Small Gestures.......

After last week's entry about death and envy.  I decided to lighten it up a little this week......

Actually due to the kindness and thoughtfulness of some friends this entry was easy to write.

It is about the small things in life........the things that may not matter to one person but do to another.

Life is made up of small gestures. Yes, we might have that occasional big grand moment but those are few and far between.  It is the small unexpected moments that make life what it is........

I was a kid that appreciated just about everything I was given.  I remember a favorite aunt and uncle giving me a small toy purse with play make-up in it.  At the time it cost maybe 50 cents.  I was thrilled.  I can still picture it in my mind.  It was not a big toy or an over the top gift but something that said to me "we thought of you,  Donna".

A few things have happened recently that made me realize that people care about me and listen to me or remember what I write.

For example,  I had a business dinner to attend this week.  I struggle with dining out and making the right choices.  Problem solved.......one of my friends at work printed up the menu from the place  we were going to so I could see what my options were.  We discussed what would be best and I went to the dinner not having to pray over the menu.  I will admit my friend and I did have a taste of some of the appetizer's we had thought we wouldn't eat.  We both agreed that in days past we both would have overindulged instead of taking a small sampling of each.  It may have sounded like a strange combination but my shrimp as a main course even though it was on the appetizer part of the menu along with green beans steamed in teriyaki sauce and collards was a filling dinner.

Another good friend surprised me with a yard banner and the metal stake to hang it on.  The banner says "Life is better in flip flops".......and most of you know I am addicted to flip flops and as I told a friend  last week......I wore flip flops before they were a fashion statement.

Jenn knows I am such a procrastinator....... in order to "help me" .....she assisted me with going through my half of the bedroom closet and some of the kitchen cabinets today.  I was basically given about 10 seconds to say keep or go and then another 5 seconds to say pitch or Goodwill. It was about 50/50 as far as what got pitched and what went to Goodwill. And instead of the normal Donna who leaves the Goodwill boxes in the living room for a period of time......not today....Jenn got out the cattle prod and we dropped three boxes  at Goodwill late this afternoon.

Now let's talk chopsticks..........a pair of wooden chopsticks......they probably cost 10 cents if that much........another friend of mine gave me a pair this week.  Why a pair of chopsticks?? This person remembered I had written in my blog a few weeks ago that one of the 12 things on my list was to learn to eat with chopsticks.....I am not going to use them though.......I am saving them as a reminder so when I have a bad day that I do have people that care about me and hear me too. I will still eat a meal with chopsticks but not those......they mean so much to me.

So there you have it..........


a trip to Goodwill (and cleaner closets).......a menu.........a banner......and chopsticks........small moments.....small gestures......how much better can it get......

Unfortunately, I did not take a picture of the three boxes we donated to Goodwill......

Death and Envy .......

Got your attention huh......

I am making plans fast and furious......Chapter Three has begun........although I won't be able to get deep into the chapter for a few years I am still planning and getting things in order.

But you know what I worry about most? (This will shock you....LOL)

What if I die before I get to live out my dreams? This is something I have been thinking about a lot lately.  I know some of you are automatically thinking.....if you are dead you will not know you missed out on your dreams.....but I would hate to not have to opportunity.

These thoughts have pushed me to redouble my efforts to get healthy.  I really pushed hard at the gym today while I jogged for an hour in the pool (but did my aquabeat waterproof IPOD have to quit when I was only 15 minutes into my jogging?).  I have already made my salad for lunch tomorrow.  I am going to get back on the scale next Sunday and focus on my daily points and try to avoid carb's. I purchased a Fitbit which will help keep track of steps and I will finally be able to see how far I am going when I jog in the pool (I usually figure it has to be a few miles).

I don't want to die before the things I have gotten for my future 2nd bathroom get to be used.....all in a lighthouse theme....what a surprise.  Or the dishes with the seafood design.  Or the bedspread for my next bed which will be one of those beds with the top and bottom that go up and down. I am planning and looking and searching for the things that will make my next stop home.

But I don't want to die before that happens........

I had all my blood work done recently and it all came back good.  I feel good.  I am getting more sleep at night than I have before (but I do hate going to bed earlier at night).  I have looked for more healthy recipes on Pintrest and wow there are a lot out there.  I think my attempt to try new things has also helped me keep a positive attitude.  My home is not the sanctuary I would like it to be.  I do try to find some peace and solitude when I sit in my recliner in my bedroom.  I look at beach locations I like, I look at homes and condo's and try to envision myself there.  The vision of that life is so real I can almost touch it.

I keep getting reminded that I will be alone and that does scare me.......I have never really been alone in my life.  But I will be OK........I think.......

I have be reminded of my failures and the fact I have been less than successful in my weight loss efforts.....but I do have the ability to bounce back.  I still believe in me........

I talk to friends about the future and their plans.....retirement....relocation......freedom......and I cannot tell a lie......I am envious.......maybe because in order to fulfill my dreams I will have to work longer than most of the people I know that are my age.......and that is when the fear of dying lurks it's ugly head......

Well to all the naysayers.....guess what???? My sorry ass will be sitting on a patio someday in the morning drinking coffee where I can smell the ocean........I will be able to watch the sun rise while sitting on the beach.......I will be able to spend my days writing as a career......I will get to live the life I was meant to live.....

With all I am doing now to get back on track......I hope I can live  out my dreams.......NO...... I know I will.........

Here are some of the views I plan to see daily no matter what beach location I end up at.....

Item #3 on the list....check...completed!!

When I started this plan for the list of 12....my goal was to do 12 new things in 18 months....then I decided to to 18 new things in 18 months........well I am going to throw caution to the wind and just say I am going to try and do something new every month for as long as I can......or until I run out of ideas.......I have sworn to myself with my right hand up in the air  and my left hand on the notebook that I use to write some of my story ideas that I will not stress out if I miss a month or can't come up with a creative enough idea......OK let's see how long it is before I break that oath...LOL

So item #3......I completed this yesterday.....

A little background might be helpful.......

When I was 14, I wanted to get my ears pierced.  My Dad said I had to wait until I was 16.  He was not a fan of pierced ears on his daughters (I guess he thought that made you a loose woman......and he never thought his sons would also get their ears pierced).

Well, about a month before my 16th birthday, a friend of mine came over on a Saturday night while Mom and Dad were out and I was babysitting. We thought it would be a great idea for her to pierce my ears.  We got out hydrogen peroxide, ice, a needle and she let me borrower her pair of earrings. This was probably my only "Rebel Without A Cause" moment in my life until then. After a lot of ice and a lot of ouches.....it was done.

I spent the next few days hiding my ears with my long hair.  I was hoping to get to my 16th birthday when I thought it would become a non-issue.  But I knew the jig was up when my Dad said "Donna let me see your ears".  He examined them and asked who had done the piercing....I told him my friends name and he said "It looks OK".  So I was in the clear but what infuriated me is he then allowed my sister who was 3 years younger to get hers pierced too.  Ugh...after all the begging I did and having to wait Cheryl was allowed to get hers done without all the grief I had gone through......but I guess that is what older sister do. But my Dad did not allow my girlfriend to take care of Cheryl's piercing...LOL

Anyway, when I was 26 I decided on the spur of the moment to get a 2nd hole in my ears....no trauma from this event.

When Jenn was 4 months old I took her and had her ears pierced. Bob was not amused but oh well.....

The in a moment of true insanity, I took my niece, Jill to get her ears pierced.  Without my sisters permission.....to put it simply ....my sister did not do back flips when she saw what I had done. But you know what they say...."paybacks are a bitch"....it was not too much after that  when Jenn  returned from an outing with Aunt Cheryl that she now had two earrings in each ear.  After that my sister and I agreed no more taking each others children for ear piercings.....or any piercings for that matter....LOL

Yesterday, after a 32 year break....I got a third piercing in each ear.  I have wanted it for a long time and decided it would be this months new experience.  I was a little nervous and Jenn just laughed.  After the paperwork was done (yes there is paperwork), I was taken to a little room.  Jenn came with me. The guy who was doing the "procedure"  pointed to a table and said "you can sit there".  OK first problem the table was at a height equal with the top of my hips.  There wasn't that little step like they have at the Dr. office so you can get up on the examining table.  I looked at him and said "sorry no way I can get up there".  He said "no problem"  and got me a chair to sit on.  Then of course Jenn hopped up on the table.......I am sure 30 years ago I could have done that too....I think....LOL

The last time my ears were pierced they no longer used needles....they used a gun and shot the earring through your ear.......well guess what......you guessed it.....they are back to the needles.  If I had known that I don't know if I would have gone ahead with it.  After a lot of ear cleansing and "the guy" changed latex gloves 3 times (talk about cleanliness!!)......next thing I knew he said "take a deep breath" which  I did and then he said "exhale".  While I was exhaling the needle was going through my ear.  In a few short minutes it was done.  I love the way it looks!! But my God the list of instructions I have to follow for the next few weeks are longer than the list of instructions I received after my c-section.....

Well anyway......it's done.....another first ....yes I count it as a first since it is my first third piercing in my ears....and any way anything done once every 32 years is like a first......hey if I wait another 32 years I will be 90.....LOL

Here is a picture Jenn took after my right side was done......but here is the scary part....when I looked at it ....I saw my Mom's profile......

Not sure what I will do from my list for next month yet....but I have some ideas.......

See you next week.....

Traditions......

There are traditions we all have become accustomed to......

Pomp and Circumstance at graduations.

Clinking glasses with silverware means the bride and groom kiss.

Singing "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" during the 7th inning stretch.

Turkey on Thanksgiving.

Then there are family traditions......

My Dad used paper clips instead of ornament hangers.

My sister buys the ugly pumpkins that no one else will buy.

My brothers both decorate their houses for Christmas in a way that makes people stop and look.

My younger brother does Halloween at a whole new level.

We all bake the same cookies that were made by my grandmother for the holidays.  The rules are simple.....only chocolate chips can be made year round the rest only between Thanksgiving and the New Year.

So what are my traditions??

Yes, I have carried on the traditions of the paper clip ornament hangers.  I bake the cookies.

But traditions I have started.......

Well there is Jennifer Eve.......we always celebrated the night before her birthday. Jenn could have the dinner of her choice.....one year it was a backwards dinner (cake first), another year it was french toast and french fries.......I was grateful when she finally starting asking for things like steak. I am also pleased some of my friends have adopted this tradition.

I change the tablecloth and plates in the plate rack for each month of the year (yes, I have 12 sets of  plates and tablecloths.....LOL).

I decorate the 24 inch high Christmas tree in my front window for each month of the year too.

We shop on Christmas Eve for small gifts for each other. We buy three gifts.....one for $5, one for $10 and one for $15.  You have to be creative trust me to find gifts you think the other person will like.  Last year, we went to World Market, the year before Big Lots and in previous years we shopped at K Mart, Family Dollar and Target.

We always save three gifts to open Christmas Night.  It was a nice way to end the day.  The three gifts are not necessarily the same ones that we bought on Christmas Eve.

And for the last 25 years.....Jenn and I have made Christmas ornaments on the 4th of July.  I was trying to remember why I started doing this with Jenn......I think it was just something fun and different.......and it seemed like a silly thing to do and it would make her laugh.  This year was no different.....we made a variety of ornaments.  We will put them away for the next 5 months and the day after Thanksgiving they will hang on our tree.  We can usually remember which are the 4th of July ornaments but sadly I never thought to put the date on them.

I didn't set out to make these traditions part of our lives they just happened and we decided that we would continue them......

So now you get a sneak peak at the new ornaments that will hang on our tree this year (although good lord knows where we will fit them since our tree is always loaded with ornaments among the garland and lights).  They may not be the most beautiful ornaments but that is not the point.....it's about having fun and doing something non-traditional on a very traditional day.................

Patience or the lack thereof......

When you are a child one of the things your parents teach you about is being patient.

Wait and take your turn.

Wait for your next birthday.

Wait for the first day of school.

Wait for next Christmas.

Wait to drive.

Wait to be legal.

Wait to vote.

Wait....wait....wait......

Patience.............Patience.........Patience............

You would think by now I would have gotten it...... and I thought I had but now.......

There will be a lot of changes in the next few years but the one I want the most.......moving to my next location is a few years off.......and it sucks to wait!!!!

All of a sudden I am like a child.....wah wah wah.....I want it now.......I don't want to have to wait to see the ocean all the time or to sit on my patio or deck drink my morning coffee and smell the sea or to have my home office where I can work or live out my passion of writing.........

I know I can and do write now but it's not the same as living the life of my dreams and having the peace I feel near the water.

Each time I look at locations I like I want it now.......

Each time I picture myself  I see me wrapped up in a story I am writing.....I want it now......

I always thought I would get to a point in my life where I would feel content and settled and I guess I will but it will be at an older age than I anticipated.

I have to get there....I must get there......I was meant to be there.......just not now..

I just have to be patient.........for now........

Second item on my 12 things list......done.....

This minimum of 12 new things list is supposed to be fun.......but what do I do but add pressure to myself.  I look at the calendar and panic......it is almost the end of June and I haven't checked off another item.

Well, whew....I got my next item in.......I made a cheesecake from scratch.

I looked at a variety of recipes.  From the Junior's Cheesecake Cookbook (if you are ever in Brooklyn Junior's Cheesecake is a must!!!!) to the Philadelphia Cream Cheese Recipe.  Since I was starting this project at 8:00 on  Sunday night, I opted for the easiest recipe.  I did not make the cheesecake that has to sit in a pan of water in the oven.  After much research I went with the Philly Cheesecake recipe.

Jenn decided to make one too.

So here we were dueling bakers.......I had never make a graham cracker crust before.......I thought they only came in those tins already prepared.  I did use graham crackers crumbs vs.  crushing graham cracker cookies myself (otherwise it would have been one graham cracker for the crust and one for Donna).  I mixed them with butter and a small amount of sugar,  I pressed it into the bottom of the spring form pan.   I then  mixed cream cheese, sugar, vanilla and eggs.  Into the pan they went and 35-40 minutes later.....it was done.  Jenn added mini chocolate chips to hers.  They looked surprisingly good!! We left them out to cool and then into the fridge they went for the night.

Now here was the smart part.......I could not have those cheesecakes in the house.  They would have been calling my name and if I ignored them they would have been screaming my name.

So it  would have started out as "Donna, hi we are here.....come have just a slice"

Then it would have been "Hey pppssssttt Donna....over here Babe....come on you know you want some"

Finally it would have been "DONNA COME HAVE SOME FRIGGIN CAKE YOU KNOW DAMN WELL YOU WANT A PIECE WHO THE HELL ARE YOU KIDDING PRETENDING YOU CAN'T HEAR US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I did the best thing possible to put myself out of my misery.....Jenn took the cheesecakes to work and the people she worked with devoured them.  They were a huge hit.

I will admit to having a small sliver just to make sure not to poison anyone.....LOL.....it was really, really good!!!!

So item #2 on my list is done.......I am going to start planning my next activity soon.  No more last minute rushing it get it done.  This is supposed to be FUN right.....this not meant to add stress to my life......I am such a mess....I try to do something exciting and what do I do.......  turn it into something where I would need Valium......what a noodelhead I am.....

Here are pictures of the stages of the cake making.........

the batter

the graham cracker crust

Ready for the oven

One chocolate chip cheesecake ready to serve

One plain cheesecake ready to serve

 

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Dad and Me

I started this entry four times so far.  I was struggling with what to write.......

Being it's the night before Father's Day, I am going to take the easy way out and write about my Dad.

Here are some of the things I remember about Dad and me......

When I was in the 2nd grade I was leaving school  to walk home for lunch (picture letting your kids do that now anywhere........ never mind the Bronx).  As I walked out of the building my Dad was standing there.  He says Mom had to take George and Cheryl to the Dr. so he was going to take me to lunch.  We walked to a diner a block or two from the school and had lunch together.  I thought this was really great to have time with Dad all by myself. I felt so grown-up. 

I believed that Dad could change the traffic lights at will.  He and I were riding in our station wagon ( me in the front seat with no seat belt.......hey everyone did that back then).  Each time we got to a red light he would tell me how many seconds it would be until the light would change to green. He was always right and I was in awe.

He intimidated the crap our of my 5th grade teacher after she embarrassed me in class (the letter he wrote her she took to the Bd. of Education lawyers and said it was a threat on her life...LOL).

He ran a zillion miles holding on to my bike until he finally let me go and I kept going not realizing he was no longer beside me.

He endured a very long evening with me at a High School Father Daughter Dance.  He later admitted he did have a good time (his quick trip to a local bar during the intermission at the dance may have helped).

When I would go out on a date Dad would walk me and "the guy" out to the car.  The guys always thought he was being nice.  Not really......he was getting the make, model and license plate number of the car I was going out in.

When I go home from the date, I had 5 seconds to exit the car, if I didn't the outside lights would flash on and off.  If I still didn't get out of the car he would come out of the house onto the driveway.  

The night before I got married he said " I am going to miss having you around here Donna".  I started to cry and couldn't stop.  In fact my something old was one of his handkerchiefs. He knew then he had cancer........I did not know.....he didn't want my day to be ruined by that news.

Fortunately, he was still with us when Jennifer was born.  The last time he ever drove his car was to come see me and Jenn in the hospital.  After having 4 grandsons he now had a granddaughter. 

Two and a half months later, he was gone. That was almost 30 years ago.......

It is hard for me to believe I have lived almost half my life without him.

It is hard to believe I am older than he was when he died. 

I often wonder what he would think of me today.......as a Mom he would have been pleased, my career would have gotten a passing grade, as a wife to be honest not so good, he would have liked that I try to keep in touch with all my siblings, he would not have liked that I have let so much time go without seeing family at times (I am trying to work on that), he would not have been happy about my weight ( working on that too Dad), he would have liked that I write, he would have liked that I have some exciting plans for my future, he would have liked how close my Mom and I got to be in her later years. 

I do still see Dad all around me......from the painting of his courthouse that hangs in my living room to the way Jenn looks at  me over her glasses (when she wears them).  He is still here in my heart......

I can picture Dad saying to Mom. "are the kids doing OK?" And Mom responding back "the kids are just fine George" then she would say " What do you want for dinner?"......

Happy Father's Day Dad  !!!!.......I love you and miss you more than words can say........