The 1,000 Year Flood......

Life throws you curve balls......so does mother nature.......

Last week, Columbia SC had over 18 inches of rain.  I have never seen that much rain before.  It went on and on.  We checked around our house hourly.  We woke up to rain, we went to sleep to rain and woke to rain again.  We never lost power.  We did lose water.

You get creative with what you eat since you can't wash the dishes or pots and pans. PB and J becomes a staple......and anything else you can eat without real cooking.  It is funny how creative you can get....LOL.....but probably not the most easy options for my diet.......but that is small potato's (no pun intended)compared to what others have gone through.

My Mom always used to say pray specific.  I prayed for no water in the house and that's what I got......I should have said please don't let any of the flooding waters enter my house.  Oh well....lesson learned.

We were without water for a few days.  We are still on a boil water advisory.  You just don't realize how often you use water.......we have bottled water and we are getting by without much issue.  And we are very lucky and very, very blessed.

Just a few miles from my home is a neighborhood in total devastation.  I was trying to take a short cut and ended up in what I would call a true disaster area.  Home after home there were piles of wood, dry wall, furniture, windows, appliances and just about anything else.  After seeing the carnage.......I felt stupid and shallow.....I was bothered by having no water.......how about no house????

But in all the darkness I have once again seen the good in the state of South Carolina.  The people are amazing.....helping, donating, looking out for each other, first responders at the top of their game and on and on........there are so many things in which South Carolina is last.......but in it's citizens compassion......they are tops!!! Whether it be needing water or a tetanus shot or shelter......people are coming out of the woodwork to help.

The things I have noticed most......the constant sounds of sirens for several days......Chinook helicopters dropping bags of sand into the canals.......port-o-potties all over the place..........the phone waking me up to flash flood warnings......family members checking in on us......and the request for donations being answered in droves.

It has been a hard week to live in Columbia, SC but also a proud one.....once again SC has earned the praise it doesn't often get and it is well earned.

The rain has stopped and the water has started to recede so for many of us the event is over except for the minor inconvenience of boiling water........for some it will be weeks and months before their new normal life will take shape.......until that time they will have their family, friends, neighbors and fellow South Carolinian's to help them along the way........and for that I am extremely proud......

Brief glimpses of memories.....

Have you ever had a flash of a memory even if just for a split second??

Right now we are in the middle of a major water event in Columbia.  I had flashbacks to my house flooding a few years ago due to an inside plumbing issue.  It was a royal pain in the ass......huge fans blowing throughout the house to dry it out, carpet being ripped up, furniture piled all over the place .....it was also two weeks before Christmas but we got through it and the house was put back in order.  But as I lay in bed last night, I could heard the rain pounding on the roof.  I prayed.....a lot .....and several times....... that we wouldn't get water in our house......(OK and a prayed a little not to lose power). So far .....no water in the house and the power has stayed on.

That got me thinking about other times when memories of the past have come back to me.......

Recently, I pulled a spoon out of my silverware drawer.  When I looked at it closely, I realized it was the last spoon from a set of flatware my brother and I bought my Mom one year for Christmas.  We were probably 10 and 12 years old.  We went to Alexander's Dept Store and if I remember correctly spent $12 for the whole set.  And that was close to 50 years ago.

My sister and I were shopping together one day, I told her to stop and close her eyes.  I saw a bottle of the cologne my Dad used to wear.  I opened it and put it under her nose.  She started to cry and said "Dad".

I can never bake a chocolate chip without going back in time.  I am about 5 years old sitting on the kitchen table "helping" my Mom bake Christmas cookies in our 5th floor walk up in the Bronx.  Then my Dad and brother come in the apartment carrying our Christmas tree.  The memory is only a second or two but very clear and vivid.

When Jenn calls and tell me about her new job......... my mind flashes back to the little girl wearing the apple print dress to her first day of kindergarten,

I can't wait until the way I didn't take care of myself for years becomes a glimpse of a memory......I am sure that will take a while......but it will happen.

Just slivers of memories.......for a split second you are taken back in time

So whether it be pouring rains, a spoon, the smell of cologne, making cookies or a little girl in an apple print dress...we can be transported in time......that for the most part brings us back to a place of warmth, happiness and love......not a bad place to go back to......

See you next week......

PS one more question...why is it bad weather whether it be snow or rain makes me want to cook.....is it the smells of the food that are comforting??? Just wondering.......

Learning to throw things out......

In some ways, I am a pack rat.  Not like the hoarders show on TV......I just tend to keep things.

Yesterday, Jenn and I went to the office.  I am going to switch offices soon so it was time to purge and move.  We emptied the overheads and desk drawers.  Then I got overwhelmed.......there was stuff everywhere.  Jenn rolled over the shred bin and I started to go through papers....lots and lots of papers.  Most of them were training materials......all of which have either been updated or are available online. Some of the documents were 4 years old.  Well that shred bin was much heavier by the time I was done.  Then there was a box for things to bring home.  I know I had gotten carried away with things on my desk.....little things here and there....way too much "stuff".  Into the "take it home box" it went. Then we moved the things I don't need right now to my new office.  There was a lot of junk in my new desk drawers so I used hand sanitizer and cleaned them out.  Before I knew it, we were done. I am now partially in 2 offices but the things I have left to move when the official move takes place will be easy to relocate.

Then when we got home I looked at my pile of magazines.......Family Circle, Good Housekeeping, Coastal Living, Weight Watchers and the Food Network......I kept saving them saying on maybe I will want to try this recipe or that decorating idea.....enough was enough.  The recycle bin nows weighs about 50 pounds....OK maybe that is a slight exaggeration......but all the magazines are gone.....well except for a few food network issues which had either holiday suggestions or food I love on the cover.

Last night, I took another trip through my clothes.........once again I decided to get rid of some.  Too big or am I ever really going to wear this again was part of my thought process.

I am ready to pitch my herb garden and trade it in for pumpkins and mums.  No, my spider plants are not getting pitched.....yet.....they tend to last into November.  I usually trade them out for the Christmas lights so they can hang around a bit longer.

During this process of getting rid of things I found some pens I really like, nice new t shirts and there is actually a top on the small chest I have in my bedroom (all the magazines had been piled up there).

Things look fresh and declutered......I still have a lot of "stuff" that at some point I will throw away or pack up but I am not quite ready to do that yet.  I figure it will have to be done before I head to my next location but since I have time before that happens I don't have to do it right now.

The great part was I had the energy to do all these things!!!! Part of the getting healthier and more mobile process.  I keep thinking to myself....just a year ago I couldn't have done this or that.......and that makes me happy.......just part of the long and winding road on my journey.......but at least now the steps are a little easier and lighter.......and on I go.......

See you next week......

Football, Baseball and The Fall.....

I love autumn.......there is hope of 90-100 degree days are finally fading away.  The leaves start changing.....somewhere.  Sweater weather.......not really in SC until December but oh well. And of course there is football......and the winding down of baseball.

Last year, the fall was my turning point. It was then I decided I needed to make some changes to improve my health, mobility and life expectancy.  It is hard to believe it has been about a year since I went back to WW for the zillionth time.  But here I am a year later......more mobile......more confident........and definitely healthier.

I still struggle with compliments.......and want to keep adding "it is a work in progress"......like you wouldn't already know looking at me.

In the last few months, I have added color to my wardrobe, just the way the leaves of green turn to red, orange and gold. We took a ride on the Blue Ridge Highway last October to enjoy the foliage.  I never thought of how the leaves and I have traveled the same path in the last year.

Then there is football and baseball.....

 Baseball is a long season which sometimes makes me crazy because of its length.  In the same way, my WW journey is a long one. The Yankees have been on a journey like me.....in first place, close to first place, falling a few games out of first place but holding on to their wild card hopes.  I am not where I had hoped to be after a year but was reminded today at my meeting ...... where would I be today if I had never started.  You sometimes have to reset goals and be realistic.  The NSV's matter a lot too (non-scale victories).  For example, Friday night I met my friend, Mary for dinner at Cracker Barrel.  I checked ahead of time about which foods would be my best choice.  I wanted a biscuit so bad but passed it up. I could have had it but was it worth 5 points and then the points for the butter on it......not this time.  I had bought some new capris and hadn't worn them yet.  I decided to wear them Friday night.  because they fit better than what I had been wearing.... right away I thought they were too tight.  Jenn told me they were supposed to look like that.......just not used to it.  Mary greeted me with a big smile and said "your pictures do not do you justice"......I still find it hard to wrap my head around those kinds of comments/compliments.  I don't think the fat girl will ever let me go......the lifelong hold she has had on my head and heart will not be easily removed if ever......but she is getting smaller and no longer front and center.

Football as it was explained to me once by Lou Holtz at a Ladies Football Clinic is all about 10 yards.  Get 10 yards then go for another 10 yards and then another until you score.  With WW, it is about 5 pounds at a time.  As I have said before, I cannot think about my final WW goal but I can handle 5 pounds.  Sometimes you get knocked back in yardage in a football game and sometimes at WW the scale is up a little.....then other times there is a long pass or run and you move more than the 10 yards........that is like the weeks when the scale moves down more than I anticipated.

I was raised loving the fall......leaves, pumpkins, apply picking, cool weather.....the changes of  the seasons.  While I start to enjoy the changes that make up life.

I was raised loving football and baseball......
New York Yankees.... from Mantle, Marris and  Yogi to Jeter, Rivera and Petit
New York Giants......from Y A Tittle, Sam Huff and Frank Gifford to Eli, Beckham and Cruz

And now while I am in the autumn of my years.....I am loving life..... with more confidence, much improved  health and increased mobility.......one pound at a time.

See you  next week......

Saying Yes More Than No

Part of the metamorphosis I am going through involves saying "yes" to more things.  The "no's" are becoming less.

And you never know where your inspiration might come from.......

Is it my WW pals?? They make Sunday mornings special and are a constant source of support.  They share the successes and help me through the plateau's and down times.  They understand what I  am going through.  I have bared my soul to them and feel such a sense of not being alone when I am with them.

Is it my old dear friends?? They have been encouraging and positive.  They know this battle is not easy for me.  They also try to make it easier by adjusting menu's when I am with them.  They also comment on the things I can now do with greater ease.  They write notes after I post my blog that make me feel like I can go another week, another day or another hour and not give up my focus.

Is it my family who have been with me all all along?? They in some cases have been the reflection in the mirror I did not want to see.  They have had the tough talks with me.  They have felt my pain. I think at times they had given up on me not because they wanted to but I don't think they knew how to help without causing me additional hurt. They have known most intimately....... the fat Donna, the Donna suffering with her weight and  the Donna who had given up on herself.  They still loved me but had no idea what to do or how to help.  They suggested diets and surgery and exercise and healthy eating options.  They even asked my friends to talk to me about my weight.

Pain, pain and more pain........it is a real physical pain......not just the hips and knees but the heart and soul.  You do begin to question your worth to yourself or anyone........

Someone once said, "you cannot move a grain of sand without changing the world." (I looked it up and for the life of me could not find who to credit it to.)

For me the grain of sand that moved was something that happened a little more than a year ago.......I read a post on FB from someone I knew in high school.  No, we were not best friends but more acquaintances in passing.  The post was about wanting to do new things at least once a month.

That brief post really got me thinking......I wanted to live my life not merely exist.  I didn't want to continue to say no to things.  I wanted to stop worrying about anything and everything.  No longer was I going to be a victim of my own doing........I wanted to be the hero of my story.

This week,  I passed the 60 pound mark.  It seemed like I hit the 50 pound loss ages ago but now I realize it doesn't matter how long it takes.  Like they say in our meeting "it is not a race......it is a journey". I know I have to focus on the 5 pounds at a time.  And even with those ugly plateau's  and the roller coaster ride this journey takes......I know I am in it this time until I get to my goal.......not WW goal (since I haven't weighed that much since high school...LOL) but my goal.

When I look back at this year so far I see so many more "yes's" in my life.  And while there are still changes coming and some of them are big changes, I see such a different person both inside and out now......

So while I have to thank my family, my friends, my WW buddies..............you all really have no choice.....you are stuck with me......

I really have to thank Deborah Ennis Duitch whose  FB post changed my life. That short post was a turning point for me in the right direction........and for that I will be eternally grateful to Deborah........

None of us ever know how our actions or words can change someones path .......it can get someone through a tough day.......or on a new road........simple words that can change lives......

Now my word is Yes.......and that is far better than all those No's I have said along the way.........

Oh and for your entertainment.....I had Jenn take 2 pictures of me....just the face....LOL.....one from the front and the other profile......I think you will see the differences between that and a photo from 2 years ago.......

two years ago.......

and today.......

........and for laughs here is a profile shot (please ignore the long scar from the side of my eye.......the Dr. at the hospital insisted it would be come part of my laugh lines or crows feet.......whatever).....I just wanted you all to see my more defined neck....LOL

See you next week.................

What the hell can I eat that is not processed????

I talked to my WW leader today and she gave me some suggestions....watch the sodium and try to avoid processed foods and not too many banana's and try sticking to berries or citrus fruit.

I eat tons of veggies and fruits.......

OK the sodium part I get........

I am not a big fan of citrus fruits.  I can eat them but just not in love with them.  Berries??? Except strawberries not a big fan of those either.

The processed food part I don't get......I mean I understand that I should avoid them but other than fruits and veggies.....what the hell can I eat?????

So anything on a label that sounds like a chemical is out........anything that didn't come from the ground is out.....anything with too much sodium is out.......

See my dilemma??????

So what can I eat when I crave something salty?

What can I eat when I crave something sweet?  Are grapes bad too???

I would love to know what it is like to not have to think about every damn thing I put in my mouth.  I would love to know what it is like to not have to think about food and choices constantly.  I would love to lose weight just because of what I am passing up......OK that is a dream I know it!!!

Yes, the rational side of me knows I have done a good job since starting this war on fat.  I know it by the clothes I can now wear.  I no longer sweat out being given a booth to sit at instead of a table (OK I might still worry about this a little). I no longer worry about dying every hour on the hour (now watch I will kick off before I finish this entry).

But here I sit several months into this battle for health and I still have questions........

So I am asking any of you that have suggestions on things to eat that are not processed....suggest away.....I am open to any ideas.....

As you can tell I am kind of in a funk......after my WW meeting I was feeling OK......I went to the gym and jogged in the pool for 75 minutes (and I did it yesterday too). Then I did something stupid and childish.....I started feeling sorry for myself......I started to think will all the things I talk about doing really ever happen?? I started comparing my life to others (which is really stupid to do since everyone has crap going on in their lives they just choose not to share it with the world). Sometimes I can feel so focused and positive and then sometimes I let that little cloud of doubt follow me around.

I want to be the fun person to be around.....today I was  not.  The one smart thing I did was grab my lunch and a bottle of water and eat lunch on my front porch while sitting in the rocking chair.  I played some games on my IPAD and just reflected on my life and tried to look for the good.  (It also saved me from being a witch, screaming loon or yelling at the dog).

Then surprise surprise.....it started to rain.......LOL.....doesn't it figure???? I stayed out there for a while even after the rain had started and was enjoying the view. But then had to give in and go inside when the rain started to soak the porch.  Mother Nature won that battle......

So here I sit now inside the house.......listening to the rain....sorting through my thoughts and questions.......trying to figure out where I want to go and how to get there.......

Well, maybe I will have some revelations this week.......you never know.......

Each night before I go to sleep I write in a journal 5 good things about the day.....sometimes it's easy and some days I have to struggle ......so let me end this entry with 5 good things about the coming week.....

1.  Tuesday starts of the "ber" months. Hopefully, no more days in the 90's and 100's!!!!
2.  I have a long weekend coming up. Thank goodness for Labor Day but wasn't it just Memorial Day?
3.  Payday. This makes SCEG, Time Warner Cable and my mortgage company happy!!
4.  Fall decoration are up (tablecloth and napkins, plates in the plate rack, small tree in the front window decorated and the wreath on the door).
5. And if nothing else brightens my week........college football starts this week..........USC plays Thursday night......and I can't wait.....GO COCKS!!!!!

See you next week......I promise to be more cheerful as the baseball season winds down (dear God please let the Yankees make it to the post season) and the football season starts (come on Gamecocks and NY Giants)........

It Is Not About The Numbers Is It??????

My leader at WW stresses that it is not all about the numbers.

It is about improving our lives overall.

It is being able to walk longer.   It is moving around so much more than before that someone complains that you are in their way.  It is someone looking for you in your office and you aren't there because you have actually left your desk to go see someone.  You don't realize how sedentary you can get and it becomes your lifestyle. I was in a team meeting the other day and realized I didn't sit  for the meeting like I normally do.  I was leaning against a desk the whole time (probably 25 minutes or so).  I can't remember the last time I did that......I know leaning is not standing but it sure isn't sitting either.

No, I am not out jogging or doing long walks but I am moving.  It is rare now that I ask someone to get something for me......not when I can get it myself......

Tonight, I spent the evening getting all my veggies cooked.  That meant shopping and walking.  Back in forth in the kitchen.  My fridge is loaded with fruits and veggies to get me through the week.

I have decided for now not to talk about the numbers each week.  I have made them too much of my focus.

I can tell I am down by the way my clothes fit or when they are getting lose.  I can tell by the way my watch slides down on my hand instead of staying on my wrist.  I can tell  by the way I had to move the straps on my sandals over a notch........do you really lose weight in your feet??? LOL....I guess you do since mine were getting loose.

I will share numbers when I think they should be shared.  I found that the up and down has been affecting my moods and I don't want that to be the case.  If  I am up at the scale that shouldn't ruin my week until the next weigh-in.  I shouldn't dread going to my meeting for fear of not having had "a good week".  Every week is a good week....every day is a good day.  As I said in last week's post....there are worse things than being fat.  And I am working on it and that's all that matters.  As long as I don't give up the numbers will happen.....I am sure of that.......so I have to stop beating myself up that right now the scale is moving down at a snails pace.  As I switch things up, I am sure there will be fluctuations in what happens each week.

I can look at my reflection in the mirror and see that changes.  I can look at my closet and see the changes.  I can look at the distance between the steering wheel and my stomach and see the changes.

Changes, changes, changes........ all to the good.......yes......the numbers matter........but that is not the be all and end all.....a healthier life.......a more active life......a life with more yes's than no's......

I have to stop worrying about Sunday mornings.......I have to stop not eating on Saturday's or worrying about what I might eat on Saturday.......I have to stop worrying that I am drinking too much water the day before weigh-in.......and now I find my self starting to worry about eating too much on Friday......

I work hard all week to eat the right things and get some activity in......but I can't control what my body decides to do even if I do everything right......

Today, I weighed myself 8 times.......naked......and the scale kept on coming up with different numbers.....I moved the scale and then pointed it in different directions.......now that is crazy........

I stressed about the numbers all day and now I know THIS HAS GOT TO STOP!!! No, I am not stopping Weight Watchers or exercise or my work to get healthy but I have to stop obsessing about the numbers each week.......

So it's really about life and not just the damn numbers on the scale..........

See you next week.......