do not have to fit into a mold someone else has made for me.....it is OK for me to march to the beat of a different drummer and be happy.  I am still worthy of peoples love, friendship and respect.  And maybe just maybe there are some laughs and hugs and pure fun along the way.  I am finding my inner child and she is no longer too worried about the judgment of others (notice I didn't say not worried at all.....LOL....I have not gotten that far yet).  I am someone you would not want to miss getting to know.....I am so worth it!!!!!!

If you are not familiar with these songs....take a few minutes to listen to them and I think  you will understand why I picked them for this entry.

I saw a picture on FB and it said to me "THIS IS YOU DONNA!!!!"

It is a picture of a little girl standing in the rain in a sun suit her arms outstretched and a look on her face that stays with you and the quote said

"Remember her? She is still there....... inside you.......waiting.....let's go get her !!!".......yup that's me!!!

OK one quick funny story I shared at WW this morning.  We were talking about enjoying eating as an experience not something to rush through.  We talked about things like eating standing up etc.  I told the group about an event a long time ago when we were at my sister's house helping with something and also making a meal for the family.  So there we are the two Raboni sister in crappy clothes like sweatpants, old tshirts, no makeup and our hair just pulled up in clips.  Mashed potato's were part of the meal.  We both started  "testing" them.....right at the stove each with a spoon digging into the pot and having mouthfuls of the potato's.  Next thing we look up and there is a really, really handsome (did I mention drop dead gorgeous) man standing in the doorway looking at us.......mouths full of potato's looking like.....ugh..... I can't even imagine .....it turned out my brother had brought a friend over with him.  After that I have to say eating out of a pot at the stove is not something I do much anymore unless I am ABSOLUTELY sure no one will be showing up in my kitchen that I didn't anticipate......

See you next week......