How many more things will I find??? More surprises........

As I continue to clean out and purge items from my house you just never know what you will come across.....

Look at these two items.....

A braidini???? I have had hair long enough for one of these in 20 years and a VHS tape with instructions on how to use it.......

Electric curlers???? I haven't had hair long enough for those in 2 decades either.......I am afraid of what else I might come across........

Next was my dresser.  I have been using the same two night shirts.  They are too big but who cares since I don't go out in public wearing them. I had a few more than I thought......9 in all.  Yes, they are all too big but I can still wear them. I must have ordered them over time and never kept track of what I already had.  Some had fallen behind drawers so until we removed the drawers (and vacuumed inside each drawer and behind each drawer) I had no idea they were there.

As I have shared before.....due to my weight loss I have invested in some new unmentionables....they feel silky and have some spandex and microfiber in them so they fit nicely.  That meant out with the all cotton items.

I haven't worn pantyhose or knee highs in over 10 years. That meant I could pitch the 12 pairs of panty hose and 12 plus pairs of knee highs in various colors.

Socks that had lost their elasticity were pitched too.

I did keep a few things:  my favorite maternity top, a t shirt from college and a sweatshirt from the Nauraushaun Indians (the Nauraushaun school was behind my house in NY), a pin from The Glee Club (not sure if it was from PS 71 or JHS 101), my girl scout sash with all badges and pins attached), a pin that look liked an artists palette from 4th grade, a button from my favorite dress coat that I was given when I was about 10 (kelly green dress coat), there was a button from the uniform I wore my 1st year in HS at an all girl's Catholic HS (Preston) and a bell from a 4th grade trip to Carnegie Hall. On that trip each student was given a bell and when the conductor pointed at the students we would ring the bells.  And as the old very bad joke goes.... the conductor said we could all now say we had played at Carnegie Hall.

Out went 3 t shirts that were not only way too big and they had holes in them (one of my friends called the kites).  Also, among the pile of gotta go things was several pairs of jeans that fall off when I tried them on.

Jenn was helping me sort and put things back in place.

And then it happened.........

OK guys you might want to bail now from the rest of this blog because the visual might give you nightmares......

As I was looking and examining and sorting...... hear Jenn say "What is this??" I looked up and the she sat holding.......a thong.....yes I said a thong......brand new in black.

Jenn tried really hard to control herself.........for about 10 seconds.  Then......it started.  She literally was laying on the floor laughing and crying at the same time.  She said  "Mom, what are you doing with a thong?"

As I was trying to act nonchalant and said to her "It was free when I went to buy some clothes."  I was mortified and she was still hysterical laughing.  Her laughter was not mean and she finally said "you are my Mom.....you don't wear thong's"......the tears continued to run down her face.

I said "just throw it out" and she said "Oh no you are keeping it."  Getting a little defensive now I said " I haven't worn them yet and I might never wear them" (Just the thought of how ridiculous I would look would give me a nightmare). I could just picture me ending up in the ER wearing them and the ER staff hysterical laughing.

This year I felt I had lived on the edge with underwire  bras from my bra fitting and my other favorite item Spanx.......the black thong was supposed to be my secret.......and I was not sure I would even have the guts to put them on but there I sat turning three shades of red ......my secret was out.

And now I have shared it with you.......it was too funny to not write about.

The next time you see me....please, please, please do not look at my ass to see if there is a panty line and guess if I finally got the nerve to put them on......it is a pretty safe bet that item will never touch my skin.......

Another of my secrets bites the dust.....it made me think what will Jenn find when I die and think "Really Mom??" I doubt there is anything that could cause me more discomfort.....

As I read Jenn this entry her only comment was "Mom, that was funny shit"......dear God help me......

Just a few more quick notes....

I went back to WW today and as I told them at the meeting I feel like I am on an elevator up a floor and down two floors but I am not giving up. I said without my meetings the elevator would go all they way back to the top floor and who would want to go back there again.  Still working toward the next BIG number and this is the challenging time of the year but I will get through it!!!! And hopefully hit a new high in weigh loss as we ring in the New Year.

I have also been writing a minimum of 10 minutes a day as it was suggested in my classes last week. I write about what ever pops into my head and it has been fun.

I am thinking about doing a NC/SC lighthouse tour....AAA and FB both had directions to 7-8 lighthouses that I would love to see.

Tomorrow is Halloween.  I doubt we will get many Trick or Treaters but that's OK with me. I am already watching Christmas movies on the Hallmark Channel.

PS Those few quick notes were added in hopes you would forget the part of this entry about.....the thong....LOL LOL.....

See you next week......

A Tote Bag, A Festival, An Island and Me....

Let me start by saying the last few days have been amazing!!!!

Earlier last week one of my underwriters surprised me and sent me a tote bag she had made for me.  The material used was Van Gogh's Starry Night.  It is the perfect size to carry all of my writing materials.  It also has an outside pocket for my cell phone.  It is so me!!

It's arrival was perfect timing. I was spending the end of the week attending writing classes in Beaufort.

I headed out very early Friday morning (6:30AM) with my new tote. I had packed it with my IPAD, chargers, a hard cover notebook with a cover of gold glitter, two gel pens (pink and blue) and my cell phone.

I attended two Memoir classes at the Pat Conroy Literary Festival. The time spent at those classes in Beaufort were eye opening. I learned so much and felt like a sponge taking it all in.

Class 1 on Friday was supposed to last 90 minutes.  It went on for almost 3 hours.  There aren't many places where I feel comfortable from the start but put me in a room of writers and I am home. The instructor shared and asked and encouraged discussion. The class started by us each talking about why we were given our names.  My answer was " I am Italian from the Bronx in the 1950's.  Donna Marie was a very common name." Not a very exciting story but the facts as I know them. And I think my parents liked the name Donna and Marie just seemed to go with it.  I went to school with several Donna Marie's......similar to the name Jennifer in the 80's and 90's. Our next exercise was writing something referencing each of the 5 senses.  I didn't have a problem with sight, hear, smell or taste.  I did struggle with touch but finally managed to get some words down. We then moved on to writing about any picture we had with us.  I chose to write about the last picture taken of my Mom and me at my nephews wedding a few years ago. The day ended when we were given a homework assignment for our next class.

When asked what to do when you suffer from writers block the instructor said "when you have writers block.....lower your standards"...great advice. She also said you need to write at least 10 minutes a day. It can be about anything from French Toast to music.

After the extended class, I headed out to visit my friends at the beach.  I was very cusious to see how they had fared after the recent hurricane.  It was very quick visit but we still managed to squeeze in a golf cart ride, vodka and conversation that went from politics to Chapter 3.  There is something great about old friends who pass no judgement, make suggestions and really only want the best for you.  They also accept you as you are faults and all.  My friends encourage, are positive and sometimes point out things I hadn't noticed.  It is great free group therapy.

Saturday, it was back to class. This class also ran much longer than scheduled and no one seemed to mind.  Now it was like walking into a room of friends.  We had shared so much the day before we were no longer strangers. After some general discussion, we started to share what we had written the night before.  I chose to write a letter to my Mom about my life since she left us.  It had humor and sadness as I moved from paragraph to paragraph.  When I was done reading my words, people applauded.  Several turned to me and said "I would love to read that memoir and I would buy it".  I felt so pleased !!

I may share some of the writing I did this weekend in future blog entries. I don't think it was an accident that I found these classes on memoirs.  I was meant to be there.

When class was over a group of us decided to form our own writers group.  This gives us each an avenue to share, encourage and have our work critiqued. This will be a great new opportunity.

Before I knew it I was heading back to Columbia.

I missed my Weight Watcher class this morning.  I will be back there next week.  I have passed up many events to make it to those meetings. I now feel secure enough on my path to miss an occasional meeting in order to attend another event. Life is about choices and I am finally making decisions just for me.  If it means missing a meeting now and then to spend time with friends and family or go on an outing that's OK......part of Chapter 3 is living life to it's fullest......and that is exactly what I intend to do......

See you next week......

Getting In The Game

"Life is not as much fun watching from the sidelines"....I have no idea who said this but it is true.

I have been sitting on the bench and watching life go by from the sidelines most of my life.

I never had the desire to be the center of attention.  I did want to be loved and laugh and have friends.  Many times I tended to watch  my friends do things I wanted to do but my fear of failure held me back.

I am finally getting in the game.....trying to push the fear of failure out of my life and my head.

I soak in and enjoy some of simple things....

-that first cup of coffee in the morning

- sitting on the porch drinking that cup of coffee ...even better

-and if it happens to be raining while I am having that cup of coffee while sitting in the rocking chair on the porch....perfection

-the wonderful feeling of laying in bed on a Saturday morning....the room still dark and just let my mind wander.....I get some of my best thoughts for my writing during those moments of solitude in the early dawn

-the same feeling at the end of the day.....in my bed.... my covers wrapped around me (except for one foot that I always leave hanging out)......I will reflect on the day, my goals and what is next for me

- being willing to go with copper color highlights in my hair and not give it a 2nd thought.....pure fun

- today Jenn and I went to my friend, Mary's house for a long overdue cooking lesson....sauce, greek tortolini salad, meatballs and hot tortolini.....actually if I were honest except for the meatballs Jenn did the cooking while Mary took notes and we drank coffee and chatted.....we left Mary with a weeks' worth of food and yes some pots and pans to wash......

-on the way home from Mary's, my sister called and said she and Mike were passing through Columbia so we got to catch up for an hour......not surprisingly we never stopped talking.....

-my Giants finally won one.....it was a nailbiter until the end........go Big Blue....

None of these items above are major life events but now I am able to enjoy every second of them....in fact I relish them.

Later this week, I will be attending the Pat Conroy Literary Festival in Beaufort.  I will be attending 2 writing classes each day (Thursday- Saturday) and on Sunday I will be going to a brunch where two authors will be doing  book readings and having a literary discussions.  Attending writer seminar's, sharing ideas, honing my writing skills and just hanging out with other writers......it's just a little slice of heaven.

And yes.....I am doing this by myself.  My comfort level continues to grow with regard to doing things alone.  Plus, I am not sure anyone would find this event as exciting as me. I on the other hand will be like a sponge soaking it all in......there I will be with one of my glitter covered notebooks and a few of the many gel pens I recently uncovered.

A new adventure to experience and write about.......another chapter in my book "The List".  The chapters are adding up.  When I go back and look at all the things I have taken on I am pleased that I have pushed myself so much.

None of the growth I have expeienced thus far is anything in comparision to what lies ahead.......scary, challenging and exciting all rolled into one.

And you......my family and loyal friends get to come along for the ride. I don't know if I will recognize myself in a couple years both physically and emotionally......healthier, confident and ready for whatever is next.......it will be like looking a mirror and not really knowing the reflection looking back at me.......like the catepillar I referenced a few weeks ago........this butterfly is getting ready to break free.......just watch me fly......

See you next week......

Change, change and more change.....the intro to Chapter 3

When I moved into my current residence I put the furniture where I thought it would look best.........
and there it stayed......
for more than 16 years......

No re-arranging for me......
No vision.....
No creativity.......nada.....none....at least when it comes to home interiors.....

I have spent the last few weeks purging and tossing things out.....
a pair of night tables.....
a large amoire.....
a headboard.....

Clothes closets have been examined......

I cleaned out my front/coat closet.  I was able to hang each of my shawls on a separate hanger.  Now, I can see them all, I do not have to hunt for one or forget any I have.

Every drawer and cabinet in the kitchen has had an initial review.....

Who needs 14 coffee mugs or 10 water bottles....
I have a Keurig...... so why would I need a 12 cup AND 4 cup coffee maker???

6 coffee mugs survived the cut but for a change I was able to choose which ones I wanted to keep.

You have to remove every drawer to find some treasures.  It is amazing how many things fall out of drawers and end up in the cabinet below.

Knives.....missing pieces of flatware.....a shoe horn.....all hidden after falling out of the sharp implement drawer.....although I have never heard of  anyone being stabbed  to death with an old shoe horn.....

I had more than 16 pairs of corn holders.......why?????

I got rid of 12 juice glasses.  I do not drink juice and have never ever had enough people here drinking juice to need those.

I had kitchen utensils that I couldn't identify.

I cleaned out the little key bucket on the kitchen counter......it contained.....

two sets of car keys for cars we no longer own......
6 house keys......I guess I kept having them made.....
3 luggage keys.....
several keys that I have no idea what they are for......
2 girl scout badges....
some screws and bolts (I held on to those because Lord knows what they are from)
some lanyards labeled Gatorade and various schools.....

And on and on......

It has been easier than anticipated to part with most treasures.....

During this process of change and out with the old.......I am slowly ....very slowly..... finding myself.......it is a long road ahead but most days are not too bad......I do run into those totally unexpected moments that hit me like a 2 X 4 and make me sad......

I have also had very understanding family and friends that when I say "I can't talk about it now"..... they will just let it go and move on to something else.....

Decisions and changes that have taken this long to happen are bound to lead me to some rough moments......but I do push on.....

Working on my health and weight go hand in hand with all the changes that surround me......all slow but all in the right direction. I am pleased with the way it is going and try not look back with regret too often....

Over the past few years, Jenn has done a great job of spotting bargains and knows my taste.  One of her finds was a room divider at Hobby Lobby for $20.  It has been standing folded up for the last couple of years  in a space between my dryer and a wall.  When I was doing the laundry last week,  I looked at it and in one of the very, very rare moments of designing creativity I have ever experienced....I thought to myself..... "I wonder how this would look as a headboard".......

Jenn helped me lift it into place and guess what??? It looks great!!! Not like some of the beautifully matched bedroom suites I know a lot of people have..... but guess what.....this is more me than a very expensive matching bedroom set..... add the $19.99 quilt and $6.00 matching pillow shams from Walmart and it really works......(the quilt and pillow shams were another Jenn Pizzo find)......Jenn is now on a mission to find me some bargain night tables to replace my practical but not very fashionable tv table/night tables.....LOL

Now the bedroom with the new headboard, quilt, pillow shams and my Mom's desk with all my treasures really feels right.....for me.......

And that's all that really matters.....

My headboard.....

My space......

See you next week........