A Pretty Good Week....

On Tuesday, I did a mile on the ellipitical in 14.40 minutes. That is a new record for me.

On Thursday, Carol had me balancing on the Pilates Ball out in the middle of the work space. I had to sit on the ball, put my arms out straight on each side and lift on leg at a time. I was surprised I could do it. Carol spent a lot of time working with me on balance. Standing on one leg at a time with my arms out on each side....with weights....telling me to hold my arms out. And of course we did some step work. After our workout, I asked her about my progress. Carol said she wished she had a video of me from when I first started working with her. Just walking distances was hard. Now I do well on the ellipitical, my balanced is improving, my stamina is improving. I am also very flexible and bending to reach the floor. We discussed nutrition and trying to minimize my sugar intake. I have so much to think about....

On Friday, I went to Weight Watchers and was down 4.2 pounds !!! So far I am down 26.2 pounds....so maybe my goal of 50 pounds down by the end of the year is do-able.....

I looked at myself in the mirror today and thought I saw some changes....nothing major but the reflection looking back didn't look quite as round....maybe just a little less full....

Last year I ordered some t-shirts in a certain size...they are getting too big....in fact I had ordered the next size down and they are also getting too big!!!!

I have such a long way to go but I am starting to see small improvements....maybe not enough for others to notice but that really doesn't matter as long as I see them. The destination is good health and a longer life....an improved appearance is an added benefit but not the goal. I want to not be the subject of stares, jokes or cruel remarks. Sounds funny but I just want to blend in with everyone else....

You've Gotta Have Friends...

I get by with a lot of help from my friends !!!! To offset the support I lack from the most obvious source, I have an amazing group of friends in my cheering section. From the friends I have had since High School to the ones I have know for just a few months....I am blessed. They come from all walks of life and a variety of backgrounds. By some stroke of luck each of these special people crossed paths with me. They are encouraging, positive and want to see me succeed. When I am low, they cheer me up. When I get tired of the journey, they walk with me. When I doubt my chances for success....they kick me in the butt !!!!!

My father used to say "At the end of your life, if you can raise one hand and say I have 5 true friends you have lived a rich life." Lately, I have felt like a millionaire. There hasn't been a day since I started this trip I am on that someone hasn't stopped to say something positive, or call me to see how I am doing or text me to see how my week is going. I don't know if I would have gotten this far without each and every one of them..I wasn't sure I wanted to reveal so much about my personal feelings...it is scary to put yourself out there for others to see what is going on not only on the outside but also inside. I have found this to be one of the most gratifying experiences of my life!! I have been encouraged to get physically fit, eat healthy, learn about myself, lose weight, explore new options and continue to write. While I am still holding back on some of my thoughts and feelings, each day I feel a little braver and step a little further our of my comfort zone.

To all my friends and cheerleaders....THANK YOU for sharing this long, long walk....I am so lucky to have you all by my side.....

Trying A New Idea...

One of the hardest things to do is come home from work and cook. I also tend to eat what I make for the family. Jenn is flexible....Bob is not. He has a huge appetite and eats ridiculous amounts of food. With him every meal is a feeding frenzy. This in no way helps my weight loss efforts. I never get to eat what I want. Plus after 28 years you get tired of cooking....especially when you know it is not the best choices for you. Bob could care less what food is good for me. He wants what he wants.

So here is my new strategy....I am making Bob his own meals. This week I made 2 pork chops and 2 chicken breasts. He can have the pork chops for dinner one night and the chicken breast the other. Last night, he has Chinese for dinner...Jenn and I did not. I have also made plans for his meals for the other nights of the week. You might think this is double work but in the long run it is not. Bob can eat whenever he wants....I walk in the door to be greeted with "when is dinner?" He has been home since 3:00 and I walk in at 6 or 7....in my mind I am saying "make your own damn dinner!!!!" Any way by making him his meals it is a win win for me. Not having to announce when dinner is ready, not having to work my weight loss efforts in Bob's meal plan and I feel free to have whatever I want and what works for me...FREEDOM !!!! I don't know why I didn't think of it before....duh. I think this is a good lifestyle change. I came home tonight and Bob was ready to eat. So eat already!!! He heated up his chicken, made a can of veggies and poof dinner was complete.

My stress level is down....I am starting to take control of the things that make me crazy. Those of you who know me well know I am a bit (OK maybe more than a bit) of a control freak. So why didn't I think about this meal plan before? Maybe because now it is all about me.... and it's about time!!!!

I Never Said I Was Perfect....

I worked out a couple of times last week. Tuesday, I did a lot of stair work. A trainer stopped to tell me she had seen me jumping last week. OK how embarassing is that? My jumping was not very impressive. But she said I was doing a good job and to keep up the good work. Jenn said my trainer said she was proud of me. On Thursday, I again worked out and by the time we left I was my usual sweaty mess.

Friday at work we had a team breakfast. I ATE....yes I said it I ATE. I had some scrambled eggs, a biscuit, bacon, strawberries and hash brown casserole. I even had a second helping of the hash brown casserole. I felt guilty after so I compensated by watching what I ate the rest of the day. I have to admit it all tasted ssssssoooo good.

Saturday I was really tired. I didn't make it to Weight Watchers. I didn't even get out of my pj's until 1:30. I needed the down time.

Sunday....I am back on track. Ready to recommit. I have been reading about limiting my carb's and sugar. 15 grams of sugar per day and 6 grams of carb's isn't a lot plus throw in watching the sodium. The sodium I understand. Figuring out how to limit the sugar and carbs is going to take some brain work.

I know these changes are not rocket science but for me it might as well be....I will be working on reading labels and seeing what I am taking in right now as far as carb's and sugars. Then I will start to cut back. The 15 grams of sugar and 6 carb's per day is a goal...not something I can change over night.

Why can't this be easier.....they say nothing worth having is easy.....am I ready to give up? Nope but stopped to recharge my batteries....and on I go....

It Can Get Very Confusing...the Food Thing...

My trainer and now friend, Carol, suggested a book for me called "The Belly Fat Cure". It stresses eliminating a lot of sugar and minimize the carbs. I am just starting to read it. I go to Weight Watchers and I am up 1.4 pounds. It feels like a million pounds. I have to figure the food thing out. My WW leader suggests I watch the sodium. So there go the pretzels I love as a snack. OK so no sugar, no sodium and less carbs. Plus I have to write down everything I eat. I feel like a failure. Maybe I am meant to be FAT!!!! I can have a cinnamon raisin bagel in the morning but the jelly I put on it is no good. I can't have the pretzels. Some fruits have too much natural sugar. Cheese is a no-no (at least as much as I would like to eat). So after looking at all my food options I realize the only thing left is water and celery. Even prisioner's get to eat better than that!! I went to Publix and drooled over the grape tomato's....how crazy is that? How crazy is it that I have been working all these months and have only lost 22 pounds? I have to figure out the balance and what works for me. It will probably be a combination or a hybrid of both plans. I am going to spend the next part of my journey trying to figure out what works best for me in the eating department. Obviously, I cannot survive on a diet of celery and water so it will have to be trial and error to get the right balance. I have been asked or it has been suggested that I go for gastric bypass surgery. For some people this is the right choice. I am not going with that option. I am trying to lose the weight I need to by excercise and eating the "right" things. I think I have the excercise part figured out (and I have Carol and Jenn to keep me honest there) so now I really have to figure out the food thing. I have to figure out what foods satisfy me and won't add pounds....I have to figure out the balances and quantities to have ....I have to find enough variety to not get bored. That's part of it....I have to figure it out. I have a lot of people giving me good advice, I just have to sort through it until I find out what works for me!!!! That's right me !!!! I am not looking to be skinny even I am honest enough to know that isn't where I am heading.....I just want to be comfortable in my own skin....just less of it....

Taking It Up A Notch....

OK here is today's piece of advice....when your trainer say we are going to take it up a notch....be very, very scared !!!! Thursday, when I met with my trainer, Carol, those were the words she said to me. Let me just give you a sample of what I was in for....holding weights over my head and being asked to jump....yes I said jump.....do you have any idea how long it had been since I had jumped??? I did as I was told and jumped. You probably could have only gotten a piece of paper between the floor and my feet but I jumped. Then it was the steps from step class, then one riser, then two risers and then three. When she got to the third riser she said I only had to do it once. I got up on it on my left leg. For my right leg I had to rest my hands on Carol's shoulders. Talk about nerve wracking !!!! Then back to one step with a riser, now I have to step on to it and put my arms out in front (like superman) and lift one leg in the air (10-12 times) then with the other leg do the same thing. Then stand on the step and balance on one leg and arms out straight (for this I had to put my hands on Carol's shoulders for stability). I took breaks to use my inhaler and drink water. At one point I thought someone was staring at me and started to cry. Carol told me no one was staring at me and they are all concerned about themselves not me. By the time we are done, I have started to cry several times but Carol wouldn't let me give up. By the time I get home I am still sweating profusely. Later I make the mistake of sitting in the recliner. Talk about stiffing up!!! I could hardly walk. Each step I took I let out this pathetic whimper. When I woke up Friday I was considering amputating my right leg. Gradually, the pain in my knee went away but the hip is still a little tender. It will probably feel better by next Thursday. Just in time to take it up another notch!!!

The W's...Weight Watchers and Wicked......

Yesterday was a great day !!!! I went to Weight Watchers and was down again....WOO HOO !!!! Then Jenn and I went to see Wicked in Charlotte. The seat were very comfy and I told Jenn I didn't feel like a stuffed sausage sitting in the seat. She laughed and said I didn't look like a stuffed sausage either....When we left the play there are 2 flights of stairs to the parking lot. You know what I did? I climbed the stairs like everyone else. I held onto the railing and went up from one step to the next. It didn't do my usual one step and stop another step and stop. It felt great and I walked to the car never stopping. WOW !!!! I passed a woman who was doing the one step and stop like I used to, I felt bad for her as I saw others walk around her. That was me just a short time ago. I never want to be there again.

It was one of those perfect days where Jenn and I spent time having some good conversation, I didn't embarrass her by singing the songs from the play during the play and we avoided what could have been a serious accident by less than an inch (not my fault...it was the jackass that cut me off). Anyway, it is good to have one of those really nice days once in a while....as I take control of my life I expect to have a lot more.... :-)

She's Back.....the Trainer returns...

Carol, my trainer, has been a way for a bit. In the meanwhile, both Jenn and I have been keeping busy working out 3-4 times a week. Carol and I pick up where we left off....the stairs. I am definitely doing better on them and we work on my flexibility which she says is very good. Then I have to hold my arms out straight in front of me and bend my legs in the air (one at a time of course) and once again she says she sees improvement in how much I can bend my knees. I am no where near where I need to be but am improving in baby steps.... By the end of the session, I am looking fabulous dripping in sweat. The sweat is my badge of honor. I am proud that I have worked myself into a sweat. I think back a year ago and how unfit I was....not that I am in super shape now but it feels good to know I am being proactive. It is a shame I didn't do this years ago but at least I am doing it now.....

3.2 miles on the elliptical....WOO HOO

On June 1, 2010, I achieved one of my goals. It took 47 ugly minutes and boy did I look ugly when I was done.....I did the 5K I had planned to finish by June 6th. I went to the gym saying "this is the day!!!" I just wanted to get it done before my deadline. I started slowly picking up the pace as I moved along. 1/10 of a mile, 1/5 of a mile, 1/4 of a mile....I hit about the 2 mile mark and Jenn comes in from the session with her trainer. I didn't know Carol, my Trainer, was walking behind her. All of a sudden I hear a voice say "Stand straight up!!" I look around and there is Carol, smiling but meaning every word she says. So I stand up and continue on. The gym has a rule that during the busy hours you shouldn't stay on any machine more than 1/2 hour so others have a chance. At 35 minutes, I get off the ellipitical and see if anyone wants to use it...I wait 5 minutes....no one gets on so I get back on and finish the last mile. I then sit on the couch for a few minutes to catch my breath. I leave the gym get in the car and start to cry. I am overwhelmed.... I call my brother to tell him what I just did. He is very positive about my accomplishment but remninds me the journey is not over. Like I didn't know that.... the journey has only just begun....