What if

From “Letters to Juliet”, “‘What” and ‘if’ two words as nonthreatening as words come. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: ‘What if”?...”

A few weeks ago, I wrote an entry called “I am”.  It was thought provoking for me. From the responses I received from others, it made them think too.

How differently my life could have turned out based on if I had taken any of the “what if’s” paths.

Some ‘what if’s’ are about questionable choices:

What if I had gone away to college vs living at home and working while in school?

What if I had followed through on one of the other careers I had originally thought about teaching, physical therapist or journalist?

What if I had followed  through on one of my original choices in majors (Science, Education and Journalism) vs getting a degree for which I had the most credits (Behavioral Science)?

What if I had not put pressure on myself to be like everyone else and get married?

What if I hadn’t stayed in a marriage longer than I should have?

What if I didn’t spend years struggling and making poor financial decisions?

Some ‘what if’s’ are about the things that turned out right:

What if I hadn’t taken my friends advice that life exists outside New York?

What if I hadn’t taken that first bank teller job that has lead to a career in mortgage banking?

What if I hadn’t decided to not wait to have a house before starting a family?

What if I didn’t bite the bullet and follow friends sage advise to get my financial house back in order?

What if  I didn’t ask my friend what “Dataw Island” was like?

What if I hadn’t found my strength at work was in management?

What if I hadn’t made a friend in high school that would ultimately change my life?

Ending up living in a lovely location in the Lowcountry of South Carolina, having built up strong friendships, ending up in a career and role for which I was well suited and having a daughter who has grown into a wonderful woman and a best friend means the ‘what if’s’ turned out as they should.

When I look back, I tend to view the past with rose colored glasses. I prefer to want to remember the good.

Looking into the future there are less ‘what if’s”

Yes, I wish I had met my soul mate, someone to grow old with but that wasn’t in the cards.

But I do wake up each day to a beautiful view in a better living space than I ever could have dreamt of owning. I am blessed with amazing friends.  I have a job where I now work from home which makes a very big difference. I now make more prudent financial decisions based on needs vs. wants (ok and maybe an occasional whim buy). 

So maybe the real question is “what if I had done some of the things I didn’t get to do or choose to do?”

The paths and choices that caused me to end right where I am, it all makes sense to me now.

I am where I was meant to be.

See you next week,

Simple Pleasures

This week, I could feel the start of fall in the air.

The last few days the weather has been amazing.

A cool breeze and lower temps.

The sliders and door to the porch left open.

Porch windows wide open.

Fresh air finally in the house.

Doors slamming shut due to the draft through the house.

I am sure Indian Summer will surface in the next few weeks but no more 90 plus degree days.

Another good thing this week was a few rainy days and thunder storms. 

I love the sounds that kind of weather provides.

Add to the “little thing list”,  a desk chair,

I have been working at my kitchen table for the last six months.

Laptop, two monitors, keyboard, mouse, notepads, etc. and a chair.

But this chair, I can adjust the chair height, arm rests, firm back and a very comfy seat.

I can get up after sitting for a long period of time and my hip doesn’t hurt.

I resisted the temptation to buy a pumpkin, it can wait a few more weeks.

Trying to enjoy the small things while still staying close to home.

See you next week.

I Am

Jenn told me about an activity that took place in one of her departments staff meetings this week. It was a way of getting to know each other better.

Jenn suggested it to me as a blog entry.

You start with the two words I AM and go from there.

Team Pizzo get ready this activity may be heading your way soon.

Here goes, in no particular order and very random:

I am still 35 in my head (although my birth certificate has a very different number).

I am a writer.

I am a Mom (the best job in the world).

I am Hawaiian which allows me to check the Asian/Pacific Islander as a race.

I am funny at times.

I am able to  cry easily whether happy, sad, mad or laughing.

I am happy to have a reliable vehicle after years of driving an old SUV that could break down at any time.

I am crazy for the smell of fireplaces burning, sweater weather and crunch sound of leaves under my shoes.

I am a lover of snow.

I am a Christmas fan.

I am a Cheese freak  

I am jealous of those who planned right and could retire early.

I am not afraid to fly but am afraid of airports.

I am afraid of crowds.

I am afraid of falling.

I am a loyal friend,

I am in love with the color yellow.

I am a big fan of yellow roses.

I am happy smelling garlic and onions cooking on the stove.

I am finally sleeping back in my bed after years of sleeping in a recliner.

I am tired of talking to people by the end of each work day.

I am a good people manager.

I am starting to accept the things I will never do again.

I am sorry I can’t find a good hard roll or a potato knish or a linzer tart in South Carolina.

I am afraid of going to new places without checking them out ahead of time.

I am crazy about all kinds of soups.

I am happy to see each months new plates, flags and tablecloths in my house.

I am happy to not be commuting 300 miles a day.

I am sorry I didn’t watch my Mom make Chocolate Cracker Pudding so I could make it myself.  It doesn’t help that the Uneeda Biscuit Crackers needed for the pudding are no longer sold.

I am happy to be alone but can feel lonely.

I am......

See you next week.

 

A long weekend with nothing to do

 Labor Day has always been the farewell to summer weekend.

As a kid, my Dad always took his vacation the last two weeks of August running into Labor Day.

It always made sense to me.

Now I think, what would it be like to have two consecutive weeks off?

People that I know who have taken off two weeks in a row say it really does feel very different than  a single week.

Also, when I was young the Supreme Court of NY would close for the summer.  No AC and vacations let the court calendar light. This meant Dad had a long break.

The last summer before his children started to move in different directions, he loaded us all into the family station wagon for a trip across the country.

Imagine a whole summer off?

Imagine Dad, Mom and us four kids in that vehicle with tents and sleeping bags.  From NY to California and back.

It was amazing,

But here we are in the year we would like to forget, 2020.

Labor Day and no place to go and feel safe (at least for me).

I was thrilled to have a long weekend after a very long week at work.

Sunday, we ran some errands or I should say I drove with Jeter and Jenn did the running.

Other than that I was home.

I caught up on the bills and paperwork.

Jenn made some ribs and a new chicken dish that was amazing.

Naps were worked in.

I tried not to watch the news too much as it disturbs me greatly.

I decided to watch some movies.

I started with Jumangi which Jenn and others have called “2020 in a movie” . After watching it, I got it.

Today, I watched one of my favorite movies, “City Slickers”.

I love the conversation between the friends with a long history.

Listening to Billy Crystal explain to Daniel Stern how to program a VCR was so funny.

But hands down my favorite scene it the “best day and worst day conversation”

Hearing each character pick their most memorable day and their hardest day always gets me thinking.

As they said in the movie, you cannot pick an obvious day like when you children were born.

I am sure we can each come up with more than a few best days and hopefully not too many worst days.

It will be challenging to come up with a long list of best days this year.

So maybe this is the year we spend time looking back in retrospect to our past and what we have been blessed with.

Best days- the days you met friends for the first time that changed your life, holidays with those no longer with us, maybe a day you got some kind of recognition, watching your child graduate or a day you made someone smile.

Worst days- losing people you loved especially those for which you were not prepared, the day I went to court for my divorce and maybe the days when my fellow mangers and I are made to feel defeated and unappreciated. 

This weekend ended up being a weekend of self-reflection. 

The up’s and down’s of life.

Maybe the weekend wasn’t such a waste after all.

See you next week.

The BER’S

 Starting Tuesday are my four favorite months of the year.

The BER months.

Even in 2020, I am hoping they will be enjoyable.

September:

Pumpkin spice surfacing everywhere.

Goodbye to the 90’s and maybe a few days in the 70’s. Maybe less central air?

In South Carolina, leaves starting to lose their bright green hue.

In NY, it meant the beginning of leaves changing color and sweater weather. 

October:

Time to put a pumpkin on the front porch and by the fireplace.

Halloween decorations appear.

In South Carolina, maybe a hint of color changes.

In NY, time to get the rake out.

Days gets shorter, darkness longer.

Apple picking.

November:

Finally, the leaves change colors in SC.

Hallmark Christmas movies 24/7.

Thanksgiving.

Online shopping.

And finally stores deciding to close on Thanksgiving !!

Even if it is just dinner for two, we can still give thanks and feel blessed.

December:

Decorations up.

Christmas music all hours.

The smell of the cookies coming out of the oven,

Wrapping gifts and sending cards.

Trying to find that special gift for someone.

Getting the gifts, cards and cookies put in the mail.

Finally getting to use the fireplace.

Driving around seeing all the outside decorations and houses lit up.

The glow of our tree in the dark.

Christmas Eve Day, the best day of the year.

Still feeling the magic that anything can happen on December 24th,

Looking to the sky as I did when I was a child in hopes of seeing something special.

Christmas Day, my second most favorite day or the year. In some ways after the morning, it slowly starts to be a let down.

A nice dinner and we open our last gifts of the day.

December 26th, I start the countdown to next year.

December 31st, while I have never been a big fan of New Years’s Eve, this year might be the exception.

Farewell to 2020.  The year we wish we could have skipped.

In the blink of an eye, its 2021.

Happy New Year !!!!!

See you next week.

My 16th post since ...and the Team Huddle

Since I last left the office on March 13th, I have posted 15 entries. 

Here goes number 16.

I am not going to go on an on about what has changed, what has been missed and what I am not getting to do.

I have been told by my writing mentor, when you can’t think of something just write.

So that is what I am doing.

In high school, I loved essay exams.  I would write and write and write and sooner or later got to the point of the essay and the answer.

Today, I had two new team members on our team huddle call.

In a moment of trying to have some fun and being impulsive, I asked my current team to tell the newbies a good thing and a bad thing about their new manager, me.

Talk about asking for trouble.

I have to say they were pretty much spot on with their responses.

The bad’s:

Do not ask Donna anything prior to coffee.

Donna cries when she is happy, sad, mad and frustrated.

Donna can use “salty” language.

Donna can be direct and blunt.

The good’s:

Donna loves Christmas.

Donna loves cheese.

Donna loves Hallmark Christmas movies.

Donna is a good team Mom.  (I responded “couldn’t you have said a good team “older sister”?)

Donna always has our backs.

My add’s:

OT is not mandatory, you work it as you see fit.

If you are having issues  with a Loan Officer and I will happy to reach out to them. (I really said “I don’t mind having a “come to Jesus talk with them”).  

Life is more import than work.  I preach Life/Work balance.  Time with family, friends and away from work is very important.

I make sure everyone uses up their Paid Time Off vs giving time back to the company.

Epilogue:

There will be good days and bad.  

Happy Donna, Cranky Donna and Quiet Donna.

Donna who acts as the buffer between the team and the expectations of Sr. Management.

We laughed a lot during the call.  I am sure the newbies are wondering what they got themselves into.  

It was a a good way to end a busy day.

Learning and laughter, Welcome to Team Pizzo.

See you next week.

Boredom, depression and me

 I go back and forth.

Am I bored?

Is  the fact I am tired due to the long workdays?

Is the desire to sleep or take naps from exhaustion or boredom?

I am finally feeling depressed over the months of no’s?

Is sleep my escape?

Besides writing, binge watching TV,  a weekly trip for groceries and work, life it pretty much the same every day.

Every day.

While I have never been one who was always running all over the place, at least it was my choice.

Thank goodness for the phone.  It is my one real contact with the outside world.

The rides to get groceries let’s me see life is still out there but the changes are obvious.

I worry about depression, feeling sad and I do try to fight that feeling.

I fight it more some days than others.

It is summer and I should be sitting by the pool with a nice tall drink soaking in the sun.

I miss jogging in the pool with my waterproof IPOD.

Hopefully, soon again I can get back in the pool and exercise.

Instead, I am on Season 6 of Grey’s Anatomy.

Last weeks big accomplishment was catching up on reading all the magazines I had piling up.

I have mastered so many games on my IPAD.

I am also fearful of getting the virus. I have a cough that is allergy related but each time I cough I have a small bit of doubt in the back of my head.

I really do fight the sadness and boredom.

I do not fight the naps, they feel too good.

I try to think about things like what I want to have done as far as home improvements.

I search Pinterest for Christmas present ideas.

I try to think of other things to do to keep busy.

Jigsaw puzzles? Not a chance.

Crafts, nope.

Fancy meals, no to that too.

Like everyone else, I will get through this time and come out on the other side with a sense of relief.

Just no ideas how long it will take.

This is my 20th week home. If I do that amount of time again, we will be into 2021 thankfully.

The year of virus, depressing news, protests, riots, violence will be behind us, I hope.

The labels put on people will hopefully fade.

I won’t be called privileged or racist or any other labels that have been thrown around at each other for no other reason than to cause pain.

We will all come to recognize the good and bad in all, coming the to the conclusion that there is less bad than good in all of us.

At least that is what I pray will happen.

The power of prayer.

May it heal us all and make our days less boring, exhausting, tiring and depressing.

See you next week.