Making Our Own Happiness

As I remember it, my Dad was a pretty happy guy.

My Mom's happiness came from being with Dad, her children (most of the time) and of course, her grandchildren.

I know that no one goes through life whistling Zip-a-dee-doo-dah everyday.

But I do think we sometimes overlook the little things that can make us happy.

I know most appreciate:

-sunrises and sunsets
-time with family and friends
-laughter

I think where we sometimes lose our way is by depending on someone else for our happiness.

I do remember my Dad telling my Mom once "I cannot be your source of happiness."

I think that was harder for her to hear then for him to say.

Mom had built her whole world around him, he was the center of her universe.

They enjoyed their time together but Dad felt they each needed to have their own interests.

Mom did start playing golfs with the ladies,  She started going to dinner with her friends.

I don't think Dad always liked Mom's new interests.

He was used to dinner on the table when he was ready.  He was used to her being around to talk to when he wanted conversation

What is the saying, "be careful what you ask for"?

I do feel happiness has to come from inside.

As I have noted in other entries, I keep a journal in which I write five good things about each day.

I have not been faithful making my daily entries the last five months. 

I need to do a better job trying to find "my happiness" again.

Although others can add to it, I have to find the source of what makes me happy on my own.

Yes, I have enjoyed beautiful sunsets, unexpected gifts and some of the simple joys that are part of each day.

Still at times, I struggle.  I know I am struggling.  I know those close to me are aware of it too.

Added to the ever lengthening list of goals is to get back into the habit of writing my five good things list daily.

Trying not to let others impact my mood.

Once again, feeling blessed for each day I am given and not taking it for granted.

I know I have joy and happiness still inside me.

I just have to find it.

From my new favorite source of quotes:

"What day is it?”
“It’s today,” squeaked Piglet.
“My favorite day,” said Pooh.
― A.A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh

See you next week!

The Thanksgivings I Miss

The preparation always began the night before the big meal.

The shopping had been done during the week prior

Mom was the commander in the kitchen.  Anyone around for the holiday was part of the prep staff.

The smell of the chopped onions sauteed in butter filled the air as the base for the creamed spinach, creamed onions and sauteed mushrooms.The sausage was also cooking while we tore up the bread for stuffing. Shrimp was cleaned and cocktails sauce prepared.

The rest of the meal would be assembled the next day, when we returned from the parade.

Most times the fourth Thursday in November had a chill in the air or was down right cold.

Dad would load us all in the station wagon and off we went.

Trying to find a parking spot was always a challenge.  Dad would drive around looking for a free parking spot.  He always manager to maneuver into the smallest spots with ease.

Going to the parade was a treat.  We knew not to ask for any souvenirs or hot chocolate or big pretzels or roasted chestnuts. Mom and Dad just didn't have the extra money for those treats and we kids knew it.

The wind would whip down the streets of NYC through the tall buildings.

We would dress in layers. Even though we would bundle up, it was still cold.  Very cold.

Dad always took us to where the parade began uptown.  It would make our escape route that much easier.

The marching bands, the clowns and best of all was the balloons.

Since the parades purpose was to bring Santa to Macy's, the end of the parade was always Santa's float.

The minute Santa passed us, the race was on.  Dad herded us back to our station wagon in record time.  His goal, be back home by the time Santa had reached Macy's at 34th Street on TV.

Most years, he succeeded in his goal.

Back at home, the table was set.

The shrimp cocktail was placed in front of each place setting.

And this is when Mom worked her magic.

Various vegetables with sauces were finished, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, turnips were all somehow ready on time and came to the table piping hot.

I never figured out her ability to time all of the parts of the meal with such accuracy.

Finally, it was time to dig in.

Once the appetizers were done, they were quickly cleared away.

Next was the procession of the foods that made up the maim meal.

Dad of course carved the turkey.

I felt like the meal should last hours based on the time it took to prepare.

And it did go on much longer than our normal dinner.

The table was cleared and we all took a breather.

Meanwhile, as great a cook as my mother was when it came to cleaning up as she cooked Mom was a total failure.

The kitchen looked like a bomb had hit it.  A disaster area.  There wasn't an ounce of counter space to be seen.

During the break between dinner and dessert, the girls tackled the kitchen.

Mom's job was over and ours had just begun.

It took a long time to pack up the left overs and store them in the basement fridge, clean the floating potato skins out of the sink and make sure the turkey carcass had been picked clean.

Time to wash the dishes.  It was done in assembly line format.  Wash, dry and put away.  The good china stored away in the hutch for the next holiday.

Finally, the coffee was made and the apple, pumpkin and mince pies were all brought to the table.  Fresh made whipped cream in a bowl and vanilla ice cream all made an appearance.  If I was lucky, Chocolate Cracker Pudding had been heated and was ready to serve with it's sugar and butter sauce melting down it's sides.

The air was filled with conversation, laughter and the sound of the wood cracking in the fireplace in the sunken living room.  We could see the fire going from our dining room table.  And finally the sound of Christmas music could be heard from the stereo.

Perfection.

I have thought from time to time about how much I would love be able to go back to one of those holiday dinners.

Life changes, people move and we lose our loved ones.

This year, Jenn and I will get up and watch the parade.

We will put a fire in the fireplace.

Our dinner will be simple and starch laden.  Turkey breast, corn, real mashed potatoes, cranberries (in the shape of the can) and Stove Top stuffing will be our meal.

We won't use the good china.

There will not be a selection of pies for dessert.

I love pumpkin pie. Usually, I buy a cheap one and have one slice and pitch the rest.  I know it's a waste but I cannot have the rest of the pie in my house.  Otherwise within a week, I will have eaten the whole thing!!

We will have finished decoration by Thursday, we can finally turn on the tree lights.

We will watch football, listen to Christmas music and I am sure find a Christmas movie to watch.

Not exactly like the Thanksgiving dinners of my past.

But I will as I have every fourth Thursday of November, give thanks for those who have added to my life.

For the memories and the blessing I have received, I am truly thankful.


See you next week.

Maybe the fourth time is the charm?

I have written three drafts of blog entries for this week.

This is attempt number four.

The first was about views of life from my windows.

The second was about dreams.

The third was about whether it is better to know or not know about life events.

Each entry had possibilities.  I got stuck on trying to engage the five senses into each entry.

Sight, taste, touch, smell and hearing.

I want to put you all in a scene and make you feel like you are there.

I wanted to keep the entry light since I have been writing some heavier entries lately.

I couldn't come up with anything humorous.

I went back to the five senses.

Sight:
I could write about the amazing view driving across bridges yesterday to Pooler, Georgia. I never anticipated living in a location where the views would be so amazing.  I never take them for granted.  The water, the boats, the bridges and the smell of the sea air.

Or

I could write about what it felt like to see my first byline.  (OK this was very, very exciting!!)

Touch:
I could write about wonderful feeling of waking under a lot of covers in a chilly bedroom. (My fault for not putting the heat on and ignoring the reports of a 43 degree morning).

Or

I could write about how great the hot rocks and towels felt at my pedicure.

Smell:
I could write about the scent of the plough mud that has become associated with my life in the Lowcountry. 

Or

I could write about looking forward the smell of the Christmas Wreath candle starting on Thanksgiving Day.

Hearing:
I could write about hearing the leaves rustling past my window in the breeze bringing in cooler temperatures.

Or

I could write about liking a song I had never heard before. Then finding out it was made famous by Kermit in The Muppet Movie.

Taste:
I could write about the taste of a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup on a cool night

Or

 I could write about taste of the morning, coffee with pumpkin spice creamer or the taste of the evening, Tito's Vodka with Lite Minute Maid Fruit Punch (both improve my moods equally).

But for some reason, I couldn't figure out a way to pull the five senses into an entry. 

Or did I????

See you next week.

Advice from Winnie the Pooh

"If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever."
Winnie the Pooh

How many people have passed through my life that are gone?

The obvious people are Mom and Dad.

This time of year my memories of them are strongest.

Sitting on the deck in the cool crisp fall evenings.

Each one of us wearing one of Dad's cardigan sweaters.  (Trying to find a new color cardigan for him each year became quite a challenge).

Some trees with leaves hanging on in an array of colors from gold to red.

Our backyard covered with the leaves that had given up the fight.

And a few that landed on the deck surrounding our feet.

The smell of some fireplaces burning in the air.

The aroma of hot coffee in the mugs we were each holding.

At times the chill in the air was enough you almost wanted to give up the fight and go inside.

But something kept us there.

I would even get a jacket to put on over the cardigan of Dad's I had chosen for the evening.

Sometimes, I felt warm enough wrapped in the sweater and jacket, I would put my head back on the chair and close my eyes.

I could feel myself drifting off to sleep.

Dad would say. "Why don't you go inside Don?"

I would respond. "I am fine."

I wanted to hear the conversation.

I wanted to feel the love.

I wanted to savor the moment like a photograph.

I had no idea those evenings were numbered.

Leaves blowing across an empty deck past the now vacant table.

Dad would no longer be there holding court and directing the conversation.

-"keep me in your heart and I will stay there forever"

Mom is her house dress in the kitchen.

Cooking up a storm and never measuring a damn thing. The smell of Christmas cookies filling the house or sauce.

Talking her into dragging a beach chair into the middle of my backyard.  Then turning on the sprinkler on a hot day while Jenn ran back and forth getting wet.  Mom and I laughing at how foolish we probably looked. At least we weren't hot any more.

Sewing the hems I could not (somehow you never saw her stitches).

Watching her be the wife I could never be.

Hearing her say "Oh Donna" when I would talk to her about some of the challenges in my life.

Looking at her aging hands, no longer smooth like when she held mine when I was young. (I now have those same hands).

Remembering the last time she squeezed my hand.  Then she said, "I can't believe you are going home tomorrow."

Seeing her waving goodbye in the rear view mirror as we drove away from her.

Never seeing her again.

-"keep me in your heart and I will stay there forever"

Removing paintings from a wall and seeing pencil marks to make sure it would be hung level.

Seeing a can of flavored coffee.  How many times did you see that coffee being made?

Having someone advise you on how to climb out of the hole you have created.

Being told numerous times "worry does no good".

Having "garage talks" when appropriate.  These were usually over serious issues.  I was party to at least one as an adult.

Hearing our kids being told, "Sever all ties at graduation

" and the kids knowing what that meant and laughing at us,

Taking for granted there would be more days, weeks, months and years.

-"keep me in your heart and I will stay there forever"

See you next week.

A Week of Small Blessings

My mentor, friend and creative editor, Cindy Whitman, wrote this week about looking for blessings in a FB post.

Blessings is the theme for the November Issue of Pink Magazine (you know the one with my first byline, Donna Raboni Pizzolongo).

I thought about the blessings I experienced each day that may go unnoticed.

One thing I did notice was most of mine have to do with others.

I need to do a better job of being the reason for other people in my life to be thankful.

Here are some of what I experienced this past week.

I was recognized by my Underwriters for Bosses Day with an amazing flower arrangement.

I remembered to re-order my eye liner.  I normally procrastinate until I run out.

We commuted back and forth to Columbia safely.

Jenn also painted the living rooms ceiling where we had stains from air conditioner leaks.  It looks amazing ! And thank you to her phone-a-friend consultant, Meg !!

Jenn was able to find my iPhone lists that had suddenly disappeared off my phone.

On a kind of crazy day, my person (as in Gray's Anatomy with Christina and Meredith), Mary, had me "dance it out" when things a little crazy.  Next thing I knew, Bruno Mars "Uptown Funk" was playing in our office as we danced.....well kind of danced.

My sister received the birthday present I sent her. What else could someone wish for but a case of Reinzi Clam Sauce??

Jenn caught that I had been charged to automatically renew a magazine that I didn't want to renew.  One phone call and the issue was resolved.

I came into the office one morning and found breakfast waiting for me on my desk.

I went out to lunch with Jenn and Kathy.  The name of the place we went to is called Fat Patties. The food was amazing! I had a turkey burger with caramelized onions, mushrooms and blue cheese. YUM! They also make a great Bloody Mary!!

This morning when I woke up, I once again felt blessed for the lovely view I can see from the recliner in my bedroom.

I woke up to the sound of the wind.  The temperature had dropped.

I had the sliders open most of the day to enjoy the fresh air.

Finally, I had to close them because I was getting cold.

What a southern weenie I have become.

See you next week.

So Who Am I ?

I finished my first interview and submitted it to the Pink Magazine Editor.  She made some revisions which were not major (yeah!). It was still my interview.  I learned from the edits which is always good.  It will help me when my next assignment comes up.

The next question I was asked was how did I want my byline to appear?

My byline?  My first byline?

I had to think about it quite a bit.

Who am I?

I was born Donna Marie Raboni.

The name Rita was added when I was confirmed.

I got married.

I became Donna Pizzolongo or Donna R Pizzolongo or Donna Raboni Pizzolongo.

The Rita part faded after Confirmation.

The Marie part fell by the wayside over 36 years ago.

Maybe if my middle name had been more meaningful, I would have used it more.

But Marie??

Donna Marie's came a dime a dozen in the Bronx in the 50's and 60's.

Donna was actually 5th on the list of most popular names in 1960.  Now, it is number 3,514 on the list and according to google is facing extinction.

About 20 years ago, a parent came up to me at Jenn's elementary school and asked me if I would meet her daughter.  I said "Sure, but why?'  She told me her daughter was named Donna and she had never met anyone else with her name.

From popular to extinction in 60 plus years.

Bottom line is, I like the name Donna and it is who I am.

Does that mean my daughter's name, Jennifer, will some day fade away along with the Kimberly's and Heather's of the 1980's-1990's??

The nice part is my daughter's middle name is unique.

It is Leimomi, my Mom's Hawaiian name.  When she was young she hated it.  As I predicted, now as an adult she likes her middle name.  She has grown into it.  It also reminds her of Nannie and the Hawaiian part of her heritage.

Although I have to agree, Jennifer Leimomi Pizzolongo is quite a name.  At her graduation  for her BA and Master's she did have to go to the table where unique names were written out phonetically.

Unlike my middle name, Marie, it doesn't really sound unique and catchy.  Plain and simple.

Would I have picked Donna as my name, probably not. I love the name Gianna and I would have thrown in a Hawaiian middle name.

When it came to whether to use just Raboni or Raboni Pizzolongo, I had to think about it for 24 hours.

I was Donna Raboni for 26 years.

I have been Donna Pizzolongo for 36 years.

Now that I am divorced, do I go back to Donna Raboni?

The answer was no, I am Donna Pizzolongo.  That is that is the name most people know me by.

Yesterday, I was at a Beach Shack Writers Workshop.  Picture being on Hilton Head Island, sitting outside on lovely porch with a great view, the smell of the ocean in the air and a slight breeze (just enough for me to throw a light jacket over my shoulders.

We did four writing prompt. One on advice to our younger selves, one about a tattoo, one about something we are good at and bad at and finally four truths and a lie.

During some breaks in our writing assignments, we talked about our work. I love hearing what others have written, I love sharing and talking about topics such as dialog.

We even talked about my struggle to figure out my  byline.

I finally emailed my editor, Donna Raboni Pizzolongo was my decision.

It works and it is me.

See you next week!

Another New Experience at the End of a Relaxing Weekend

This was one of those rare weekends that didn't have an endless checklist of things to do. 

Maybe having Monday off took some of the pressure off.

Friday night, we (Jenn, Mary and me) arrived home around 8:00.

After getting comfy quickly, it was time to get some snacks prepared for dinner.

Saturday was much of the same.

Talking, coffee, movies and eating. 

We all managed break time to take showers and get back into pj's.

We ordered take out food a local restaurant and played cards for a few hours.

Once again , we stayed up late talking and watching TV.

Slept in Sunday morning and then, you guessed it, coffee, talking and TV.

Mary headed back to Columbia early afternoon.

Then I had my new experience.

Earlier in the week, my Editor had asked me if I would do an interview with someone for the November issue of Pink Magazine.

After the interview, I would write it up and send it to her for review and revisions.

I met the lady I was interviewing at Starbucks. 

We talked for over an hour as I took notes I would need later.

I wanted to get it right.  I wanted to ask the right questions. I wanted to make sure to scribble down the important facts to be able and write up the interview.

I headed home and started to write.

I didn't want to let the emotions, thoughts or words start of fade.

This was also my first time using a person's actual words vs paraphrasing or working from memory.

Before I knew it, I was done.

I emailed what I had written off to my Editor.

Here are my firsts:
-first interview
-first article in print for a magazine
-first byline....YEAH !!
-first time I will be paid for something I have written.......WOO HOO !!

I hope this opens the door to other writing opportunities in addition to my blog and seeing my book through to completion.

A new experience.  Something I needed right now.

Writing is taken a bigger place in my life.  I can see a future surrounded with words.

Blogs, articles, books, the possibilities are endless. 

Ideas and facts all floating around in my head waiting to be put down on paper.

Maybe I will actually come to a time in my life, where I will have a use for that special pen I have been holding on to for a book signing!!

See you next week.