Patience or the lack thereof......

When you are a child one of the things your parents teach you about is being patient.

Wait and take your turn.

Wait for your next birthday.

Wait for the first day of school.

Wait for next Christmas.

Wait to drive.

Wait to be legal.

Wait to vote.

Wait....wait....wait......

Patience.............Patience.........Patience............

You would think by now I would have gotten it...... and I thought I had but now.......

There will be a lot of changes in the next few years but the one I want the most.......moving to my next location is a few years off.......and it sucks to wait!!!!

All of a sudden I am like a child.....wah wah wah.....I want it now.......I don't want to have to wait to see the ocean all the time or to sit on my patio or deck drink my morning coffee and smell the sea or to have my home office where I can work or live out my passion of writing.........

I know I can and do write now but it's not the same as living the life of my dreams and having the peace I feel near the water.

Each time I look at locations I like I want it now.......

Each time I picture myself  I see me wrapped up in a story I am writing.....I want it now......

I always thought I would get to a point in my life where I would feel content and settled and I guess I will but it will be at an older age than I anticipated.

I have to get there....I must get there......I was meant to be there.......just not now..

I just have to be patient.........for now........

Second item on my 12 things list......done.....

This minimum of 12 new things list is supposed to be fun.......but what do I do but add pressure to myself.  I look at the calendar and panic......it is almost the end of June and I haven't checked off another item.

Well, whew....I got my next item in.......I made a cheesecake from scratch.

I looked at a variety of recipes.  From the Junior's Cheesecake Cookbook (if you are ever in Brooklyn Junior's Cheesecake is a must!!!!) to the Philadelphia Cream Cheese Recipe.  Since I was starting this project at 8:00 on  Sunday night, I opted for the easiest recipe.  I did not make the cheesecake that has to sit in a pan of water in the oven.  After much research I went with the Philly Cheesecake recipe.

Jenn decided to make one too.

So here we were dueling bakers.......I had never make a graham cracker crust before.......I thought they only came in those tins already prepared.  I did use graham crackers crumbs vs.  crushing graham cracker cookies myself (otherwise it would have been one graham cracker for the crust and one for Donna).  I mixed them with butter and a small amount of sugar,  I pressed it into the bottom of the spring form pan.   I then  mixed cream cheese, sugar, vanilla and eggs.  Into the pan they went and 35-40 minutes later.....it was done.  Jenn added mini chocolate chips to hers.  They looked surprisingly good!! We left them out to cool and then into the fridge they went for the night.

Now here was the smart part.......I could not have those cheesecakes in the house.  They would have been calling my name and if I ignored them they would have been screaming my name.

So it  would have started out as "Donna, hi we are here.....come have just a slice"

Then it would have been "Hey pppssssttt Donna....over here Babe....come on you know you want some"

Finally it would have been "DONNA COME HAVE SOME FRIGGIN CAKE YOU KNOW DAMN WELL YOU WANT A PIECE WHO THE HELL ARE YOU KIDDING PRETENDING YOU CAN'T HEAR US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I did the best thing possible to put myself out of my misery.....Jenn took the cheesecakes to work and the people she worked with devoured them.  They were a huge hit.

I will admit to having a small sliver just to make sure not to poison anyone.....LOL.....it was really, really good!!!!

So item #2 on my list is done.......I am going to start planning my next activity soon.  No more last minute rushing it get it done.  This is supposed to be FUN right.....this not meant to add stress to my life......I am such a mess....I try to do something exciting and what do I do.......  turn it into something where I would need Valium......what a noodelhead I am.....

Here are pictures of the stages of the cake making.........

the batter

the graham cracker crust

Ready for the oven

One chocolate chip cheesecake ready to serve

One plain cheesecake ready to serve

 

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Dad and Me

I started this entry four times so far.  I was struggling with what to write.......

Being it's the night before Father's Day, I am going to take the easy way out and write about my Dad.

Here are some of the things I remember about Dad and me......

When I was in the 2nd grade I was leaving school  to walk home for lunch (picture letting your kids do that now anywhere........ never mind the Bronx).  As I walked out of the building my Dad was standing there.  He says Mom had to take George and Cheryl to the Dr. so he was going to take me to lunch.  We walked to a diner a block or two from the school and had lunch together.  I thought this was really great to have time with Dad all by myself. I felt so grown-up. 

I believed that Dad could change the traffic lights at will.  He and I were riding in our station wagon ( me in the front seat with no seat belt.......hey everyone did that back then).  Each time we got to a red light he would tell me how many seconds it would be until the light would change to green. He was always right and I was in awe.

He intimidated the crap our of my 5th grade teacher after she embarrassed me in class (the letter he wrote her she took to the Bd. of Education lawyers and said it was a threat on her life...LOL).

He ran a zillion miles holding on to my bike until he finally let me go and I kept going not realizing he was no longer beside me.

He endured a very long evening with me at a High School Father Daughter Dance.  He later admitted he did have a good time (his quick trip to a local bar during the intermission at the dance may have helped).

When I would go out on a date Dad would walk me and "the guy" out to the car.  The guys always thought he was being nice.  Not really......he was getting the make, model and license plate number of the car I was going out in.

When I go home from the date, I had 5 seconds to exit the car, if I didn't the outside lights would flash on and off.  If I still didn't get out of the car he would come out of the house onto the driveway.  

The night before I got married he said " I am going to miss having you around here Donna".  I started to cry and couldn't stop.  In fact my something old was one of his handkerchiefs. He knew then he had cancer........I did not know.....he didn't want my day to be ruined by that news.

Fortunately, he was still with us when Jennifer was born.  The last time he ever drove his car was to come see me and Jenn in the hospital.  After having 4 grandsons he now had a granddaughter. 

Two and a half months later, he was gone. That was almost 30 years ago.......

It is hard for me to believe I have lived almost half my life without him.

It is hard to believe I am older than he was when he died. 

I often wonder what he would think of me today.......as a Mom he would have been pleased, my career would have gotten a passing grade, as a wife to be honest not so good, he would have liked that I try to keep in touch with all my siblings, he would not have liked that I have let so much time go without seeing family at times (I am trying to work on that), he would not have been happy about my weight ( working on that too Dad), he would have liked that I write, he would have liked that I have some exciting plans for my future, he would have liked how close my Mom and I got to be in her later years. 

I do still see Dad all around me......from the painting of his courthouse that hangs in my living room to the way Jenn looks at  me over her glasses (when she wears them).  He is still here in my heart......

I can picture Dad saying to Mom. "are the kids doing OK?" And Mom responding back "the kids are just fine George" then she would say " What do you want for dinner?"......

Happy Father's Day Dad  !!!!.......I love you and miss you more than words can say........

How Am I Financing My 12+ Adventures????

When my father died, he told us kids there would be no money left for us.  Mom would be taken care of but there would be no inheritance for us.  And he wasn't kidding.....

But there was one funny thing we all knew.....Dad had a habit of hiding money around the house.  There was the stash in the bottom of the grandfather clock and in the fake ceiling in the den and various other spots.  After Dad was gone nothing left the house without being fully inspected......just in case.......

When Mom left us there was a small amount of money divided between the 4 kids.  Each one of us was given a check.  I need to stress this was not a huge some of money but might help with a bill or two.  I brought my check home and put it in the bank.  I decided I would not use it for anything practical.  I wanted to use it on something special, something memorable.  It has been in my bank account for 2 years.  Waiting to be used.  I thought about buying a special piece of jewelry.  I thought about using it for a trip.  And yes occasionally......I thought about using it for something practical........like painting the inside of the house.  I fought all those temptations.......and now I know why.......

Mom's final monetary gift to me is going to be used to pay for what it can of my 12 things to do list.

I used the first money $30 last week to pay for my writing class as the SC Book Festival.   The class was about writing short stories.  I learned a lot and it was great to sit in a room of writers.  A lady sat next to me and said "are you a writer too?"  Without missing a beat I said  "yes I am".  Our first assignment was to write a short story.......in 6 words.  It was an interesting challenge.  Then she asked someone to share theirs......my hand shot up in the air.  Most of you know I do not like to draw attention to myself so this was way out of character for me.  But I felt so comfortable in the room of writers.....not out of my comfort zone at all.
Later that week-end, I attended a class about self-publishing and another on writing a novel a thought at a time.  I enjoyed them all!!! Next year, I will definitely attend more sessions.  My goal is to one day be the person sitting on the dais leading a discussion about the writing process and how I became an author.

Well, I have finally found the purpose for the money.......Mom is helping me with Chapter 3 of my life.  The money may not cover all of the items on my list but it will definitely cover quite a few......the 3rd hole in my ears......the tattoo (yes Amy I am still getting the tattoo).......renting the car of my dreams for a weekend......and maybe just maybe enough money to self publish a book through Amazon.  The book is going to be about the 12+ things I am doing for the first time.......I started writing it tonight.  Oh and I used Dragon Speak to begin the book.......for those of you who don't know what that is......I can talk into a microphone and my words come out on a Microsoft word doc.  How cool is that!!!

I have felt Mom more with me so much more since I made the decision on how to use the money.  So there will be nothing practical.......except maybe an outfit for my book tour...LOL.  Hey I have to dream big don't I???

Mom's final gift to me was about  dreams, changing my life, new adventures and Chapter 3............

THANK YOU MOM.......you always did know what was best for your children........I know you will be there each step of the way as I continue to grow and explore....not afraid to try new things anymore........OK except skydiving and a few other things.....

See you all next week.......

What Can You Say About Rice????

Rice.....plain, white or brown and starchy......long grain, 90 second kind or fried rice.....

One of my favorite lines ever on I Love Lucy is when Ricky asks Fred, "What do you know about rice?"  Fred responds without missing a beat " The only thing I know about it is that it was thrown at me on one of the darkest days of my life!!"  LMAO!!!! I love that line....

Last night, I made a pot of plain white rice in preparation for making some fried rice today to go with the ribs we are having for Mother's Day dinner.  Thank you Publix for putting ribs on sale this week end!! Jenn really has the rib recipe down pat and I do a pretty good rendition of Mom's fried rice.  Her cole slaw is still a work in progress but I am getting closer.  Last time my brother George was here he said if I just cut the cabbage a little thinner I might just have it right.

Oh right.......back to the rice .....

Mom showed me the easiest way to make white rice years ago.  I have never burned it and it has always come out right with no hard pieces in the middle.

Ready for this amazing recipe????

Put the rice in a pot and smooth it out with your hand.  Now measure how much rice is in the pot by putting you thumb in the rice down to the bottom of the pot.  Put the same amount of water in the pot as rice by holding your thumb on top of the rice and adding the water until it equals the rice measurement.  Put a lid on the pot and put it on the stove.  In no time voila......great rice.

Mom could do that....teach me things in a way I would remember!!

Mom could make Christmas Angels from a paper towel tube, hanger, an egg shell and some old material soaked in wall paper paste and sprayed gold.

Mom would show up at my house knowing I would have pants for her to hem.  She was not thrilled with my version of the scotch tape hem...LOL.  I never mastered the sewing part.....yes, I can sew a button on but I would never start cutting pants off at the bottom and attempt to make a new hem.....she did it without even blinking an eye.  I can still see her sitting at my dining room table on her last visit.  Jenn standing on a chair and Mom with a bunch of pins sticking out of her mouth while she measured Jenn's pants.  Sorry Mom I failed heming 101......

But the rice ......I've got that down.......and a million other things I do everyday without even thinking.......all that she taught me......with love and patience......

Well I have to go now.......the dryer buzzer is going off........as Mom said to me a million times "Donna, if you would just take the clothes out of the dryer when the buzzer goes off you would not have to iron so much."  You were right Mom.......as usual!!!!

Happy Mother's Day Mom and to all the Mom's who take the time to teach us all those little things.....

See you next week........

So What Have I Done About My 12 Things List? Item #1 check!!

OK I have started on my 12 new things to do list.....I am now thinking that it might turn out to be more than 12 new things.

I am even thinking of writing a book about all of my new adventures!!!

My mind keeps coming up with more and more ideas of things to do......

First item....... sign up for a Master Class (that's what they call it) at the SC Book Fair.  Check!!

I am going to a session on writing short stories a week from Friday.  I had to pay for that one.  Saturday and Sunday I am going to a session each day.  One is about getting published and the other about writing a novel a thought at a time.

This book fair is very exciting for a few reasons:

1.  I am going ALONE!!!! You know that is something I normally don't do.

2.  I will be with a lot of other people who love to write,

3.  This is just about me and my passion to write.

4.  I am sure I will learn somethings that will help me in my dream of  being published.

What's next.......well let's just say one had to do with writing an email to a state Senator and another had to do with writing to a TV host.  If they respond I will be sure to let you know......if they don't oh well at least I tried.....what do I have to lose???

I have some other friends who have started talking about their list of things they would like to do and that excites me too!!!!

This turning into more of an adventure than I anticipated and at the end of the 18 months I will have some great memories .......and a tattoo to show for it!!!!

Stay tuned......you never know what might be next on my list!!!!

See you next week......

Why Are Some People Always Unhappy......

I will be the first to admit it.......I am not a morning person (unless on vacation or at the beach). I used to be but not any more. Now, I get up get ready for work, drive to the office and get set for the day with minimal conversation.  If you work with me chances are you know.....let me get settled, computer up and running before you ask me a question.  I have to give many an apology to the person who shows up at my desk before I have my pocketbook put away........ I give them the look.

Somewhere around 9:00 my personality shows up........

I do understand morning people and night people.  I envy those "I am in a good mood all day people".  What I don't get is those people who are unhappy and mean  from the time they wake up until they go to bed.  They never seem to find something to smile about......they tend to strike out at anyone who gets in their way. We all know someone like that.....and God forbid you ask them what their problem is.....they pounce.

Now. there are some people who have a right to be sad or down for a period of time.  They may have issues that no one knows about and that is what is dragging them down.  I have found being honest with people and telling them what is going on at least gives them a chance to understand why I may not be Susie Sunshine on a day or days.  But even in my darkest hours, I don't lose my sense of humor and someone can usually make me laugh or just listen to me until I feel better.

But unhappy every hour of every day, mean and a bully (yes, there are adult bullies)......I don't get it.  Some of these people that I have met have no reason to be the way they are.......constantly.  You can't win with them and they can bring out the ugly side in me too. I wish they could just be ignored but that usually isn't an option.  Kill them with kindness.......don't let them ruin your day........try to stay positive while they rain on my parade.....yes,...... those are all options.......and I do try to use them.

I will vent and get it off my chest to someone who will understand. Then I try to move on.  I guess I should feel sorry for them but even that is sometimes hard to do.......

But in the end......I have found it best to avoid them if I can because I am not real good at turning the other cheek. No, I am not taking the cowards way out.......I am choosing my battles and I don't see any point in letting them have that much power over me.

I could take the high road........but you know.......sometimes the high road sucks........

Well I feel better now that I got that off my chest.......

See you next week.......the topic will be  ......people who are perpetually happy.......how do they do it and what are they on?????