Don't I deserve it ?

I have lived in this house almost 18 years.....

As stated in past posts, I am ashamed to admit that I have done little to no maintenance during that time.  No new flooring even when the carpeting was in bad shape.  I ignored the dings on the walls. No new paint was applied inside or out.  Doorknobs remained broken held with tape so they wouldn't lock.  The corner on the hutch that Jeter chewed as a puppy stayed exposed, raw wood vs the rest painted green.

Why didn't I do the maintenance before?  There were a number of reasons why I postponed doing these basic upkeep......yes, money was part of it but I also I guess I just got used to the way things looked.

I read somewhere about a woman who had passed away.  When her children were cleaning out her possessions, they found things she had never worn from some lovely unmentionables to blouses with tags still on them.  She had been saving them for a special time.  The special time ended up being at her funeral.

Having the vinyl flooring replaced a few weeks ago, the carpeting tomorrow, the fireplace is now operating again (although it will not be used in the near future...LOL) and the painters are due next Monday all steps in the right direction. Jenn replaced the broken doorknobs today.....no more tape holding door locks open.

Did I think I didn't deserve a nice place to come home to?  Was I so focused on the money that I kept saying "I can't I can't"? Was I waiting for the right time?

All of this got me thinking about the things I put off or don't use.  Why is the good jewelry never worn? I am afraid I will lose it.  Why do I not invite people over?  Is it because my house is not spotless? Why don't I buy new clothes when I need them instead of wearing the same old night shirt?  As I mentioned a few entries ago, I am saving them.  Saving them for what.....my funeral?

As I sit here writing this I am making an oath to myself.....I am going to leave this world with a shorter list of "why didn't I's"....or "I will save that to wear another time"....and time to start switching up the jewelry and enjoy what I have.

The same with the work being done on the house.....I keep saying I should have done this before but at least I am doing it now.

It's similar to my focus on getting healthy....there is nothing I can do about the years I wasted but at least I am working on it now.  I will have more years to make you all crazy.....years that that I might not have had before......that might be a scary thought for some of you......LOL

A long time ago Erma Bombeck wrote a column that has stuck with me.  It was called "If I Had My Life To Live Over Again".  She wrote about things she would have done differently if she could do it all over again. It is worth the read and will give you pause to think about what we are all passing up in our lives and saying "let's wait until...."

I like to think at times my writing style is like Ms. Bombeck's.  I read and enjoyed many of her columns.  In order to save you the time of looking up the column I referenced above I am sharing it with you here.......

If I Had My Life To Live Over

by Erma Bombeck

The following was written by the late Erma Bombeck
after she found out she had a fatal disease.

If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love you's".. More "I'm sorrys" ...

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it ... live it...and never give it back.

See you next week......