When I got in the pool today I noticed part of my Aquagear earpiece was missing. At first I thought I would just have to use one earphone. Then it dawned on me the earpiece was still there and I was just missing the part that hooked over my ear. I put the earpiece in my ear and it stayed so I was good to go. Later, I thought what if the earpiece didn't stay in place....what could I do? I decided to buy some headbands.....the wide kind that go all around my head. I had already decided I would not put the headband on top of my hair so it would flatten it out........I would wear it in front of my hair and let it push my hair back. Better to push it back than have my hair flattened. OK I was already expending too much energy worrying about all of this just because I couldn't find one little ear hook. I must have spent 10 minutes in CVS examining headbands. Well, I finally selected a few in different colors. I was planning to try them out tomorrow at the gym and really didn't care how foolish I looked.
You know of course how this turned out..........a few hours ago.......I found the ear hook. So at least for the moment I can put off wearing the headband.......thank goodness.......another fashion crisis averted.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
A Tuesday Car
My sister reminded me yesterday of something my Dad used to say. Cheryl's car had hit the 199,000 mile mark. She said it must have been a Tuesday car. My Dad said you always wanted a Tuesday car. He said on Monday people were recovering from the week-end. Wednesday and Thursday people were looking forward to the week-end. And no one would want a Friday car since for some people the week-end had already started. The Tuesday car was built the best day of the week from a working person's perspective. It makes sense to me. Too bad the manufacturers of all products don't have to label what day of the week the product was made. I would only buy Tuesday products.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
It can feel like being in quick sand....
As I work through the changes I have alluded to I sometimes get stuck, Not moving forward or backward.....stuck in neutral. It feels like I am sinking in quick sand. The more I try to move the more I sink. A friend told me about a book she had read about co-dependency. She said I sounded like her......putting myself last and doing what everyone else wanted. I pulled up a sample of the book on my kindle to see if I should purchase it.
Here is short sample from the book.......I am paraphrasing......but you will get the jist of it.
A woman and her friend decided to travel to China. They were going to visit some special churches. They decided to visit one particularly special Temple. They had to climb up the side of a mountain and there were a zillion steps. They got about half way up when the woman had to stop because she was exhausted. Then a man about 75 years old passed them carrying a heavy beam to the temple. That gave the woman the push she needed to continue on. Then as she climbed further she once again ran out of the strength to continue on. A group of Chinese woman came up behind the woman and recognized what the problem was. With no words spoken.....one of the Chinese woman walked in front of the tired tourist, another walked behind her and two walked on either side of her holding her hand as they continued the climb together until they reached the top.
The other day I texted a friend and said that I felt like I was sinking in quick sand. Her response was we have your arms.....meaning they wouldn't let me sink.
Each of you are those people to me.....walking around me helping me on this journey.........holding my hands as I struggle to get to the top or saving me from the quick sand......
Here is short sample from the book.......I am paraphrasing......but you will get the jist of it.
A woman and her friend decided to travel to China. They were going to visit some special churches. They decided to visit one particularly special Temple. They had to climb up the side of a mountain and there were a zillion steps. They got about half way up when the woman had to stop because she was exhausted. Then a man about 75 years old passed them carrying a heavy beam to the temple. That gave the woman the push she needed to continue on. Then as she climbed further she once again ran out of the strength to continue on. A group of Chinese woman came up behind the woman and recognized what the problem was. With no words spoken.....one of the Chinese woman walked in front of the tired tourist, another walked behind her and two walked on either side of her holding her hand as they continued the climb together until they reached the top.
The other day I texted a friend and said that I felt like I was sinking in quick sand. Her response was we have your arms.....meaning they wouldn't let me sink.
Each of you are those people to me.....walking around me helping me on this journey.........holding my hands as I struggle to get to the top or saving me from the quick sand......
Mirror Mirror
Some people look in the mirror and want to change everything about themselves......I read this somewhere this week....... before the incident.....when I read it I thought oh yeah there are things I would like to change about the person whose reflection is looking back at me in the mirror.......
Starting at the top........thicker hair....not have to wax the face.....chin a little tighter......cheeks not so full......longer neck......no eye glasses.......boobs not heading south.......arms that don't have wings (nice way to say excess skin).........I might as well stop here.......so far the only things I don't want to change are my earlobes and nose.......and I would rather not spend three thousand words on what I would like to change about my body.
Anyway.....then there was the incident.........
Jenn wanted to find a one piece bathing suit to wear when she goes wind surfing in Barbados. We went to Belk for their July 4th sale. Jenn wanted my opinion on the bathing suits she tried on so I sat and waited in the fitting room next to her, And then it happened.......
Something caught my eye.....as I turned to see what it was.......I was horrified.......it was the reflection of me sitting down....
I never like to have pictures of myself sitting down. I know how bad they look. Last year at my nephews wedding I did have a few taken sitting down but due to the outfit I was wearing and the angle of the camera.....they weren't too bad. In fact, I actually like some of my pictures from the wedding.
Anyway, back to the fitting room at Belk......the lighting was not favorable and those friggin mirrors.....I thought I was going to get sick.....tears started to build up in my eyes.......I started to sweat.......it took everything I had to not run out of the fitting room screaming as I went across the parking lot. Once in the car I let loose and cried. By the time Jenn got to the car with her purchases I was a mess.
I drove for a while in silence.....trying to regroup and figure out what to do next. I stopped at Publix and.....no I didn't stop at the bakery dept.....I went for the fresh fruits and veggies. I bought things to eat that I knew would be good for me. Dinner that night was burgers on the grill and grilled pineapple. I passed on the roll and the corn on the cob. Jenn made cupcakes for work and I passed on that too......
A friend said recently maybe I eat more than I think I do.....so I went back to tracking my food. I have still not been able to erase that vision from my head.
Maybe it's a good thing......maybe it was the kick in the butt I needed......to see myself as the world see me.....
It has been a few days and I have been very focused.........I am really looking at what I eat and reading the labels of each thing I put in my mouth. OK I get the message......the wake up call has registered loud and clear.
Today as I got ready to go to the gym.......I looked at myself in the mirror.......yes it was the same reflection as just a few days ago......but instead of looking back with horror I focused on the fact that the reflection can change......it is not carved in stone........it will improve.......I am sure of that........but until it does you will not catch me sitting in any fitting rooms.....that is something of which I am quite sure.......
Starting at the top........thicker hair....not have to wax the face.....chin a little tighter......cheeks not so full......longer neck......no eye glasses.......boobs not heading south.......arms that don't have wings (nice way to say excess skin).........I might as well stop here.......so far the only things I don't want to change are my earlobes and nose.......and I would rather not spend three thousand words on what I would like to change about my body.
Anyway.....then there was the incident.........
Jenn wanted to find a one piece bathing suit to wear when she goes wind surfing in Barbados. We went to Belk for their July 4th sale. Jenn wanted my opinion on the bathing suits she tried on so I sat and waited in the fitting room next to her, And then it happened.......
Something caught my eye.....as I turned to see what it was.......I was horrified.......it was the reflection of me sitting down....
I never like to have pictures of myself sitting down. I know how bad they look. Last year at my nephews wedding I did have a few taken sitting down but due to the outfit I was wearing and the angle of the camera.....they weren't too bad. In fact, I actually like some of my pictures from the wedding.
Anyway, back to the fitting room at Belk......the lighting was not favorable and those friggin mirrors.....I thought I was going to get sick.....tears started to build up in my eyes.......I started to sweat.......it took everything I had to not run out of the fitting room screaming as I went across the parking lot. Once in the car I let loose and cried. By the time Jenn got to the car with her purchases I was a mess.
I drove for a while in silence.....trying to regroup and figure out what to do next. I stopped at Publix and.....no I didn't stop at the bakery dept.....I went for the fresh fruits and veggies. I bought things to eat that I knew would be good for me. Dinner that night was burgers on the grill and grilled pineapple. I passed on the roll and the corn on the cob. Jenn made cupcakes for work and I passed on that too......
A friend said recently maybe I eat more than I think I do.....so I went back to tracking my food. I have still not been able to erase that vision from my head.
Maybe it's a good thing......maybe it was the kick in the butt I needed......to see myself as the world see me.....
It has been a few days and I have been very focused.........I am really looking at what I eat and reading the labels of each thing I put in my mouth. OK I get the message......the wake up call has registered loud and clear.
Today as I got ready to go to the gym.......I looked at myself in the mirror.......yes it was the same reflection as just a few days ago......but instead of looking back with horror I focused on the fact that the reflection can change......it is not carved in stone........it will improve.......I am sure of that........but until it does you will not catch me sitting in any fitting rooms.....that is something of which I am quite sure.......
Sunday, July 1, 2012
So How Am I Doing With My New Years Resolution List?
I am kind of proud of myself. At the mid-point of the year, I am still on track with most of the goals I set at the end of December.
I have read more, focused on me more, still hitting the gym, and trying to spend more time with friends.
The weight.....oh the weight is crawling off of me so slowly but I have to remember it is better than going up. All the dr.appts. have been good !!! And I continue to learn about me, food and me, and becoming a healthier me. Jogging in the pool has become my new passion.
Taking a vacation....YES!! In 16 days I will be in Barbados for a week. This is my first real just about me vacation in 30 yes count 'em 30 years!!!!! I am so looking forward to the trip!!!!
I have been doing more writing but haven't done anything about trying to get published. Can someone make a suggestion or kick me in the ass about this one???
Yes, I have learned that I can take a day off and the company will not shut down.....LOL. I am trying to take breaks to recharge my batteries. I have scheduled at least one day off every 4 weeks through the rest of the year.
Six months ago today I lost Mom. It has been a very hard 6 months. But I think Mom would have been proud of the way I have tried to keep moving ahead. I miss her opinion about my big life decisions that I am working through......but I feel pretty confident that she is somewhere watching over me.
I have found joy in the little things in life. Whether it be watching a Christmas show on the 25th of each month or carrying on the tradition that was started when Jenn was small of making Christmas decorations on the 4th of July or sitting with friends and having a vodka and diet 7up while we solve the worlds problems and my problems too or seeing how diverse a selection of music I can put on my IPOD......none of these are major events but they have made life more enjoyable.
I am sure the rest of the year is going to fly........as the time flies I am learning to fly too.....flying solo and at control of my own destiny.......
I have read more, focused on me more, still hitting the gym, and trying to spend more time with friends.
The weight.....oh the weight is crawling off of me so slowly but I have to remember it is better than going up. All the dr.appts. have been good !!! And I continue to learn about me, food and me, and becoming a healthier me. Jogging in the pool has become my new passion.
Taking a vacation....YES!! In 16 days I will be in Barbados for a week. This is my first real just about me vacation in 30 yes count 'em 30 years!!!!! I am so looking forward to the trip!!!!
I have been doing more writing but haven't done anything about trying to get published. Can someone make a suggestion or kick me in the ass about this one???
Yes, I have learned that I can take a day off and the company will not shut down.....LOL. I am trying to take breaks to recharge my batteries. I have scheduled at least one day off every 4 weeks through the rest of the year.
Six months ago today I lost Mom. It has been a very hard 6 months. But I think Mom would have been proud of the way I have tried to keep moving ahead. I miss her opinion about my big life decisions that I am working through......but I feel pretty confident that she is somewhere watching over me.
I have found joy in the little things in life. Whether it be watching a Christmas show on the 25th of each month or carrying on the tradition that was started when Jenn was small of making Christmas decorations on the 4th of July or sitting with friends and having a vodka and diet 7up while we solve the worlds problems and my problems too or seeing how diverse a selection of music I can put on my IPOD......none of these are major events but they have made life more enjoyable.
I am sure the rest of the year is going to fly........as the time flies I am learning to fly too.....flying solo and at control of my own destiny.......
The Week That Was........
Let me start by saying a big THANK YOU !!!!! After my post last week I got texts, e-mails, phone calls and messages on Facebook from friends and family. I was suprised at the speed at which they showed up. I don't think my blog had been out there for 30 minutes when I recieved my first message and they kept coming. It made me feel good to see how many people cared about me enought to reach out to me.
This week I didn't spend 24 hours continuosly crying although I did have my moments. The people I have opened up to have not been judgemental. They have been supportive and kind. They have not given me their opinions.....for which I am grateful. They have asked thought provoking questions. They have given me suggestions. But not one of them pushed me for a decision. They all seem to know that I need time....to do what is right for me and only me. I am trying to take everyone and everything else out of the equation except me. It is hard to do and is an emotional gut wrentching process. I am moving at a snails pace......but that is what works best for me.
Never an impulsive person......I think and I think and I think some more. Eventually, a decison will come......I promise. And it will be a right decision for me not anyone else.
I sometimes get tired of thinking and when I do..... I try to find other things to occupy my time. I have been to the gym several times, worked some OT (because I wanted to .......my boss and friend Lisa has been trying to get me to go home at a decent hour), I have read and watched some mindless TV and I sit on my rocking chair on the porch and daydream.
I am working though something life changing events...........it is hard to make big changes...... but as I feel my way through I am so glad to have all of you supporting me. I don't know how I would get through any of this alone and I am grateful I don't have to.........
This week I didn't spend 24 hours continuosly crying although I did have my moments. The people I have opened up to have not been judgemental. They have been supportive and kind. They have not given me their opinions.....for which I am grateful. They have asked thought provoking questions. They have given me suggestions. But not one of them pushed me for a decision. They all seem to know that I need time....to do what is right for me and only me. I am trying to take everyone and everything else out of the equation except me. It is hard to do and is an emotional gut wrentching process. I am moving at a snails pace......but that is what works best for me.
Never an impulsive person......I think and I think and I think some more. Eventually, a decison will come......I promise. And it will be a right decision for me not anyone else.
I sometimes get tired of thinking and when I do..... I try to find other things to occupy my time. I have been to the gym several times, worked some OT (because I wanted to .......my boss and friend Lisa has been trying to get me to go home at a decent hour), I have read and watched some mindless TV and I sit on my rocking chair on the porch and daydream.
I am working though something life changing events...........it is hard to make big changes...... but as I feel my way through I am so glad to have all of you supporting me. I don't know how I would get through any of this alone and I am grateful I don't have to.........
Hot Summer Nights.....
It was 108 degrees in beautiful Columbia, SC today. Yesterday, it was 109 degrees!!! Ugh.....I hate the heat......
When I was a kid, if it was hot my parents would take us for a ride in the car. We would all pile into the station wagon. Our destination unknown.....we would go where ever Dad decided. Of course, we had no air conditioning in the car. We would ride with all the windows open. Any breeze even a hot one was better than the still air and heat. My parents didn't own an air conditioner until after I got married. When I was at home, we would keep the windows open and put a box fan in the window. At least the air would circulate around the room. Whether it was in the 5th floor walkup apartment in the Bronx to the 2 family house in Pelham Bay or to our home in Pearl River......there were no ceiling fans or air conditioners.
Some nights my parents would take us to the drive-in movies. We kids would get to play until the movie started and would eventually fall asleep in the back of the station wagon. We would hardly wake when we got home and our parents had to herd us up to our apartment.
I remember laying in my bed being so hot and just wanting to fall asleep to escape the heat.
Once my father gave in and bought an air conditioner he loved it. In fact, the summer I was pregnant with Jenn there was a heat wave. The apartment we lived in was so hot. I would spend many an evening in the tub in cool water just to get some relief. I was still taking a train and subway to the office and by the time I got home I was pretty wiped out. It wasn't often you were offered a seat on the subway when you were pregnant. Dad insisted I get an air condiitoner.....in fact he paid for it. So I could sleep. We set it up in the bedroom and that became my sanctuary. I would eat, watch TV, talk on the phone and sleep all in the room with the air conditioner.
Tonight, after a brutally hot day......I decided to take a ride to go to the bank and post office. Jenn came along so we could stop at our friends house on the way home and let their dog out for the last time for the day (we are dog sitting). As I drove down the hill toward downtown, I could see fireworks going off at a local baseball game.....we stopped for a few minutes to watch. We did my errands and drove through the Vista and 5 Points.....just to be out in the car with the a/c running full blast felt good. While our friends dog was running around the backyard, I started to think about those hot summer evenings of my childhood.
At least tonight when I walked back into the house it was comfortable. It is going to be super hot again tomorrow and the next day too. Well it is summer in South Carolina and that's life in Columbia, SC so you think I would be used to it by now.........
Tonight when I go to sleep........I will be thinking of me as a little girl trying so hard to go to sleep in the heat to the sound of the blades moving in that box fan...........and I will rememebr those hot summer night rides with my dad at the wheel and destination unknown ........
When I was a kid, if it was hot my parents would take us for a ride in the car. We would all pile into the station wagon. Our destination unknown.....we would go where ever Dad decided. Of course, we had no air conditioning in the car. We would ride with all the windows open. Any breeze even a hot one was better than the still air and heat. My parents didn't own an air conditioner until after I got married. When I was at home, we would keep the windows open and put a box fan in the window. At least the air would circulate around the room. Whether it was in the 5th floor walkup apartment in the Bronx to the 2 family house in Pelham Bay or to our home in Pearl River......there were no ceiling fans or air conditioners.
Some nights my parents would take us to the drive-in movies. We kids would get to play until the movie started and would eventually fall asleep in the back of the station wagon. We would hardly wake when we got home and our parents had to herd us up to our apartment.
I remember laying in my bed being so hot and just wanting to fall asleep to escape the heat.
Once my father gave in and bought an air conditioner he loved it. In fact, the summer I was pregnant with Jenn there was a heat wave. The apartment we lived in was so hot. I would spend many an evening in the tub in cool water just to get some relief. I was still taking a train and subway to the office and by the time I got home I was pretty wiped out. It wasn't often you were offered a seat on the subway when you were pregnant. Dad insisted I get an air condiitoner.....in fact he paid for it. So I could sleep. We set it up in the bedroom and that became my sanctuary. I would eat, watch TV, talk on the phone and sleep all in the room with the air conditioner.
Tonight, after a brutally hot day......I decided to take a ride to go to the bank and post office. Jenn came along so we could stop at our friends house on the way home and let their dog out for the last time for the day (we are dog sitting). As I drove down the hill toward downtown, I could see fireworks going off at a local baseball game.....we stopped for a few minutes to watch. We did my errands and drove through the Vista and 5 Points.....just to be out in the car with the a/c running full blast felt good. While our friends dog was running around the backyard, I started to think about those hot summer evenings of my childhood.
At least tonight when I walked back into the house it was comfortable. It is going to be super hot again tomorrow and the next day too. Well it is summer in South Carolina and that's life in Columbia, SC so you think I would be used to it by now.........
Tonight when I go to sleep........I will be thinking of me as a little girl trying so hard to go to sleep in the heat to the sound of the blades moving in that box fan...........and I will rememebr those hot summer night rides with my dad at the wheel and destination unknown ........
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