Getting through the challenging times

 I haven’t written an entry in almost two months.

Two months.

That is the longest break I have had between entries in the over 10 years since I started writing this blog.

It’s not my job that has prevented me from writing.

I quit my job, six weeks ago.

In my 40 plus year work history, this is the longest break I have had with the exception of maternity leave and two layoffs.

The last long break was the summer before Jenn started kindergarten and that was a long time ago (sorry Jenn).

During the past few weeks, I have completed numerous household projects, pulled out the Rosetta Stone and worked on my Italian, binge watched some TV series and found things to fill my time.

Jenn keeps telling me I will miss this free time when I am back at work, which is probably true.

I am also being taught patience and faith that God has a plan for me.

What I have been able to do is find things to be grateful for until the paychecks start rolling in again .

Here is the list of items of gratitude:

It’s fall.

Pumpkin season, college football season.

Soups for dinner. 

The “BER” months with one holiday after the next.

Hallmark Christmas movies begin October 22nd.

I have mastered my budgeting skills with the rate of inflation (groceries and gas alone) impacting us all. I do think knowing the value of a buck has really helped me.

I got my car serviced and the bill was not as big as I anticipated.

Thanks to some help from a friend, I finally have the last document I need to get Medicare coverage. (I am not sure how the average person figures out how to work through this process). Not having medical coverage has been VERY scary but hopefully this issue will be resolved this week.

The challenges:

I struggle financially and mentally every two weeks when what should be my payday rolls around. I have to be honest and say I have shed a tear or two on my nonexistent paydays.

I have found myself thinking twice before making purchases which isn’t the worst thing in the world. 

Days can be rollercoasters with a range of emotions.

Days can be very long.

Nights can be long too.

Sleep patterns can have no patterns.

The better news:

I feel confident I will be back at work when the time is right.  And it is not in my time, it is in HIS time.

The surprising news:

I am learning more and more about me each day.

I have also learned who my true friends really are.  While there are some who were not aware that I have taken this sabbatical, I have learned a lot about those that have known. As my Dad used to say “you have a lot of acquaintances but few true friends”.  

It’s not that I am having a pity party but I do consider myself a caring person who at least in my opinion reaches out to others when they need support or a shoulder to cry on or a ear to listen. As Mom used to say, “if you expect you will be disappointed “.  Mom was right, I tend to think how others might feel and try to be understanding that is not always reciprocal  

The good news:

I have not second guessed my decision to quit my job.  

Without going into details, it was the right decision.

I learned that an attractive salary, bonus and signing bonus may not be all it is cracked up to be (plus I had to pay back the signing bonus). All that glitters isn’t gold.

I do have more time now for prayer as I seek answers and direction.

I am learning to hang in through this challenging time.

See you next week (hopefully).

P.S.  I bet you are surprised that I could get through a post without mentioning politics  I save those thoughts and feelings for Facebook LOL. 

  

One of the most memorable moments I have witnessed

 “This field, this game: It’s a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that was once good and could be again.” Terence Mann “Field of Dreams”

I haven’t written in a while, over two months.  

I was worried my posts might take on too negative a tone and who wants to waste their time reading negativism?

We can see the negatives each and every day on the news.

I save my comments about what I view as what’s wrong with the world for my daily Facebook rants.

I have not been put in Facebook jail yet but feel confident I have lost some friends or followers along the way. Their choice vs my opinion.

Enough about that.

I have not watched a lot of sporting events partly due to in my opinion the things wrong with sports right now, the taking of a knee, the disrespect shown our flag and country by well paid athletes.  People who get paid a lot to play a sport. Not to lecture me or be negative about the country from which their riches come.

Enough about that.

I had heard about the Field of Dreams game last year. Like many other events, it was cancelled due to COVID,

Fast forward to Thursday night.

I make sure to sign off of work on time.

By 6:00, I was showered, in my PJ’s and in my recliner.

What I saw was amazing, touching and no surprise, made me cry.

Seeing Kevin Costner walk out of the corn.  Seeing the NY Yankees and the Chicago White Sox walk out of the corn. WOW!

The setting, the music, the crowd.  

Perfect.

It did make me think back to when life seemed to be simple.

Playing outside until the street lights came one.

The family getting in the car for a ride to nowhere on a Sunday.

A picnic.

Bedtime stories (even if they were the ones now banned from Dr. Seuss).

The trip to find the perfect Christmas Tree from a tree lot. Each one of us carrying a section of the tree. Dad carrying the truck and each one of us holding a part of the tree on an alternating sides with the youngest carrying the tip.

The days when you waiting for the once a year showing of “The Wizard of Oz” or “A Charlie Brown Christmas”.

Dinner with no cell phones.  In fact, if the home phone rang during dinner, no one got up to answer it.  Dad would say”if it is that important they will call back”.

Answering the phone and not knowing who was on the other end.

Family get togethers when we would hang around the piano and have a sing-a-long.

And dad’s having a catch with their son. (OK some might say playing catch).

I know there were challenges then too.

I prefer to remember the good times vs the bad.

Watching that baseball game this week was magic.  Jenn and I nearly scared the dog to death with our screams after the two Yankee homers in the 9th inning and our groans when the White Sox won with a homer in the bottom of the 9th. 

At least for a few hours, I was transported back in time to a place where life seemed less complicated and confrontational.

Now I am back to the real world, inflation, border crisis issues, COVID number going up, our government spending money in such a manner that our great grandchildren will still be paying the price and the falling of Afghanistan.

How sad.

And yet, we can still find these moments of peace, joy and wonder.

They are out there.

If you haven’t had the chance, take a few minutes and open this link. 

If you do not feel any emotion, you have a heart of stone.

https://youtu.be/CsbdlAv3kSw

I love this conversation between Ray Kinsella and his Dad.

“Is this Heaven?” “No, it’s Iowa.” “Iowa, I could have sworn this was Heaven.

And one more note; this game had the largest viewership of any regular MLB game in 16 years.  Maybe the timing was right. We were all wanting to spend a little time in our past looking back with fondness.

I hope you have all missed me as much as I have missed you.

See you next week.

PS here is another great quote from the movie:

Embarrassment, productivity and a touching surprise

When you first move into a new place, you just want to get the boxes unpacked.

Some items you put away carefully.  Others you put into a closet or in the garage with an “I will get to it mentality”. 

You open and close the cabinets.  Ignoring the clutter.

Then one day, Jenn says “let’s clean out the kitchen cabinets this weekend.”

Saturday, we decided was the day.

Jenn empties each cabinet into bins and puts them in front of me.

The piles are pitch, keep, Goodwill or maybe.

Some items had been put away during the “I just want to get the boxes unpacked phase when I moved in here four years ago.”

The embarrassment and phase one of productivity:

Yes, four years some shelves have been left untouched or worse yet added to.

In the plastic container closet, I kept things in which to store left overs, sauce when I make it, a place to keep my lunch fresh (when I used to go to the office) and for any other reason that might come up.

There were containers from Chic-Fil-A (perfect for a serving of yogurt), KFC containers, plates with lids from Cracker Barrel, assorted grated cheese containers and the always handy Won Ton soup container.

Actually, the Won Ton soup container is a perfect size to store home made sauce.  Two containers hold the two quarts of sauce my recipe makes.

On one of the FB pages, I am a member of a group that is about being Italian.

On that page they refer to the treasure trove of plastics as “Italian Tupperware” which is pretty much the truth.  Is it only Italians that save them?

This is a sampling of what I tackled.

By the time I was done with all the closets, I had gotten rid of 12 coffee mugs.  I mean really, why did I need 18 coffee mugs? More than two trash bags full of plastic containers and lids.  I did save some of  the containers that were in good condition and had a matching lid. I gave Goodwill the coffee mugs, six juice glasses, six medium size glasses and six tall glasses. I kept six regular size glasses and six coffee mugs for myself. Why would I need more?

After that task was done, it was a quick trip to the landfill and Goodwill.

More productivity:

Once home, I cooked a bunch of fresh vegetables.  Mushrooms, asparagus, zucchini, red onion and a vidalia onion with sea salt, white pepper and olive oil left a great smell in the kitchen.

All set for my lunch for the week.

A touching surprise:

Let me give you a little background. I had a good friend who had a wry sense of humor.  One year, I gave him his birthday card a day late and since I forget and missed the actual date he held it on his home desk in the mail slot with the yellow envelope sticking out so all could see it.  It sat there for 364 days until his next birthday when it was finally opened. No one said much about it during the year, maybe just a passing remark.  Kathy and I knew he left it there in view just to taunt me.  It was kind of funny.

Back to the cabinets, when I came in the kitchen Jenn said to me “Mom have you ever seen this before?” It was a platter with a red truck and a Christmas tree on it (I am obsessed with those darn red trucks and Christmas trees). I told her I had never seen it before.  I asked where had she found it? Jenn said it was on a top shelf in a kitchen cabinet.  A shelf on which Jenn and I would never store anything we might need as it was too high and a chair or step stool would be needed to get to it.

Then I saw the post it note attached to it.

On the post it was written. This is a .....fresh cut Christmas Tree.

Kathy and Dan always had a real tree.  I did a few times but like the look and symmetry of an artificial tree.

The embarrassing part is that tray has been up on that shelf for over three years. I know that because Dan passed away almost three years ago.

Jenn  and I had no idea.

If he left it there as a test of my housekeeping skills, boy did I fail.

After all these years, Dan could still have the last laugh on us.

See you next week.

 

Mother’s Day, The Anniversary and Me

Mother’s Day:

She made corsages for my birthday. 

She made me sleep in hard curlers.

She took me shopping for prom dresses and a wedding gown.

She was one of the Mom’s that helped watch the students in the cafeteria when I was in second grade and as a grandmother she was the person who sat at the front table and greeted guests at the school her grandchildren has once attended.

She would set unreasonable punishments.  In fact, I think I am still grounded from the groundings I was given in my youth.

She taught a second grade classes to dance the Hula.

She made Jenn a lion tamer’s cape for her kindergarten graduation. (It is packed away in a box).

She was at every assembly, play and concert in which her children participated.

She was the Girl Scout cookie Mom. Yes, I volunteered her without asking her first.

She taught me how to be a Mom.

She had the ability to make all of her grandchildren feel as if they were her favorite.

She taught me how to appreciate the small things in life.

She could make a dollar stretch with the best of them.

She was my teacher, cheerleader, mentor and although I didn’t always think it, my best friend.

Not a day goes by that I don’t miss her or think of her.

She was the definition of the word Mom.

The Anniversary:

My Dad used to joke (or maybe not) about getting married around Mother’s Day was not the brightest idea due to the increased cost of flowers.

George and Irene, for 31 years they were quite a couple.

Dad was in charge and Mom’s world revolved around him.

I never once doubted my parents loved each other.

They would get through the “hungry years” when they had so little except us kids.

When their lives should have been getting much easier and their kids were pretty much grown, Dad got sick.

No surprise Mom was by his side and then became the strength to him that he had always been to her.

Too soon he was gone and my Mom had to learn to live in a world where she did not have dad to guide her.

I wish I had known in my marriage, the love they shared in theirs.

Me:

The me part of this entry.

Another week of good things.

My summer buildings have been put out on display.

Jenn gave me a great new wreath for the front door.

I saved 50% on a great sale on some”work” clothes online. Who can beat a $10 pair of shorts.

We cleaned out the freezer yesterday and made a list of what is in it.  Let’s just say we have no worries about running out of cauliflower rice or frozen veggies. (I think there may be a pot of soup in my future.)

I have tortured Jenn enough that she has finally given in to watching Mad Men and Downton Abbey with me.  Well considering she introduced me to ‘Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter is Dead” and “Never Been Kissed”, I think it is fair she watch some of my suggestions.

At least watching there TV shows together (note I am not calling the programs as the man on the Progressive Insurance has ad advised...omg that man is a hoot), isn’t as dangerous as asking her to go see Barry Manilow with me and then getting the payback of having to go see NKOTB (yes, it did end up being a good concert).

I am learning more at my job each day and my new team is getting to know me better.

When I wake early each morning, I find time to pray for my family, friends, my aches and pains, my hopes, my dreams, the future, the craziness of our world  and all I have to be thankful for.

My prayer always begins with, “thank you Lord for giving me this day, I want to thank you for all of my yesterdays and the hope for many more tomorrows” and I go on from there with requests and wishes for others but I always say THANK YOU first.

And that’s the way it is on Sunday, May 9th, 2021.

See you next week.

I am going to be honest

 The last year plus has been a challenge for all of us.

I have started to think of my home as a cocoon. I am safe inside of it.  I have everything I need. I get paid to work in my kitchen. I have a nice view from my kitchen window. In the afternoon, when I get tired of working at my kitchen table, I move to the living room and work in my recliner.  Although this move from the kitchen means I do not have two monitors to work with it is still a nice way to break up the day.

The comfort of my home has its good and its bad.

The good is listed above and here comes the bad.

Being home for so long has made my cocoon almost too safe.

I have had a hard time going out except the once a week trip to get groceries.

I cannot continue to live in this bubble.

Add to venturing out after over a year at home, my fear of falling and there you have it.

Me, stressing about heading back out into the world.

Yes, there have been a few ventures to get a pedicure or new eyeglasses or to get my annual flu shot or BOTH of my vaccine shots but nothing social.

Well, yesterday was the day !!!!

I received a phone call from friend visiting SC that she and her husband would like to meet Jenn and I for lunch.

It would be outside and socially distanced.

I said yes right away.

Then spent the next 48 hours trying to think how to get out of it.

I was going to be sick, something came up or had to work.  All sounded like great excuses. 

I woke up Saturday morning with a bad case of nerves.  Adding to my stress was a 45 minute trip to Bluffton for a SAMS run to get Locatelli (16 oz for $12.00 vs Publix 8 oz. for $9.00)  i am so practical I will drive miles to save $3.00 and get double the amount.  LOL

Our purchase:

Anyway, from SAMS it was on to lunch.

I was shaking like a leaf inside.

When we got there, there were some tables outside spaced far apart. 

I will admit I held Jenn’s arm to steady myself and also due to the arthritis in my knees really kicking in.

There was a bench border around the outside dining area.  I chose to sit there and we pulled the table closer to us and a little further from the few other people eating outside.

The weather was in the 70’s, perfect  

Our friends arrived just as we sat down.

How did it go?

We were there for two hours.

We ate, I had a drink (which I haven’t done in over 6 months), we laughed and for a little while I took in fresh air.

Two years ago, I would not be writing a blog to celebrate a lunch out.

But for me yesterday was a major victory.

Even if only for a few hours, I took my life back.

Yes, I needed encouragement and some help (physically).

I felt good, like me and happy to be out.

I even told Jenn once the weather is consistently in the 80’s we should go to the pool just minutes from my house again.

Last year, it was closed for a long time and then when it reopened you had to sign up for two hour time slots (anyone who knows me knows that might be an issue since I habitually run late). Which means we never went to the pool last year

Well soon this will be my view again at least a few times a week.

By the time we got home yesterday, I was exhausted after the days events.

I am going to try and take my life back. Slowly.  Carefully. And still wearing a mask when warranted.  I had my second vaccine and had no side effects other than an itchy arm at the injection site. Whew!!

Will I be running out and about all the time now?  Good Lord no! 

I am taking baby steps.  And yesterday was step one.

I have learned it’s OK to ask for help when walking someplace unsteady, it is OK to admit to others your fears and its OK to be honest with others and myself.

I told a friend this week, never again will I go to a movie theatre or a crowded arena or any of those places that I would feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed. And that works for me. 

That might make my world a little smaller but there will still be options.

I will be alright thou just different.

I now look out the window with excitement and hope and maybe just a little less fear.

I call that a win.

See you next week.

Random Good Things or Call Me Pollyanna (at least for the week)

No one has ever mistaken me for “Pollyanna”.  If you have never seen the movie by the same name, it might be worth the watch.  Yes, it is sugary and sappy but it also shows how to find the good in things.  

Focusing on the the positive in my life makes things bright.  I can at times dwell on the negative in the world around us. I am trying to voice my opinion in a honest manner without being confrontational.

Here are some of my “Pollyanna” good things from the past week.

1. I had my annual soft shell crab meal yesterday. It was great. I wanted to make sure I had one before the season had passed.

2. It stormed all day yesterday. Rain, thunder and lightening storms all day. I love watching rain pour off the roof.

3. Thanks to the storms my car (at least for the moment) does not have a lovely shade of green pollen all over it.

4.  I am learning many new things each day at my job.  The best part is I am actually remembering at least a few of them.

5.  Each weekend we are exploring more of the places and spaces that make the area where I live special. 

6.  I am getting my second vaccine shot this week.

7. The tree service came and trimmed our trees this week.  One tree I thought was dead is not, it is a hickory tree which just blooms late.

8.  I have not gotten negative feedback to some of my more vocal FB posts.  Which either means people agree with me or all of my left wing friends have unfollowed or unfriended me. 

9.  I have been planning my meals for the week, breakfast, lunch and dinner.  It makes shopping and preparation easier and healthier.

10. One of the attached units near me sold for almost double what I paid for mine 4 years ago.  No big difference in the units except they have wood floors in the living room and dining room.  I love wood floors but that sure down’t make up for double the price.  Helps the value of my place.

11.  My house has been cleaned, scrubbed and dusted.  I love the smell of Clorox, not seeing dust on the furniture and a stove top that shines.

12.  The days seem to fly.  I sign on to work early and all of a sudden it is noon.  I blink my eyes and it’s the end of the day. 

13. 8 months from today is Christmas.

I hope the coming week has as many “good” things about it.

Well, hope in itself is a good thing. 

See you next week.

Guess what I did this week

“You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think,” Christopher Robin from Winnie the Pooh fame.

The road back to normalcy can be very slow for some people.

I read an article this morning about how for many like me, reopening can be a unhurried process.

It made me feel good and normal to read something that validates my feelings.

Some people are able to go out gangbusters and act as if they never missed a beat.

For me, it is more like watching a flower open very slowly.

I did hit a milestone.

I left the house four times in the last seven days.

Two of those times, I actually got out of the car too.

The first time was to walk into Publix and get the first of my two shots for COVID. I was nervous because as crazy as it sounds, I haven’t been in a super market in over a year thanks to Instacart.

Just four more weeks until my second Moderna injection.

The second time I ventured out was to get a pedicure. This was a little intimidating because although the place was empty when we arrived by the time we left it was pretty crowded.

Yes, everyone was wearing a mask but I did feel there were more people present than social distancing allows.

I was very happy finish up and move on.

The other two trips out of the house were curbside pick up of things. 

No reason for a celebration except that up until now one trip a week out of my house was a biggie.

My home is my cocoon and I am the caterpillar.

Time to break out of it and become a butterfly? LOL 

Probably not a beautiful butterfly but I can start to fly again.

Baby steps.

Life returning to a new normal for me so carefully.

Now on to the silliness of me.

When I get tired, I get punchy and giddy.  

Suddenly, everything can be funny to me.

Last night, I hit one of those times while dying eggs.

We bought the “deluxe” box of PAAS egg dying kit. We spent $1.79 for this special purchase.

What does a “deluxe” box include?

Plastic wrappers for 6 eggs, I never use those because it causes more work to boil water and then put the colored eggs in to boiling water with the wrappers around it.  Out they went.

A page of stickers.  Stickers of lambs, chicks, pigs (?) and flowers.  Tiny stickers, not worth the effort. Out they went too.

Next is the big bonus, two wire egg dippers vs the one that is normally provided. Yes, two, one for each of us.  Did we use them? No. We used plastic spoons.  We now have 4 wire egg dippers in the silverware drawer, in case there is ever a need for them

The infamous wax crayon to write something creative on the egg.  Did we use this? No.  We were afraid in our current world we would end up writing something that would offend someone. Into the silverware drawer next to the egg dippers.

Eggs rings were available to be assembled.  I put together eight.  But the box said there were 12.  I tore the box apart.  Where were the other four rings.  Finally, I figured it out, I had to cut the box apart to get the other 4 rings to rest the eggs in.  Nope, not happening.  Eight egg rings pitched.

Now here came to me the funniest part.....

In the movie “Father of the Bride”, Steve Martin freaks out in a supermarket because hot dog rolls come in packages of 10 while hot dogs come in packages of eight....why???

Easter egg coloring kits come with nine colors. Why?  Who colors nine eggs? Eggs are colored either by the dozen or 18 or 24. Not 9. Either come up with three more colors or just make six colors.

You will see shortly how we decided to proceed.

Anyway the numbers just made me laugh and I couldn’t stop,

Nine colors, eight rings (unless you do extra work), 30 stickers, six egg wraps and a dozen eggs.

It just seemed like the “new math’ of egg coloring.

It doesn’t sound quite as funny as I write this but last night this was darn hilarious in my very tired state.

Here are the dyed nine eggs.

The other three?  I decided were part of the “cancel culture” and refused to be colored and remained “snowflake” white. 

Uh oh, I might have just lost some readers with that last line.

Oh people get over it, get a grip and find your DAMN sense of humor about it!! 

WE ARE TALKING ABOUT COLORING AND/OR DYING EGGS !!

Here they are in all of their splendor.

Happy Easter!

Happy to slowly getting on with the “new normal”.

See you next week.

Finding something to write about.....

 I was told more than once when I have nothing to write about WRITE and see what happens.

So here I sit with not one thing in my head to make the topic for this week.

I have the Lady Gamecock game on in the background.  Listening to the squeaking of their shoes on the wood floor.

From my kitchen window, I can see the azaleas blooming.

Yesterday as I ran errands, I could see leaves starting to sprout on the trees.

Spring.

The renewal of life that is part of the yearly and life cycle.

After being home for the last year, I have really missed making choices.

Do I go out? Do I head to the pool? Do we invite people for a visit? Do I? Do I? Do I?

The answer for the last year has been NO.

Now, it feels like we might be turning the corner.

I read one of my FB memories from last year that I was happy because I found a London Broil at the supermarket.

Maybe the last twelve months was a lesson. A lesson about freedom, choices and learning to appreciate life as we lived it....before.

In some ways,  it reminds me of life after 9/11.  Our lives never went totally back to the way they were prior to that date.

I don’t think life will ever be as easy as pre-COVID.

Yes, toilet paper is back on the shelves and cleaning supplies are easier to find.

People have the choice to schedule the vaccine. I will be getting my first dose this week, after trying for weeks to get it scheduled.

As life starts to open up what will have changed?

I don’t think I would go to a movie theatre again. Or if I was in New York, to a Broadway show (I am not willing to be so close to people in tight quarters).

Dining in a restaurant, probably not.

Traveling through airports, no, but then again I have panic attacks in crowds. Meaning an airport would be at the bottom of my list of places to travel through even if the last year hadn’t happened.

I see many people I know going out maskless in crowds as if the last year didn’t happen.  Their choice, their freedom just not for me.

Knowing I will never return to the office I left last year, my friend and I were saying the office must look like something out of the Twilight Zone. Year old calendars with pages left unturned, pens and papers left askew on the desks we assumed we would return to the next Monday.

I have spent a lot more time on the phone staying connected with people.

I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss people. I miss hugs (yes, I do LOL).

I now appreciate the new normalcies of life such as driving to pick up the Instacart groceries.

I want to be able to just sit outdoors and wave to my neighbors but the pollen count is high and by the time that time of year has moved on the heat will start to kick in,

Yesterday, I saw pictures of my brother coloring Easter eggs with his grandchildren.  Meanwhile, one of my cousins across the country was enjoying some last ski runs for the year.

The cycle of the year and of life.

I do believe we are close to turning the corner on the year that was.

Those who lost their lives in there last year will leave holes in the makeup of many families.

We will talk about the last year, what we gained and what we lost and what has changed for a long time. 

It reminds me of hearing my Dad talk about what it was like to live through the Depression or a World War.

My quote this week comes from Grey’s Anatomy.

“We owe it to the people we lost to live the lives they can’t.” Dr. Maggie Pierce

I am going to try and do my best to do exactly that and see how it goes.

Meanwhile, my dog, Jeter, continues to show his stress levels each day:

Oh and in case you are wondering, the Lady Gamecocks just won and are moving on to the Elite Eight !

See you next week.

366 days and what I have learned

Another good Winnie the Pooh quote, “It never hurts to keep looking for sunshine.”

 Like most of you, I cannot believe I have not stepped in my “real”  office in over a year.

366 days to be exact.

Initially, I thought I would be home for two weeks, then a month, then six months and now here I am a year later.

Through all the seasons and holidays, I have been home.

365 days of sleeping in my own bed vs a few nights a week at a good friends house.

I have learned how to separate my off hours from my work hours even at home.

Not once in the last year have I worked in my pj’s.

I have “work” clothes.  

I have a routine, out of bed and into the shower, brush my teeth and hair, take my med’s and get dressed for “the office.”

Jeter and I walk to the kitchen/office, where my monitors and laptop sit waiting. 

I flip on the light and the office is up and running.

The days are longer at my kitchen table but the commute and hours in the car are none existent.

Shortly after my day starts, the barista arrives and provides me with my morning cup of Joe.

I keep music or news on in the background as white noise.

I can see my neighbors walking by or riding their bikes by or see a passing golf cart.

There have been many days when it is dark when I start working and it dark once again when I close the office for the day.

When I want a change in scene, I grab my laptop and work in the living room from my recliner.

In the last 366 days, so much has changed.

Remote work is no longer unusual.

Masks are no longer unusual.

I miss people more than I thought I would.

I miss maybe one day a week in the office for socialization.

I love instacart, curbside pickup, virtual appointments, online shopping and on alternating days the UPS man or the FedEx man.

I have saved money on gas and wear and tear on my car but my grocery bill has gone up.

The world now allows for drive up blood work and vaccinations (when you can get them).

I went out two days in a row this week which was a big event.  It did feel good but a little intimidating.

Going for a long overdue eye exam became an event as you observe all the rules.

Running out of virtual dr visits and finally having to schedule a real appointment was something to deal with.  

I was able to get a new job during this crazy time. Phone interviews and a job offer, it was a huge God Wink.

I have traveled this year, virtually. I have been to the Smithsonian, Buckingham Palace, MOMA and Italy.

While the world is slowly starting to open up, I am moving even slower.

My comfort level is very, very wary and cautious. 

Plus I have still not been able to get the vaccine.

I am not sure I will ever be the Donna I was on March 12, 2020.

As my world got smaller, I accepted it.  It was easier to shut down than to open up.

For me to celebrate going out two days in a row shows how much I have changed.

Leaving the house without a mask? No way.

Gatherings with no social distancing? Nope.

And we are 10 weeks to Memorial Day which for me means the year is over.  

The months that follow just fly.

Look how fast the last 12 months went.

In case I don’t get to see you and chances are I won’t, Happy Easter, Happy Mother’s Day, Happy Memorial Day, Happy Father’s Day, Happy July 4th, Happy Labor Day, Happy Halloween, Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas.

There now I can say I covered it all.

See you next week.

  

 

My how the world has changed

80 years ago, 18 and 19 year olds went off to war and saved the world. So many lives lost but they served anyway with pride.

These young people weren’t looking for freebies. They were brave and selfless.

I may not agree with Tom Brokow on a lot of things but he was right when he called them “the greatest generation”.

I grew up in the generation when we had “air raid drills”.  Small children sitting under their desks with our hands covering our heads.

Fallout shelters signs on the sides of apartment buildings were common place.

During the Gemini and Apollo space missions, classes stopped while we watched the take offs and splashdowns.

Math was done in a way that made sense.  Cursive was required not optional.

And we were held responsible for our actions.  The worst thing that could happen was have your parents called to school for some issue.

I remember waiting up on Parent/Teacher conference night to see what my teacher had said to Mom and Dad about me.

I now live in a world where in the last few weeks,  we could see a landing on Mars of a vehicle that sent pictures back to Earth, Disney is adding a warning message to the Muppets and Hasbro has changed a toy brand from Mr. Potato Head to Potato Head.

How can we have the skills, talent and ability to send something to Mars but feel the need to change the name of a toy brand?

I feel like the whole world has turned upside down.  I really work hard to keep my mouth shut and I try not to offend people who believe differently than I do. I try to maintain relationships with people of all kinds of views  

The sensitivity has reached a new level when I have had “FB Friends” unfriend me for my daily FB post countdown.  Those who know me well know what it is about or have asked for an explanation. But if we have reached a point in which a set of three and four digits with no additional comment is cause for offense, I am not sure how far these kind of actions will continue.

We can all make a list of things we would like to see cancelled. But to what good?

We can choose to watch or buy or listen to what we want or opt not to.

I think we need to tread down this “cancel culture” road carefully.  

Just my opinion.

See you next week.

Another Valentines Day

From the wisdom of Winnie the Pooh:

“Pooh, how do you spell love?” 

“You don’t spell love, Piglet you feel it.”

When I was young, I always pictured Valentine’s Day as a day when someone special would get me roses and take me out all dressed up to a romantic dinner.

I never really had that kind of Valentine’s Day. 

I guess I had a great imagination.

I grew up in an era before phrases such as “soul mate” and “date night” existed .

Even though I missed the boat on the things above, I still know love.

Love for Jenn, family, friends even pets.

Love of any of those listed above adds to our lives.

Not having had the great love story in my life doesn’t mean I made the wrong choice at the fork in the road.

It just means my journey has taken a different route.

I can still feel love and joy and happiness.

And yes, maybe a tiny bit of envy for those who found it all.

I don’t think there are as many of those as I always imagine but then again I have been wrong before.

And for those of you who did get it all, bravo !!

And for those like me who didn’t, it’s OK too.

Happy Valentines Day!

See you next week.

God Winks Exist

 Definition of a God Wink:

(plural God winks) An event or personal experience, often identified as coincidence, so astonishing that it is seen as a sign of divine intervention, especially when perceived as the answer to a prayer.

I first heard of God Winks on of all places and no surprise to anyone, The Hallmark Channel.

How often do God Winks play a role in our lives?

Events in my life surely were God Winks.

Whether it be a person who says hello to you when you are 15 and ultimately over 45 years changes your life.

Or the friend that in the early days used a phone book to help you find answers to questions. And now still helps you find answers using the internet.

How about the person you meet at work who opens their home to you and you walk together through some of the most difficult times in your life.

It can be something as simple as looking for a new car.  You mention it on a conference call and suddenly you have a negotiator for the transaction.

Your start a new job in a new state.  Day One you are paired with someone for training and you become fast friends whose lives are intertwined.

Two weeks ago, it happened again.

God winked.

I did a Facebook post. 

And that put the wheels in motion.

A FB message from an old friend and former coworker in response to the post.

And in what I consider a less than two week world wind event, I end up with a new job.

An updated resume, an online application, three interviews and a job offer within just a few days.

My head was spinning.

I was not planning on changing jobs.

But God winked.

In just two weeks, starting a job again and as I keep saying “for the last time”.

I am excited and ready for the change.

The one thing important about God Winks is,  if he winks you have to act.  

If you hesitate, you might miss the opportunity.

God is winking at you, not hitting you over the head.

Take the chance, live on the edge and trust.

Trust you gut, trust yourself and trust in God’s plans for you.

God winks have names too.

Dan, Kathy, Mary, DeAnna and Diana.

Family members are not by chance, They are chosen for us.

Family and old friends not named individually in this post also an important part of my life.

I am also lucky enough to have coworkers who have become extended family.

They are all God’s blessings: family, friends and coworkers.

And of course, then there is Jenn. 

She has had a couple of challenging months health wise. Seeing her perking up after her recent heart procedure shows me God’s answer to prayers.

Jenn is God’s way of showing a part of me will always be around.

Amen.

See you next week.

Six weeks to go

 Tomorrow is February 1st.

WOW.

On March 13, 2020, I walked out of my office for the last time.

Just six more weeks until it has been a year.

The changes in each of our lives are almost too many to comprehend.

Virtual doctor visits.

Holidays without family or friends.

Curbside pickup is now a common phrase.

Zoom is no longer just a sound made by a fast moving car.

School, should the kids be in the classroom or not?

Like many others, Jenn had a surgical procedure without family waiting in the waiting room. I dropped her off at 6:00AM and picked her up at the end of the day. In our new world, I received phone calls before, during and after the procedure was complete.

Food shop online, drive to the store and get it loaded in your car.  Or have it brought to your house and left at your door.

More TV shows were watched since it was one of the few safe entertainment options.

Seeing people wearing masks and not giving it a thought.

Seeing people not wearing masks and giving it a lot of thought.

Vaccines, COVID tests and blood work samples all being done in parking lots.

Businesses have learned that people can work remote and actually can be more productive.

I have had the luxury of sleeping in my bed each night.  The first few years here, I had to sleep two nights a week (sometimes three) at the Mefford Inn.  I was super lucky to have a friend willing to tolerate Jenn and my overnight visits each week. 

I miss our “family” dinners, rides to work together and ongoing conversations.

Only staycations for the last year.

Not one trip to the pool where I live.

I miss my family, I miss my friends and I miss my coworkers.

I do not miss the commute or the hours in the car or endless miles to and from work.

Online shopping has become more popular.  I think the Amazon delivery person knows us by name.

I can order everything from clothes to clam sauce to black and white cookies (from Brooklyn) to a new phone all online.

But I have seen beautiful sunrises and sunsets.

I am lucky that Mary and I will call each other and use video to see each other. We will stay on our call while we work. Not constant conversation, just like when we shared an office.

I miss the “pot lucks” at work.

I miss my team making my morning coffee and ice run.

Knowing so many of those things are part of the past and will not happen again makes me sad.

When will we go back to pack up our offices?

Never in a million years did I think I would work at home for good, not go out to dinner or socialize with friends for a year.

I may be more concerned or cautious than others.

I feel more secure in my home.

I now think of our weekly running errands as “ going out”. A cut and color every eight weeks is a major event. A pedicure every four weeks is living on the edge.

I am allowing my world to get smaller to stay safer.

I miss my life in 2019 for a variety of reasons. 

In 2019, I viewed the world as safe.

Not any more.

And we won’t even touch on politics and all the unfriending and unfollowing I have experienced due to my daily countdown.  

Another topic for another week.

If I dare.

See you next week.

OK I Lied

I could write about the craziness in the world.

I could spew out ugly thoughts and opinions which could make me appear to live up to the ugly names I have gotten used to being called.

I could talk about what unites us versus divides us.

But to what good?

Will I change my thoughts, feelings and opinions? 

No.

Will I be able to change anyone else’s opinions?

No.

Instead, I have decided to admit I lied to all of you.

Yes, I lied,

Last week, I wrote something that was not true.

I wrote about how bare the house was without the Christmas decorations.

In all honesty, I did not remove Christmas from my house.

I put away the big tree.

I put away the extra decorations.

I could not let it go away completely.

I know I drive you all crazy with my love of all things Christmas.

I watch Christmas movies all year,

I start planning for the next December 25th on December 26th.

I cannot help myself.

There is something so perfect to me about the Christmas Season.

Maybe it is my way of denying all the things going on with which I do not agree or which cause me pain.

If it gives me joy and doesn’t hurt any one else then why not keep Christmas going?

If the glow of the lights soothes me then why not?

If it gives me pause to not think about events taking place last week or the week before or this coming week then why not?

Am I hurting anyone?

Am I speaking out loud about my fears for what is transpiring?

I am doing none of those things.

I am finding my happiness where I can.

Ebenezer Scrooge vowed to keep Christmas the whole year through and to celebrate all 365 days.

That is what I am choosing to do.

Otherwise, I fear the sadness I feel will consume me.

So while the big tree is gone, I still have a tree of some kind up in each room.

I know it sounds crazy to most of you but it gives me peace and comfort and joy.

And that’s what I need right now.

Here are the trees and their locations:

On a counter in the kitchen,

On a small cabinet in my bedroom.

In the front hallway of my house.  I change it for each month of the year.

The small tree in my living room decorated with 12 months of Charlie Brown and Peanuts ornaments.

My sea glass tree is also out in my living room.

The beach themed tree on my enclosed porch.

And then there are the two Christmas Angels, my Mom made them for me 10 years ago on her last visit to me.  I keep them on my mantle all year round.

May these angels not only watch over me but all of you too as we move ahead in this ever changing life the likes of which we have never seen before and I hope will eventually will fade into our memories.

See you next week.

And then it was gone

 The holiday decorations have finally been packed away.  

So sad.

The house looks so bare.

Jenn and I were able to stretch out the holidays by exchanging our last gifts on Little Christmas.

I guess I expected the second the clock struck midnight and we welcomed in 2021 all things would be good.

Not the case.

Work and the reorganization is still making my days insane.

The negativity and ugly comments have not faded.

In fact on social media, they have intensified.

I am trying hard to keep my mouth shut and my emotions in check.

It is not easy to do.

I have invited people to unfollow or unfriend me if they choose.

There are enough varying opinions to go around.

Let’s be honest, no one is going to change the way I think or feel.

And I am sure I am not able to persuade those who think differently to change their opinions either.

So what can we do?

No name calling, be respectful and remind yourself why you chose to include these people on your life’s journey.

If you can’t remember why you included them, drop them.

Find the fun in things.

Since yesterday, my cousins and I have been having a very funny conversation about PB and J sandwiches.

A PB and J, simple and funny.

I connected with a cousin I hadn’t spoke to in years from my Dad’s side of the family because her name happened to come across my desk.

She invited me to come and visit,  I told her I might not be that welcome at a family reunion since we sit on different sides of politics.  She laughed and said she would still want me to come.

We are all walking a fine line as we try to maintain relationships in a world like most of us have never seen

I feel like I am trying to walk a tight rope while balancing a ball on my nose.

I am most likely going to fall.

I am far from perfect but I do try to treat people nicely. I do try to walk in others shoes to understand how they feel.

As much as I hate to say it, at times I can get so angry I can’t see straight. A dark rage can come over me.  That is when I need to back away from the keyboard.

Maybe if we all backed away from the keyboard and didn’t feel the need to spew out every thought or feeling we have there would be less stress and anger all the way around.

Let's spend more time sharing opinions on the joys of a PB and J.

Otherwise, there are no gains,  no winners and we all lose.

Meanwhile, I am looking at the bare corner in my living room and feeling empty.

I can look ahead.  In just a scant ten months the decorations will come out again.

Until that time, let’s look toward a hopefully healthier time again when we can comfortably socialize. 

To the spring when the days get longer.

To the summer and the sounds of the ocean.

To the fall with all of its beautiful colors.

And there you go, we are back to Christmas.

See you next week.