Mirror Mirror

Some people look in the mirror and want to change everything about themselves......I read this somewhere this week....... before the incident.....when I read it I thought oh yeah there are things I would like to change about the person whose reflection is looking back at me in the mirror.......

Starting at the top........thicker hair....not have to wax the face.....chin a little tighter......cheeks not so full......longer neck......no eye glasses.......boobs not heading south.......arms that don't have wings (nice way to say excess skin).........I might as well stop here.......so far the only things I don't want to change are my earlobes and nose.......and I would rather not spend three thousand words on what I would like to change about my body.

Anyway.....then there was the incident.........

Jenn wanted to find a one piece bathing suit to wear when she goes wind surfing in Barbados.  We went to Belk for their July 4th sale. Jenn wanted my opinion on the bathing suits she tried on so I sat and waited in the fitting room next to her,  And then it happened.......

Something caught my eye.....as I turned to see what it was.......I was horrified.......it was the reflection of me sitting down....

I never like to have pictures of myself sitting down.  I know how bad they look.  Last year at my nephews wedding I did have a few taken sitting down but due to the outfit I was wearing and the angle of the camera.....they weren't too bad.  In fact, I actually like some of my pictures from the wedding.

Anyway, back to the fitting room at Belk......the lighting was not favorable and those friggin mirrors.....I thought I was going to get sick.....tears started to build up in my eyes.......I started to sweat.......it took everything I had to not run out of the fitting room screaming as I went across the parking lot.  Once in the car I let loose and cried.  By the time Jenn got to the car with her purchases I was a mess. 

I drove for a while in silence.....trying to regroup and figure out what to do next.  I stopped at Publix and.....no I didn't stop at the bakery dept.....I went for the fresh fruits and veggies.  I bought things to eat that I knew would be good for me.  Dinner that night was burgers on the grill and grilled pineapple.  I passed on the roll and the corn on the cob.  Jenn made cupcakes for work and I passed on that too......

A friend said recently maybe I eat more than I think I do.....so I went back to tracking my food.  I have still not been able to erase that vision from my head. 

Maybe it's a good thing......maybe it was the kick in the butt I needed......to see myself as the world see me.....

It has been a few days and I have been very focused.........I am really looking at what I eat and reading the labels of each thing I put in my mouth.  OK I get the message......the wake up call has registered loud and clear.

Today as I got ready to go to the gym.......I looked at myself in the mirror.......yes it was the same reflection as just a few days ago......but instead of looking back with horror I focused on the fact that the reflection can change......it is not carved in stone........it will improve.......I am sure of that........but until it does you will not catch me sitting in any fitting rooms.....that is something of which I am quite sure.......