Trying To Make Some Progress.....

As I work my way back up the mountain that I referenced last week......I decided to try some of the changes that I have heard about for years......

I now eat my dinner on a salad plate.  Boy those suckers are a lot smaller than a dinner plate!!!!

Jenn and I took the time to break down things like pistachio nuts and crackers into single serve size packages.  It is amazing what a real serving size looks like!! We even weighed the things that had a certain weight as a serving size. First, it makes sense to get the serving size right. Second,  it is so much easier to grab a single serving than to guesstimate.

I also made a big salad and took it several days for lunch. And I presliced tomato's to go with my alternative bagels from publix (low in calories and high in protein) and my weight watcher cream cheese (in a premeasured packet).

Jenn and I went out to eat after the gym today and I chose the 4 vegetable plate. OK here is where my southernness is starting to come out......I had cabbage, collards, lima beans and black eyed peas.....it was really good and I sure didn't feel deprived.

I am also getting out of the house earlier in the morning because of preparing my breakfast and lunch at night.  In the morning, I can just grab and go!!

I am really looking closely at my food choices.  I love soup and have found some soups that I really like.  I make them and then add extra vegetable for bulk ( I love my soups chunky).  It is getting to be that time of year when there is nothing better than the smell of soup cooking in the house (except the smell of garlic and onions in a little olive oil.....nothing beats that smell in the kitchen).

All in all I felt good about the week......

Did my hair get any thicker......no!

Did I get down to my birth weight this week.....nope!!

Have I gotten over the fear of being alone......um.... not!!!

I chose another path up the mountain......the top is very far away.......but at least now I can see the valley below me instead of sitting at the bottom and wanting to quit.

Those of you who reached out to me this week.......you helped me get off my sorry fat ass and start the long journey back........thank you for in some cases dragging me kicking and screaming......your kind words of encouragement got me going again......

And I know..... as in the words of Robert Frost...."I have miles to go before I sleep and miles to go before I sleep"......

Thanks for the company on the path......I really needed it this week......

See you next week......

It Was Bound To Happen.......

You knew it was coming.....I knew it was coming........

I had been feeling so good and positive for the last few months (at least most of the time)........there was due to be a down slide......

I know there are people that go around whistling zippy dee do dah out their butts everyday....at least that is the rumor....I myself do not know anyone in the perpetual state of happiness......but some do hit the mark on a more regular basis.......

Some comments that have been made to me just hit me at the wrong moment......as I put down what some of these comments were.....please do not take it personally if I use them in this entry.......I am not mad at anyone......it just gave me a lot to think about and maybe to work on.......

For example, I was told that people stay together when they get older because it is better than being alone.......or I have the best husband in the world and everyday with him is just wonderful (there were a lot of those from various people).......or once I am on my own I would drop 100 pounds......

Now none of these were said to hurt me.........none of these were said intentionally just as part of a conversation but it was just added to my down slide......

I went for a pedicure Thursday and had an ingrown toenail that needed to be worked on that left me in tears......I had my face waxed because it was getting fuzzy.........Friday, I had my haircut and cried over how thin it looked to me......by yesterday I was just a mess......not rock bottom but getting close......

Add to that the stress at home and ........you get the picture????

I knew I had to pull myself out of the downward spiral I was in.......

I decided to regroup and get back on track for the 9 zillionth time......and in doing that I found my strength.....

Here is how I see my life:

1.  Yes, I will be alone.  But that doesn't mean I can't be happy.  I can make friends and I do have a lot of friends.  I may not be able to get on Noah's Ark but that OK......I will just bring an umbrella and hope for the best.

2.  Losing 100 pounds......I cannot even fathom the number of pounds I need to lose......I can only think in 5 pound increments.......the good news is I went back to Weight Watchers today.....the last time I was there we had our rare SC snow on the ground.  The lady who weighed me greeted me as if I had been there last week.....she said "now don't be surprised if you are up on the scale since you have been gone for a while"....well guess what....I was down at the scale and even got another 5 pound sticker!!!!  After that I went to the gym and jogged for over an hour in the pool and even though I haven't loaded my music on my aquabeat yet I was able to listed to sports radio.

3.  The statement.......I have the best husband in the world.....well ladies if you do....thank God and be grateful.....not much more I can say about that except I envy you......

4.  My ingrown toenails.....OK that one I am blaming on my Mom and years of wearing some really ridiculous shoes (yes even I wore stilettos at one point in my life).

5.  My thinning hair.......OK I am not bald......and I need to get over it....with work each day it does look full and the highlights help not make it look so thin.....what the heck else can I do?  But for those of you will a full head of thick hair....treasure it!!

There have been a few up moments in the last few weeks that I need to note as I search my way back out of this hole I have dug for myself.

My friend, Crickett, once again found something she thought I would like.......it was a book called "I Still Have To".....it has places to write down things I want to do, dreams and places to sketch ideas (OK the sketching should be a hoot since I can only draw stick figures and even those I don't do well).

My sister and brother-in-law sent me an early birthday gift........they know me so well!!!!

I found an old Target gift card and was able to buy a piece of furniture that I saw advertised on sale.  It will be going with me for Chapter 3.

Chapter 3 is moving along.......maybe not as fast as people think it should but at the pace I feel comfortable with and that is really all that matters.

Several years ago, I was at a co-workers son's funeral.  The Pastor said something that has stuck with me all  this time ........"How can you appreciate a mountain top if you have  never been in a valley?" What great words.......the last few weeks I have been in a valley.......it is time to climb back up the mountain........

See you next week.......

R & R.......and other stuff.....

I have probably told everyone I could but just in case I missed you......I took off my first full week since last December.  I was so ready for the break....just ask my coworkers.......

I did  my normal errands over the weekend and late Sunday headed for the beach.  Four wonderful days of talking, golf cart rides, waking up to the smell of the ocean, talking, laughing, solving the world's problems, seeing beautiful sunrises, talking, enjoying a drink while sitting looking at the ocean, outdoor showers (yes I did this)  and did I mention talking.......

It is great when you have people that you can be yourself with.....they know you and love you warts and all.....it can also be gut wrenching as they ask the tough questions and in some ways force you to look at yourself and your life and then in the end help guide you toward what's next.

As I crossed each of the three bridges toward their home, I could feel the stress leaving my body.  No work......no bills......none of the issues I face each day........

I only thought of work once and that was for a conf call on Monday.....other than that it was total me time.

I left there feeling rejuvenated and still had a few more days off too!!

I was home about 5 minutes when the stress returned.  Ugh......

But it's OK.....I feel more in control and am finally learning no response is better than always feeling a need to give a comment back.  As many of your know this is a major challenge for me!!!

Once home I decided to be lazy....slept late......took naps......read.....played games on my IPad.......I went to the gym but not first thing in the morning.......I watched football (but turned off the sound...lol)......I chatted with friends on FB......I met my sister and brother-in-law for lunch  and we had a great time and she bought me a gift.....something I love......all in all it has been lovely.

It 's hard to believe it is September 1st.......how did that happen???? When I was in NY, this was the time of year I loved......the fall......leaves turning colors......sweater weather.......the heat of the summer gone.  Well, in South Carolina, the heat will still be here, the leaves do not turn until November (if they turn at all) but we do have football.  God, how I love football!!! I am a loyal fan no matter how bad my team plays.....yes we got our asses kicked last Thursday.....but there is always next week for the Gamecocks......and after all these years in the south yelling GO COCKS is as normal as saying how is the weather.  And this coming weekend my G Men.....Big Blue.....the NY Giants start their season.  I can watch football Thursday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday.....how great is that!!! Now I would like time to slow down just a bit because before I know it.......it will be Super Bowl Sunday......

Just one more update and something for us all to think about.......I wrote about my niece, Jill, last week and her battle with MG.  She was released from the hospital this weekend.  As she and her boyfriend Tim drove home from the hospital, Jill started to sing in the car.  Then  she caught herself and started to cry. She realized that because of the MG she had not been able to sing.  So these were happy tears......Jill is making her way back......her appetite has improved and she is heading back to work tomorrow.  I am so proud of her!!!! and Tim too for hanging in for what must have been a trying week....in case you haven't figured it out......we Raboni women are a bit of a challenge!!!!!

So there you have it......the week that was.....the beach.....football.......and a girl singing in the car.......as the days grown shorter and night comes earlier.......we need to remember the summer and all it gave to us......in the form of love and laughter and fun.......

Sorry this post is a day late......just part of me being lazy.........

Here is a picture of the gift my sister gave me......I love it....pineapples.....they remind me of Mom and are very welcoming.....

Oh and one more thing.......I did change the web address for this blog.....due to some family issues that were brought to my attention last week.

See you next week......

Challenges, Firsts and Laughter......

My niece, Jill, was diagnosed with Myestinia Gravis recently.  After seeing  a local doctor, she is now seening a specialist who deals with this disease at Duke University Hospital. While there for her appointment, the Dr. had her admitted to the hospital.  No warning or preparation. Jill may be in for  a week and she is in being given a round of treatments that may help improve her condition. MG is not curable but is treatable.  Jill has continued to work and travel for her job.  Her job involves training which means a lot of talking.  Due to her MG, the talking part has at times been challenging.  Has Jill said why me? No!!  Has Jill felt sorry for herself? No!! Has Jill missed a beat in her real world life? Barely!!

Jill and her boyfriend, Tim, have taken a better approach to the challenge they are facing (and I do mean they).  What have they done??? They laugh.  Whether it be laughing about how to put on a hospital gown or finding out Jimmie Johns delivers to the hospital or taking pictures of the special socks Jill has to wear to avoid blood clots  or learning the joys of a sponge bath......they have done it all.....together......and with a sense of humor.

This is not the kind of challenges kids in the mid 20's expect to face but for some reason Jill and Tim have landed right in the middle of this.......and at times I am sure they feel like they are in the middle of Grand Central Station at rush hour.......

I am so proud of Jill and her fighting spirit and of Tim who sleeps in the chair, runs to buy Jill bacon and somehow they have maintained the attitude that we can deal with this and although Jill may have MG......MG does not have Jill or Tim for that matter.

Many times we look at the younger generation and thinks of them as soft, spoiled, selfish and self-centered......well I am glad to say these two prove all of that wrong!!!  If I was a betting person.....I would bet a whole years salary on them!!! Jill and Tim....you are amazing!!!

On another subject, I did two more firsts yesterday......
 1. I took the Ice Bucket Challenge

2.  and allowed my  daughter to share the video of me doing it on facebook.  Pouring a bucket (a pot in my case) of cold water and ice over your head may sound a little asinine but it's for a good cause.  I will write a donation check today too!!  OK this is where I may cross the line.....when I watched the video and looked at the picture Jenn took after .....I wasn't horrified at the way I looked.....it was me.  But because I am leaning over the railing of my front porch......my boobs do look like they go down to my waist.......oh well.....I wasn't going to do it again so I could look better that's for sure.....

Lastly, this weeks embarrassing moment (you thought the boob comment was it....nope).......I was searching for the SEC channel on cable last week so I can be ready for kick-off this Thursday night....I know I know what you are thinking....she was looking a week ahead of time?????

Anyway, I thought it was a channel in the 600's.  So there I am remote in hand hitting every button I can think of......meanwhile Jenn is sitting nearby working on her computer getting ready to teach her University 101 class.  Next thing I knew the TV froze.  And of course it would have to be on an "adult" channel....ugh.  There across the screen is the description of the movie  I can view for $9.99.  I am now trying to get the remote unfrozen and then it happens.......Jenn looks up from her computer and says "What the hell are you watching???" and bursts into laughter.  I am trying to explain the frozen remote and fumbling through my words while Jenn continues to laugh and laugh.  Finally she is able to get me away from "that" channel.....and help me find the SEC channel not to be confused with the SEX channel.....

Well that pretty much sums up the week........laughter was the common thread through each event above.....and it sure beats crying!!!! Unless you are like mean and cry when you laugh.......

See you next week.......

A Table For One......Item 4 On My List......Check It Off!!!

Jenn was working what we refer to as Super Bowl Week at USC.  Moving in week is amazing!!  Her department basically examines and if needed, repairs a small city during summer break and then the Super Bowl.....moving in days.....within a period of 4 days over 6000 freshman and Lord knows how many other students return to campus.  During this stretch Jenn's group works 12 days straight and long hours......

But enough about Jenn.....LOL!!!!

Yesterday was a me day......since Jenn wasn't around and Bob and I don't do anything together....it was all about me!!

As you know I have been struggling to begin and do things alone......yup just me.....just Donna.  Some of you might think or say "so what's the big deal???"  I have spent most of my life doing things with other people.

But as I move into Chapter Three .......it's just me.......

Saturday, I started the day by going to the gym alone.  I got there early and finished my workout by 9:30.  I drove by 2 movie theatre's to see what time two movies I wanted to see were playing.  Once I got home, I loaned my car to Bob so he could run some errands.  While he was gone, I did a lesson on Rosetta Stone and wrote a few more pages in a fiction novel I am writing.  I did some reading.  I did some looking online (note I did not say shopping since I did not purchase anything I just put things in my cart for future reference).

My aquabeat which I love to listen to while jogging in the pool is dying so I went to order another one and found out they were on sale for 1/2 price!!! I did order that right away.

All in all a very relaxing me day......

Sunday, I got up early and watched a DVR'd episode of Mad Men.  Then I went to the gym alone again.  OK this is a first for me.......I was in the gym parking lot 10 minutes before they opened and was the third car there.  I found out if I held down the volume key on my aquabeat I could still hear the music......so I jogged for more than an hour switching it back and forth between my hands holding down the volume button.

I left the gym and thought OK what's next.  I was hungry.  I could have come home and had something to eat but then thought about the things I had done alone this weekend and decided to really challenge myself and go out to breakfast......alone.....yes ALONE!!!!!!

I decided to go to Lizard's Thicket, a local chain home style restaurant.  I thought I was being smart by not hitting one of the more fancy brunch locations but I forgot that I would be running into the after church services crowd.  I pulled into a parking spot and just sat there.  I watched people going in and out.  The joint was hopping!! I sat there maybe 10-15 minutes trying to decide if I should go in.  I finally made my move.  I grabbed a book I leave in the car, my cell phone and a local paper "The Columbia Star".  I figured that would keep me occupied while I ate breakfast.  Did I really need all of that....no.....I wasn't going to be there for 2 hours....LOL.

Guess what happened when I walked in alone..........................nothing!!

There was no spotlight on me......no announcement over the public address system announcing Donna Pizzolongo had arrived to dine alone.  There was no waitress screaming "I have someone here alone .....where can we seat a single?" LOL

Instead, I picked out what would normally be a booth for two.  The waitress asked if I was waiting for anyone else and I very bravely said "No, it's just me."  She brought me my coffee (decaf thank God) and took my order.  I had a western omelet made with egg whites.  No bread, biscuits or hash browns.  I did ask for turkey sausage.  Then the waitress came back and said would I like grits since I wasn't having anything else and I said sure ( I do love grits) and she wanted to know if I would like the turkey sausage in my western omelet instead of ham......that worked for me!!!

I took my time, played with my phone and didn't make eye contact with too many people.  I did look around and saw a lot of families having breakfast together.........I was just a little envious.......but still feeling OK.  I didn't rush my meal and even had a second cup of coffee.

And guess what.....before I knew it I was done eating.  I never even read the paper or book I brought in with me.  I did laugh with a few people around me because there was a poor baby screaming and crying to beat the band and the parents took probably 5 minutes too long to decide one of them should take the screaming baby outside.

I left a tip for the waitress, paid my bill and got back in the car.  I did let out a sigh of relief that I made it though a dining experience alone.  You need to know this is huge for me!!!!

Oh and on the way out no one yelled....."that lady who has been sitting there alone is leaving now"....LOL

So what's next....a lunch alone......a dinner alone (that will be the hardest one) and yes even a movie alone......

I took another step today and survived......it may sound silly but I am kind of proud of myself........

Oh and here is what a breakfast for one looks like......

 See you next week......

Moods and Emotions ......THE HIGHS.....and......the lows......

Last week, I experienced a variety of feelings in both my personal and work life.....

At work......I had a high and a low.

HIGH- I reached out and saved a deal that appeared to be lost.  When I knew the customer was staying with us I did a fist pump in the air.

low- a customer used a social network to air their concerns.  And lucky me......no one even spells my name right......but this time it was letter perfect.

On the personal front......

HIGHS- Dinner with a good friend at Cracker Barrel.  One suggestion......could they please find a way for me to get to my table without going through the gift shop?? And could they not run such great sales........who can pass up 50% off some great items.  Next time, I will ask for blinders at the door and a handsome escort to get me to my table.

Also, had breakfast with my sister and brother-in-law this morning.  We had a great visit!! I was able to get showered, dressed and out of the house in less than an hour......a record time for me.

Yesterday, while at the gym I was jogging in the pool.  I watched a Dad trying to teach his son(who was about 7 years old ) to swim.  The Dad was patient and did a great job working with the young boy.  The kid was smiling and Dad was encouraging.  I couldn't help but grin myself watching them together. When the little boy got out of the pool I gave him the thumbs up.  As he left he waved to me.......it was one of those brief encounters that made my day.  Oh and I guess it doesn't hurt to mention that Dad was in fantastic shape....LOL!!

I used my new water bottle this week and filled it up at least once a day. And my friend who got me mine also brought me one for Jenn in pink no less.....as Jenn says her signature color.

lows-there was a how should I say.....a heated FB conversation this week among my Ohana regarding the date of our next family reunion.  The Welch's are to put it mildy a family of strong personalities.  Fortunately, by the end of the week the feelings of our family elders were taken into consideration and it appears the date has been set.

There were some mornings when I was dragging when the alarm clock went off at 5:30 A.M.

I wasn't very creative in my meal choices this week.......in fact my choices were downright boring.

Life is made up of HIGHS and lows.......my HIGHS were not about winning the lottery and the lows were not devastating......

BUT I am already working to avoid the lows this week if I can.......

I have already put together a variety of lunch ideas for the week.
I am leaving dinners this week flexible....this usually means I eat less.
I am going to try to go to bed a little earlier each night which might mean not dragging myself out of bed each morning.
I am sincerely going to try to enjoy the journey vs focusing on the destination (great advice given to me by several people).
And I will think about weight loss and getting healthier but not obsess about it.

Chapter Three is in the early stages or pages.......no reason to rush.....I need to enjoy the ride.....and as with all travels......there are HIGHS and lows.......there is no way to avoid them.......I just have to roll with them......

The Up's And Downs of a Week......and Life........

Whenever someone says "I have good news and bad news"  you know what I want first.....the bad news.

This week had good moments.....and bad......

Lets' get the bad over with first........

My car needed an oil change and I thought maybe brakes (it was just a feeling) and I couldn't remember having a brake job done since I owned the car (110,000 miles ago). The day before I was bringing the car in......  Jenn and I were running errands and all of a sudden the A/C started going hot.  Ugh!!! To add insult to injury, the motor for my drivers side widow was broken so I couldn't open it ( I won't mention I already replaced it 18 months ago through the dealership but was told it was only guaranteed for12 months).  Jenn and I drove along with the other  windows open and the sun roof open......things were blowing all over the car and we were both sweating bullets.

The next morning the car was at Goodyear......first estimate $900 plus (and that was thinking the A/C would not have to be replaced.)  By early afternoon the news had gone from bad to worse......the bill would be over $1950 and there was a list of $600 in "suggested" repairs. I opted to not do ther "suggested maintenance work".  So I cried and told them to do the repairs.  What choice did I have???? I needed the brakes and oil change.  How long was I going to ride around with  a drivers window that didn't work?? And let's face it .....A/C in South Carolina during the summer is not really optional!!!

The car was ready the next day.  $1100 for parts and almost $900 for labor.  I used to have a mechanic that I trusted like crazy......unfortunately he is no longer in that line of work.....boy do I miss you Joe Dotman!!!!

The other part of the week that was stressful was my work schedule....what the hell was I thinking???? Monday worked half day no prob......Tuesday half day of work starting at 1:00....I should have worked  4 hours......I ended up working almost 8 hours......it was my fault....I kept on saying just saying one more thing.  Wednesday and Thursday I just signed on to clean out emails.  Ended up reaching out to an upset customer by phone and email. Friday, I worked at home and was on the computer early and signed off late.  Also had to remind someone several times that I WAS WORKING......some people don't understand that even though I was at home and I had two monitors running and was taking phone calls it is a long day and there was a lot to do.

Now the good parts of the week......

I went to the gym 6 times....WOO HOO!! Lots of jogging in the pool.  I did more than a marathon in the pool....OK it was over 6 days....LOL!!!!

Jenn and I went out for lunch 3 times and did brunch one day.  Don't worry I didn't go over board......we were careful with our meal selections.......it was nice to have a meal out and not have to rush.  We had some great conversations during those meals out.  We also went dutch!!!

I stopped at work yesterday to bring  my laptop and the water that I drink in so I didn't have to lug it all in tomorrow.  Jenn hung up my football posters too.

In my overhead compartment was a gift from my friend, Crickett, she has been a big supporter of me and my efforts.  She left me a water bottle that I had seen of hers that screws off in a spot so I can put ice in it easily, a small notebook that says dreams on the cover and a card of encouragement. I was very touched by her thoughtfulness.

In my desk drawer was another gift.  From another friend (and former boss), Lisa, it is a bracelet with all beachy charms on it.  I love it!!!!

I left both items in my office to enjoy starting tomorrow.  How great is that??? I am out of the office and I have work friends thinking about me.  One did it for encouragement and the other because she had heard about the car bill and knew it was not one of my better weeks.

I also made plans to visit my friends at the beach at the end of the month.......something else to look forward to!!!

The last is the best......I love old weather worn old looking furniture.  Jenn went into Hobby Lobby and found a cabinet that had no price on it.  She knew I would love it.  She asked about the price and was told $24.99.  She was sure this was wrong so she checked again and again.  Then bought it for me....with my debit card.  When I saw her coming to the car with a gentleman behind her carrying something I thought what the heck did she buy? When she opened the door she said "I bought something you will love!!" You can guess how I reacted.......yes........ I cried!!!!! Another item to go with me for Chapter Three !!!!!

Well that was the week in a Readers Digest version.......the good and the bad......

Oh and did I mention I got on the scale today and I am down a few pounds.......between the gym and eating when I am hungry......seems to be having some positive results......I need to lose 4 more pounds to get to a new personal goal.......I know I know I have a long way to go.......but I can only think a few pounds at a time.....

Oh here is the piece of furniture Jenn found for me.......

See you next week........