How did I get to 50+.....

In my head I am still 21.......unfortunately no one told my body. My hands have wrinkles, my face has some lines and yes that is definitely grey in my hair. I am hoping my exercising will hold off some of the plans Father Time has for me. I have a knee that has been bothering me for years. I don't expect that pain to go away. But it is nothing I can't deal with.......I do feel the need to explain to someone why I walk down the stairs slowly......why do I feel a need to explain....because I do not want them to feel it is because of my weight......so there I am explaining about how I fell and the doctor said I had caused permanent nerve damage to the knee and it is loaded with arthritis......like anyone really cares. I do the explaining so I hope to not stand out.

When you remember events that took place 40 years ago .....oh be honest 45 and sometimes more years ago...it gets me thinking.......where did the time go......I remember all I ever wanted to be was 18. For me 18 was a great age, I was in college, worked a job that paid enough money for jeans, gas for my pinto, nights out with my friends (yes this involved drinking but remember back then 18 was legal) and as much as I hate to say it enough money for my cigarettes (ok but I haven't had one in almost 25 years)....

Funny how things change....no cigarettes, no pinto, not as many nights out with my friends (not as many as I would like)......

I do feel lucky......since I started to focus on me......I feel healthier than I have in years.....except for the knee not real aches and pains.....I consider the gym a necessity and a pedicure a must......

This year has been filled with adventures.....weddings, births and new job and finding out about the things I can do on my own......see I am still learning at 50+.

I can't wait to see what I learn next.....in this second chapter of my life.....

Twas the week before Thanksgiving

Like many people across the nation, I will be up early Thursday watching Macy's Parade. It makes me chuckle when people say to me "You have really been to the parade?" Been to that parade.....LOL.....let me count the number of times. Some years warm....some years freezing cold. With my Dad, we always stood up near where the parade began so as soon as Santa went by we raced to the car. My Dad's goal was to be back in our apartment by the time Santa made it across the finish line in front of Macy's on TV. Most years we made it....LOL.

There was also the year when as adults we took all our kids to the parade and it was my birthday. My family had the crowd around us join in a booming rendition of Happy Birthday while we waited for the parade to start. And yes, we have it on video.....that was a memorable event.....standing in the middle of NYC with a crowd of strangers singing to me.

Some years we would go downtown the night before Thanksgiving and see the balloons being blown up under huge nets. It was usually on that night I would have my first bag of roasted chestnut for the season......yum roasted chestnuts and yes they were cooking over an open fire.....

There are times when I miss being away from my family more than others....Thanksgiving and Christmas are certainly on top the list. It is a shame I took it so for granted when we lived within minutes of each other and would gather for anything from birthday cake to a football game.

This week as I add another candle to my birthday cake.....instead of making a wish.....I will do what so many others will be doing that day........giving thanks....for the wonderful people around me.......some in the same room and some miles away......each has added something to my life.......what better birthday present is there......and that gives me a lot to be thankful for......Amen.

Still Not Feeling Christmas

Last week I started looking for Christmas.....a week later and I still haven't found it. Maybe I am letting the outside world influence my inner joy. I wish I could move into one of those Hallmark movies for a week and just let the Christmas feelings take me over. Or maybe I could book myself into Bedford Falls for a week.I want to feel the magic......is that so bad?

I would like to spend some time with family and friends.....just reminiscing and laughing. I want to enjoy the hustle and bustle and not look at it as a chore. I even made the big decision to not go out early Black Friday UNLESS I find some gift I must get for someone. I enjoy going out in the crowds on Black Friday......there is something fun about it. I have been listening to a radio station that plays continuous Christmas music. I have heard my favorite Christmas song (Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas) a few times and it makes me happy and sad at the same time. The song is very wistful......

Jenn asked me what I wanted for Christmas and there was nothing that I wanted that I couldn't live without. I mean I can always come up with something I want but nothing that I have been drooling for.

We talked about what cookies we should make to bring to work. We have discussed what kind of gifts to give my team at the office.

Maybe once the tree goes up next week.......it will happen.......Christmas. Maybe I have watched too many Hallmark movies and am looking for something that doesn't exist....

I will keep searching......I know Christmas is out there somewhere......I just have to find it......

Is This Blog Self-Serving? Is It Too Much???

Someone mocked my blog this week. It hurt a lot for someone to say.....how many entries will there be in the All About Donna blog? In an ugly moment they asked if their comments to me would make it onto my blog. It hurt me deeply and made me question the purpose of writing every week. In the sarcasm of the facebook message, they stated "how many entries will there be in the All About Donna blog this week....50???"

This whole communication got me thinking.

I started this blog for me. At the suggestion of my trainer. I found it to be a good outlet for what I was experiencing and learning about myself. I found it therapeutic. It was never my intent to use it to boast. It was to celebrate my small victories and keep a record of where I have been and where I am heading. I started by sharing it with a very few select people, then I expanded my audience slowly and carefully......finally I decided to make the leap and let people know on facebook that I was writing a blog for them to read.

Up until this week, I have never gotten anything but positive feedback. I have been complimented for my honesty, sense of humor and for trying to stick with it even when I wanted to give up. I have had people share with me the entries that made them laugh and the ones that gave them encouragement. It is not easy to put your darkest moments out there for all to read but I felt it wouldn't be an honest blog unless I posted about the dark moments too. Along the way this blog has evolved not only into a weekly dairy about my quest to lose weight, eat healthy and get healthy......it has given me the opportunity to write about the things I love, the things I dislike (don't want to say hate) and anything else that pops into my head. I have never forced anyone to read it or to become a follower of this blog. I have appreciated those of you who have read and those of you who have provided me with feedback. Thank you!!!

The person who put me down this week has made it into a blog entry.....they will remain nameless (but I will say this.....for once it was not Bob).

Now I am asking you.....my trusted friends, relatives and readers.....am I still on the right track......was the sarcasm directed at me true.......has my writing gotten to be too much? I would love your thoughts......

Just one more thing......none of the feedback good or bad will cause me to stop my weekly entries.....LOL......did you think it would?? Maybe when I first started writing it might have made a difference but now I am not the same person I was back then.....

Where Are You Christmas

I went into Walmart last night. As soon as I walked in the store....there is was.....a Christmas tree. It was decorated ......not the way I would but it still looked OK. I know it is a little early but I still look for those small moments when I start to feel Christmasy. I have been watching some Christmas movies on the Hallmark Channel and yes I have to admit I have listened to one or two Christmas songs on my IPOD (I have a few that I keep on my IPOD all year round the rest will be loaded on within a few weeks).

I can't wait for that feeling.......the one where you still feel like anything is possible. The magic of the Christmas season. I still believe in Santa and think he knows what I want each year. I love everything about the season......the way people treat each other, the music, the movies, the gift wrap, the foods.......I can put myself into Christmas overload in no time.

I will make sure I get to the gym and I will definitely watch what I eat. But that doesn't mean I can't enjoy the magic.....

OK maybe I am rushing trying to find Christmas when the Thanksgiving turkey hasn't even been carved yet. But in less than 2 weeks.....all systems are go......Jenn and I have already planned when we are going to decorate, we have discussed what cookies to make and there is always the do we get up for Black Friday or not conversation.

T-minus 12 days......I am so ready.......so come on Christmas.......I am right here waiting for you!!!!

My Hair .....the saga continues

There was a time I would get up in the morning, wash my hair, dry it and go. Now I wash it, put it in curlers, later I then blow dry it, put some stuff called thick or volumizer in it and then use a curling iron. Then there is the brush out and hair spray. All of this to make it look like I have more hair than I do. It takes a lot of time in the morning but the final product does make me feel better. Even I can't believe I spend as much time as I do every single day to make me more comfortable with the thinness of my hair.

So I spend a lot of time in the morning making my hair look thick. Then I spend a lot of time at the end of the day trying to make my body look thin. Am I a mess or what.......never mind don't answer that.......I think I already know.....

Favorite Smells

Today, Jenn made sauce. The smell alone made you want to eat pasta. In a few weeks it will be the smell of pine and evergreen that will take front and center in our house. While we do not get a real tree we do get a real wreath. It hangs on our front door inside the storm door. The nice part is when you get ready to walk through the front door you open the storm door and it hits you.....that wonderful smell of Christmas. We also have Yankee Candles that are called Christmas Wreath.....we burn them from Thanksgiving Day until New Year's Day. It fills the house with an aroma that puts you back to being a kid waiting for December 25th. The smell of cookies baking sends me the our 5th floor walk-up on 153rd Street in the Bronx. I am suddenly transformed in time where I was maybe 6 or 7. I remember sitting on the kitchen table "helping" my mother make cookies and all of a sudden my brother and Dad come through the door with our Christmas tree in tow.

It is amazing how smells can transport you anywhere in time........I eat sushi.....I am in my grandmother's kitchen eating it fresh as she makes it. I smell bayberry candles burning.....I am off to another Christmas where my brother's boy scout troop sold them as part of a fund raiser. I smell a burger or steak on the grill......it is a summer cook out or an afternoon at a friends house by the pool. I smell a fireplace burning.....it is a family gathering in the fall or the holidays. The smell of an outdoor fire can send me to one of the many stops we made on our last family vacation as a kid when we traveled across the country camping all the way.

I don't need a transporter like on Star Trek to move through time......I just the smell of something from my past and I am there.....