Plateau's Suck

Webster's Dictionary definition of a plateau:

plateau

noun pla·teau \pla-ˈtō, ˈpla-ˌ\toe

: a period when something does not increase or advance any further

I have hit a plateau......down a little up a little then down a little then up a little.  It is enough to make a person crazy!!!

I went to my meeting this morning very very confident that I would be down and down a lot.  I stepped on the scale and was told I was up a little.... yes, it was a little .4 of a pound......less than 2 sticks of butter.  My reaction......I cried and then said I wasn't going to stay for the meeting.  Don't worry I did stay.  My WW leader asked me about what I ate this week.  I showed her my tracker.  With the exception of 2 days out of the last 7, I ate less than I was supposed to.......yesterday I ate about 400 calories, the day before maybe 800 calories.  I had done 2 1/2 hours of water jogging too.

Kay (my WW leader) talked in class about how people get through the bad weeks and she told me I am not helping myself by not eating enough.  She suggested switching things up as far as what I eat, watch the sodium and processed foods.  All things I already know from my 90 zillion times as a WW member.

A friend also reminded me that WW had been around a long time and the program works.....so why am I trying to tinker with something that has been proven to work.

Here is part of my dilemma.......in the beginning I was losing quickly......now it is slowing down some.  I passed over 50 pounds lost and then ........the plateau. Members talked about how difficult it is to get through them (plateau's) but eventually they do start to lose again.  I just have to persevere and not give up.

Jenn and I had planned on going to Top Of Carolina for brunch today.  After I weighed in I texted her and said brunch was off.  She texted back "it's Mother's Day".  My WW buddies told me to go to brunch.  Kay kept reminding us (me) to not define myself by the number on that scale......but I can't help it. I want to be successful this time......I know I have shown success up to now and yes the sizes of my clothes have gone down. I don't want this journey to end in failure.

I regrouped and decided to go to brunch with Jenn.  I counted the points for everything I ate and didn't do too bad overall.  Even at the dessert table, I had pineapple and strawberries.  I chose a lot of fruit and veggies from the buffet.....I even went a little crazy and had some bacon (3 slices), a spoonful of mac and cheese, a little bit of grits and some other healthy choices. We had a really nice time and I am glad I went.  We then took 11 selfies before we finally found one that we both agreed was OK.  At least when I look at that picture I can see my progress compared with some of my older pictures.

Here is my plan for the week.....eat my daily point allotment, continue water jogging at the gym, eat a different fruit each day and push away the thoughts of failure and picture myself in a few months and beyond.  I have had to readjust my goals......I will not be 75 pounds down by the family reunion but maybe by the fall......I will not be 100 pounds down by my birthday but I will get there....eventually......

So suck it up Donna.....the plateau will end I am sure  and I am not a quitter!!!

Just keep a good thought for me next week.......I know I am not what the scale says....I am more than that!!!  I am healthier and happier and funnier than I have been in ages......

But deep inside is that little bit of doubt......I am trying to not listen to it.  I can't go backwards now.......there is no way to go but ahead......

Here is the one OK selfie....not great but OK....

Which is better than......

As I always say.....I am a work in progress...

See you next week....

OK I Give In On The Clothes.....Partly....

I finally broke down and bought a few new tops today.......yes..... yes they were in smaller sizes.  I knew I had to get smaller sizes and tried them on just to make sure.  I might have been able to go down an additional size but in my head I kept thinking "no way".

I am going to retry them on again tonight to make sure I made the right choices especially since one or two were sleeveless and I am not sure how comfortable I am with my flabby arms being exposed to the world. Last time I was in Steinmart, I couldn't find anything in my size.....this time I found a lot.  Now the tops I chose do have some "give" in them which was what I needed. I didn't dare go anything the was fitted and had no room left.

It was exciting to go through racks and choose what I wanted vs what fit me.  I think these should last me a while vs what I have that is just getting too lose........still surprising to me.......you think I would get used to the idea of clothes not fitting right anymore but as I have said before my head in not accepting what my body is reflecting.  I am so close to another 5 pounds gone and some other milestones on my weight loss journey but the mental part of the trip just takes longer.......I guess.

My leader said today again that I am melting before their eyes.  Most people might not see it because they do not see me in my WW weigh in uniform of fitted stretch shorts and a form fitting top (well it used to be form fitting......it is starting to get loose).

I have not gotten new pants yet although I need them as bad as the tops but I just couldn't get myself to spend enough for both.I am really trying to hold off until I lose another 20 pounds for the pants but may look totally ridiculous by the time that happens.

I don't know if I will ever win the mental battle of my self image.....hey that self image has existed for about half of my life and it may never go away.  When someone tells me I am looking good I still find it hard to say thank you without the disclaimer that I am a work in progress.....like they would think I am done with so much moire I need to lose.......

My next clothing goal is to buy tops that do not have an X after the number on them or a size that starts with a 1 not a 2......all in good time I guess.......

But at least for today I was shopping "off the rack" yes the women's rack but a rack none the less and that itself is progress and a major step for me.......

See you next week.......

I Earn A Medal.........A First For Me........With A Little Help From My Friends



Once upon time there was a lady who decided she needed to get healthy so she could live out her dreams in the 3rd chapter of her life.  She tried for years and years.  She lied to herself.  She lied to others.  She was in a total state of denial.  People tried to help her, talk to her and make suggestions.....all to no avail..  This caused the lady great pain and caused her to shut down in many ways. People who knew her could see the pain she was feeling but didn't know how to help and not continue to hurt her.

 

One day.......Donna (yes, of course the heroine of the story is named Donna) decided she had had enough.....either she did something about her health issues or she would die before living out her dreams.  Her pain was visible in the way she walked, avoided mirrors and hated having her picture taken.  Donna did not like looking at herself.  Actually she hated herself.....

 

Last September, our heroine (yes I call her a heroine....writers prerogative)......walked into Weight Watchers for the nine zillionth time.  She hoped maybe this time it would work.......

 

Well, see the picture of Donna below......yes, that is her almost 53 pounds lighter.....smiling......willing to be in a picture with her WW buddies.......

 

Her WW buddies have been encouraging Donna to try getting out of her comfort zone.  While they understood she could not do the 5 miler they were taking part in, they agreed that Donna doing her run/jog in the pool at the gym would be equal to their run.  Donna would do her "run" the night before their race and then meet them at the finish line for a group photo. 

 

 

Here is the group photo!!!!



 

 

 

 

And the group hug..........

 

 

 If Donna hadn't tried Weight Watchers one more time she would have missed meeting these wonderful, supportive women!!!!

 

Donna's family and other friends are seeing the return of the old Donna.......the Donna who loved to laugh, was positive, embraced life and wasn't afraid to make plans for the future.  Donna now pushed to try and do new things (and is writing a book about the new things she is trying).  Donna knows she has a long way to go on this journey to reach her goal but each day she is one day closer to being the healthy person she needs to be........that she wants to be.

 

 

Donna is seriously thinking (not committing to yet) doing a 5K next year after dropping some additional pounds.  But she knows if she can't do it.....it doesn't mean she is a failure!!! She knows there are things she will never do again....like ice skate or ski.  There are some things she never did and never will.....like ski dive or mountain climb.  But the list continues to grow of things Donna will do........she will finish the books she is writing, she will one way or another get published, she will get up and talk in front of groups of people, she will be healthier than she has been in years and by God she will weigh less than the number on her drivers license!!!!!

 

But for tonight she will be happy to fall asleep knowing today was another milestone for her.  As  she drifts to sleep.......these will be under her pillow......

 

 

 

PS1  The first medal was for today's race and my WW buddies presented it to me for my 4.5 mile pool jog last night.

 

PS2 The second medal was from my WW buddy, Judy.  She told a friend of hers about me and gave me the medal as a gift.  I think of it as inspiration.

 

PS3  If you think you are only going to see these medals in pictures you are wrong......I will be sporting these babies around my neck for as many events as I can.....LOL.....I am NOT kidding so watch out for them!!!!

 

PS4  Thank you Judy, Farrah, Stefanie and Sheri for helping me make one of my dreams into a reality!!! You ladies rock and I love you all!!! Also, thank you to Jenn, our photographer, who got out of bed early on a Saturday to stand in the rain and take the pictures of us!!

 

PS5 and to all my family and friends who have always been in my corner cheering me on.....thanks for hanging in there with me......I know it hasn't always been fun but you all believed in me when I didn't believe in myself!!!!

 

See you next week.........

 







Dancing Alone.......

I used to love to dance.  I could dance for hours and hours.  My best friend, Linda, and I would go out on the weekend to different bars until they closed.  Her Dad (and my 2nd Dad) would laugh at us as we were leaving for the evening.  He would say "look at the 2 of you.....you each have a pack of cigarettes and $2.00 in quarters for admission to the bar."  We told him that the $2 got us 2 drink chips.  He asked "what do you do after that?  Shake your glasses and hope someone will buy you a drink??" Yes, that is exactly what we did and usually didn't have any trouble getting additional drinks.  But it was the dancing we loved.  Fast or slow it didn't matter.  We always had plenty of people to dance with and wouldn't stop until the music did. (oh and as far as the cigarettes....yes, yes I used to smoke......quit 25 plus years ago).

I haven't danced in a long time.  My knees and hips hurt from the excess weight and previous acts of clumsiness.  I would hear the music and in my head I could picture my body moving to the music.  When a disco song comes on my IPOD or Pandora, Jenn would ask do you remember dancing to that??? Yes, I sure do and ...yes I lived through Disco so yes that shows how old I am......

I was working at home last Friday and had my music playing.  I got up to get a cup of coffee and all of a sudden realized I was dancing to the music in my kitchen....alone.....LOL.  It took me a minute to realize what I was doing.  Moving to the music.....OK not as well as I once did but still I was moving to the beat of the music.  No Disco Ball hanging in the air or me in a dress and heels or anything remotely like that...but it is one of those things I have started to do again thanks to the weight loss and just feeling more like me than I have in years.  Oh no I won't be dancing for hours on end but now might take an occasional turn on the floor at a special occasion.  But as I moved around the kitchen.....carefully.......in my head was the me of 30 plus years ago...the girl who would dance for hours.......she is still in my head and my heart somewhere........

Did I feel silly dancing alone?  Nope.  I am sure if anyone had walked in on me I would have been embarrassed or they would have thought ......has she lost her mind???? But no I haven't lost my mind and Ebeneezer Scrooge said in a Christmas Carol, "I haven't take leave of my senses I have come to them..."

My increased mobility has given me freedom I haven't had in a long time.  No, I will not be taking long walks or God forbid jogging but next Friday I will be doing my 5K in the pool at the gym while my WW pals will run/walk a 5K Saturday morning.  I will be at the finish line waiting for them for a group photo!!

My WW leader asked this morning why we were members of WW....the weight loss it the obvious answer along with getting healthier but there were answers I could so relate to.....not having to ask for a seat belt extender on a plane, not worrying about fitting into a ride at an amusement park.....most of you do not have to think about those things do you????  My answer was so I look fabulous on my book tour when I finally get something published and I get to wear that sleeveless black dress I dream about.....

Lastly, I signed up for the writers classes I will be attending in May at the SC Book Festival.  I am so looking forward to a weekend with fellow writers, sharing ideas and the love of writing.  One of the sessions I am attending you are asked to bring one page of a book you are writing that will be shared with authors, other writers and publishers.  I am really looking forward to the opportunity of sharing the first page of one of the books I am working on.......

Each day I see more and more of the "old" Donna showing up in ways I never expect.......I can only guess what will happens next as I continue my journey to better health, a longer life and new adventures..... I hope you will all continue to join me and cheer me on .....your support and encouragement is critical to my success.....

See you next week......

Where the heck does the weekend go?

It seems like Friday night to Sunday night goes by in a split second.

Yesterday, we traveled up to NC for my great niece's birthday party. It was a beautiful day to be out of the house.  Why it was decided to have I95 go down to one lane is one of those mysteries of life that will never be answered.  Jenn found out from her Uncle Mike about an app called Waze.  She was able to get traffic reports and see comments from other people on the same road as us.  The move from 3 lanes to 1 lane delayed our arrival by over an hour.  The party was at lovely farm and the kids had a great time.

I knew there was  going to be a catering truck at the party.  So I planned ahead.  I brought with me foods I can eat but I have to tell you turning down the hot dogs, hamburgers, french fries and chicken nuggets was really, really hard. I ate tomato's and yogurt.  I drank water.  All in all not too bad and I did pass on the birthday cake.  I had to remind myself the real reason to be there was to see people who were at the party.  I hadn't seen my sister in several months so we had a chance to catch up.  That in itself was a treat!!

I went to my WW meeting this morning and was down again which made my decision about passing up the goodies yesterday a good decision.  We talked about how we see ourselves and I said no matter how much weight I lose I will always see myself as the fat girl....too much time and damage to my psyche I guess. You just can't change almost 50 years of seeing yourself as the heavy one.........

I also pulled a pair of jeans from the bottom of one of my drawers to try on.  They had never fit right and I thought "what the heck" ....you guessed it....they fit and in fact were a little loose!!

Although the week had some down points like a $974 car bill...ugh.....and then having some lunatic cut me off this morning causing me to hit a curb with my brand new tires and alignment!!! Fortunately, there doesn't appear to be any real damage.  Work was slightly insane this week and although the week flew by the end of Friday afternoon I was done.

Also,  Jenn and I spent time outside.  Mowed the front lawn, trimming the bushes, attacked some fire ants, raked up the dead grass, sprayed for wasps, sprayed the cracks in the driveway for weeds and removed grass growing close to the house and shed.  It took a few hours but looked good when we were done.  Oh and I need to add I HATE GARDENING!!!!! But it was good activity for burning some calories.

Then to make my Sunday even more fun......I finally finished my income taxes....why didn't I just wait until the deadline......me......... the procrastinator.

But through the ups and downs......I didn't cry .....much.......OK so stoic is not my middle name!!! It is what it is.....and I am who I am......

And now it is Sunday night.......another work week ahead......on the up side I only have to continue working for another 7 years or so ..........84 months......2555 days.......61320 hours......3,679,200 minutes........and can I  make it.....sure I can ........piece of cake........or piece of .......lettuce I guess.....

And on I go.........counting the 5 days.....40 hours of work .....well maybe 50 hours of work........3,000 minutes until it is Friday again........

See you next week........

Something Different- Getting Rid of Clothes That Are Too Big.....

I have gotten rid of clothes before.....either because they were worn out or too small.  If I found something that fit and felt comfortable, I would wear it to death.  And as I grew in size I would pitch the clothes that no longer fit. You would think seeing clothes get too tight would have been my wake-up call.......but nnnnnnooo.....think I was in denial......YES!!!

My pants are getting loose but I am trying to make them work for at least another 24 pounds.  Then I will have to break down and get a few new pairs in a smaller size.  The tops though have become a real pain in the ass.  They are getting loose so I either have to pin the shoulder parts to my bra or tuck the part around the neck around my bra strap to keep them in place. It is so annoying that I wore a top the other day and came home washed it and put it in the Goodwill bag I have going. My bathing suits are getting looser around the top too. T shirts that used to fit right now hang loosely as do my night shirts.

I am not complaining mind you......I am happy things are getting loose but the frugal side of me is trying to hold off as long as possible to make purchases. I tried on a few things from my closet today and Jenn was the judge.  She vetoed several items so off they went to the Goodwill pile too.

I haven't worn a pair of zip up pants in a zillion years.  I am still not quite there but am sure in the next 24-49 pounds I will be able to.....hey even when I was a normal size I had an ass and thighs that didn't quit.  So if I lose like my former proportional history I will still be in a larger size in the bottom than the top.

Some of the things I am looking forward to wearing......jeans....yes good straight leg jeans, a basic black dress (sleeveless), a long flowy skirt or dress.....anything that is not PLUS size......or anything without an X in the size.......

Even though I have a long, long way to go at least for now it is another 1st for me.....giving away clothes that are too big......I never thought this day would come......and yet here it is.......

I have also increased some of my activity too....this week I did 3 1/2 hours jogging in the pool.......my hips are sure feeling it  but I can take this discomfort since it is helping to move me towards a healthier Donna.......no one ever said it was going to be easy did they?????

It's Easter Sunday.....no chocolate bunnies here....no jelly beans......no peeps......no cakes....no cookies.....as I write this I am drinking water and eating grapes while the zillion pounds of brussels sprouts I just made cool on the stove.

Do I feel deprived?? Nope!!! I am choosing not to have those things today.....not never again but for today.  Weight Watchers is not a diet....it is a live it.....and that is what I am doing....making choices that are good for me in the long run.  I cannot say I will never eat this or that again......that would be a lie......but choosing is a whole lot different......and I am choosing me.......

Happy Easter and see you next week.......

The Fabulous 50's And Beyond.......

I had trouble sleeping last night.  All I could think about was I going to make it to the big 5-0 finally?? When I was getting ready for my WW meeting it was all I could think about.  On the ride to the meeting I kept thinking "please let me hit 50 down"  then all of a sudden I thought "what if I am up at the scale??"  I hadn't thought of that during the week.  So then I started praying.......yes, praying.....that I wasn't up at the scale.  Then I started to rationalize....."OK what if it am not up on the scale. Is that OK?"  Then I thought "but OMG I want to hit the 50 pounds so bad and I have been hitting some losses but not enough to push me over the top".  And so it went all the way to my meeting......

I walked in and took off my jeans (don't worry I had my weigh in shorts on underneath them).  I got on the scale and the lady who weighs us in said "Down 1.6."  I admit it I screamed "that's over 50!!!!!"  My leader came over and hugged me and I told her I was not getting off the scale for the next week!!! I got hugs from my WW Sunday morning buddies too.  It was like some kind of high.....so hard to describe.

Now in 5 pound increments I can look toward my next goal 75 pounds.  But first I have to hit 55, then 60 and on and on.......

I also jogged for 1 1/2 hours in the pool yesterday and another hour today.  Jenn and I did some lawn mowing......yes, Jenn did the majority but I did about 15 minutes worth which is more than I could have done a year ago.  If it wasn't for the fumes from the mower I could probably have gone longer but my asthma starts to kick in so I know when to quit. The mobility part is really changing which is great.  I still hate walking for exercise but as one of my WW buddies said this morning "you have to find the activity (aka exercise in WW lingo) that you love and you will stick with it".  Mine is jogging in the pool.  I love it and get in a zone and shut everything and everyone else out.  I try not to sing out loud with my waterproof IPOD but there are times people look at me strangely which tells me I am singing out loud.

I also looked at my shopping cart last night.  Boy has it changed......loaded with veggies, fruit, protein, yogurt and so many healthier options. I came home prepared all the veggies, shrimp and WW muffins for the week. I have found that is the key....being prepared and tracking everything I put in my mouth.

Jenn, my own WW monitor has dropped 16 pounds too while helping me.  She looks amazing.  I on the other hand am a work in progress.  I heard a story once and it most likely is a story but something I can relate to......Michelangelo was carving something out of a piece of marble. A person asked how he had created such a beautiful work of sculpting.....he supposedly said "it was there all the time..  I just removed the excess marble".  Well, that is what I am doing.....removing the excess me and the part that is left was there all along just hidden........

Jenn keeps telling me she is going to make me walk around the supermarket carrying 50 pounds of something.  I told her I couldn't carry that much weight.  She looked at me as if to say that is what you have been doing all this time........

At least for today I am content with what the scale told me (and no I did not eat anything to celebrate).  But tomorrow, I begin again to focus on my next goal.

If anyone had told me this time last year or even last summer I would achieved this much I wouldn't have believed it. But here I am.....full steam ahead and on we go......

Oh just one more thing.....there is a lot of bad and good to be said about Facebook.....but today I had over 100 likes and almost 50 comments on my status about hitting the 50 pounds loss on my personal page and on the private WW page of which I am a member I had almost 250 likes.....all I can say is WOW!!!!

Thank you for your support and positive feedback on FB and about this blog.......it means more to me than I can ever say.......big HUGS to all of you!!!!

See you next week......