The TD Wellness Challenge

The company I work for (TD Bank) is starting a company wide wellness challenge.  Teams of employees competing against each other and getting healthy in the process.

I am part of a team called "Keeping It Real".  There are 7 other co-workers on the team.....very competitive people I might say too.  The challenge involves either exercising or taking extra steps.  I chose as my part to exercise.  You could also put down you weight and track that too.....nope not doing that on a work website even though they say it is confidential.....how do I know the government is not tracking this info for release.  I sure do not want to end up testifying in front of Congress about my weight due to NSA leaks.....

My Friend, DeAnna, was the one who got the ball rolling.  She asked me if I wanted to be on a team with her.  Then we found out we would need at least 5 team members to compete.  I wasn't sure we would get that many but then everyone on my team at work decided to join in.  A few people from other teams asked to join too....so there we are 8 in all. 

Having friends from work as part of a group is great for me.  I need the support during the day. 

This week-end I went to the gym 3 out of 4 days and jogged in the pool an hour each time.

I went and signed up for Weight Watchers again...I know I know how many times have I done this.....at some point it has to work right......I went to the meeting as if I had never been on the program before.  I feel so focused now I just have to not let myself slide. I have also promised myself that I will not let my mood be determined by what happens on the scale each week.  I think that was part of my downfall in the past.....I now know I am more than a number.  That is why I love the Special K commercial where ladies are measured with a tape measure that doesn't show inches it shows positive words instead.  I like that idea.....so no more it's a bad week if I am not down at the scales.....PROMISE!!!!

I went food shopping and have already made a cucumber, tomato and red onion salad for tomorrow (ok don't talk to me after lunch since I will eat the red onion).  I also bought and cooked some shrimp to have for lunch.  Yes, I will write down what I eat.  That is the thing that I find the most difficult to stick to but I really need to do this if I want to be successful.  People who track what they eat do better at losing weight. 

I am not setting a goal for myself as far as what I was to see on the scale.  I am just going to do the best I can. 

So here I go again.....at least I don't quit......I may slack off at times but I still know where I want to be......healthier. 

And I hope you are not all out there saying how many times have we read these words before???  If you are thinking or saying that.....you are right......I may fall down but I continue to get up.....and isn't that half the battle???

I have to continue to put me first.........I have to believe in me.......and need you to believe in me too.......so I am asking all of you my cheerleaders to hang in with me once again as I restart....set back to zero.....and begin again........maybe all the stars and planets are in alignment this time.......I can't give up the Donna I see in my head......maybe she is a dream.....maybe she doesn't exist any where but in my head and heart.....but that's ok....I can see her and hopefully some day you will all see her too..........

There Are Still 1st's To Be Accomplished......

I think I have been going at this all wrong.  I keep thinking of the things I can't do or will never do in my life.....

No mountain climbing (did I ever want to do it anyway?), no skydiving (hell I am afraid of heights), no size 6 in my future ( I was born bigger than a size 6).......

But I have started to realize there are still 1st's......mabye not of major magnitude but still new adventures.

A few weeks ago right after work on a Wednesday,  I drove to my friends house at the beach to spend a few days with them.  As I was making the 160 mile drive blasting my IPOD I realized I don't travel alone often.  I have gone on two business trips by myself in the last few years but usually when I go someplace I have someone  else with me.  Now a 2 1/2 hour ride is not momentus by most standards but it does represent a new phase in my life......doing things alone vs as part of a couple or a family trip. During my life, I would travel with family, then with a spouse and then as a Mom.......not just as Donna. 

The beginning of a new phase......

While at the beach I did something I have never done before........I drove a golf cart (laugh if you will but it was an adventure for me).  The only problem  was my knee wouldn't bend the way it had to in order to hit the break but I figured out a way to make it work and was able to drive around the island like everyone else (maybe it was not a pretty but I didn't quit).

I also drove a convertible.  My friend has a convertible that I drool over.  She asked me if I wanted to drive it when we ran to buy shrimp for dinner.  (Nothing like going to the local shrimp company and seeing the shrimpers docked right behind the shop). While Kathy went in to buy the shrimp, I got into the drivers seat.  Off we went back to the house.  It was so much fun!!!!!  Plus I loved being able to bypass the guard/security gate since the car had a resident pass in the window (see it's the little things I love).

I ate Frogmore Stew for the first time.....it was wonderful.....filled with sausage, shrimp, red potato's and corn.  It used to be eaten with newspapers spread out on the table putting the shrimp shells and corn cobs right on the newspaper when they were done.

Outdoor showers every day....... knowing my self image you can only imagine how nervous I was about this......but guess what..... it was wonderful.  Nothing like getting back from the beach and taking a shower outside......yes there is lattice work so you are not out in the open for all to see.  My daughter used the word liberating to describe it and she was right.  It was a little surprising to see a deer staring out me when I showered but it also was funny... I can only imagine what he thought.....LOL

I haven't been in the ocean in many years.  One morning, we went to the beach and decided to go in the water.  For the first time in a zillion years I didn't hesitate.  I went out about waist deep......I forgot about the waves.....I forgot how to maneuver in the waves.....basically that means I got knocked on my ass by the waves and each time I tried to get up another wave would go over me.  Now I am not talking tsunami size waves....but enough to keep me off balance and soaking wet.  Kathy couldn't do much more than laugh since I looked so ridiculous.  Anyway, the waves pushed me closer and closer to shore.  Then the panic kicked in.......how the hell do I stand up with my bad knee and get back to the stairs......did it ever enter my mind to go back into the deeper water where it would be easier to stand up??  NNNNNOOOOOO.....so I did a reverse crab walk up to the stairs.....thank God the beach was deserted.  It wasn't pretty and it took a bit of time but guess what I made it to the stairs and got up (with a little assistance.... thank goodness for the railing I used to hoist myself up). I then climbed the stairs and caught my breath.

Oh and stairs, I did tons of them.....the stairs at the beach access I liked the best (since there was a lovely bench to sit on and from there you could see the ocean, people watch and get a great ocean breeze)......the nice part about the stairs at that access was I could walk up them like everyone else....no one step at a time.....I loved that......

A lot of 1st's.....traveling alone, driving a golf cart, driving a convertible, going in the ocean without thinking about it and figuring out how to get myself out of a jam instead of saying I can't....that feels so good.

Now I am trying to think more "I can"  if it is something I really want to do.....

One more thing.....with Labor Day quickly approaching it is time for me to get back into my routine......back to the gym (I have a 4 day week-end coming up and plan on hitting the gym 4 days in a row to jump start my exercise routine), more focus on eating the right things and working on the health and weight thing.  Maybe I can drop some pounds before the dreaded holidays roll in......

But the bottom line is I know there are more 1st's for me.......I am not sure what they are but if it is something I really want to do I won't say automatically say no out of fear........I want to continue to embrace every minute of my life as I continue to learn about me.....

The Reunion- Part III- Goodbye's

I have not been looking forward to writing this entry.......it makes me sad.......

Mom's Last Trip........
For years, Mom had hoped for a Welch Family Reunion.  There were gatherings through the years but they weren't as big a group as we had at this one.  Unfortunately, not everyone made it this time but it was the largest gathering of the Welch Ohana in 25 years. As you know, we lost Mom on New Years Day 2012.   The plans for the reunion began a few months after her passing.  I knew I would be looking for Mom around every corner or would hear her laugh echoing through the kitchen.  My sister suggested I bring Mom to the reunion.  It was a great idea.  Jenn and I brought with us the wind chimes that contained some of Mom's ashes and my cousin Pat hung them on the deck outside the main house.  Several times I could hear the chimes in the breeze off the lake.  It was as if she was letting us know she was there.  I also saw people go up and touch the chimes and say hello to Mom.  It did not replace her physical presence there but made me feel good to know she was a part of the our time together. 

I also need to say something to my Auntie's and Uncles......you each touched my heart in a special way.  You took time to seek us out.  You took time to talk to us about our lives and to pray with us.  Your love, hugs and caring made Mom's absence less painful.  Each of you in your own way became our Mom and Dad.  I will be always be grateful for the gentle hand on the shoulder, the understanding look when we started to cry and kindness that you each offered us as a gift.  I can not come up with any words that would appropriately express my gratitude but need each of you "elders" (sorry Auntie Elsie for using that term LOL) to know you gave so much just by being there!!!!!

Goodbye's........
As I had said in my previous post, we were all aware out time together was running out.  Each day I would wake up and think well we still have X amount of days left.  On Saturday, our time together was dwindling down to a few short hours.  Marion and Blaine were the first to leave very early Saturday morning and it only reinforced that this would be our last day together.  I wanted time to freeze, to not leave the main house and to not let go of the people I had reconnected with or had met for the first time or hadn't seen in many, many years.  I know we all had to return to our own lives but in 5 short days the Welch Ohana had become so much a part of me.  I felt no judgements, I felt no expectations......I only felt love.  Why would anyone willingly walk away from that????  For some returning to our lives would be easy.....for others there were new adventures ahead of them.......for some it was time to go back and face the battles that life has thrown at us........it was the day I dreaded the most.    The goodbyes were met with hugs, I love you's and we will see each other agains.  Aunt Marion said to me " We hate saying goodbye to you (meaning all of us East Coasters) because you are all so far away."  I felt the same way.....it wasn't like we could just drive a few hours to spend time together.......

When the night was over and everyone had gone to bed, I thought about those 5 days.  They had been so much more than I had hoped for......and at least I had gotten through the goodbye's....or so I thought....

Very early the next morning....the McFall contingent was moving out......we were all up as everyone had early departures planned.  So once again we had another round of goodbye's......

The McFall's left followed by my brother, George, next was Jenn and I, then Cheryl and Chris.  The only people left were Jessica and Adam to close down the house. 

One of the 5 best days of our lives was over.....

The empty house......I think part of us all is still there.....our laughter echos in the air,  the conversation in record decibels is still bouncing off the ceiling........our love for each other imprinted in its walls. 

The Journey's home......

For some the journey home was just a few hours......for some many hours.....for some it was hours in airports (Cheryl, Chris and Carrie).....for one... a solitary ride on a motorcycle for almost a day........I never thought I would see the Arch in St Louis and  that same day drive through the Smokey Mountains and into Asheville NC and on to Columbia, SC.......people traveled in rain, thunder ,daylight and dark and finally morning.....back to our lives......never to be the same again.......

The Pictures......

I am only using two of the pictures from the reunion.....one in particular has been mentioned my other family members as it really is the essence of what we all feel.....and the other I think shows the joy we all felt...

And to my cousing Pat........you are my HERO for making this happen!!!!

I love you all my Ohana!!!!!

The Reunion - Part ll

Food, Antics and Fireball......that's where I left off.....

Food......oh this is easy.....great, great, great food.

Two out of three nights were started with beautiful blessings.  Both Aunt Dorothy and Uncle Paul said blessings that left most in tears.  We were fortunate to have Uncle Paul's recorded.....I wish we had recorded Aunt Dorothy's too......

Italian Night.......lots and lots and lots of pasta,  OK....maybe  too much PASTA. I just couldn't gauge the quantities for 40 plus people.  There was enough pasta to take care of many lunches, etc for the rest of the reunion.

Hawaiian Night......fried rice, spam musibi (sp.), teriyaki chicken, pineapple upside down cake.....and on and on.   Great food and much more reasonable quantities.  It was great to see a line of hungry Welch's waiting to chow down on super food.

Mexican night.......taco's, salsa, queso, guacamole.....everything your heart (and stomach) could ask for.......amazing food!!!!!!

If Starbucks was a food group this would be a hit for many in our family.....Starbucks runs were made daily.....

Now let's talk about antics......

There was boating, jet skiing, paddle boats, wake boarding and water skiing. 

There were duets sung by Donna and George.

We have a lovely rendition of "Jesus loves Me" by Makenzie.  In fact, she sang it with more feeling each time we applauded.....

And last but not least was the dancing sausage........if you didn't see it happen or the video..... you missed something that is difficult to describe.......I have never seen such creativity or insanity over a link of Italian sausage........someday when there is a family reunion years from now.......our descendants will wonder what kind of lunatics this group was.........but they will be able to tell we sure knew how to have fun!!!!

FIREBALL........I felt that word needed to be in cap's........

The 2nd's as they were called didn't bond the second they met BUT once the noise from the 1st's and the elders got to a decibel level the 2nd's couldn't take they retreated to the bottom level of the house.  There they partook in the drink FIREBALL.....and drink they did.......Paul's Supermarket became very popular with the younger set.  If Paul had nothing in his store but FIREBALL and Ruffles Loaded Baked Potato Chips.....he would have sold out in 5 days.  It is safe to say at least 2 bottles of Fireball were consumed a day.  Chris became best friends with the cashier named Candy....she shared her dance moves with him.....she said she was glad he came to visit.

Oh and the 2nd's also set up a basement speed trap.....if any of the elders or 1st's dared to go down those stairs.....they had to drink a shot (or a capful in Auntie Dorothy's case)......also if you didn't go down stairs to the speed trap it came to you....nothing like having a bunch of 2nd's bringing you a bottle and yelling drink.....

The good part was since all of the consumption took place straight from the bottle .....there was no rush to buy red solo cups at Paul's. 

I did hear that since we left Paul was stuck with cases of Fireball since he purchased not knowing all of his sales were to one crazy family.

THE HARD PART........

Each of us in our own way kept reminding ourselves our time was running out.  The 5 precious days together were coming to and end.

The last entry will cover.....Mom's last trip, photo's and goodbyes.......

The Reunion.....Part 1.....Getting There.......

Many times I have seen people wearing reunion t-shirts.  I never really thought about the people behind the shirts.  I never thought about the miles traveled.  I never thought about the reunion experience at all......

Now after 5 memorable days at Osage Beach (Land of the Ozarks), Missouri......I get it.  I understand the planning, the expenses, the distances traveled and how worth it was going through every state and mile traveled to and from the Welch Ohana Reunion.

Travel and Arrivals.....

The planning stage started over 1 year ago....and our fearless leader was my cousin, Pat.  Pat found the location, found the main house, with help from his daughter designed the t-shirt, was the treasurer and all he and his wife April wanted in return.......for everyone to have a good time.

Jenn and I left on Monday at noon.......four hours behind schedule due to a banking issue that needed to be resolved.

Through the day we traveled from state to state. I even let Jenn drive for a couple of hours and for those of you who know me well I am a control freak so giving up the drivers seat was big thing for both of us  (Jenn thanks Uncle John  for giving me the gentle nudge to let J drive). We kept in touch with various family members.  Around 9 PM, I talked to cousin Pat.  He and his family had arrived at the reunion site late in the afternoon.  I told him Jenn and I would be stopping in Arkansas for the night.  First we hit Memphis and I have to say driving through there at night was a little unnerving......it wasn't a highway but we were driving through town.  Jenn could sense my nervousness.  She then made a suggestion that a few years ago I wouldn't have believed I would hear from her......"Mom, I am going to put my gun next to us on the seat."  I agreed it was a good idea.  Before we knew it we were in Arkansas......

Jenn called and called a variety of hotels that only had expensive rooms to offer.  We both agreed that since it was close to mid-night we would just keep driving and not bother to stop.  I have to say there were stretches where I thought....what the hell are we doing driving in the middle of the night to someplace we have never been.

At 4:30, Missouri time (5:30 SC time), we pulled into Peterson's Point and our destination.  There was no way I was waking anyone up at that hour so I told Jenn we would just sleep in the car until a decent hours and then ring the bell.  I tried to sleep.......about an hour later, Jenn said she had to go to the bathroom.......me being just slightly tired at this point suggested she go behind the car......you can only imagine the look I got from her.  Then I said....."I have the code for the garage."  The look on her face said it all as she said is a somewhat annoyed tone...."you have had the garage code and I have been sitting in this car for an hour?" I gave her the code and in she went.  My cousin Pat had been asleep on the couch.  Jenn's entrance work him up and the reunion began.

Over the next few days people arrived in groups or as individuals......each was greeted like Norm entering  CHEERS.  There were hello's and hugs and in some cases introductions. Cousin Michele who said she couldn't make it showed up .......some of her siblings didn't even know she was making the trip until their caravan gathered in Colorado.  The largest cheer was for my older brother, George.....he was also not expected to be there.  He rode 1400 miles on his motorcycle to spend a little more than 48 hours with his Ohana. 

During the next 5 days there was not one waking hour when I wasn't hugged or kissed or told I love you.  It wasn't just me but every one of the 40 plus people that traveled from Florida, Maryland, South Carolina, Hawaii, Wisconsin, Texas, Oklahoma and Colorado share the true experience of love. 

The next chapter.......food, antics and Fireball (thanks to the 2nd generation)........

I Have Seen The Face of Courage and Her Name Is Gina.....

I had planned on my first blog entry after my trip to see my Ohana (that means family for those not fluent in Hawaiian) in Missouri to be about the 5 day love fest I experienced.  I will still write about that life changing event but something more important needs to be written now.......

When I read about my dear cousin's PET scan findings, I needed time to process and think about what I would say to her if we were in person or through this entry.  I spent last night searching for the right words of comfort, encouragement and support.  I struggled....

Many of our Ohana were quick to write wonderful words of prayer, hope and love.  And still I struggled......my brother, George, said what I was feeling..."I feel lost and don't know what to do".

Well after thinking about it all night here are my thoughts (some of which have already been said by others).....

Gina you are the most amazing, courageous and strong person I have ever met!!!!! I love that you said cancer does not own your mind......it sure as hell doesn't!!! Seeing you in the Frat house last week and the way you celebrated our time together was not only incredible but also one heck of a good time!!!

You are a survivor in every sense of the word.......the mental battle you face every day, your faith in God and your ability to smile, and hug and love makes you an inspiration to me and all who know you.

I have spent the last 4 years living with a victim of cancer.  It has taken a toll on relationships and lives.  Jenn and I watched you in awe last week and both said "too bad Bob didn't fight the mental battle with a quarter of the energy you use each day."

You know that all of your Ohana is there with you, wrapping their arms around you, praying with you and telling you they love you.  The miles that separate us are only that......miles.  But our hearts are together as one.  We are with you each second of every day ready to walk with you all the steps of your journey.

You have looked cancer in the eye and said "You don't control me!!!!"  You have a joy that you share with others and it is contagious.  Your smile makes others smile.  Your strength makes others strong. 

There are things that happen in everyday life that we complain about.....whether it be an ache or a pain, a car repair bill or a spouse who just doesn't get it.  We tend to get wrapped up in the me of life.  You on the other hand have not made this about you when you had every right to......not once have I heard you say why me??

I am so proud of you......you are someone I look up to.......you are the kind of person I want to be......you have taught us all.  That's pretty great....to be a teacher.

I want to thank you for your amazing attitude.  You have my prayers, my love and my belief that you will win this battle. 

Yes, I have seen the face of courage and Gina the face of courage is you!!!!

Fear Part Two........

Yes, this is another entry about fear.....part due to the responses I received from last weeks entry and  part due to some changes I am going to try to or will be making.

First the feedback......

I am never quite sure what entry might make an impact on those who read this blog.  Last week was one of those entries that was responded to by a lot of you.  Here is a sample of the responses...
you need to write more.......you should have included that you have trouble making decisions........you are saying what I feel.......you have the knack for writing.......I wanted to read more.......we are all here cheering for you as you try new things.......thanks for you honesty and you may think you fear things but how many people put their fears, feelings and emotions right out there for all to see and read.  I consider that brave......

To address these responses, here I go......

I have never thought of myself as brave.  But maybe my friend is right......it is not always easy to share personal things about myself especially since most of the things I write about exist in my head.

I so appreciate the friends who say they will cheer me on as I try new things.

The friend who said I should have included more about my indecision.....maybe you are right.  I do sit on the fence until I either am forced to make a decision, or decided to stall a decision or take the easy way out.  Just call me Humpty Dumpty......I only hope when I fall off the wall this friend will be among those who will help to put me together again.

The encouragement to write more.......as you all know I don't compliment myself easily.  But one of the things I am sure of is that I write well.  I have committed myself to one hour a week just to write and that does not include the time I devote to this blog.  I have a zillion ideas in my head and have written some down.  I think if I start to piece them together there might be a story out there.  I am also going to start to get in touch with a few magazines and see if I can break into being published that way too.

Now the things I am willing to try or changes I am making.....

In a few weeks I will be starting a new job at TD.  (once again I did need some guidance from friends to make the decision....see a pattern here??).  I am going to be managing a new team.  The easy way would have been to stay where I was since I know how to do my current job.  But after much thought (my usual 24 hours to process things), I decided to jump into the deep end of the pool feet first.  I think the change will be good. 

I am promising myself that while at my family reunion I will be myself.....not the person I think I am supposed to be.  I will try not to say NO to opportunities while in Missouri.  OK I WILL NOT be hanging my fat ass off the back of my cousins boat trying to wake board......I said, I would try things I didn't say I was taking total leave of my senses....The main thing I want to do is have fun, share and hug people that I care about that I don't get to see too often.

When I return from that trip, I once again am recommitting myself to my journey to lose weight.  Back to the gym on a regular basis, figuring out which plan to use for weight lose and trying the ones I think will work until I am successful.  AND I WILL BE SUCCESSFUL!!!

Time to write....a minimum of one hour a week.....whether it be an article or a book I am trying to put down on paper.

Yes, the fears are still there but I am trying to chase them away!!!! I hope the fears disappear with my weight loss and my self-confidence returns.

Thank you to all who continue to just read or comment and provide feedback.  In your own way, you each show me how much you care about me.

Someday, I hope to be the person I want to be ......weighing less, less fearful, more confident and less self-conscious.......that's a tall order but I think it is one I can accomplish......you will just have to keep reading to see how this all turns out......it is a story to which I have not written the next chapter but the outline is there........I just have to devote the time needed to make it happen.....

Here is the start of the next chapter.......as Donna continued on the road to the life she wanted to live she looked around and realized she need to make decisions and move forward.......

Let's hope I can end with and she lived happily ever after........