What I Miss And What I Have Learned

Before I get into the entry related  to the title of this blog, let me share an update about my little friend LJ.

There was some progress reaching out to a lot of medical facilities this week. Almost too many to count copies of his medical records were sent to a myriad of physicians hoping there is a clinical trial that he may be eligible for. PLEASE CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR MY NEW LITTLE FRIEND, HIS SISTER AND OF COURSE HID MOM AND DAD. LJ's family was very fortunate to have their dear friend, Meg,  (and she part of my extended family) travel from Florida to Alaska to assist them in tracking down whomoever would listen and offer assistance in getting LJ the medical help he needs. Let them continue to be surrounded by good friends and angels as they move through each day.  Let their prayers be answered by a medical facility saying "YES !! We want LJ here !!"

I also learned LJ"s parents are big USC Gamecock fans......so Jenn and I did a little shopping....our package arrived in Alaska on Thursday....we feel blessed to be able to send some of home to them.....

LJ and family:

LJ and Cocky:

Hug your children and grandchildren as often as you can !!

Now on to this week's entry....

There are things I took for granted that now are part of my past.  There is nothing I can do about most of them now.  But also with age comes some freedom, wisdom and a fearlessness....kind of....

The I misses:
- Mom and Dad
- family dinners
- back in the days when I would hold Jenn's hand to cross the street
- the excitement of a first date and first love
- getting out of bed in the morning without putting on eyeglaases
- eyelids that snapped back into place when I put eye makeup on
- knees and hips that didn't hurt
- dancing for hours
- a summer of without the responsibility of work
- recovery time from crazy nights out......all it used to take was a bagel and a YooHoo
- the possibility of snow on Christmas Eve
- not having spent time with all my siblings in the same place for 6 years
- when $29 covered my weekly expenses.......gas for the Ford Pinto, cigarettes (ok already ....I quit 30 years ago), nights out at the bars, and my clothes
- going to the half price ticket booth on paydays and getting tickets to a Broadway Show
- not having to go to the Dr. every 6 months to have a BP check, blood work and make sure all of my numbers are good

What I have learned:
- life is short so try to enjoy each day
- do not be afraid to ask questions
- do not be afraid to say yes or no - depending on what you want to do
-  receive hugs graciously
- give hugs freely
- find your passion and do something with it
- when you eat out - try foods you wouldn't normally make at home
- do not let anyone drag you down, make you feel bad or kill your confidence
- give over the keys to the other driver in the car when you are tired (right Jenn??)
- be grateful every single day that you wake up
- have at least 5 people you can depend on....my Dad always said if you have 5 good friends you have lived a full life.....I am blessed to have more than 5
- the power of prayer....I pray each night (ok sometimes I fall asleep while I am praying...LOL)
- while sometimes you need hugs and compassion....you also need that friend who can tell you the things you do not want to hear but need to be said
- age is not a curse.....its a gift....treasure it....enjoy it and be grateful for each birthday

Now just one more thing I wanted to share:
We made Weight Watcher bagels and garlic knots today (not WW).  4 ingredients: flour, fat free Greek yogurt, baking powder and salt is the basic recipe.  To the bagels we added Trader Joe's everything bagel topping and to the garlic knots after they were baked: butter, fresh garlic and locatelli cheese....OMG the bagels rock and the garlic knots should be illegal.

Weight Watcher Bagels:

Garlic knots:

That's all I have this week....some baking....some things I miss....some things I know now.....and continued prayers for a special young man......

See you next week.......

Figuring Out What's Really Important.....

During the last week there were moments of laughter, self-reflection, hope, sadness and peace.

The laughter:

The laughter part is easy.  Several times a day there are things that make me laugh.  But then there are times when I laugh so hard I cry. This week, while doing the weekly overnight at Mary's was the laughter-filled cry fest.  And it's even better when it is due to pure silliness.

Mary was teaching Jenn and I how to play Phase 10.  A card game that reminds me of 500 Rummy.  Let's get the ugly part over first.......I got my butt kicked......badly.  Was I mad...nope....I laughed.  I couldn't get a good hand if my life depended on it. This wasn't the funny part though.....

Mary has a Echo Dot "Alexa".  As she demonstrated how Alexa works, she asked her to play songs from a certain group.  After a few minutes, on an impulse I asked Alexa to play some from another group.  And that when the chaos ensued.  Jenn, Mary and I started thinking of the most obscure  groups we could find. We ended up yelling at Alexa one over the other with names .....it got so funny we could barely get out one groups name when another person yelled out another.  As Alexa found each group and started to play some of their songs .......she would have to switch gears.  I was totally expecting Alexa to say "Really???? Have you all lost your minds??" By the time we stopped my sides hurt from laughter and I was crying.  I love when life hands you those moments!!!!

The self-reflection:

I was trying to figure out yesterday if at times whether or not I am a shallow individual.  I was focused on my kitchen counters and my bathroom faucets.  Both of them are about 30 years old.  The counter tops are not even nice Formica.  They are not shiny.  They leave marks easily.  I cannot tell you how many times a day I have to wipe them down.  If I move the paper towel dispenser to clean where it stands,I then have to clean the spot where I moved it to while cleaning the original spot.  I scrub my bathroom faucets and they still look like they have water spots. My bathroom mirror has the slightest crack in the corner and the part of the reflection part of the mirror is wearing away near the edges. All replaceable when the time is right.   But in the scheme of things with all the things going on in the world.....and I am focused on spotty faucets and a counter that needs to be cleaned continuously.

Hope:

There is a little boy in Alaska who is very sick.  LJ is a little over 2 years old.  The tumor that he has is inoperable.  His parents are brave.  Their friends are supportive. I found out about LJ through extended family.  I have seen pictures of LJ with his family grinning from ear to ear.  A little boy who has no idea what is going on within him.  I have seen pictures of the tumor that is stealing what should be a long life.

Although I am not at church every week, I still have very strong religious beliefs in God and the power of prayer.  Since learning about LJ and his family, my daily prayers while covering a myriad of topics and people have had expressed focus on a little boy I will never meet.  I do not understand why God has chosen this family or this little boy. In all honesty, I have asked why this child?  Is it because  there are lessons to be learned.....about faith, family, love, life and bravery?  Only God knows the reasons.

I ask that you each say some prayers for LJ and his family.....prayers that they continue to find the strength to face the days ahead....that they have the time to make memories....time for laughter.....time for love......time......

Sadness:

The events at the High School in Florida.....17 lives lost......school.... a place where children from K-12 should be safe.  A football coach, a geography teacher along with students left their homes and headed out for a normal day.  Maybe they said "goodbye" or "I love you" or "see you tonight" or maybe like so many of us they said nothing because they assumed they would return home that evening.  I am sure we are all guilty of the casualness of life and we make assumptions....you go to school you are safe.......you get in a car and you reach your destination.......why would we expect anything less?

The world has changed so much since I was young.  I grew up in an age of walking people to their gates at an airport or waiting at the gate for someones arrival. I never used to go to a movie and looked for the exits when I walked in.  I wasn't afraid.  I felt safe.  I don't feel that way any longer.  I do what works for me to feel more secure in ways that others might not agree with or like (I will let you read between the lines).  As long as I don't push my beliefs on others, I would ask that others not push theirs on me.....not an unreasonable request in a world where I love and respect many whose views are different from mine.

Peace:

Yesterday, I carved out an hour of time for me. I was at the Waterfront Park in Beaufort.  I sat with my coffee on one of the many porch swings along the water with beautiful views.  The weather was wonderful for mid-February......no jackets required.  I was able to people watch.....and puppy watch.  Jeter loved being walked along the path surrounding the park.  He even sat on the swing with Jenn and I....for a few moments anyway.

There was no thinking about work or what I needed to do when I got back home or what the week ahead was going to be like or events coming up in the next few months......those 60 minutes....priceless..... and I need to make sure to spend more time like that.....

And there you have it, a week filled with events that do make you think about what is really important.....

See you next week.......

This Weekend (and other stuff)........

Quote of the week- "Musicians retire when they have no more music in them.  Well, I still have more music in me."- "The Intern"

I look toward the future with a great deal of excitement.  The chance to spend more time writing, reading and continuing to learn Italian through Rosetta Stone.  The idea of not having to squeeze in time to go to the gym or to attending a reading at a local bookstore. To be able to go to a neighbors house for dinner and not have to worry about being out on a school night. Who wouldn't want the time to do all of those things without other concerns coming into play.

Right now even a Saturday can be chock full of things to do just to catch up from the week.

And then I noticed the weather report for Sunday is rain.....a lot of rain.....most of the day. I decided to get as much done on Saturday as possible.  By getting all outside errands done Saturday meant Sunday, I could stay in the house and relax.

This week I realized that I was past due for an oil change.  I do not have time during the week to get something like that done.  Add it to the Saturday list.

Jenn and I both hit Mobil One for oil changes.  The gentleman who worked there said "you must drive a lot to be back here again for another oil change."  He should only know.....

A couple of other stops and I was headed back to the house.  Jenn was still out finishing up the places we needed to hit.  I decided when I got home to take a break....big mistake.  I sat in the recliner, pulled a blanket over me and enjoyed the view outside......for maybe 60 seconds.......I fell asleep in the next minute.  Next thing I knew, Jenn was coming through the door.

We decided to get the cooking done for the week.  I made some meatballs, mushrooms, eggplant and cut up veggies.  Jenn made couscous salad, egg cups for breakfast and a pound cake. The only thing I have left to do in the kitchen is some kind of Weight Watcher snack/dessert.  I am going to look on Pintrest for some ideas.

I am so looking forward to a day of taking a shower and maybe getting back in my PJ's or something comfortable and just hanging around the house.  Maybe have a fire in the fireplace.  Read. Relax. Recharge for the week ahead.

Everything above this was written last night,  So here I am early Sunday afternoon just got out of the shower.  I made a Weight Watcher Banana Bread this morning.  It is raining  and the kind of afternoon I love.

One of the things I have been able to accomplish lately is........

My new space continues to take on my personality.  The pictures I have hung are about the beach, SC and NY....what a surprise.....

One of my favorite pictures that is now hanging is from the cover of New Yorker magazine.....it is called "View from 9th Avenue" .....

I framed a NYC Subway Map......so much of my life was spent in the world reflected on this map.....subways and the ELs (translation = elevated trains from when the subway traveled above ground) ...I grew up near the 3rd Avenue EL....it is no longer there.....

The court house my Dad tried cases in for years.....you can see it often in the background of Blue Bloods and other shows......while I was serving as a Federal Grand Juror for 18 months ....yes, I said 18 months (two days a week)....I saw the artist painting this picture....we kids bought it for my Dad for Christmas......when Dad passed Mom gave it to me.....maybe because I was the nut who carried it home on the subway......

And then there is the first print I bought when I moved here....called "A South Carolina Welcome".....

and of course beach pictures.....

Lastly, a reminder of the 2 states I have called home......

My life and my loves all now no longer in a cardboard box.....looking at them makes me happy as I reflect on my past and gaze into the future......

See you next week......

PS Crickett....I haven't forgotten about you....your post is coming.....LOL

PPSS Thanks Mary for the mushrooms recipe.  I have always loved mushrooms but am now addicted to them.

PPPSSS  Growing up,  a major treat was when my parents would order Ham, Provolone, Pepper and Eggplant (room temp not hot) hero's......this week I made them like wraps using the eggplant as the wrap instead of bread (I did not deep fry the eggplant but baked it instead)....they were great and transported my back to 153rd St (between 3rd Ave and Melrose Ave) in the Bronx......when I was pregnant with Jenn that was one of my cravings.....in fact the owner of the deli where we would buy them said he would name the hero after my baby.....so there may be a "Jennifer Special " on a menu in a deli/pizzeria somewhere in Yonkers.....

How Could It Be Sunday Again.......

Quote of the week:
"Only I can change my Life. No one can do it for me" -- Carol Burnett

As I write this I am sitting in my pj's (or night shirt as the case would be).  It is 4:25 PM and I have been in my pj's since about 3:30. 

I got up today and ran errands.  Yes, I was dressed appropriately to go shopping.  When I got home I wanted to do the laundry.  I do re-wear my pj's for a few nights.  Which equals my laundry basket will be empty until tomorrow night.  I do obsess about things like that.....just add it to the list which includes: no dishes in the sink or the drain board (or the dish washer must be emptied if that applies), bed must be made, nothing left on the counter top in the bathroom, work laptop and lunch bag by the door ready for an early departure, lunch made for the next day as soon as I walk through the door at night....and on and on.

Monday mornings are the hardest knowing there are another 5 days ahead of me.  Friday nights are the best knowing there are two days off in front of me.  It seems I blink my eyes and it is Sunday afternoon again.

I am sure I am not the only person who feels their life is like a version of the movie "Groundhog Day"......the same week lived over and over again.

Meals have been planned for the week, the bills have been paid (part of my Sunday routine), the car is fueled up for the Monday commute and I have planned out my work clothes for the next 5 days.

A little obsessive.....probably......it does make the week run smoother.....

Monday through Friday is not bad.....it is busy, hectic and constant.  The few minutes of relaxation before I go to sleep are the reward for surviving the day.  I love those moments as that is when I can let my mind wander without deadlines......except the deadline I set myself to fall asleep in order to get some rest for the next day. 

I guess it is clear there is not a great deal of flexibility in my makeup.....I wish it was.....it is just not part of my DNA...damn it !! I also know without the schedule I would live in a state of chaos.

I realized today, I had taken my wristwatch off on Thursday when I returned home from work and have not worn it all weekend.  The joy of not worrying about what time it is for three days.......well actually one day working from home and two days off.

As much as I love Friday night, I do not like Sunday afternoons because my brain has already started to focus on Monday.

It has been a long time ....a very long time since I didn't think of my life in terms of work weeks.  I know there will be time in the future where a calendar or a clock will not rule my life.....but until that happens I just have to make the most of the weekends.......

See you next week.......

PS I was able to get to my local Weight Watcher meeting Friday.  The topic was "Why am I here at WW?" When I was asked the question my response was .......I am in Chapter Three of my life and I don't want it to be a 2 page chapter.....I want Chapter Three to last a long, long time.......

I was also happy to be down at the scales.....back on track and moving on.......

Trying To Connect The Dots.....Random Stuff

Quote of the week: "Above all be the heroine of your life not the victim"- Nora Ephrom

If you are under 30, you might want to skip this entry.  If you are 40 some of this you might get.  50+..... bingo......I am pretty sure you will understand....

I am going to try and somehow pull all of this entry into one that at the end makes it look like I knew where I was going all along......LOL.....let's see how it goes......

The week included a holiday,  a 2nd snow event in as many weeks, a delayed opening at work and an office move.  My brother had a birthday.  And on the 20th, it was 33 years since my Dad passed away.

Talking with my brother about our shared experiences made us both laugh.  The scary part was these memories were well over 50 years ago.

My Dad was just 51 when we lost him.  ALL of his children have out lived him.  How could it be 33 years?  It doesn't seem that long ago.  He missed knowing several of his grandchildren and never became a great grandparent.  His children all lived within 10 minutes of the only house he would ever own until he passed. Born in the Bronx and died in Pearl River less than 30 miles from where he was born.  His children have all moved to new locations much further than he might have anticipated. There have been births, deaths, marriages and divorces.....all without Dad.

When you start to realize your friendships outside your family go back 20, 35 and even 45 years it is astounding, mind boggling and also scary.....

This summer I will be celebrating the 20th anniversary of my move to South Carolina.

As you can see I am not talking about insignificant periods of time here.......

I do struggle with saying my age and have had comments made about my age that hurt my feelings......the same way comments about my weight have hurt me in the past ( I hear fewer of these since people recognize I am working and focus on losing weight and improved health).

But.......I have started to realize my age is a gift.  How many people have I lost who would have given anything to make it to 62? Trying new things may still be intimidating but I now push myself vs passing up an opportunity.

This week I went to another dinner......alone.  Before I left the house, I thought I was going to be sick....physically sick.  I knew if I gave into my fears I would be limiting myself and not be able to enjoy the new opportunities.  I went to the dinner and had a wonderful time.  I am looking forward to next month!!

I signed up for another writers seminar on memoir writing which I will attend alone. For some reason, I have no fear attending those alone ......maybe because you know when you walk in the room you are with people who have similar interests.

The hard part about being a writer is that people don't get to see your work.  Unlike an artist or photographer or a knitter (Kathy you new this was coming ....LOL) when you write it is private until you have a finished product and have gone through a zillion revisions.

 OK here is the challenge....trying to tie all of this together.....

When I was 30 I felt 60 was old......now that I have passed that benchmark.......I don't see it that way.  True, there are things my body can no longer do with ease. But in my head and heart.....I am still young.

Maybe in some ways.....age is eye opening.......you appreciate life more....the sunrises....the sunsets....the laughter.....waking up each day..........and the love and joy for a life filled with family and friends.

I still see a long path ahead of me with adventures, challenges and doing things that haven't even made my "to do" list yet.

While I can speak about events from 20, 30, 40 or 50 years ago......don't let that fool you.......age is just that....... a number......... and I am no where near close to the finish line yet.

See you next week............

PS......

Good things this week:
1.  Jenn and I are still #1 in the football pool !!
2.  I experimented with a WW banana pound cake and it came out great (not like last weeks experiment that ended up in the trash).
3.  I found out I can watch CBS shows live on Hululive (for some reason I thought they were delayed).....no more cable TV here !!
4.  With a great deal of assistance, my office was moved (4th move in about 3 years) in less than an hour.  I was grateful to the guys who crawled under my desk to hook up my computer so I really never missed a beat work-wise.
5.  One night this week I pulled in my driveway at 7:40 PM !!!!!!
6.  A 2 hour delayed opening meant sleeping until 6:00 AM and not leaving the house until 7:00 AM!!! WOO HOO !!!!

One thing I forgot to mention last week that was fun.  Never ever tell me you are thinking about doing something that I think is a fabulous idea !! My poor friend, Mary, mentioned she would like to get a second piercing in her ears. I was relentless in encouraging her (basically a pain in the ass).  Before Mary knew it we were at the jewelers and she was getting it done.  being the good friend I am......I pulled a chair over and watched with a huge grin on my face !!

A bunch of random things make for an easy week in the journal of gratitude........

Quote for the week: "Hope begins when you stand in the dark and look out in the light"......from the Hallmark Movie, "The Christmas Train"

For the last 10 years or so,  I have been writing 5 good things about each day in a journal.. The stack of journals is getting pretty impressive.  From time to time, I will go back and see what made for a good day 2 years ago or 5 years ago.  Sometimes it is a simple comment, other times I can't remember what my entry meant and then there are the lines that might sound cryptic and only I understand what they mean.

At some point when I am no longer around, they might get pitched but then again I would love to have had at least one journal of my Mom's to see what made her happy.  I would say my Dad but I don't see this daily exercise as a guy thing.

Last week was such an easy week to find things to write about......there were days when I could have written 6 or 7 or 8 things that made me happy......I love weeks like that !!!!

None of the items on last week's list cost a lot of money which proves that at least to me that money doesn't buy happiness.

Here are some of the entries:
1.   I was given a Santa Claus hat with a tiara attached.
2.   A friend picked up Edamame noodles for me at Costco.
3.   The snow didn't melt for a few days and looked beautiful
4.   We are number #1 on the football pool for the year and amazingly have picked all the playoff games correctly.
5.   I went to Hilton Head for the first time and had lunch with friends.
6.   I binge watched "The Crown"....do I really have to wait until 2019 for Season 3 ???
7.   I had an amazing grilled pork chop at Mary's and prepared by Brandon the Grill Master.
8.   I tasted banana/strawberry moonshine and it was awesome..
9.   Jenn found me cauliflower pizza crusts at Trader Joe's
10. We were able to buy a 16 oz container of Locatelli at Sams for $4 less than what we would have spent at Publix for the same size container.
11.  I joined two writers groups and found a couple of workshops coming up (one on Memoirs which is right up my alley!!).
12.  One of the writer's groups will even share my blog (and if I had a website they would share that too).
13. I am having a ring resized (a smaller size than I used to wear)...grand total $10.
14. The new button down nightshirts I ordered at Christmas in a smaller size.... fit !! (time to pitch the old nightshirts).
15. Getting back on track with Weight Watchers feels so good...I feel so much more in control !!

And that's not all the entries.....

I left out the clarity of the stars some nights, getting home safely in the rain and fog, I am lucky to have someone willing to let Jenn and I camp out at her house once (and last week twice) a week, I had a three day weekend,

Finally,  I have the glow of my ceramic Christmas Tree to look at each night as I fall asleep.....only 49 more weeks to go......

See you next week......

Snow and Ice......this is South Carolina .....correct???

"I have traveled the world over, but no matter where I go the Lowcountry still calls me home."

Pat Conroy

In September, we had a hurricane.  It wasn't tremendous in magnitude but was enough to flood roads. and lose power.  Roughly 10 miles down the road, there was mandatory evacuation. It was hurricane season so this was not a huge surprise.  Hurricane Irma......we decided to stay put and fortunately although there was flooding....we suffered no significant damage. I understood that where I was moving the term "hurricane season" would take on a new meaning.

Hurricane season ends and all is quiet until the heat starts to return in the late spring......

All is quiet.......

Until recently, that statement was true......

It has been colder than normal in South Carolina and definitely colder in the lowcountry.

Here are some of the signals how cold it has been.....

-I have been wearing a jacket on a regular basis

- I wore gloves each morning

- I wore a scarf covering my mouth (not to keep me quiet) in order to keep the cold air from burning   my throat and aggravating my asthma

- and the most shocking signal.....I traded in my beloved flip flops/sandals for closed toe shoes ( I did go without socks and the shoes had no backs on them) but my toes were covered

Then we heard the "S" word.......the word that raises panic like just about no other in the south......SNOW......the reports were varied.....we would get snow....it would miss us.....we would get ice, sleet and freezing rain (I know there is a difference in those three terms but am not sure exactly what the difference is.....for me they all mean a greater chance of my biggest fear......falling)....

I decided on Tuesday night to plan on staying put Wednesday and see what happened.

The ice started in the morning....ugh....ice.....

I will drive in snow but I do not screw with ice.  Then there was the switch over to snow.  It was so beautiful and went on for hours.  We ended up with about 4 inches of snow and a layer of ice underneath.  We lost power for a few hours.  The fireplace was put into service and provided great warmth all day and evening.

The most surprising part is the snow is still here 5 days later. There are still icy patches on the road.  I now remember what the term fishtail means. I can't remember another time in the almost 20 years I have lived in the south, where any snow wasn't gone within 24 to 48 hours max.

It is supposed to go into the 50's tomorrow so all remnants of the winter treat will be gone.

Was it an inconvenience ....yes......

Was it treacherous to drive in....yes due to the layer of ice underneath......

Did I hate driving the backroads in the dark for fear of not seeing a patch of ice......absolutely.....

On the plus side......I loved waking up to see it each morning......I am glad it didn't melt in a few hours......and I didn't fall on the ice !!

To me it was an extra Christmas gift delivered a little late but then again I am trying to keep my Christmas feeling all year round .....

See you next week.......

 PS I pitched all the holiday goodies.  Back to veggies and chicken and fruit.  Back to counting points and trying to get my steps in each day.......

Someone on TV said don't call it a New Year's Resolution...call it a commitment.  With the sale of the house, moving, packing, unpacking, job re-org behind me .....along with the other things going on in my life......the New Year gave me a chance to get back on track and that is where my head is at....let's hope the rest of me follows suit.....