I have always been self conscious.
I don't want to stand out in a group.
Being a big girl makes this a challenge.
As you know, this has been a lifelong work in progress.
Slow like the turtle.
I have setbacks but them push forward again.
My revelation of the week, I am no longer eating just because it is breakfast, lunch or dinner time.
Why eat if I am not hungry? Habit, a bad habit.
No more feeling I have to eat because others are eating.
I can do this without a doubt.
I gave up cigarettes 30 years ago, cold turkey.
I gave up soda, cold turkey 4 years ago. (If I have had more than 5 cans of soda in the time that would be it and only because there was nothing else to go with vodka).
I gave up potato chips, cold turkey 2 years ago. (only time I bend this rule is from Christmas Eve through New Years Day).
I am making other change, too.
I have a hard time going somewhere that I do not know the lay of the land.
Also, due to my hip and knee issues walking long distances is a challenge and while I can do stairs I definitely take my time.
I used to be so focus on worrying about standing out, I would not look for solutions or accommodations.
Why do I give a crap what others think? Yes, I am self-conscious and lack confidence at times but once I am comfortable watch out!!
I think the term is an ambivert.
I am traveling this week for work.
Instead of stressing about arrangements, I decided to be a grown up and ask for things that might make my trip easier.
I called the hotels and requested the following: a room near the front desk and/or elevator.
A walk-in shower. ( I can climb into a regular tub but why should I if there is an easier option).
If possible, a recliner in the room or lots of pillow to make sleeping easier.
I will use the valet parking.
My manager has made an big effort to make sure I am comfortable on this trip. She has checked out restaurants, office layouts and made suggestions about things I can ask for or do to have me enjoy the week. Thanks Jenn (my manager not my daughter) for your efforts !!
It's time I figure out what works for me and go for it. If something makes it easier for me then I am going to do it or ask for it.
Is it "growing up" or being old enough to not focus on the opinion of others?
A friend once told me when I walk in the room and feel like people are focusing on me, I am giving them too much power and people really are not putting all their thoughts into me.
This person said when I walk in a room the only thought is "there is Donna" and nothing more.
As I work to improve myself with things like eating only when I am hungry vs out of habit, I will feel better about myself.
I am pretty sure next week my blog will be about the great week I had in retrospect. I will have found my few travel requests made this trip so much easier which will have made me happier.
Also, at least for this week, I will have no transportation worries. I rented a car. It's a 2019! Although I am not used to a car after driving a SUV since 2002, I can get in and out of the car easily. Just driving it home from Enterprise yesterday confirmed my decision that I when I am shopping for a newer vehicle this summer (after Jenn's student loans are paid off yeah!), I am leaning toward a cross over vehicle. I do like sitting higher than I am in the rental car. It's like having free test drive that assured my car vs crossover decision is correct.
In case you are saying to yourself, why is Donna driving around Florida instead of flying. Simple answers, I have a 2 hour trip to the airport plus have to be there an hour early, no direct flight to Orlando which means the flight/travel would take longer than me driving there. And on Friday, when I am on my way home, I can get on the road when I want (very early) and not hassle with airports. If I can avoid Miami and Atlanta airports, count me in !!
Oh and maybe just maybe it's the control freak in me !!
See you next week.
PPSS the writers for Pink were asked to write a Valentines Day message, here is mine:
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