Almost Getting Control Of My House.....Kind Of.....

After weeks that have felt like years the end is in sight......

Flooring done....check.
Tear in new flooring repaired.....check.
Inside of house fully painted.....check.
Fireplace fixed.....check.
House, driveway and patio power washed......check.
Shutters, front door and porch painted .....check.
Front porch post repaired....check.
Shed torn down......check.
New smoke detectors installed.....check.
Door knobs on pantry and linen closet replaced.....check

New faucets for bathroom and kitchen....hopefully this week.

Putting the house back together.......a work in progress.

A few questions I have asked myself......

Where did all this crap come from?
How did I possibly store all this stuff and not fall all over it?
How many things did I buy and never use?
Did I once take inventory and think...gee I already have one of those?  Example....I bought two new doorknobs.  Guess what I just found......yup new doorknobs.....ugh.

My pantry is still in a series of boxes.  I will go through them this week and make a delivery to Harvest Hope I am sure.

It might get to a point where Good Will will call to check on Jenn and me once we stop showing up there at least once a week.

We are making progress !! What did I expect after 17 years of doing nothing as far as maintenance on the house?

The work is almost done which is perfect timing as my wallet is getting pretty empty.

The only place that hasn't been touched is the outside storage room.  All that is in there is a few plastic bins, one plastic 4 ft Santa that is about 25 years old, two plastic wooden soldiers that are almost as old as Santa........oh and a snake......Jenn has seen him twice.  She is going to get one of her pals to come and remove him for us.

One day soon, I will have my house back to normal....with a lot less "stuff".

The word exhausted doesn't even begin to describe how we feel.....we passed overwhelmed a few weeks ago.....now I will be happy just to not see boxes everywhere........soon very soon.....

I am hoping by next week to have more things back in place, Until then I will play find the food from the series of boxes sitting around.......

See you next week,,,,,

Not Just Another Sunday.....

I love the feeling when I first wake up in the morning.  The morning light coming in my window. I usually will lay there for a few minutes thinking about the day ahead or the day past. This is one of my luxuries on Saturday and Sunday morning.  During the week it's more like a fire drill.....alarm off and in the shower within 5 minutes.  If  I languish any longer Monday through Friday I will end up late for work.

This morning when I woke up I had to make a decision.  Do I just take it easy since I ran my butt off yesterday or do I get up and go to sunrise service at 7:00AM?

I opted to go to sunrise service.  I am so glad I did. It was chilly (by South Carolina standards) but a nice sunny morning.  The service was simple and involved clergy from several different denominations.  The messages all different had the same theme....the meaning of Easter and how our lives were changed by one person.

I don't often share my beliefs with regard to religion.  I feel it is a personal matter.  I will say I have struggled with the formality of religion and continue to search for a place I feel comfortable.

That being said.......I believe in God......I believe Jesus died for our sins.....I believe in the power of prayer.....I believe there is something better for all of us when our earthly lives are over,

You will note I said.....I BELIEVE.  I do not force my beliefs on others and I do not condemn those who disagree,

My reason going to the service was simple.,,,,it was the right thing for me to do.  I may be viewed as what are labeled "Christmas or Easter Catholics".  This is the group that only show up at church on those two occassions. At least by going to the sunrise service, I wasnt taking the seat of a regular church goer.

I pray every night before I fall asleep.  In all honesty, there are nights when I don't get through my whole list of things to pray about before drifting to sleep. I always start by thanking God for the day I just finished and ask that I wake the next morning.

Like most people....I pray and ask for more when times are tough.  I also have learned to say prayers of thanks too.....but probably not as often as I should.....and that is what motivated me today to leave the house so early.....I needed to say thank you for the beautiful morning, for feeling healthier, for my family and my friends, my job and all the others things I am blessed with that I take for granted.  I will say an added incentive was not having to get all dressed up.  I even skipped the make-up (yes I did fix my hair and brush my teeth).

I enjoyed that the message at the service included the word Rabboni (my maiden name is Raboni) the minister explained Rabboni means teacher. It is only every few years that I get to hear my family name as part of the Gospel but how special is that?

Next thing I knew,  it was 8:00 and I was back home.

I am not expecting a medal or praise for getting up and attending the service.  I did what was right for me. It gave me peace and that in itself made the trip worthwhile.......

Once in the house I was back to my normal Sunday routines......laundry, cooking and planning for the week ahead.

For about 45 minutes this morning, I was able to think about something more important than me.

Unlike Easter's past, we had no plans for today.....no dinner with family or friends.....no special meal to cook......but it was still a pleasant day wrapped in memories of past Easter's and looking toward those yet to come.

I have another busy week ahead that includes painters and floor repair....in addition the job I do to earn a paycheck.....but I am heading into it thankful for all I have been blessed with even when I didn't deserve or earn it......

Happy Easter !!!

See you next week.......

Don't I deserve it ?

I have lived in this house almost 18 years.....

As stated in past posts, I am ashamed to admit that I have done little to no maintenance during that time.  No new flooring even when the carpeting was in bad shape.  I ignored the dings on the walls. No new paint was applied inside or out.  Doorknobs remained broken held with tape so they wouldn't lock.  The corner on the hutch that Jeter chewed as a puppy stayed exposed, raw wood vs the rest painted green.

Why didn't I do the maintenance before?  There were a number of reasons why I postponed doing these basic upkeep......yes, money was part of it but I also I guess I just got used to the way things looked.

I read somewhere about a woman who had passed away.  When her children were cleaning out her possessions, they found things she had never worn from some lovely unmentionables to blouses with tags still on them.  She had been saving them for a special time.  The special time ended up being at her funeral.

Having the vinyl flooring replaced a few weeks ago, the carpeting tomorrow, the fireplace is now operating again (although it will not be used in the near future...LOL) and the painters are due next Monday all steps in the right direction. Jenn replaced the broken doorknobs today.....no more tape holding door locks open.

Did I think I didn't deserve a nice place to come home to?  Was I so focused on the money that I kept saying "I can't I can't"? Was I waiting for the right time?

All of this got me thinking about the things I put off or don't use.  Why is the good jewelry never worn? I am afraid I will lose it.  Why do I not invite people over?  Is it because my house is not spotless? Why don't I buy new clothes when I need them instead of wearing the same old night shirt?  As I mentioned a few entries ago, I am saving them.  Saving them for what.....my funeral?

As I sit here writing this I am making an oath to myself.....I am going to leave this world with a shorter list of "why didn't I's"....or "I will save that to wear another time"....and time to start switching up the jewelry and enjoy what I have.

The same with the work being done on the house.....I keep saying I should have done this before but at least I am doing it now.

It's similar to my focus on getting healthy....there is nothing I can do about the years I wasted but at least I am working on it now.  I will have more years to make you all crazy.....years that that I might not have had before......that might be a scary thought for some of you......LOL

A long time ago Erma Bombeck wrote a column that has stuck with me.  It was called "If I Had My Life To Live Over Again".  She wrote about things she would have done differently if she could do it all over again. It is worth the read and will give you pause to think about what we are all passing up in our lives and saying "let's wait until...."

I like to think at times my writing style is like Ms. Bombeck's.  I read and enjoyed many of her columns.  In order to save you the time of looking up the column I referenced above I am sharing it with you here.......

If I Had My Life To Live Over

by Erma Bombeck

The following was written by the late Erma Bombeck
after she found out she had a fatal disease.

If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love you's".. More "I'm sorrys" ...

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it ... live it...and never give it back.

See you next week......

What I learned in 10 days......

It has been said in life you keep learning. .....
After the last week or so I can say that is true......

Day 1- I learned no matter how good your vision plan may be through your employer you will have to dip into your wallet for some money.  Plans change or don't include the things you might need like transition lenses to save yourself the cost of a 2nd pair of prescription glasses for outdoors. Even with a vision plan, I still laid out over $300.  Oh and does any pair of frames cost less than what the plan allows? At least frames you would want to be seen in outside your home.....

Day 2- I learned that although I have loved owning Escapes.......Ford doesn't have a clue about building an engine that doesn't cost you an arm or leg to get repaired. They cram an engine into this SUV that needs a lot of parts removed to do repair work.  I have owned my most recent Escape for 10 years and it has 150,000 miles on it.  I understand repairs need to be done but......6 window motors???? and the a/c replaced ?  and the most recent repair bill.....parts $200......labor $550.....I know I know I could get a newer vehicle but I am trying to hold on a bit longer.

Day 3- I learned that when you go for your annual mammography there are a couple of things you need to be aware of.......the temp is the room is always cold.....are they checking to make sure your boobs react to 32 degree temps?  Also, make sure the computer is up and running BEFORE they put one of your breasts in the machine and flatten it like a pancake.  I was ready for the process to start .....feet facing the machine, body turned right and left breast being pressed as flat as possible.  Then the tech announces the computer is not working.  She tries to get  the computer running......no luck.  Next, another tech comes in to help.  Meanwhile, I am still stuck in the machine trying to be patient.  Finally, I ask to be removed from the machine while the computer issue is resolved.

Day 3- part 2-  I also learned from the tech my breasts are fatty not dense.  My brain must be dense allowing myself to be trapped in that damn machine for several minutes.

Day 4- I learned getting new vinyl floors can create a mess.  My house was built on a slab.  The concrete had to be scraped before a substance was applied to smooth out the floor. I had to clean everything from counters to the tops of cans I had to remove from the pantry floor.

Day 4 - part 2- I learned things can be fixed and it doesn't always have to cost a fortune (unlike my car- see Day 2 above) for the last few months if I take a shower and someone else runs the water in the kitchen sink there has been a loud vibrating sound in the wall.  Well guess what? One of the guys putting in my vinyl floor went to Lowes bought a $12 part for one of our toilets and miracle or miracles the sound is gone.

Day 5- I learned cleaning out closets, cabinets and dressers reminds me of the clown act at the circus.  You think you are done and more shows up.

Day 6- I learned the saying"one man's junk is another man's treasure" is very true. I was getting rid of a couch which was kind of shot.  I asked the guys who were laying the vinyl flooring if they would take my dresser and couch to the road for bulk pick-up.  One young man said "you are getting rid of that couch?" We said yes.  He asked if he could have it.  It is a sofa sleeper and if you flip the cushions over it is in good shape (Jeter has kind of beaten up one side of the cushions).  It turns out the young man was sleeping on an air mattress.  He was thrilled to have the couch.  I told him there was a clean sheet on it too. It was in his truck in a nano second.

Day 6 - part 2- I learned that since I got up at 3:45 AM to go to the airport it was OK to take a nap when I got home.  A nap from 10 AM until 2 PM .....is that a nap?? I did just that and guess what....the world did not stop because I stopped......

Day 7- I learned not everyone knows that a refrigerator should only be moved front and back, especially when moving it on your new vinyl floor.  You guessed it......I now have a very nice size hole/tear in the middle of my kitchen floor the size and shape of a slice of pizza. Yes, it will be repaired and the painters who caused the tear in the flooring are going to pay for it to be fixed.....but come on.....the floor was just barely two days old!!

Day 8- I learned I can plan to death but not everyone is on the same schedule as me.  The painters asked us to pack up a lot of our stuff and make sure we had the furniture moved into the center of each room.  That is exactly what we did.  After the floor fiasco (see Day 7 above), they scraped the boarder off my living room walls and removed all the switch plates, curtain rod holders were taken down, removed picture hangers from the walls and patched holes/dings in the walls.  Then I was told I still need to remove more of my furniture and treasures from my house before they can do anything else.  Really???? So here I sit with boxes all over, no curtains on the windows, furniture in the middle of rooms and exposed outlets.

Day 9- I learned that finding out about Medicare for Bob is not easy.  After a few conversations with a variety of individuals, I have more questions than answers.  This will be an ongoing issue until I understand what the hell Plan A covers vs Plan B vs Plan C and the cost of each........

Day 10- I learned that I must continue to accept the struggles of getting healthier.  Last week, the topic of my meeting was about forgiving yourself.  To me it was about acceptance.  Losing weight and getting healthier is still front and center in my life BUT the craziness of my life lately has made it harder than usual to see numbers consistently going down. Today was a good day and I was down on the scale.  BUT it should be more about the non-scale victories. The better/longer life I am going to have due to my focus on excercise and healthy eating. After the floor incident (Day 8 above), I admit I cried.  But instead of reaching for something bad to eat.....I reached for a box of tissues! Today's meeting was about what was the last straw that led you to want to improve your health? Someday, I will share that story.  I am not ready to go there yet with all of you.  I am pushing ahead......I am not a quitter!!

I can't wait to see what I learn in the days to come.....stay tuned.

Donna out.....






See you next week.......

How can it be Sunday night again?

I really believe I blink my eyes and Friday night becomes Sunday night.

Why is it that Monday morning to Friday at 5:00 seem like .....well you know.

I have often said that the years seem to fly....and they do but the weekends.....my precious weekends.....are really only about 10 seconds long.

I have been getting ready to have the floors done in my house.....new carpeting and new vinyl.  I am also getting ready for the inside of the house to be painted along with the front porch, shutters, power washing too.  I am embarrassed to say it has been 17 years since any of this was last done.

Maybe now I know why.....

It takes a lot of damn work to get ready!! I have packed and moved and packed and moved....and packed and moved.  Every room is the house has been touched .....and none  yet completed.  And I am running out of time. In college, if a term paper was assigned day 1....I was the person finishing it the night before it was due. I usually did well working under pressure.

And that is what it is like right now....tick tick tick.....not sure if I have to be done by Tuesday or Wednesday night....I should know that tomorrow.  By midday Friday or Saturday, the floors will be done.
 
There have been several trips to Goodwill.

Wednesday night around 8:30, Jenn put a three section laundry hamper on wheels out for bulk pickup along with 4 metal patio chairs.......they were gone from in front of my house by 8:45....LOL

Hey whoever took those items......there will be a couch and dresser outside this week.  The sleeper-sofa is OK if you flip over the cushions.  The dresser....not worth taking....it's old and some of the drawers are broken.  My current dresser is a couple of plastic bins in a lovely shade of blue.

Then I have Saturday and Sunday to move the furniture to get ready for the painters.All the curtains will come down and all picture removed from the walls. Next Monday, the painters will be here for 5 days then off the weekend then back for another 3 days.  The whole pantry will be on my kitchen counters.  The items in my linen closet will be in boxes.  My clothes will be laying in the back of my car.

The dog will be going to day board at the vet's for about 11 days....cha ching.....

And then to top it off....my drivers is window motor decided to stop working....with the window only up 1/4 of the way.  At Goodyear, they got the window up and put a wedge in place to keep it up.  And then I noticed a burning smell....most likely an oil leak.....that will be checked while the window is being repaired.

In addition, Bob is here for two weeks to go to dr appts so between him running to dr appt s and for some crazy reason I scheduled my dr. appts. for the same two weeks......I must have lost my mind when I was doing the scheduling...

Going for my mammo at 7 AM Wednesday??? What the hell was I thinking??????

I know life will return to normal soon but until then ?????

I spent today working on income taxes, doing a lot of paperwork that I needed to catch up on and cooking for the week.  Realizing there will be times I will not be able to get in my kitchen.

I am exhausted but am pushing through.....

Before I know it....I will have my very precious but very short weekends back......and I can't wait.......

See you next week........

Learning To Love Me.....

As I have said before I know I have to learn to put me first.  I have to love me.  I have to face my fears.  I have to believe I can succeed.

Yes, I know all of that.....but how do I make this real for me?  I am sure if you look over some of my past entries you will see this as a common thread.

Sometimes the fears and insecurities and lack of confidence can shake me to my core.

I fight back as best I can. But doing it alone can be difficult.

I had a lousy morning at the scale....not a big upswing but am tired of not seeing the losses as consistently as I once did.  I sat down after I weighed in and was trying to decide if I walk out the door and be done with all of this.....then Elizabeth saw me and came down the hall to talk to me.  She shared her struggles too.  Then she basically said "go into the meeting".  I did and as usual I was glad I did.  I walked in on a conversation about "do you think about food less now that you are on WW"  Some said yes.  I said no.  I think about it more. I think about what to eat, tracking food, what to buy and what to try to not get bored.

With so many things going on in my life at the same time my favorite word tends to be.....overwhelmed....as things start to resolve themselves I know I will feel less stress.....and more in control.

I was given so many words of advice and encouragement today......and that in itself is worth the price of admission. Whether it's Judy or Sabrina or any of the other WW pals in the room....they have all walked in my shoes in one way or another in this journey to get healthy and that makes a huge difference. In that room I can say just about anything I want to and it's OK.  Others outside of my meeting might not get it.  My WW friends know the craziness I call my life and they push me on to another day.

I took out all of my WW materials and am going to read them over the next few days.  I am treating this like day one, week one and try to find the zone again.....the zone that was so easy when I first started this walk again.

On a good note.....I also have a daughter who pushes me....sometimes when I don't want to be pushed. I have increased my daily steps on my fitbit (she has been upping the step count on my fit bit each week...LOL).  The last 2 days I finally hit 10,000 steps each day. Shouldn't that alone lead to a loss at the scale???? Nope. Can I do 10,000 steps every day....not likely but at least I now know it is achievable.....

Jenn printed out some positive thoughts for me....one was "if you can dream it you can do it!!!".......another was "if there is no struggle there is no progress".......I so get the second one....the first I am still working on.  I have the dreams now I have to believe they can come true!!

My pal, Sabrina, sent me a series of texts....one was from an author " life has taught me there is a fast moving river that separates success from failure, It's called giving up. Too many people drown in that river.......I was often caught in the undertow, but my mom was always nearby, screaming, encouraging, threatening, praying and on occasion she'd even dive in to pull me out". Many times you are the ones doing for me what the Mom did in that quote....THANK YOU!!!!

The actions of my daughter and Sabrina along with my WW buddies today are what I needed to continue the fight and struggle and daily battle against the demons in my head, my heart and my soul.

I have been loved....I have given love......sometimes it is harder to love yourself.......and it something I am finally starting to try and do.......it's not easy but I think I am worth it.....

The poster's Jenn hung up for me.....

My sister stopped by to see me.....these brightened my day.....thanks Cheryl  and Mike !!!

See you next week.......

Donna out......

Is the glass half full or half empty??

There are some parts of my life falling into place just the way I had hoped.

And yet there are some obstacles still on my path.

While not going into detail, I have to hope that in the end things will smooth out. And I will end up where I am supposed to be, doing what I have dreamt about for a long time.

Most of the struggles are in my head and maybe a bit in my heart.

Today was not a stellar day at the scale. I had a few very good weeks  and then I stumble.  I need to find my way back into the zone I was in.  I am doing my steps and my fitbit is doing it's job reminding me to get off my ass. I was without my microwave for two weeks.  Not having it put me at a disadvantage as far as my healthy eating.  I prep cook most of my veggies and protein and just pop them in the microwave. Not having use of that appliance made things a challenge to say the least..

Fortunately, it is back up and running again. And I spent this morning steaming veggies for the week.

I have been told that stress can impact weight loss and I have had more than my share of that lately. Also, my sleep patterns suck.  I doze early then wake up.  I try to fall back to sleep and end up waking up too early.  Last Friday, my dog woke me up at 4:00AM.  I decided I was up so why not shower.  I knew I wouldn't fall back to sleep so I camped out in my recliner and watched the news. Imagine my shock when Jenn woke me up and it was 7:15!!!!  I went from being up too early to waking up late....ugh!!!

I guess I am also struggling at heading toward the end of my career.  A zillion years ago, I was given my first retirement notice and it said I could retire 12/1/2020.  When you are in your 20's that is so far away you can't imagine that day every getting here.  No, I am not retiring on 12/1/2020.  I will be working past that date.  I don't mind because I do like my job.  But there are times when I realize just about everyone I work with is younger than me.  Yes, I have been working longer than some of them have been alive BUT I do have value, experience and can still make a contribution.  My team loves me....most days and after coffee.

I didn't get the chance to see how my Dad would have worked through this part of his life since he was gone long before he was ready to retire.  My Mom kept busy but she wasn't looking that within 10 years she would have ended her work career.

I wish I had Dad as an example and for counsel.  I am not worried about what I will do when I retire because there will be more time for reading and writing and seminars and social events.

I think it is the quickness at which time is passing that is scary and amazing at the same time.

The "ME" time I desire will finally be here.  But until then......I want to feel like I am part of the team and not just a place holder.  No one has indicated any of this to my professionally but when I hear comments such as "how much longer do you have?" It disturbs me.

I have a lot more years to figure that out......

Today, at my WW meeting, I wish I could have recorded one of our members who spoke about "why" she was at WW.  She said that she gets pulled in a bunch of directions by a variety of people and she finally had to think about herself.  She said this is for ME.  This is about ME. And although I have said that myself a number of times, hearing someone else say it just reinforced why I am there each Sunday morning.

This week I am going to try to sleep better, do more steps, drink more water and track, track, track what I eat.  Hopefully, I will reap there benefits of all of that next week.

Meanwhile,  I am ready to face Monday and show people .....I am not old....I have value .....and I am no where near finished yet !!! So watch out world......I am ready to get moving......

See you next week....

PS oh just one more thing....my Dad would have been 84 this week.....he was born on George Washington's birthday and named George for that reason.....he was a great Dad and was gone way too young at 51......I have missed him every day for the last 32 years......