Those Special Moments With Mom......

I was thinking this morning about my Mom as I am sure many of you were thinking about yours.....

The earliest memory I have of Mom was sitting on the kitchen table helping her make Christmas cookies. We were living in a 5th floor walk up in the Bronx.  The memory is so brief....just a split second but I can see it as clear as if it were yesterday,

Fast forward to 6th grade graduation from PS 71.  Mom and I shopping at Alexander's on Fordham Road in the Bronx.  She selected a pink dress with white polka dots.  I was also allowed to get a pair of shoes with a very slight heel.  I loved that dress and the shoes made me feel so grownup!!

Then we hit the years when Mom knew nothing.....absolutely nothing......

I was certain she could not understand anything I was feeling as a teenager.  She was tough, she was strict and she was ....right.  A fact I only realized years later.

We shopped together for everything from prom dresses to my wedding gown to my daughters crib.

There were times I didn't like her.....I am sure the feeling was mutual.

As I got older.....Mom got smarter....

She was able to give me advice on a million topics....from how to take care of Jennifer to how to make dumplings that floated on top of a pot of stew.

I am sure the fact I  had used tape on a few occasions to fix a hem that had fallen vs sewing it left her with the feeling she had failed,  I had learned to save everything that needed to be hemmed or mended for her visits.

I made her crazy by ironing everything,  She would say "Donna, if you would just take things out of the dryer when the buzzer goes off".  You know what ....she was right.  I finally decided to do as Mom suggested and I don't have to iron much any longer.

She told me to buy detergent and other things at the Dollar Store.  She said "you could get things much cheaper."  You know what....she was right.

And she was right about so many other things......

How did she get so smart??? When did she get so smart??

When she left us 5 years ago, I had no idea the void it would create in my life.  I would give anything to be able to call her and say "Mom, come spend a few weeks with me".

But life isn't always fair.....and cancer never plays fair......

I had gotten into the routine of calling Mom every night on my way home from work.  Sometimes we didn't have a lot to say.  Other times , I would sit in the driveway with the car running and continue to talk.  After she left us, the rides home seemed empty and lonely and sad.

One of my best memories of Mom was at my nephews wedding where (with some encouragement) she danced the Hula to the Hawaiian Wedding Song.  She was nervous and graceful and all of a sudden the years slipped away.

She became the belle of the ball.....this is how I will always remember her.....

Happy Mother's Day!!!!

See you next week........

The Phone Book......

Way back in 1985, we bought our first home. It was in the town where I had spent my teenage years. In fact, it was the house next door to my parents home.

Right after our closing, a lady from the Welcome Wagon showed up at my front door.  Yes, there was such a thing as the Welcome Wagon. I know it sounds like a tradition from years gone by and I guess it is considering it was over 30 years ago.  I am not sure if something like that even exists any longer.

In the box of goodies she gave me was a yardstick from a local hardware store. a tape measure from a local tailor, a variety of coupons from local businesses .....and a phone book.

Not your standard white and yellow pages type of phone book.  It had a brown fake leather cover. On the inside was a list of medical professionals and the local hospitals.  On the pages were local business in order by their type of business.  For example: Jolene Cleaners was not under J for Jolene, it was under C for cleaners.

I was so excited to have this phone book and carefully listed the names, addresses and phone numbers for family, friends and businesses that we frequented.

Now held together by a rubber band holding it closed (the back binding split years ago).  It also became the place to keep Chinese restaurant menus, pizza menus.....in fact a lot of menu's.....

There are also newspaper ad's for places I wanted to call and find out about from vacations to specialty stores.

Some names and addresses were written very neatly using a Bic pen ( at least it looks like a 19 cent Bic pen blue).  Then there were cross  outs with new addresses and phone numbers. I can see when I started to get lazy and things were written in whatever was available.....no longer neat and in the same color ink.  In fact, I started using pencils so it was easier to erase.

I finally reached a point where I would tear a family member or friends new address from an envelope and stick it in the phone book.  I did at least try to file the slip of paper under the right letter from the last name.I found I had shoved full envelopes from Christmas cards with new addresses of friends into its pages.

I had the phone numbers from just about every job I ever had.......talk about a long list. Starting with my first job in high school through my many job changes in New York City, White Plains, Mamamroneck,  Dobbs Ferry, Montvale NJ and on and on. I could write one heck of a resume based on that information.

Sadly, as I turned the pages I saw so many names of people that are no longer with us.  I never crossed out those names......maybe it made their passing less final.....

I never realized when I first opened the pages of that phone book I would still have it all these years later..

I can't get myself to throw it away even though the only reason I open it anymore is for the restaurant menu's it holds.....well maybe it is because it holds more.....it holds my past.....from daughter to sibling to aunt to friend to PTA President to Girl Scout Leader to Bank Teller and on and on.

I have no old diaries (thank goodness)....but the brown book could tell part of the story of my life......my family....my friends....the jobs I had....the community/school involvement of which I was a participant.

I have photo albums and video's as records of my past......and a silly faux brown leather phone book that one day someone will look at and wonder why did she keep it???

Maybe for the memories it holds inside....thank you Welcome Wagon Lady.....thanks for the memories......

See you next week.......

Almost Getting Control Of My House.....Kind Of.....

After weeks that have felt like years the end is in sight......

Flooring done....check.
Tear in new flooring repaired.....check.
Inside of house fully painted.....check.
Fireplace fixed.....check.
House, driveway and patio power washed......check.
Shutters, front door and porch painted .....check.
Front porch post repaired....check.
Shed torn down......check.
New smoke detectors installed.....check.
Door knobs on pantry and linen closet replaced.....check

New faucets for bathroom and kitchen....hopefully this week.

Putting the house back together.......a work in progress.

A few questions I have asked myself......

Where did all this crap come from?
How did I possibly store all this stuff and not fall all over it?
How many things did I buy and never use?
Did I once take inventory and think...gee I already have one of those?  Example....I bought two new doorknobs.  Guess what I just found......yup new doorknobs.....ugh.

My pantry is still in a series of boxes.  I will go through them this week and make a delivery to Harvest Hope I am sure.

It might get to a point where Good Will will call to check on Jenn and me once we stop showing up there at least once a week.

We are making progress !! What did I expect after 17 years of doing nothing as far as maintenance on the house?

The work is almost done which is perfect timing as my wallet is getting pretty empty.

The only place that hasn't been touched is the outside storage room.  All that is in there is a few plastic bins, one plastic 4 ft Santa that is about 25 years old, two plastic wooden soldiers that are almost as old as Santa........oh and a snake......Jenn has seen him twice.  She is going to get one of her pals to come and remove him for us.

One day soon, I will have my house back to normal....with a lot less "stuff".

The word exhausted doesn't even begin to describe how we feel.....we passed overwhelmed a few weeks ago.....now I will be happy just to not see boxes everywhere........soon very soon.....

I am hoping by next week to have more things back in place, Until then I will play find the food from the series of boxes sitting around.......

See you next week,,,,,

Not Just Another Sunday.....

I love the feeling when I first wake up in the morning.  The morning light coming in my window. I usually will lay there for a few minutes thinking about the day ahead or the day past. This is one of my luxuries on Saturday and Sunday morning.  During the week it's more like a fire drill.....alarm off and in the shower within 5 minutes.  If  I languish any longer Monday through Friday I will end up late for work.

This morning when I woke up I had to make a decision.  Do I just take it easy since I ran my butt off yesterday or do I get up and go to sunrise service at 7:00AM?

I opted to go to sunrise service.  I am so glad I did. It was chilly (by South Carolina standards) but a nice sunny morning.  The service was simple and involved clergy from several different denominations.  The messages all different had the same theme....the meaning of Easter and how our lives were changed by one person.

I don't often share my beliefs with regard to religion.  I feel it is a personal matter.  I will say I have struggled with the formality of religion and continue to search for a place I feel comfortable.

That being said.......I believe in God......I believe Jesus died for our sins.....I believe in the power of prayer.....I believe there is something better for all of us when our earthly lives are over,

You will note I said.....I BELIEVE.  I do not force my beliefs on others and I do not condemn those who disagree,

My reason going to the service was simple.,,,,it was the right thing for me to do.  I may be viewed as what are labeled "Christmas or Easter Catholics".  This is the group that only show up at church on those two occassions. At least by going to the sunrise service, I wasnt taking the seat of a regular church goer.

I pray every night before I fall asleep.  In all honesty, there are nights when I don't get through my whole list of things to pray about before drifting to sleep. I always start by thanking God for the day I just finished and ask that I wake the next morning.

Like most people....I pray and ask for more when times are tough.  I also have learned to say prayers of thanks too.....but probably not as often as I should.....and that is what motivated me today to leave the house so early.....I needed to say thank you for the beautiful morning, for feeling healthier, for my family and my friends, my job and all the others things I am blessed with that I take for granted.  I will say an added incentive was not having to get all dressed up.  I even skipped the make-up (yes I did fix my hair and brush my teeth).

I enjoyed that the message at the service included the word Rabboni (my maiden name is Raboni) the minister explained Rabboni means teacher. It is only every few years that I get to hear my family name as part of the Gospel but how special is that?

Next thing I knew,  it was 8:00 and I was back home.

I am not expecting a medal or praise for getting up and attending the service.  I did what was right for me. It gave me peace and that in itself made the trip worthwhile.......

Once in the house I was back to my normal Sunday routines......laundry, cooking and planning for the week ahead.

For about 45 minutes this morning, I was able to think about something more important than me.

Unlike Easter's past, we had no plans for today.....no dinner with family or friends.....no special meal to cook......but it was still a pleasant day wrapped in memories of past Easter's and looking toward those yet to come.

I have another busy week ahead that includes painters and floor repair....in addition the job I do to earn a paycheck.....but I am heading into it thankful for all I have been blessed with even when I didn't deserve or earn it......

Happy Easter !!!

See you next week.......

Don't I deserve it ?

I have lived in this house almost 18 years.....

As stated in past posts, I am ashamed to admit that I have done little to no maintenance during that time.  No new flooring even when the carpeting was in bad shape.  I ignored the dings on the walls. No new paint was applied inside or out.  Doorknobs remained broken held with tape so they wouldn't lock.  The corner on the hutch that Jeter chewed as a puppy stayed exposed, raw wood vs the rest painted green.

Why didn't I do the maintenance before?  There were a number of reasons why I postponed doing these basic upkeep......yes, money was part of it but I also I guess I just got used to the way things looked.

I read somewhere about a woman who had passed away.  When her children were cleaning out her possessions, they found things she had never worn from some lovely unmentionables to blouses with tags still on them.  She had been saving them for a special time.  The special time ended up being at her funeral.

Having the vinyl flooring replaced a few weeks ago, the carpeting tomorrow, the fireplace is now operating again (although it will not be used in the near future...LOL) and the painters are due next Monday all steps in the right direction. Jenn replaced the broken doorknobs today.....no more tape holding door locks open.

Did I think I didn't deserve a nice place to come home to?  Was I so focused on the money that I kept saying "I can't I can't"? Was I waiting for the right time?

All of this got me thinking about the things I put off or don't use.  Why is the good jewelry never worn? I am afraid I will lose it.  Why do I not invite people over?  Is it because my house is not spotless? Why don't I buy new clothes when I need them instead of wearing the same old night shirt?  As I mentioned a few entries ago, I am saving them.  Saving them for what.....my funeral?

As I sit here writing this I am making an oath to myself.....I am going to leave this world with a shorter list of "why didn't I's"....or "I will save that to wear another time"....and time to start switching up the jewelry and enjoy what I have.

The same with the work being done on the house.....I keep saying I should have done this before but at least I am doing it now.

It's similar to my focus on getting healthy....there is nothing I can do about the years I wasted but at least I am working on it now.  I will have more years to make you all crazy.....years that that I might not have had before......that might be a scary thought for some of you......LOL

A long time ago Erma Bombeck wrote a column that has stuck with me.  It was called "If I Had My Life To Live Over Again".  She wrote about things she would have done differently if she could do it all over again. It is worth the read and will give you pause to think about what we are all passing up in our lives and saying "let's wait until...."

I like to think at times my writing style is like Ms. Bombeck's.  I read and enjoyed many of her columns.  In order to save you the time of looking up the column I referenced above I am sharing it with you here.......

If I Had My Life To Live Over

by Erma Bombeck

The following was written by the late Erma Bombeck
after she found out she had a fatal disease.

If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love you's".. More "I'm sorrys" ...

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it ... live it...and never give it back.

See you next week......

What I learned in 10 days......

It has been said in life you keep learning. .....
After the last week or so I can say that is true......

Day 1- I learned no matter how good your vision plan may be through your employer you will have to dip into your wallet for some money.  Plans change or don't include the things you might need like transition lenses to save yourself the cost of a 2nd pair of prescription glasses for outdoors. Even with a vision plan, I still laid out over $300.  Oh and does any pair of frames cost less than what the plan allows? At least frames you would want to be seen in outside your home.....

Day 2- I learned that although I have loved owning Escapes.......Ford doesn't have a clue about building an engine that doesn't cost you an arm or leg to get repaired. They cram an engine into this SUV that needs a lot of parts removed to do repair work.  I have owned my most recent Escape for 10 years and it has 150,000 miles on it.  I understand repairs need to be done but......6 window motors???? and the a/c replaced ?  and the most recent repair bill.....parts $200......labor $550.....I know I know I could get a newer vehicle but I am trying to hold on a bit longer.

Day 3- I learned that when you go for your annual mammography there are a couple of things you need to be aware of.......the temp is the room is always cold.....are they checking to make sure your boobs react to 32 degree temps?  Also, make sure the computer is up and running BEFORE they put one of your breasts in the machine and flatten it like a pancake.  I was ready for the process to start .....feet facing the machine, body turned right and left breast being pressed as flat as possible.  Then the tech announces the computer is not working.  She tries to get  the computer running......no luck.  Next, another tech comes in to help.  Meanwhile, I am still stuck in the machine trying to be patient.  Finally, I ask to be removed from the machine while the computer issue is resolved.

Day 3- part 2-  I also learned from the tech my breasts are fatty not dense.  My brain must be dense allowing myself to be trapped in that damn machine for several minutes.

Day 4- I learned getting new vinyl floors can create a mess.  My house was built on a slab.  The concrete had to be scraped before a substance was applied to smooth out the floor. I had to clean everything from counters to the tops of cans I had to remove from the pantry floor.

Day 4 - part 2- I learned things can be fixed and it doesn't always have to cost a fortune (unlike my car- see Day 2 above) for the last few months if I take a shower and someone else runs the water in the kitchen sink there has been a loud vibrating sound in the wall.  Well guess what? One of the guys putting in my vinyl floor went to Lowes bought a $12 part for one of our toilets and miracle or miracles the sound is gone.

Day 5- I learned cleaning out closets, cabinets and dressers reminds me of the clown act at the circus.  You think you are done and more shows up.

Day 6- I learned the saying"one man's junk is another man's treasure" is very true. I was getting rid of a couch which was kind of shot.  I asked the guys who were laying the vinyl flooring if they would take my dresser and couch to the road for bulk pick-up.  One young man said "you are getting rid of that couch?" We said yes.  He asked if he could have it.  It is a sofa sleeper and if you flip the cushions over it is in good shape (Jeter has kind of beaten up one side of the cushions).  It turns out the young man was sleeping on an air mattress.  He was thrilled to have the couch.  I told him there was a clean sheet on it too. It was in his truck in a nano second.

Day 6 - part 2- I learned that since I got up at 3:45 AM to go to the airport it was OK to take a nap when I got home.  A nap from 10 AM until 2 PM .....is that a nap?? I did just that and guess what....the world did not stop because I stopped......

Day 7- I learned not everyone knows that a refrigerator should only be moved front and back, especially when moving it on your new vinyl floor.  You guessed it......I now have a very nice size hole/tear in the middle of my kitchen floor the size and shape of a slice of pizza. Yes, it will be repaired and the painters who caused the tear in the flooring are going to pay for it to be fixed.....but come on.....the floor was just barely two days old!!

Day 8- I learned I can plan to death but not everyone is on the same schedule as me.  The painters asked us to pack up a lot of our stuff and make sure we had the furniture moved into the center of each room.  That is exactly what we did.  After the floor fiasco (see Day 7 above), they scraped the boarder off my living room walls and removed all the switch plates, curtain rod holders were taken down, removed picture hangers from the walls and patched holes/dings in the walls.  Then I was told I still need to remove more of my furniture and treasures from my house before they can do anything else.  Really???? So here I sit with boxes all over, no curtains on the windows, furniture in the middle of rooms and exposed outlets.

Day 9- I learned that finding out about Medicare for Bob is not easy.  After a few conversations with a variety of individuals, I have more questions than answers.  This will be an ongoing issue until I understand what the hell Plan A covers vs Plan B vs Plan C and the cost of each........

Day 10- I learned that I must continue to accept the struggles of getting healthier.  Last week, the topic of my meeting was about forgiving yourself.  To me it was about acceptance.  Losing weight and getting healthier is still front and center in my life BUT the craziness of my life lately has made it harder than usual to see numbers consistently going down. Today was a good day and I was down on the scale.  BUT it should be more about the non-scale victories. The better/longer life I am going to have due to my focus on excercise and healthy eating. After the floor incident (Day 8 above), I admit I cried.  But instead of reaching for something bad to eat.....I reached for a box of tissues! Today's meeting was about what was the last straw that led you to want to improve your health? Someday, I will share that story.  I am not ready to go there yet with all of you.  I am pushing ahead......I am not a quitter!!

I can't wait to see what I learn in the days to come.....stay tuned.

Donna out.....






See you next week.......

How can it be Sunday night again?

I really believe I blink my eyes and Friday night becomes Sunday night.

Why is it that Monday morning to Friday at 5:00 seem like .....well you know.

I have often said that the years seem to fly....and they do but the weekends.....my precious weekends.....are really only about 10 seconds long.

I have been getting ready to have the floors done in my house.....new carpeting and new vinyl.  I am also getting ready for the inside of the house to be painted along with the front porch, shutters, power washing too.  I am embarrassed to say it has been 17 years since any of this was last done.

Maybe now I know why.....

It takes a lot of damn work to get ready!! I have packed and moved and packed and moved....and packed and moved.  Every room is the house has been touched .....and none  yet completed.  And I am running out of time. In college, if a term paper was assigned day 1....I was the person finishing it the night before it was due. I usually did well working under pressure.

And that is what it is like right now....tick tick tick.....not sure if I have to be done by Tuesday or Wednesday night....I should know that tomorrow.  By midday Friday or Saturday, the floors will be done.
 
There have been several trips to Goodwill.

Wednesday night around 8:30, Jenn put a three section laundry hamper on wheels out for bulk pickup along with 4 metal patio chairs.......they were gone from in front of my house by 8:45....LOL

Hey whoever took those items......there will be a couch and dresser outside this week.  The sleeper-sofa is OK if you flip over the cushions.  The dresser....not worth taking....it's old and some of the drawers are broken.  My current dresser is a couple of plastic bins in a lovely shade of blue.

Then I have Saturday and Sunday to move the furniture to get ready for the painters.All the curtains will come down and all picture removed from the walls. Next Monday, the painters will be here for 5 days then off the weekend then back for another 3 days.  The whole pantry will be on my kitchen counters.  The items in my linen closet will be in boxes.  My clothes will be laying in the back of my car.

The dog will be going to day board at the vet's for about 11 days....cha ching.....

And then to top it off....my drivers is window motor decided to stop working....with the window only up 1/4 of the way.  At Goodyear, they got the window up and put a wedge in place to keep it up.  And then I noticed a burning smell....most likely an oil leak.....that will be checked while the window is being repaired.

In addition, Bob is here for two weeks to go to dr appts so between him running to dr appt s and for some crazy reason I scheduled my dr. appts. for the same two weeks......I must have lost my mind when I was doing the scheduling...

Going for my mammo at 7 AM Wednesday??? What the hell was I thinking??????

I know life will return to normal soon but until then ?????

I spent today working on income taxes, doing a lot of paperwork that I needed to catch up on and cooking for the week.  Realizing there will be times I will not be able to get in my kitchen.

I am exhausted but am pushing through.....

Before I know it....I will have my very precious but very short weekends back......and I can't wait.......

See you next week........