OK I Give In On The Clothes.....Partly....

I finally broke down and bought a few new tops today.......yes..... yes they were in smaller sizes.  I knew I had to get smaller sizes and tried them on just to make sure.  I might have been able to go down an additional size but in my head I kept thinking "no way".

I am going to retry them on again tonight to make sure I made the right choices especially since one or two were sleeveless and I am not sure how comfortable I am with my flabby arms being exposed to the world. Last time I was in Steinmart, I couldn't find anything in my size.....this time I found a lot.  Now the tops I chose do have some "give" in them which was what I needed. I didn't dare go anything the was fitted and had no room left.

It was exciting to go through racks and choose what I wanted vs what fit me.  I think these should last me a while vs what I have that is just getting too lose........still surprising to me.......you think I would get used to the idea of clothes not fitting right anymore but as I have said before my head in not accepting what my body is reflecting.  I am so close to another 5 pounds gone and some other milestones on my weight loss journey but the mental part of the trip just takes longer.......I guess.

My leader said today again that I am melting before their eyes.  Most people might not see it because they do not see me in my WW weigh in uniform of fitted stretch shorts and a form fitting top (well it used to be form fitting......it is starting to get loose).

I have not gotten new pants yet although I need them as bad as the tops but I just couldn't get myself to spend enough for both.I am really trying to hold off until I lose another 20 pounds for the pants but may look totally ridiculous by the time that happens.

I don't know if I will ever win the mental battle of my self image.....hey that self image has existed for about half of my life and it may never go away.  When someone tells me I am looking good I still find it hard to say thank you without the disclaimer that I am a work in progress.....like they would think I am done with so much moire I need to lose.......

My next clothing goal is to buy tops that do not have an X after the number on them or a size that starts with a 1 not a 2......all in good time I guess.......

But at least for today I was shopping "off the rack" yes the women's rack but a rack none the less and that itself is progress and a major step for me.......

See you next week.......