The Brooklyn Dodgers spent many years as the team that could never win the big game. Year after year they watched the hated New York Yankees win World Series after World Series. Dodger fans would always say "Wait until next year"....always faithful and full of hope. When they finally beat the dreaded Yankees in 1955, the New York newspapers headlines said "THIS IS NEXT YEAR!!!!".
For years my mantra has been....next year for this or next year for that. Jenn even commented that I often say maybe next year.
My Mom's passing did something to me. It changed me. No longer do I want to be the "next year" girl. I want to start making things happen.
In July, I will be taking my first real vacation in a zillion years. Not that I discount all the family trips to the Jersey Shore and the like but this is a real grown up vacation. My first time using a passport. All inclusive. No one to worry about but me. It took years and losing my Mom to get me to do it. Now, I am planning to take a vacation every year. My time has come. Yes, it easy because I do not have to worry about college expenses for Jenn....that is behind us (well kind of.....8 more years of payments and we are done).
I have even changed about the small things......3 pairs of flip flops....no problem......a waterproof pedometer.....why not? I am not by any stretch going off the deep end but I think I have earned the right to get things I want. Yes, the mortgage and other bills get paid but I no longer stress over every single thing and try not to walk around like Chicken Little looking for the sky to fall.
I have said for the last few years I am trying to make my life now about me and feel like I am heading in the right direction. The vacation was a gigantic step....for me.
I don't know when my time here will be up.....but my intention is to not say at the end of my life....I should have this or I should have that.......instead I plan on creating memories that will carrying me into my old age.
There may not be mountains for me to climb but there is still time for so many other things......knowing that I have had more yesterday's than I do tomorrow's makes me feel I do not have time to waste.....time to get that Bucket List together so I can start crossing off items......
No more wait until next year........next year starts today.......
Monday, May 28, 2012
You Really Have To Get To Know The Me Inside
I hate that people have to get past the physical side of people to really get to know them. Me for example......a perfect body...NOT.......and most people do not care if you are a work in progress. They look at you and make judgements and decisions. I wish I was strong enough to say the hell with them but I am not. We all want to be liked and loved. We all want to be part of the "in" group (more in High School than now). We all want to look our best. Yet, I am sure that most everyone has something they have about themselves that they are hung up about. The hard part is when the thing you are so unsure of is so visible to others. When you add criticism to the mix.......it can but so hard to over come. There are times when I want to pull back from everyone and just lick my wounds. But who do I hurt most by pulling back.....OK let's say the answer all together.....ME!!! While I may not make it in the best body department, I do feel like I do pretty well in the heart category. I don't try to compete, I celebrate others good luck and I appreciate what I have. I am not saying that there aren't more things I still want but when I feel that little green monster of Envy creeping into my head I try to battle it. I try to accept my lot in life but do continue to dream.
I look better on the inside than on the outside. And the bottom line is I wouldn't want to give up the inside for the outside. The outside is where the world can view my failures. I wish they could see the inside of me.....my heart.....my compassion......my soul. The world can be cruel when judging just by looking at the physical. When I was speaking with one of the senior management last week I told her the hard part of an interview for me is to get the interviewer to get past what I look like and get to know what I have to offer. It must have worked with the job I have now because I was hired last year after just one interview. I try to get to know individuals when I am the person doing the interview. I know how hard it can be to sit on the other side of the desk.
Then you have your friends.....the ones that know you warts and all. The people you can tell your darkest secrets too. How many people can you truly open up to........not just about the good stuff (that's easy).......but the things you are too embarrassed for most of the world to know. I am lucky to have a few friends that know just about everything there is to know about me and they still like me in spite of the dark clouds. They still encourage me, they listen, they suggest and they accept me as I am. They understand my desire to improve the outside of me but care about me for what I have to offer inside.
There is so much about which I am not confident but this I know.......not getting to know me.....then you have missed something special. Kind, caring, compassionate, wicked sense of humor, able to laugh at myself .......hey who wouldn't want a friend like that.
What was that I just said.....sounded like some self-confidence......well what do you know.....there is hope for me yet.........
I look better on the inside than on the outside. And the bottom line is I wouldn't want to give up the inside for the outside. The outside is where the world can view my failures. I wish they could see the inside of me.....my heart.....my compassion......my soul. The world can be cruel when judging just by looking at the physical. When I was speaking with one of the senior management last week I told her the hard part of an interview for me is to get the interviewer to get past what I look like and get to know what I have to offer. It must have worked with the job I have now because I was hired last year after just one interview. I try to get to know individuals when I am the person doing the interview. I know how hard it can be to sit on the other side of the desk.
Then you have your friends.....the ones that know you warts and all. The people you can tell your darkest secrets too. How many people can you truly open up to........not just about the good stuff (that's easy).......but the things you are too embarrassed for most of the world to know. I am lucky to have a few friends that know just about everything there is to know about me and they still like me in spite of the dark clouds. They still encourage me, they listen, they suggest and they accept me as I am. They understand my desire to improve the outside of me but care about me for what I have to offer inside.
There is so much about which I am not confident but this I know.......not getting to know me.....then you have missed something special. Kind, caring, compassionate, wicked sense of humor, able to laugh at myself .......hey who wouldn't want a friend like that.
What was that I just said.....sounded like some self-confidence......well what do you know.....there is hope for me yet.........
I Love Bargains
Last week, I wrote about buying a few pairs of Yellow Boxes flip flops. At the time I felt like I was getting a great deal at $21.99 a pair (I think some of them should have been $29.99)......this week end they were on sale for $17.99. Those of you who know me well know what that meant.....another trip to Belks to get a refund of the sales price. Hey.....it meant over $21.00 (including taxes) back in my pocket (and Jenn's too).
At CVS, we wanted to pick up a few things we needed. Apparently, we bought the right things because we ended up with $10 in CVS bucks. More savings.....
Today, I went to Joann's with my friend, Kathy, to get material for some more tops like the Oprah top from last year. We picked out three patterns.....one is a leopard print that we both LOVED!!!! The material was 50% off. At the register, we got another discount. So the material that should have cost $75 plus tax ended up costing me $34......how can you beat that????
A lady standing next to me while they were cutting my material asked me what the material was for.......I told her it was for sheer tops to wear over tank tops. She asked me how long did it take to make them. I told her it took me no time at all. I then pointed at Kathy and said you might want to ask her how long they take to make since Kathy is the one who creates them for me. LOL Kathy told the lady they take about an hour to make......an hour of her time on each top to make me feel like a million dollars........thank goodness I do not have to pay her.......yes, pictures will follow.....stay tuned.....
At CVS, we wanted to pick up a few things we needed. Apparently, we bought the right things because we ended up with $10 in CVS bucks. More savings.....
Today, I went to Joann's with my friend, Kathy, to get material for some more tops like the Oprah top from last year. We picked out three patterns.....one is a leopard print that we both LOVED!!!! The material was 50% off. At the register, we got another discount. So the material that should have cost $75 plus tax ended up costing me $34......how can you beat that????
A lady standing next to me while they were cutting my material asked me what the material was for.......I told her it was for sheer tops to wear over tank tops. She asked me how long did it take to make them. I told her it took me no time at all. I then pointed at Kathy and said you might want to ask her how long they take to make since Kathy is the one who creates them for me. LOL Kathy told the lady they take about an hour to make......an hour of her time on each top to make me feel like a million dollars........thank goodness I do not have to pay her.......yes, pictures will follow.....stay tuned.....
I Can't Even Figure Out The Earphones
My Speedo Aquabeat2 arrived on Saturday. Loading the music from my IPOD onto it was easy.....for Jenn. Meanwhile, I played with the earphones. Just trying to get those suckers on my ears was a trip. Jenn laughed as I tried them on from various angles. I finally had to take my glasses off to get them on my ears and then put my glasses back on. And the part that goes in my ears....it moves. Which makes sense except when I finally got the earphones hooked around each ear and then had to re-align them to get the earphones in my ears.....what a mess. I tried to figure out the pedometer......no such luck. Even Jenn struggled with that.......I ending up calling Speedo. They gave me another phone number. Of course, they were closed for the week-end and the holiday. I will call them tomorrow....listen to these weird customer service hours.......10-4 pacific time???? I thought the whole world operated on EST.....maybe I am being a snob thinking everyone should work based the time on the east coast....LOL.
Saturday, I was out in the car while Jenn was shopping at Kohls. At one point I started to laugh. I had my IPhone plugged in and charging. I was playing my IPod and reading my Kindle. Thank goodness I hadn't brought my IPad along.....LOL. I may have gone a little over the top on the electronics thing but once my Aquabeat2 in recording all of my times jogged in the pool.......I will be a happy camper. I mean what else could I need.......but then again I was the person who told Bob the VCR's were a waste of money about 25 plus years ago. I remember saying "what the hell do I need something for to record TV shows while I am not home" At that time they ran about $500, had a wired remote that stretched across the living room and you needed a degree in Nuclear Physics to program them.......OK maybe a slight exaggeration but pretty close for me.
Now, I can't get through a day without my laptop, IPhone, Kindle and dear God please don't take away my DVR.......now if I can just get the Aquabeat2 to record my steps and miles.......
Saturday, I was out in the car while Jenn was shopping at Kohls. At one point I started to laugh. I had my IPhone plugged in and charging. I was playing my IPod and reading my Kindle. Thank goodness I hadn't brought my IPad along.....LOL. I may have gone a little over the top on the electronics thing but once my Aquabeat2 in recording all of my times jogged in the pool.......I will be a happy camper. I mean what else could I need.......but then again I was the person who told Bob the VCR's were a waste of money about 25 plus years ago. I remember saying "what the hell do I need something for to record TV shows while I am not home" At that time they ran about $500, had a wired remote that stretched across the living room and you needed a degree in Nuclear Physics to program them.......OK maybe a slight exaggeration but pretty close for me.
Now, I can't get through a day without my laptop, IPhone, Kindle and dear God please don't take away my DVR.......now if I can just get the Aquabeat2 to record my steps and miles.......
Sunday, May 20, 2012
I Am Definitely Feeling Happier....
It is strange when you notice that you are happy. I am sure there are people who are happy most of the time so they wouldn't notice. I have felt good/happy all week-end. I can't believe I have to make a statement saying that....
Some of the things that made me happy.....
1. Not having to go to Walmart......I food shop on Wednesday night now so I don't have to go there on the week-end.
2. I walked a lot this week-end. I had started to get lazy. I was pulling up to stores and letting Jenn run in for what I needed. The last few days, I have been parking the car and walking around the stores too. Today, I was all over Target.....it felt good to get back into the routine of getting my sorry ass out of the car and taking care of my own errands.
3. Two days of jogging for at least 45 minutes in the pool. I really challenged myself to pick up speed. I also do not look at the clock for as long as I can. It is fun to check it out after a while and see how long I have been going.
4. Not too many food issues this week-end.
5. I put solar lights back in front of my house (the old ones were stolen).
6. I found time each day to sit on a rocking chair on the front porch and enjoy the great weather.
7. Plenty of time on the phone with friends and family.....all good conversations.
My happiness project is definitely working......I feel good.....it must be all those endorphins at work....
Some of the things that made me happy.....
1. Not having to go to Walmart......I food shop on Wednesday night now so I don't have to go there on the week-end.
2. I walked a lot this week-end. I had started to get lazy. I was pulling up to stores and letting Jenn run in for what I needed. The last few days, I have been parking the car and walking around the stores too. Today, I was all over Target.....it felt good to get back into the routine of getting my sorry ass out of the car and taking care of my own errands.
3. Two days of jogging for at least 45 minutes in the pool. I really challenged myself to pick up speed. I also do not look at the clock for as long as I can. It is fun to check it out after a while and see how long I have been going.
4. Not too many food issues this week-end.
5. I put solar lights back in front of my house (the old ones were stolen).
6. I found time each day to sit on a rocking chair on the front porch and enjoy the great weather.
7. Plenty of time on the phone with friends and family.....all good conversations.
My happiness project is definitely working......I feel good.....it must be all those endorphins at work....
Stop Looking at the Big Picture
I have set smaller goals. 5 pounds at a time. I keep looking too far ahead and then feel defeated when I am not making the progress I desire.
My rings are looser on my fingers....most days. I have been able to wear a ring recently that I haven't worn in a few years.
I was able to buy flip flops in a smaller size......does that matter???My shoes size width is still wide (what a surprise).
Sometimes I wear more fitted tops. A major break through for me.
But as I do lose some weight....there is ugly sagging skin that I have to look at. I can now see my feet..... but in my slacks there is that ugly saggy skin......not a very pretty sight. I can only expect that to get worse as I continue to lose. I will have to find exercise to tighten that up. But at my age.....I am fighting gravity and Father Time.
There are times when I look at pictures from 20 or 30 years ago and I wonder who that person is......how did I get from there to here? I always thought of myself as overweight but now I would give my eye teeth to be the person in those pictures. I can never be that person again but I can be better than I am now.....and that is what I have to shoot for.....
My rings are looser on my fingers....most days. I have been able to wear a ring recently that I haven't worn in a few years.
I was able to buy flip flops in a smaller size......does that matter???My shoes size width is still wide (what a surprise).
Sometimes I wear more fitted tops. A major break through for me.
But as I do lose some weight....there is ugly sagging skin that I have to look at. I can now see my feet..... but in my slacks there is that ugly saggy skin......not a very pretty sight. I can only expect that to get worse as I continue to lose. I will have to find exercise to tighten that up. But at my age.....I am fighting gravity and Father Time.
There are times when I look at pictures from 20 or 30 years ago and I wonder who that person is......how did I get from there to here? I always thought of myself as overweight but now I would give my eye teeth to be the person in those pictures. I can never be that person again but I can be better than I am now.....and that is what I have to shoot for.....
Flip Flops
When I go from here to the next life.....I want to be wearing flip flops!!! I love them!!! When I lived in NY, I would wear them all year round. You would see me walking the dog in a path we had shoveled in the snow wearing flip flops. You would see me out in the rain in flip flops. I wore them before they were fashionable. A woman ahead of my time.....LOL
My favorite sandals are Yellow Boxes. They have great cushioning and come in fun colors and designs. Last year, I bought a pair for my nephews wedding.....they were black with black sequins. Very pretty and went well with my outfit.
I have another pair in Gamecock colors ( for those of you from the north that means they are maroon and black.....the colors of University of South Carolina where the mascot is the Gamecock)....a gift from a friend when I switched jobs last year. They have been worn to death. You can tell by looking at them that I walk on the outsides of my heels......LOL.....they are worn on the back outside of each flip flop.
Me.....Mrs. Procrastinator......usually looks for new flip flops when the season is winding down. Yesterday, Jenn and I went to Belk's. I found a pair to replace the Gamecock colored pair that I need to pitch. Then I made a big mistake.....I kept looking to see what else they had......big mistake....LOL. I found a pair with bronze/copper sequins and a pair with multicolor fuscia sequins. I tried them both on and loved them both. Here we go with the decisions again.
Once I found out they were on sale my decision was easy......I bought all three pairs. Normally, I would have bought one pair and then hoped that the other pairs would have been still around in a few weeks. Not this time.....I felt like I had lost my mind but at least now I have enough pairs to switch off.
You would think these would be easy decisions but for me they are not....why you may ask??? Because I am always thinking of something else I can use the money for or might need the money for.....car repairs, life insurance, Dr. bills.......all very practical. But that has been one of my problems all along....I have almost always yielded on the side of practicality.......
Dependable. reliable and practical......not terrible qualities......but also not always fun. I am trying to change.....very slowly.......not that the slowly part should surprise anyone........
My favorite sandals are Yellow Boxes. They have great cushioning and come in fun colors and designs. Last year, I bought a pair for my nephews wedding.....they were black with black sequins. Very pretty and went well with my outfit.
I have another pair in Gamecock colors ( for those of you from the north that means they are maroon and black.....the colors of University of South Carolina where the mascot is the Gamecock)....a gift from a friend when I switched jobs last year. They have been worn to death. You can tell by looking at them that I walk on the outsides of my heels......LOL.....they are worn on the back outside of each flip flop.
Me.....Mrs. Procrastinator......usually looks for new flip flops when the season is winding down. Yesterday, Jenn and I went to Belk's. I found a pair to replace the Gamecock colored pair that I need to pitch. Then I made a big mistake.....I kept looking to see what else they had......big mistake....LOL. I found a pair with bronze/copper sequins and a pair with multicolor fuscia sequins. I tried them both on and loved them both. Here we go with the decisions again.
Once I found out they were on sale my decision was easy......I bought all three pairs. Normally, I would have bought one pair and then hoped that the other pairs would have been still around in a few weeks. Not this time.....I felt like I had lost my mind but at least now I have enough pairs to switch off.
You would think these would be easy decisions but for me they are not....why you may ask??? Because I am always thinking of something else I can use the money for or might need the money for.....car repairs, life insurance, Dr. bills.......all very practical. But that has been one of my problems all along....I have almost always yielded on the side of practicality.......
Dependable. reliable and practical......not terrible qualities......but also not always fun. I am trying to change.....very slowly.......not that the slowly part should surprise anyone........
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
