Seeing The World in a Variety of Ways.....

When I got in the shower this morning I thought to myself .......WOW.....things look so clear!!! Then I thought "of course they do you ass......you still have your glasses on!!!"

Oh for the days of getting out of bed and not having to do things like put on my eyeglasses, take my med's, I need my glasses on to apply my makeup but can't have them on during the application process so it is a challenge.  I hold a mirror very, very close to me while I make myself up.  I do NOT use the magnifying side of the mirror because the view scares the hell out of me......

In some ways I am regressing....kind of.....I get in the shower without my glasses on and shave my legs.  I think I have done a good job and then I get out in the sunlight and see I have missed a spot or two.  Now I use Nair on my legs.  Picture me rubbing Nair on my legs and sitting on the side of the tub for several minutes while the smell of Nair fills the air and I wait for it to work it's magic.  I also have to remember not to use the towel that I dry my legs with on my wet hair from the shampoo and shower.  I don't need the hair falling out of my head in addition to legs......the things we take for granted......

It does take  take a long time to get my hair to look like I have a normal amount (I can see you all staring at my hair the next time you see me). The good news is I have these new wisps of hair growing in and my hair does seem to be getting fuller.


I wear bras with underwrires to keep the girls up and separated and away from my waist.  I wear Spanx to make things not jiggle and stay in place.....and look flatter and firmer.....


On the plus side of the ledger......

I had a great Dr. visit this week.....so much good news......great numbers on all of my blood work and less focus on med's.  We also talked about the goal WW has set for me.  He agreed getting to the same weight I was as a senior in HS was not likely.  We set a more achievable, realistic goal.  And when I get close to that number he said he will write me a letter to support the fact based on his opinion and my overall health my goal should be adjusted.  He said he has done this a number of times for his patients.  It made me feel great that the goal we set while still quite a distance away is achievable and not as overwhelming to get too.

I had an exhausting week at work but made it to Friday.  The days were long but I now have the energy and the ability to push through.  In all honesty though by Friday night ......I felt my age....and Saturday I did very little......I needed the day to recharge.  In my line of work, month end (which now lasts about 2 weeks) is rough and this time of year is one of our super busy times as everyone with children wants to close during the summer so their kiddies can start the next school year in their new location. I understand it but OMG it can be constant and with long days and minimal breaks.  Plus add in the fact that like everyone else we have a lot of vacation time requests during these months.......but as I said the good news was I made it through and I think my improved overall health had something to do with it........oh and lots and lots of coffee.......

I was down at the scale today......not a lot ......but down none the less. There was a lot of discussion about plateau's today and how long they can last.  We also talked about regaining what we have lost and how to prevent it.  I asked the class who had lost and regained weight? Everyone raised their hand.  This is one of the challenges we all face......I am confident that I finally understand that this is a lifestyle and not a diet.  Although the plateau's  and roller coasters of my effort will continue.......I will never go back to where I was at the start of this journey....never .....ever.

My next challenges are there is no class next week and I will be at a writing  seminar the following weekend. I will find time to weigh in at some point but will miss at least one weekly class. The old Donna would have thought "gee I don't have to get on the scale for 2-3 weeks.....I can relax and eat what I want and still have time to get back on track before I get on the scale again"......nope not happening.....I have worked too darn hard this time to play those kinds of games with my head and my health.

Another good thing....a short work week....WOO HOO .....I am looking forward to the long weekend coming up......

As I roll into a new week, I feel renewed focus and determination. I am grateful to wake up each morning. I am grateful to see the improvement in my health.  I am also belssed to have the  support of my family and friends.

Grateful and blessed......how lucky can a girl get.......

See you next week.......

Frustrations....Memories...Laughter......Goodbye

Frustrations on the Roller Coaster......

Trying to pass that elusive 80 pounds down overall is a exercise in futility.  Up some down some up some down some....lose a pound gain a pound.  Can you guess how my weigh in went this morning??? Ugh !! I didn't cry but I am extremely frustrated!! Is it too much salt , is it too many things with water, is it the heat causing my body to hold on to water, is it stress (dear God my stress level at home alone could cause anyone to not lose), am I not exercising enough, am I not eating enough, is the aspirin I take causing an issue???

I have been tracking what I eat and I think about it a lot.  One of my buddies suggested figuring out 5 breakfasts, lunches and dinners knowing the point value of each.  Then choosing from those each day.  I have not been structuring my daily eating and have just been eating (within my points) when I am hungry,  Dinner's have been late due to working later.  I am going to give it a try and see how it goes.

Another member in my class also shared something that stuck with me.  She was at one time ranked the number #1 tennis player in the state.  She said the winning was easy but her coach told her she would learn more from the times she lost.  She said when she hit a slide she learned to rethink think instead of just staying with her old ways of winning.  What a great analogy......

So here I sit refiguring how to move ahead.....I will pass the 80 pounds and then 90 pounds and then 100 pounds and someday to goal.

I just needed a few hours to get up off the floor, dust myself off and start again.  I am tired of thinking about food and weight loss but if I don't think about it where would I be?

I am feeling a little down.....had a minor pity party.....I am now sucking it up and moving on.......I am not ready to give up the battle by a long shot.....

Memories.....

Father's Day conjures up so many memories.  I had an amazing Dad!!!

When I think of him I remember:
-the Dad who took his 2nd grade daughter to lunch at a diner when my other siblings were sick
-the Dad who tolerated his young daughter staying up to keep him company on long rides home from visiting relatives.....everyone else would fall asleep but I worried about Dad having to stay awake....so I would put my hand on his shoulder and talk to him (I am sure he was thinking "why doesn't this kid fall asleep" and I guess seat belts were not in vogue then either)
-the dad who made me believe he could change traffic lights
-the Dad who took his high school freshman daughter to a Father-Daughter Dance
-the Dad who took his daughter for a drink at on New Years Eve while waiting for pizza to take home for dinner on the last day of his job as an attorney for an insurance company he had been associated with for years he talked about his severance package with his grown up daughter
-the Dad who picked up me up in his Corvette when I worked in lower Manhattan- the next day my coworkers wanted to know who they guy was that I kissed hello and jumped into his sports car......they were shocked that it was my Dad
-the Dad who could sometimes read my mind and what I was thinking
-the Dad who sat up late and helped me cram for an exam in college
-the Dad who said the night before my wedding "I am going to miss having you around here"
-the Dad who always shared with his children when he settled a big case
-the Dad who during one of my last conversations with him told me "to take good care of Jenn"....(although he had nicknamed her Priscilla)
-the Dad who taught me toughness, determination, generosity, a love of Christmas and so much more
-the Dad that was gone far too soon but still exists in my daughter who can look over her glasses at me like Dad did......who sometimes sticks her tongue out of the side of her mouth when she is concentrating on something she writes.........he is still here
-the Dad that I have missed for over 31 years but think of everyday with love and warm mem

Dad and me....1956

Laughter.....

Yesterday, there was a bad storm that hit part of Columbia, SC.  We lost power and Internet access.  Not something you want to happen when you work from home.  I texted my boss and told her I would be working off my phone.  She said  that was fine or I could use my hot spot.  Hot spot???? What the hell is a hot spot????? I called my daughter who explained how I could use my phone and still use my laptop and continue to work.  Thank goodness before I go too involved in the process the power and Internet were back!!  Hot spot......really??? OK I have to admit I felt just a little out of the loop and old.....I have heard of hot flashes and some "other" kinds of spots but not a hot spot.........although I guess the spot I had heard about might be a "hot" spot too.....and Jenn is rolling here eyes at me as I am reading this to her......I guess TMI.......LOL......

Goodbye......

One of my WW buddies son passed away suddenly this week.  Her son also attended WW.  He was the guy who would give you a high 5 when you had a good week, he would make you laugh with his funny comments, he had a smile that wouldn't quit and an aura about him that just made you feel good!! I have been processing the news of his passing and just feel sad. When I get on the scale each week I will picture him giving me that high 5 or having an encouraging word if it wasn't a great week.  He may be gone but not forgotten.......I will see you again.......until then soar high and farewell......

See you next week.......

Staying Focused and Meeting Deadines....;

I got back on track this week. I tracked what I ate. I made sure to eat the right quantities and some variety.  The scale reflected I was back on track.

The topic of the meeting today was about our bodies.  Here was the hard part....we had to come up with something positive about them.  It's easy to find the negative.  My response was that I liked that my body now moves better and easier.  I am not as sedentary.  I am also never running a marathon.  I do like being able to get up and down without thinking about it.  Although my knees are loaded with arthritis, it can be painful at times but it doesn't stop me from climbing stairs (carefully).  My hips can ache at times again nothing that really stops me from moving around.  Extended long walks....probably not unless I was holding onto someones arm for support.  But, all of this is OK........

I no longer feel bad or sad if I can't do extended walks.  I can do other things.  Of course, there is the pool at the gym.  In the pool, I can do anything!! Jenn provided me with the chair exercises to do during the week while I work.  

I am tired of feeling bad about the things I can't or don't choose to do.  I have decided I need to get over it.  If someone thinks I am a failure for not hiking or doing 5K's....who cares???? Not me!!

The guilt about my weight has been weighing me down.  I have chosen to not to continue to beat myself up.

We were also asked today, were we happier with our bodies now then when we started?  I raised my hand immediately!! Almost 80 pounds gone,  down at least 4 sizes (in some cases 5 sizes), with the proper bra's and spanx things that used to sag stay more in place, things that jiggled don't. How could I not be happy about those changes?

I have some Dr. appt's this week and next week......it is nice to go into those appointments with good news to share vs dreading what I might hear.

Now about deadlines......

Some are self-imposed and some are due to outside factors.

Deadlines such as when I will hit goal at WW are non-existent.  I will not put that kind of stress on myself.  I will get there when I get there.  I will work on it week after week and at some point I will hit goal. It may not be the goal WW says I should hit but more likely the goal my Dr. and I think I should hit. 

I still focus on 5 pounds at a a time.....that works best for me.

This week, I had another deadline. 

I am attending a writers conference in July.  I have a 1:1 session with one of the faculty from the conference. In order for our time to be productive, I had to submit 10 pages of a manuscript I am working on.  Well, as is typical for me through college.....I work best under pressure and waited until the week before I had to send in my 10 pages to get my ass in gear.

I wrote and rewrote and reread and rewrote and edited and changed and reworked those 10 pages.  I read them out loud a zillion times.  Jenn and I went through those pages with her asking questions or pointing out to me where I might need to make adjustments.

The deadline was 5:00PM Friday.  I emailed it after 4:00 on Friday.  Whew.......

It was an eye opening experience.  If I plan on continuing to write as a profession I need to get used to this process.  Not every word I write is fabulous or perfect.  I tend to think oh that sounds good.  Then I put the written work aside.  I go back later and then I see what needs more work.

The way I have to track my food and figure out appropriate serving sizes is they way I have to look at my life.  Controlled portions, focus, determination and belief I will succeed are some of the steps I need to take in order to make my dreams a reality.  

All of those items are what I need to focus on for both journeys......one to a healthier longer life and the other to be a successful author.....

The List

A Final Gift From A Mom

By

Donna Pizzolongo

See you next week........

Taking A Break For A Week.....from everything

Last week, I didn't write a blog entry....in case you didn't notice humor me and don't tell me....I want to believe that not having a entry to read left you wondering "where is Donna's weekly post?"

Anyway....up until last week I had only taken 2 days off in 2016. It was no ones fault by my own.....I am not that important that I need to be available to everyone...... everyday..... every minute.  I worked late the Friday before my week off so I had covered as much as possible. What a surprise right???

During the week off....I really unplugged.....part of it was not within my control...LOL....my phone app to access my work emails went kaput on Tuesday.  I had promised myself I would not turn on my work computer ALL week and I lived up to that promise until today.  I did sign on today to delete the zillions of emails I rec'd last week, to check time cards and put myself in a good position to return to work tomorrow.  I only worked about 2 hours but at least I will not go to sleep freaking out about what I have to face tomorrow morning.

My week off was just what I needed....time to recharge....time to do what "Donna" wanted to do......time to think about anything and everything other than work.

I went to a few movies, spent a lot of time talking to friends, did some shopping and slept in (well at least for me) until at least 8:00 AM every day.

I also did not track my points, had a few cocktails (OK more than a few) and although I was VERY aware of what I was eating....I did not overindulge.

But as with most vacations, I went back to Weight Watchers today (I missed last Sunday).  I was up on the scale but guess what......I was OK with that !!!! I did not eat pounds of cheese or rich desserts or overindulge on any item in particular.

For one week, I did not track my points on my phone or obsess about what I ate.

I wore my new bathing suit which I really like and the feedback I rec'd let me know it wasn't just me who thought it looked good.

The difference between now and my "old life" is that today I went to my meeting and was ready to begin again.  My tracker is up and running.  I have prepared all my fruits and veggies for the week.  I have my list of exercises that I can do during the day sitting at my table working on my computer.

I needed the break but also knew I needed to return to my healthier lifestyle.  The hard part about this weight loss process is it can be incredibly slow.  My leader asked today what we would consider a successful summer? I said if I consistently do my exercises a few times a day and am down another 5 pounds by Labor Day I will be happy (not that I would be upset if I was down 10 pounds).  It has always been about small steps......if I lose 5-10 pounds by Labor Day I would be down around 90 pounds......90 friggin pounds......how can I complain about that??

I have been reminded again and again that saying" I have a way to go" diminishes my accomplishments to date......for that reason I am working very hard at just saying Thank You !!

The good part about not taking much time off for the first 5 months of the year means I have a lot of vacation time to use before the end of the year.  Since my company has a use it or lose it policy (except for a 5 day carryover)......I will be using it.....ALL.

Will I take a break from everything again to the level I did this week......I am not sure.  But one thing I am sure of is I will NOT go backwards.......I am in this for life......this is not a diet with an end......it is a lifestyle which I have embraced completely. As they say "this is not a diet.....it is a live it."

One more thing.....I have been holding on to all of my Weight Watcher weekly weigh-in cards from when I began this journey.  I decided that I only need to  keep the newest one and will shred the old ones......I don't need them to know where I was and how far I have come.  Weight Watchers has the official records and I have pictures and old clothes and memories of how I looked and felt......I am looking at it like a fresh start......out with the old in with the new.  It's like when I got rid of my bigger clothes (I did keep a few for a visual reminder but the majority are gone).....I need to be looking ahead not behind (no pun intended).  I even have some tops from last summer that I am ready to donate to Goodwill.....that feels great!!

Well, I am recharged and ready to get back to the real world.......at least until about noon on Monday.....but the good news is my next bunch of days off is only a few weeks away.........

See you next week......