I was down at the scales this week.....which is good. The realization that I will not reach my 50 pound goal by Dec 31st is a reality I must accept. BUT this is just a minor setback. I will get to the 50 pounds, then 60, then 70 and so on until I get to my personal goal. It is not a number on the charts that equates height and weight. I will know what is right for me.
I am still way too sensitive about how I look. But then again that is 54 (yes, almost 55) years of looking at myself in the mirror and not being thrilled with the reflection. I may never get to the point where I feel totally comfortable. Look you are dealing with a person whose biggest fear is dying in the shower. The thought of some strangers seeing my dead and NAKED body is enough to keep me going for a long time. Or I could just shower in my clothes.....
There are things I really do like about myself but it is still hard to get past the physical part. Plus father time also has added some grey hairs, some wrinkles and gravity is doing its bit too!!
There was a time when I could get out of bed and start my day. Now I reach for my eyeglasses, take a vitamin, something for my knee (when it aches) and use my my maintenance inhaler (so I do not have to use my rescue inhaler).....this is before my feet hit the floor.....uuugghhh...
In the last year one thing has changed,,,,,I wake up with hope. Hope that very slowly I am making progress. The gym, weight watchers and putting me first is part of my life. At times it feels darn good and sometimes I see the old Donna lurking in the corner waiting for me to falter. The old Donna is gradually fading away with each day and each decision I make.
I can't say I will miss her .....in fact I can't wait until she is a distant memory.
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