DO NOT Get Dressed In The Dark

I hate light in the morning!! I used to shower with just a bathroom nightlight on until I was on the receiving end of a spider bite that left me sitting home with my leg elevated for several days.  Meaning I do put on a light when I shower.  But when I get dressed, I don't put a light on.  I know what I am going to wear and it's not like I have to make any major fashion decisions.  My work clothes are pretty simple.  Black or Navy pants and some kind of top. 

Friday morning was just like any other morning.  except on Friday's TD likes their employees to wear green.  I have a couple of green tops from which I can pick to wear.  Since it was still cold (by southern standards- hey I had to defrost my car windows), I chose a green striped sweater that I usually wear with my black pants.  No problem.  I had done laundry the night before and it was all folded on  my bed.  I grabbed my black pants and green top threw on some jewelry and off I went.

As I was getting out of the car at work, I looked down an noticed my pants weren't black they were blue.  No major crisis there except it really didn't go with my green top.  What made it worse was they were my old, worn out, holes in the legs, seams shot to hell pants that I only wear around the house when I know without any doubt I will not see anyone except those that live in my house.  These pants are years old and should have been pitched years ago.  They are not Goodwill worthy....they are garbage dump ready. 

Friday was month end at work.  That means a day that is constant and relentless.  I did not have time to go home and get changed.  So what was my solution.....to hid at my desk.  I pulled my top down as much as I could, made sure to not expose the torn seams and prayed that no one would notice.  When I had to get up to go somewhere I did my own version of speed walking.....dreading the thought that someone might want to talk to me.

I made it through the day.....thank goodness!!! But did I throw the pants away when I got home....NNNNNNOOOOOOO.......in fact I am wearing them right now.  You would think I would have learned......well I actually I have......I will put on the light before I leave in the morning to make sure I am wearing what I planned on wearing. 

OK spider bites and wearing ratty clothes to work........I really need to get over it and put the damn lights on in the morning........

The Ghost of Easter Past

Today is a quiet day in my house.  Kind of nice.  I did  all of my chores and errands yesterday so to I could do nothing today. I just woke up from a nap.  I have been catching up on shows on my dvr.  In a little while I will try yes I said try to make Mom's fried rice to go with Mom's ribs that Jenn is making.  I also tried to make her cole slaw.  I am not sure how she got the cabbage sliced so thin?  I tried but couldn't get it like she did but I will keep trying. 

When I was young, Easter started the night before when we dyed the eggs.  In the morning there were baskets filled with all kinds of goodies and wrapped in colored cellophane.  We finally were able to put on our new Easter Outfits for Mass.  Then it was either off to my grandmothers apartment in the Bronx or to my cousins house on Long Island.  Later when we moved to Pearl River, some of the gatherings would take place at our house.  Weeks before Easter Mom would take us shopping for our Easter Outfits.  I don't remember if she did it with each one of us separately but tend to think she herded us together through Alexander's Dept Store.  Some years my sister and I wore matching outfits....hats and all.  I remember getting my first pair of shoes that had any hint of a grown up heel.  Getting to wear fishnets (yes they were the fashion at the time) or my mother sending me to the store to by a pair of nylons.  I can still see the store and asking for a certain shade.  The saleslady would pull down a box and open the tissue paper and take out a pair for me to bring home.  This was all pre-panty hose as you can tell. 

As we got older and were out on our own, Mom and Dad would have Easter Brunch.  We would show up in time for the grandchildren to hunt for eggs and there was also an adult hunt for eggs.  Mom as usual would get everything to the table at the same time....hot.  After Dad was gone, we started to gather at each others house for dinner.  We even had egg decorating and hat contests.  I don't know if it is good or bad but some of those occasions are on video's......

I do miss gathering with my family for these occasions but today I am glad to just have a day to relax.I will let you all know how the ribs, rice and cole slaw turn out.  I know they won't be like Mom's but I am hoping they will have the essence of what Mom created. 

No new outfits, no egg hunt, no family gathering.....Mom might be sad about that......but that's OK......in my head and heart I am remembering the real reason for this day........and that would make Mom very happy!!!!!

The Food Thing....

Food is such a part of my life.  The not eating and watching what you eat is time consuming and exhausting.  Each day I bring a variety of foods to work for breakfast and lunch.  I am never quite sure what I will want so I just throw a bunch of things in my bag and then I have options later. 

I usually bring a banana, oatmeal and a protein drink for the morning.  That gets me through to lunch.  I also bring two baggies.....one with grape tomato's and one with grapes.  Weight watchers string cheese, some turkey pepperoni, one serving of pretzels, a protein bar and some chicken breast and cheese come along for the ride.  Occasionally, I will throw in a pb and j (yes, I use the healthy kind of bread and I have started eating organic strawberry preserves....yummy and I also bought some that is sugar free but haven't tried it yet) or a salad or some eggs salad made with mustard and low fat mayo.  I bring a flavored water to drink and a plastic mug filled with ice. 

Please note I do NOT eat all this food!!!!! I just can't make up my mind what I want so I have a wide selection to choose from....the good part is what ever I do not eat one day I bring with me the next day. 

I have to say if you looked at my lunch bag filled with healthy options you would be impressed. 

I also think my decision to eat only when I am hungry and not feel that I must have dinner every night has been a good choice.  Each night this week I had a salad before I ate dinner.  One night I had it with a cup of low calorie soup and another night with a one egg omelet.

Now I am not saying I have been a saint but I have been so much better at my decisions.

Right now I am putting Weight Watcher's lasagna in the crock pot for dinner.  YUM!!!!

I have thought out my meals....pretty much......I always have to leave room for flexibility.......

I wish I could get by with not having to think about food so much but if I didn't I think some of my choices would not be very wise. 

I do watch people who can eat whatever they want with envy.  I have learned that I no longer say I can never have this or that again.  If I did that I would feel deprived.  By choosing not to have it now......that makes it easier.

One good thing is having things I used to love and they no longer appeal to me.  For example, sour cream and onion potato chips....I loved them.....I had a few recently and had to take Pepto Bismol after......I used to love Almond Joys......I had a snack size on recently......it wasn't very good.  So I can say with all honesty.....those two items are off my food list......for life.  I hope the list will continue to grow of things I no longer want to have and the list of healthy things will grow.  I now thoroughly enjoy pineapple and grapes and strawberries.....not bad options.  

Also instead of having my hands free to nosh, I have been working out with hand weights while I watch TV.  It is getting a little more exercise into my week and I am not giving up anything to do it.  And yes I do feel it in my arms.  While my time in the pool at the gym is a full body workout at least with the weights I am working on muscles the nights I don't get to the gym. 

I am not sure if it is my imagination or not but my clothes do feel  slightly looser......and that makes me feel like less of a loser.....

Yes, I do feel like a loser......but I am working on it.....I promise.........

Random Things About The Week...

I skipped writing last week....no reason in particular just not much to say......for me that is saying a lot!!!!

Last Sunday, Jenn and I went to our Utah CFP (concealed firearms class).  Once we have our permits we can now carry in 41 states.  This was just a 3 hours class and there was no test or shooting required.

The rest of the week was kind of a blur....busy but nothing earth shattering.

Friday, I left work early to get my new eyeglasses.  Last year, I went  for new glasses but they never felt right and made me dizzy.  So what was my solution.....did I go back and get them adjusted......NO.....I just kept wearing my old glasses because you know in the world of Donna....nothing can ever be fixed.....LOL. Anyway, I have my new glasses and finally started wearing them this morning and so far so good. 

Saturday, up at 6:30.  Dog to vet by 8 and at the gym and in the pool by 8:30.  Leave the gym at 9:45 and there is a VM from the vet.  The dog has a skin infection and allergy issues.  Westies are prone to skin problems and Jeter has has a bunch of them.  Our previous Westie as he got older had warts and moles.  I thought Jeter had the same thing going on but no it wasn't what I had diagnosed but was a nasty skin infection. This is the same dog that I have to take to the vet every other week to have his ears cleaned.  Add to it the antibiotics for the skin infection and Benadryl 3 times a day.  Cha ching....cha ching.  I have to bring him back next Friday at 3:30 so the vet can see how he is doing.  I couldn't even get a later appointment......ugh.  And I couldn't go next Saturday since I already have something to do that will tie me up for most of the day. Next off to get my face waxed.  I will write more about that below..... Anyway, we then hit the USC bookstore, Aldi's, Bi-Lo and picked up the dog from the vet at 11:30.  What a world wind morning!!! Once we got Jeter home it was off to Walmart and Publix. Oh and in the morning there was also a stop at Target to return a toilet seat we had purchased on Friday.  OK who knew there were so many styles to choose from.....I ended up going to bed, Bath and Beyond because I had a coupon.  Who knew there would be a zillion options......wood, cushioned, elongated, round, plastic, designer.......there was a whole wall of them.  LOL.....way too much info??  As far as I was concerned way too many choices......

The waxing.....I have shared with you I get my full face (no pun intended with the "full" reference) waxed.   Including eye brows, lip, chin....the works.  I had never had the girl doing the waxing work with me before.  She was very pleasant and chatted away.  Then she asked....."have you ever had your nose hairs waxed?".....that to me is like if someone offers you a breath mint....you take it.  I told her no I had never had my nose hairs waxed.  She said it didn't hurt.  All of a sudden I could picture myself with giant hairs coming out of my nose!!! I said go ahead.  OK having wax up your nose....feels....like you have a stopped up nose.  It didn't hurt.  And I spent the rest of the day looking up my nose to admire my nostrils!!! What a mess I am!!!!

While the hair on my head is my obsession for its thinness.....now I have to worry about how hairy my nose is......can someone cut me some slack?????

And here it is Sunday again......the weekend goes way too fast!!!!! The smell of sauce cooking on the stove is wonderful.......why can't Yankee Candle make a olive oil, onions and garlic sent candle??  It is nice enough to sit outside but I don't want to open the window to the house since the pollen is already leaving a film on my car......I don't need it in the house with a dog who had allergies .....but I can't resist sitting outside even if only for a little while.....

Next question, should benadryl knock my dog out??  Why isn't it working??? The vet said I might make him less likely to lick his paws or skin.....but not Jeter......he has had his afternoon dose of Benaydryl and is sitting up staring at me while I type this.......

On the upside my glasses are working well and my nostrils look fabulous.  On the down side I have a dog that is costing me more than I care to think about......

On the upside Dancing With The Stars starts tomorrow night.  On the down side I am getting close to month end and am not near hitting goal yet......

On the upside I am doing well with portion control.  On the down side......hhhmmmm......can't think of one.....which makes it an upside.....

Can you tell I am all over the map today jumping from one topic to the other??  Sharing whatever pops into my head......LOL.....I guess the title of this entry works.....random things......LOL....

Oh and I bought some cabbage to start the quest to figure out how my Mom used to make the best cole slaw in the world....bar none....at least in my opinion.....

And another thing......talk about a weird coincidence.......I woke up during the night ......early Saturday morning.....while in the bathroom......I picked up and old copy of Readers Digest.....while scanning the Sept 2012 issue there was an article about a woman named Donna and her daughter and a friend one of whom was named Jenny......they had gotten lost in death valley for 3 days.  Anyway, I didn't finish the article and thought to myself I will go back and finish reading it another day.  When I came back into my bedroom the TV was still on with an episode of 20/20.  Now you tell me what the odds are of 20/20 covering that exact same story when I came back in the room.....it made the hair on my arms stand straight up and  gave me the creeps....not sure why.....but as I said earlier what are the odds of reading a 6 month old Readers Digest in the middle of the night, not finishing the story and them looking at the TV and seeing the story on TV from the point at which you left off in the magazine......weird,weird,weird.....

See there I go off on a tangent again.....you are all getting to see how my mind works.....LOL....bet it makes you glad you are not me!!!!  That's OK at least for today I doing mind being me.....rambling random thoughts and all.......

A Man Thinks In His Heart Then He Is

I watched a show with Rick Warren on it the other day.  The title of this blog he said was a quote from the Bible. WOW!!!!

Mom had given me The Purpose Driven Life to read a few years back.  I didn't read it but after watching the show I think I will.

I know what I think of myself in my heart.  It is not all positive.  I need to start believing different things about me.  I need to believe positive things.  I have to push the negative thoughts I have or others have about me out of my head and heart.  This is probably a bigger job than losing weight, exercising and improving my lifestyle.  Years of beating myself up have taken root in my head, heart and soul. It has taken its toll.

Well it's time to fix that.......

I did 2 full hours of jogging in the pool this week-end.  I figured out it is approximately 6-7 miles......not too shabby.  I finished all my week-end chores before I went to bed Friday night.  That made for a much more relaxing week-end.  Eating regular portions....LOL......what an eye opener.  I pray more than I have before.  And I do see some prayers very slowly being answered......maybe I am learning about patience along the way. The items above are all good things.......but I really have to start to figure out how to fix my heart. 

OK a new challenge......love myself and see myself in my heart as a person worthy of being liked and loved.  I don't think it too late to fix this part of me......

Life sure is complicated isn't it........to think that I thought I knew it all at 18 or 21 or 25......and here I sit at fifty something and I have more questions that I did 30 years ago......is that the way it is supposed to be????

I am going to start looking in the mirror of my soul.....I will remind myself I am worthy of love.......maybe just maybe I can start to believe it........at last I may get to a point where what I think in my heart are good things.....pushing the negative thoughts and feeling away.

I think Mom agrees as I hear her wind chimes ringing outside in the early evening breeze.  She used to say to me "Donna you don't get it yet."  She wasn't being mean.  She was stating a fact as she saw it.  Well Mom.....maybe I am starting to get it after all........

The Signs of a Not Good Day or Two...LOL

A few weeks ago, the passenger side window on my Ford Escape stopped working.  No biggie.....how often do I need to open it?? But I did think WOW my SUV is only 6 years old and only has 89,000+ miles.  Well, knowing me why think about getting it fixed.....I can live without the window going up and down.  That was until Friday.....

Rainy, nasty, cold Friday......

I pull up to the gate at the office and the driver side window goes down so I can swipe my badge and open the gate.  It went down slowly and up even slower and then stopped with about 8 inches to go.  The rain is coming in and I am at a loss.  I park my car and grab my umbrella.  While trying to balance my umbrella, I try to push the window closed.  I get it up to about 3 inches from the top and then it stops.. It is not moving another inch.  I go in the office and plan to call the Ford dealership. 

Now I can't find my cell phone.  I tear my pocketbook and the bag I carry into the office apart....no phone.  I call home and ask Bob to look for my phone....no luck.. One of my team members calls my phone.....no ringing, no vibrating.  I call Jenn and ask her to use the find my cell phone app.  She calls back and says it is at my office.....maybe in the parking lot.  My friend checks the parking lot no luck.  I go out to the car and start ripping it apart.  I can hear a pinging.  I find it under my car seat (it fell there when I threw my bags in the car while I tried to fix my window).  The pinging is Jenn sending an alarm sound so I can find the phone.  I go back in the office and call Jenn to ask how to turn the alarm off.

I call Ford about the window motors.  The rep said it would take about 3-31/2 hours to get them repaired.  Oh and about $500!!  I ask if I need an appt and he says no just bring it in first thing in the morning and it will be taken care of right away.

I leave work at 2:15 for an eye dr. appt. in the rain.  Cold air is coming in the car and so is the rain.  I get to the appt which lasts over an hour since I had problems with my glasses from last year.  I get home at 4:30 and then have to run with Bob to get some docs notarized.  The first bank we stop at has no notary, so we head to the next one where we finally take care of the docs we need executed.

A quick stop at Walmart and we get home at 5:45.  Me........ wet and cold.

Saturday morning....up at 6:15.  At the dealership at 7:45.  First in line.  GREAT!!!!  They open the bays at 8:00.  I explain the situation and they say they will get right on it........right on it.  So why at 11:30 does the tech come to tell me how much the repair is going to cost.  I told him I had already gotten an estimate the day before.  He says they will get to it right away.  RIGHT AWAY????? I have already been there almost 4 hours.  I see people come and go.  Now when the service tech comes to talk to each customer he is no longer making eye contact with me at all.   At 1:15, he comes to tell me the repairs are done BUT I also need a new battery.  Yes, I am a jerk.....I asked how much....another $119.00.  Yes, stupid me got the DAMN battery. 

Now I wait again, the only good thing is the repairs shop closes at 2:00 so I know they have to be done by then.

Jenn had found me a ......ugh......Senior Citizen coupon (you only need to be 55 to use it) for 10% off repairs.  At least I will save some $$$.

At 1:45, I am told my car is ready.  I go to pay for it and they tell me the discount has a $50 limit.  I tell them it doesn't say that anywhere on the coupon.  I ask to see the manager,  of course he doesn't work on Saturday.  I can call him Monday.  Double ugh!!!

I ask the tech and the lady behind the counter did they know how much I had in my checking account because the repairs are costing about what I have in my account.  They didn't get my sarcasm......

Now I get in the car and am ready to leave when I notice that the panel where my window switches are has gashes in it like someone tried to use a screw driver on it.  I get the tech and show him watch happened.  He calls the guy who worked on my care who says he didn't do it.  I tell the tech I am positive those gashes were not there when I came in.  He says he will order the part and let me know when it come in so I can go back and have it replaced.

I am so looking forward to that visit......and I am sure my friend the service tech is too!!!!!

PS One good thing about today......I weighed myself this morning and was down a few pounds!!! So maybe my portion control, protein shakes and only eating what I feel like eating and not being confined to a specific dinner plan is paying off.  I also got to gym and jogged for a little over an hour. Oh and also.....it may rain again this week.....at least I know my windows will work.......

The Week-ends are for REST?????

The theory is we work from Monday through Friday.  Then on  Saturday and Sunday ........we rest.....yeah right.....we use those two days to get everything done we don't get done during our 40 plus hour work-weeks.  Take this week for example. 

I left work at 5:03 PM on Friday.  I raced across town to get a pedicure and eyebrows waxed (OK yes the full face waxed).  I got home at about 7:30.  Excess hair gone from the face and feet looking lovely but alas still no polish for the toes. While 9 of the toes look great, the nail on the big toe on my right foot still has a ways to go.  Now in addition to nail oil on my toes at night......I am now massaging my toe nail with Vicks.  Yes, Vicks......that stuff that smelled so horrible when my Mom would put it on us as kids.  Work on the bills that have to be paid in the next few weeks and balanced the checkbook.

Saturday morning......
up at 7:45 to the lovely sound of Jeter barking to go out.  Hit the gym by 9:15 for an hour jog in the pool.  Home for a few minutes then it was time to go to Walmart and take the dog to the vet for his bimonthly ear cleaning. Home again. Online shopping for a shower gift.  Now, Jenn and I are off to meet our friend, Mary, to catch an afternoon movie, Safe Haven.  After the movie, it is a quick stop at CVS to get Pampers to go with the shower gift (OK when did they come up with 9,000 kinds of diapers????).  Home again to change clothes, wrap the Pampers and off again to the baby shower.  A couple of hours of socializing and back home by 8:45.

Sunday morning......
wake up once again at 7:45 to the lovely sound of Jeter barking.  I watch CBS Sunday Morning and make the grocery list.  At the gm by 12:15.  Another hour of jogging in the pool.  Then a stop at the post office, gas station, CVS (yes again), Bi-Lo (diet pepsi on sale) and Publix for the rest of the groceries.  Get home after 4:00.  Unpack the groceries, throw in a load of wash, fold the laundry that is sitting in the dryer, iron for the week, clean the chicken cutlets, make chicken parm for dinner.  Helped with Bob's online job search.  Dinner should be ready in about 45 minutes.  I am trying to decide if I have the energy to make my lunch for tomorrow or if I will just not do it and complain in the morning that I should have done it now......

But I am fading fast.....I would still like to read the Sunday paper on Sunday and there are a few TV shows I would like to watch tonight.....

Before I know it it will be 5:45 and my work week will start again......well THANK GOD I had the week end to relax!!!!!!!!!!!!!!